A Day in NYC

Back a few weeks ago when we went to see Ice Age 2, it was brought to my and Amanda’s attention that Tara has never been to NYC. We talked about it all night and decided that we were going to go before the semester was over. April 28 and 29 were selected as the days, Amanda even wrote it down on my PDA blocker. So I began counting down the days as did Tara, but we didn’t talk much about it. Last week, I asked Tara if she was excited yet, and she was, but Amanda piped in: “Wait, we are actually going?” This marked the start of Operation: Constant Badgering.

Amanda proclaimed that we couldn’t go because she had three Monday exams to study for. Tara and I would not take “no” for an answer. Tara developed and executed a perfect two-day long guilt trip which Amanda had no choice but to give in to.

When Friday finally rolled around everyone was pretty stoked, mostly because we are college students and the likelihood of us actually pulling this off was slim to none. After many words of warning from Tara’s Mom and Amanda’s Mom, we were off.

“The Nick Casanova, 8-Hour, Hurricane walking Tour of New York City”
12:00 Park the car on 59th street
Central Park: Walk to Belvedere Castle and back
Take the “1” to Chambers Street
Ground Zero
Battery Park to see Lady Liberty and Ellis Island from a far
Walk up Broadway past the NYC Bull & Trinity Church
Hang a right onto Wall Street
Federal Hall and NYSE
Pass by South Street Seaport
Little Italy Pizzeria
City Hall Park
Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
Take the “6” to 32rd Street
Empire State Building
Herald Square, Macy’s
Bryant Park, New York Public Library
Grand Central Terminal
Jamba Juice for a much needed pick me up
Times Square, Toys R Us
Marriot Marquis in Times Square to ride the super cool glass elevators
Rockefeller Plaza
Walk up Fifth Ave to FAO Schwartz/The Plaza
Time Warner Center
8:00 Back at the garage

Friday
6:20 Leave Springfield College
6:50 While driving down 91, we are passed by a Saturn. There is a large mass in the back seat, Tara and Amanda think it is a penis, I thought it was a nose. It turned out to be punching bag in the shape of a human. We were way off.
7:20 Amanda is dominating the license plate game. While reminising about the game:

Nick: You got Quebec, that was a big point-getter
Amanda: Yea, I did…..that’s like…..out of this state

8:35 Stop off at Planet Wings, because really, what’s a trip to Rockland without Planet Wings
8:45 I try to blow my straw wrapper at Amanda but she informs me that I “can’t blow the big ones”
9:18 Pay a visit to the Mecca to Modern Consumerism that towers over the Land of Rocks
9:40 The entire way down, Amanda and I have been alternating adding fun facts to the trip. After leaving the mall, Tara attempts to join the club and this conversation takes place:

Tara: Do you know why they put limes in Corona?
Amanda: Yea
Tara: Oh…..
[Long Pause]
Nick: Wait, I don’t think I know why
Tara: To keep the flies away
[Long Pause]
Amanda: Ok I lied, I didn’t know

9:43 Amanda: “You know who I could imagine at the top of this hill? The bakery guy from Cheney.”
10:21 Amanda locks herself in the bathroom
11:00 We finally learn the truth about poop
Saturday
12:15 Bedtime. Alarm set for 9:05
12:21 Pillowfight
12:40 Polar T. Bear and his cousin Eugene the Panda
8:30 Tara gets up to use the facilities. Since I have been up for a few minutes already, I take the liberty to say: “Thanks for waking us up Tara.” Not the nicest of things to say, but funny
8:45 I get up

Amanda: It’s not 9:05 yet
Nick: Yea, I know. That’s why I didn’t wake you up.

9:50 Breakfast, Casanova Style
12:00 Car parked on 59th street
12:15 Tara catches a guy trying to read her shirt from a far. As we approach he interacts with us:

Stoner: HEY! Whoa Springfield! Hey where is the great lawn.
Nick: That way. [points in the direction we are walking]
Stoner: Some lady sent me to the Sheeps Meadow, it wasn’t that great.
Nick: It’s no great lawn.
Stoner: Springfield. Is that like the Simpsons?
Nick: No, they live in Kentucky. Where are you from?
Stoner: Dai Ucken Stein Frauglabin
Nick: Germany?
Stoner: No, around 90th street.
Nick: Ok……we are going to walk that way….bye

12:30 It’s official, we should have brought a fourth person in charge of taking pictures of the three of us

12:40 Tara pets the grass

12:52 We walk through a Parkinson’s Disease prevention fair. While taking the lead, Tara sees some dude check me out (gross), he then proceeds to get his friends attention and they both take the liberty to check me out (double gross). Tara doubles over in laughter, Amanda blames the sunglasses.
1:50 Stop at the Battery. Tara steps in the puddle and the street vendors scramble to find a pair of pants to sell her.

2:31 While walking down Wall Street, we stumble upon a set for a commercial. It is a commercial for Bacardi that features two guys in salmon suits “swimming” up stream through a “river” of marathoners. Tomorrow they are closing down the Verrazano Bridge to do more filming. We get yelled at trying to sneak out way onto television.
3:30 There is a line of about 10 people for this pizzeria bathroom.

4:15 While walking across the Brooklyn Bridge with the ALS (a.k.a. Lou Gehrig’s Disease) charity walkers, we encounter a good number of bikers who give New Yorkers a bad name.
4:20 Tara: “I don’t want this day to end.”

4:45 Tara is deathly afraid of bikers now that she has almost been killed by a bakers dozen.
5:20 Herald Square:

Tara: I want to be on a bulletin board in New York
Amanda: Billboard?
Tara: Yea, one of those too.

5:40 I nearly break my already nearly-broken-ankle try to avoid stepping in poop. I didn’t avoid it good enough.

Moments later trying to get the poop off

6:00 Orange-a-Peel is not the best Jamba flavor
6:24 Amazing Amanda shows emotion, eats food, and comes with two bumps on her noggin. The funny part is that I’m not even making an allusion to the real Amanda. This is a $100 doll at Toys R’ Us
6:45 Tara and Amanda chicken out of taking a picture with the Abercrombie model.
7:30 Tara races a speed walker across the street and wins. He took his eyes off the prize and never crossed the finish line.
8:00 Get car out of garage.

Tara’s NYC review:
“New York was truly amazing. “
NYC = 9
Boston = 7
Why did NYC only get a 9? Tara says: “There is not enough grass.”

8:57 Call up Z100 to request new Shakira song.
9:00 Z100 plays Shakira song. You gotta be kidding me, when has that ever happened to anyone. Everything is coming up Milhouse.
9:10 Amanda loses her mind during the Ookcha Ookcha Ookcha song.
9:44 “McDonalds is dead to me” -Nick. Seriously I am never going there ever again. The food is miserable and they never get your order right. If I ever get their food ever again, who ever is with me wins free dinner.
10:20 Stop off at the Hill house for some ice cream.
11:15 Reoccuring joke from the day:

“Today three Springfield College students [fill in the gap with any silly catastrosphe]…”
Examples:
Were arrested for stealing a broken road sign
Caused a multicar pile up on the Brooklyn Bridge after kicking a small piece of a plastic pedal over the edge
Were immediately killed while dancing to Cascade
Became history with the slamming of the door

11:16 Nick: “It’s a shame my singing skills are on par with a dead ox.”
12:00 Pull into Inty’s lot. No one wants to get out of the car.

This is perfection

22 Days and counting

I’ve been doing this whole blogging thing for about a month now, and let me tell you, it is enjoyable. I look for pretty much anything I can write about and hopefully entertain my reading public with. We always felt back home that everything we thought was so funny, wouldn’t be funny to anyone.

We started to create websites and at first they were only to entertain ourselves. And if we really wanted to sound sappy, we could also say they were made so that we can look back at these years and see what great times we had.

Then a funny thing happened. As we began to tell more people about the site, we found out that our adventure were pretty funny to other people. Shut up, I know what you’re thinking. So what if two of my biggest fans are my mom and dad. A fan is a fan.

So yea this is a cheesy update, but to everyone out there, Thanks.

I heard a rumor that only Blogger members were allowed to comment on this site, so I fixed it.
Feel free to leave comments, I’d love to know what you think.
Until next time, stay classy.

Degrassi

I just have a quick observation about the greatest show Canadian network television has to offer:

Origin of Degrassi obsession:
Ostrowe found out that a random channel on digital cable was showing old episode of “Daria,” which he was a fan of. One day while waiting for an episode to start he stumbled across Degrassi which was playing before it. He became intrigued and became a regular watcher. In October of 2003, Mar and I took a trip to Maryland and while there Ostrowe introduced us to this new phenomenon. We instantly became hooked after the first episode we saw (Season 3, Episode 2: U got the Look).

Since that weekend, I, along with many others have become Degrassi super fans. Back to the main point of this post:

If Degrassi had a Pyramid Scheme of viewership, Ostrowe would be a wealthy man.

(P.S. blogger wanted to replace “Ostrowe” with “Astoria”)

Mar’s Perfect Situation

We all know about my Perfect Situation. But this right here is the story of Mar.

This past weekend Dmo and Mar decided to venture up to my neck of the woods to take in the establishment that is Springfield College. Unfortunately Mother Nature had other ideas and decided to open the flood gates on the northeast. Before they got here I picked them up 42 beers thinking that would be enough for the night. I had just gotten Degrassi: Season 3 on DVD that morning so I settled in to play Tiger Woods and watch the best show Canadian Network television has to offer.

Now allow me to digress por uno momento. Over the course of the weekend, Mar’s vocabulary was stunted even more than normal. 85% of the stuff that came out of his mouth was either:

  • I’m winded
  • Janette’s Titties

On the scale of funny, you would have to represent it with the rare reverse bell curve; In essence the “Don’t Stop Believing” bell curve as described by Ostrowe (March 23, 2006: Paragraph 16). It started off pretty funny, then after the first few hours it had negative funny points, then when the lines hit the bottom of the tank the only thing that was possible was for them to get funnier. And funnier they got.

Back to the matter at hand, when the Picciniches arrived I was in the Bevi with Sara so I brought her outside to meet them. At which point the upcoming weekend was defined:

Rick: Bah what’s up Marty
Dmo: Bah not much Marty
Rick: Bah I’m glad you made it
Mar: Bah I’m winded
Rick: Bah what do you guys wan……
Sara: Would everyone please stop saying Bah before every sentence!!
Rick, Mar, Dmo: Bah

Before you ask, yes we are retarded. But only when we are together. Separate we are able to function as normal members of society. But together…….Bah.

When we got to the LC Mar and Dmo needed to be signed in. Of course we couldn’t be serious while doing it:

MF: What’s your name
Mar: Mar
(Dmo erupts in laughter)
MF: And your last name?
Mar: Does it really matter?
(Dmo laughs harder)
MF: Yes.
Mar: Piccinich.
(Dmo almost falls over)

We spent the rest of our first night in Springfield playing Tiger Woods and watching Degrassi Season 3. Granted it’s not the most glorious thing to do but it was a good time. Amanda came over, Jon was there with Dawn and Amber. At one point Brian, Shahid, Julianne and about 3 other people were locked in Brian’s tuna fish can of a room singing show tunes at the top of their lungs, kinda of weird, but I guess that is what polygamists do. We went to bed around one and Mar made the heady move of connecting two armchairs with a coffee table so that he would have a full length bed.

<Fast Forward>
Don’t worry your not missing much…I drive Jon/Amber to the airport at 5 AM……Mar and Dmo watch D3 then Fever Pitch and play Tiger Woods……..
…….While at breakfast Dmo and Mar became enamored with the apple juice but when going to get seconds Mar came back with some very watered down juice which tasted nothing like apples. Then we got a good dose of Todd being Todd:

Dmo: I beat Rick in smackdown last night, and he was Jesus.
Todd: Yea but that Jesus character. You nail him down and he’ll get right back up.

………..Mar is Winded……….Play Tiger Woods………go to White Hut for some delicious burgers

After White Hut we went to the packie so Mar and Dmo could get some more beer. They spent 20 minutes debating what kind of beer to get. I’d put up the conversation but it would be way to numbing for a normal person to stand. If a movie was made about that section of our lives, no one would ever talk to us again.

It took us about 30 minutes to leave the beverage store. That provided plenty of time for Pedro to decide to buy himself a 12-pack. He had a lot of public relations (PR) work to do so he figured he could drink one beer when we got back, and then get to work. In addition he also planned to cook dinner with his girlfriend, we’ll call her MK for arguments sake, and then he had to be on duty at 9. Boozing was out of the question.

So we get back to the LC, and what do we do, sit down to play Tiger Woods of course. Pedro decides to join us for a few holes. Ten minutes later, Dmo gets himself another beer and brings Pedro one of his own. By now we are about five holes deep in a good match when for no good reason I yank the PS2 out of the wall and the game shuts off. Now you have to figure, this is a perfect time for Pedro to stop boozing and get to work. Unfortunately the Way of the Piccinich gets the best of him. A few hours later we are on the 16th hole and Pedro is ten beers deep and quite saucy.

Then things get interesting. MK walks in with pasta and some pots. Pedro gets all stone-faced while we are trying not to burst out laughing. MK starts cooking while Pedro continues to play Tiger Woods. (At this point, just in case you have forgotten, Mar is winded) After his drive he lets out a “do you need help babe?” To which she responds: “Yes, making the sauce.” Pedro then proceeds to look at us and roll his eyes and concedes to making dinner. I think Mar wound up winning the match on a hole-in-one on the fifth playoff hole.

At 7:00 we sat down to watch the third annual Mr. SC pageant. OFT and Harry Balls were the stars of the show in my opinion, but everyone else did a good job as well. During the show Mar ripped some loud, gross smelling flatulence, which almost made me drop the camera, but I was a trooper and survived. Todd’s talent was throwing people and he nearly killed Sara. Literally the first three times she was thrown you could actually sense that the audience feared for her life. But “Don’t worry, she’s a tough cookie.” I have to get that video and put it on here. You will soil yourself if you see it. Then later in the show, this exchange took place: (Disclaimer: I can’t make this stuff up)

Emcee: [something something something] Rob Vine.
Dmo: Which one is Rob Vine?
Rick: The one in the blue jacket.
Dmo: Bah, he sucked, I hated that one.
Emcee: Can we get a spotlight on Rob Vine’s family who are here for support.
(Light shines on the row of 15 people directly behind us from Rob Vine’s family)

After the show we went back to the LC to guess what…..play Tiger Woods. Once we finished our match we decided to hit up the town. We headed over to Paddy’s hoping they had cheep beer and the Mets game on TV. Luckily we found both. We ordered some wings and literally as I put them down on the table some random guy came up to me:

RN: Hey, how are the wings here?
Rick: I don’t know, I have never had them. Let me check. (takes a bite) They are pretty good.
RN: Mind if I try one?
Rick: Uhhhh, no? Take whichever one you like.
RN: Thanks. I’m gonna get some BBQ wings. I’ll hit you up with one.
[Ten minutes later]
Mar: That guy hasn’t given you your wing yet.
Rick: There are still 6 wings on this plate which I am sure we aren’t going to eat, I’m not worried about it. Plus I just gave him the wing in hopes he would stop talking to us.
Mar: Bah, I’m winded.

This is about the time that business picked up. We left Paddy’s and went to the townhouses to a party which Todd and Sara were in attendance at. It started off as I assumed it would. Us standing around talking to each other. But eventually we broke apart and started to mingle with other people. I apologize for the lack of coherence here, but you can rewrite it yourself if you don’t like it:

Mar started to talk to his own Ms. X. And for those of you who know my Ms. X. The “X” stands for the same thing. What are the odds.

Dmo tells Stokes that she was a great Emcee tonight (although she was brutal to that other guy. It almost got to the point where it wasn’t funny anymore). He tells her that his name is “Bud.” She stops the game of beer pong she was playing to announce: “Everyone this guy’s name is Bud!” Two girls immediately run over and hand him a Bud Light just so they can say: “This Bud’s for you.”

Apparently I have a death stare. It was brought to Sara’s attention that anytime she is talking to some guy I send out a stare of death. This of course made her laugh. Now I know Sara is a big girl and she can take care of herself (hell, she could probably take me given the right conditions (that being most of them, these soles are useless)), but I still can’t help but look out for her if she is in the room. But what I really need to do is figure out how to harness this new found stare of death to my advantage.

Mar is still talking to Ms. X(2). And I can’t help but observe from a distance wondering if Ostrowe got this much enjoyment that faithful night at Fitzy’s. At this point MX2’s friend comes up to me and tells me how MX2 just wants to hook up with someone and Mar seems to be her target. Then all of a sudden Mar goes in for the kill…..I mean kiss…..and he connects. Score one for Mar. And right there Mar has disproven the multiple Piccinich axiom. After a few minutes Mar comes up for air but it’s not long until he dives again. This time Sara sees what is going on and is besides herself. She can’t even comprehend what is going and nearly falls over. What good times.

Later in the night I was began chatting with Lisa. She interned with ESPN and since I was with NBC Sports we had a lot to talk about. Sometime during our conversation Mo came over and said Hi and then stood there for a few seconds before walking away. That prompted this exchange:

Lisa: Hey listen if you want to tell me to walk away, just say so.
Rick: Why? This is a good conversation we are having. And we’ve never talked before.
Lisa: Well I don’t want to ruin your game.

……………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………..

Sorry, I had to pick myself up off the floor for a second time. I guess I should be flattered that two separate girls thought I had game. Good times.

By 3:00 it was time to leave because we had to make sure that we would have some place to sleep. I told Mar that he could stay with MX2 and we would find him in the morning, but he just followed us out the door. When we got back to the LC Mar said he left because he was winded. He and Dmo wanted to go back to the party, but neither of them knew how to get there. Dmo slept on the floor using a shoe as a pillow, but he had no excuse as to why he didn’t use the giant pillow that was next to his knee.

When we woke up in the morning we got breakfast and a Cheney worker revealed to Dmo that the apple juice gives everyone the runs. This doesn’t stop Dmo and Mar from getting refills. Afterwards we played Tiger Woods while watching Degrassi (Again). A perfect end to a good weekend. Looking back on it, I should have left Mar behind on purpose since after he left MX2 slept with some other guy. I called Mar to tell him that and rumor has it he was in shambles for the rest of the car ride home. So just know next time something of this sort happens, I am going to leave your ass there for your own sake.

Mar summed it up the best when he got home by saying:
“Bah I cant wait to retire and move into Rick’s dorm”
The ironic part of the entire weekend is that they never actually saw my dorm room.

Title Track (4.18.06)

Introducing from Congers, NY. Standing 6 feet, 2 inches tall and weighing in at 185 lbs. Your NEW Korean Rummy Champion!

You Know it’s spring when the neighborhood children are playing on the track equipment

Joey O: When I was your age, I was jumping fences and setting records.
Rick: Where are these records kept?
Joey O: Where did you go to high school?
Rick: Clarkstown North.
Joey O: They’re there

In reference to the lack of a DNA match to a Duke lacrosse player, I can’t remember the last time I stood in front of the TV thinking to myself, “That is so Friking huge.” It approaches OJ level, but in the words of Dmo, “Nothing will ever reach OJ level.”

It’s sad that I grew up in a time where the name “Magic Johnson” is no longer inherently funny to anyone.

Over/Under on how long Jon milks his “blindness” for: June 12

Julianne Mason’s quote at night.

Beep Bop Boop Bip

That was good enough reason to walk out of Fitzy’s on Friday. We never thought it would be topped. But good thing we stuck around or else we would have never learned of the Dirty Galligan.

R: It’s a biting wind.
S: Does Frigid fit?
R: I was describing what it is like outside right now, that’s not in the crossword.

The USA Today claims that Connecticut doesn’t get hit by lightning. Wait, what?
The USA Today claims that Connecticut doesn’t get hit by lightning. Weird.

While doing research on a recent project I found a site which gave participation statistics for young girls. For some reason dancing was not on the list but Soft Darts, shooting, and muzzleloading was on the list.

I hate stupid people.

Man, I’m so tired.

Hell week is almost over, I’ve been in the library for almost 30 hours since Sunday.

America is not ready for “United 93”

Over/Under for Taste pictures: 80 (Over wins)

Row, Row, Row, your boat

Man this is a piss poor post

Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Come Ye of Little Faith

Well it took almost four years, but I finally went out on a Thursday night like the rest of the college kids across the nation. The occasion, Todd’s birthday bash. Now the first thing you have to understand is that I go to bed before most senior citizens on school nights. For instance I stayed up until 12:15 one night and as I was shutting down my computer I was greeted with about six “what are you still doing up????!!!!” messages. No joke. But anyway.

The night started pretty harmless, a little softball at 9:00. I heard a rumor that I hit two home runs. Did I mention I can only play with one hand since my left wrist is still technically broken. After the game I went to grab a smoothie with Tara and Karen and then we sat down to watch TMNT. Todd called at 11:30 saying that they were heading out so I reluctantly left the turtles to join them.

We went to the Alumni Club and it was a great time. The better part of the story is that “Party Nick” made a rare appearance. It’s not that he doesn’t exist, “Party Nick” merely lies dormant under the superior facade of “emo/socially inept Nick.” I still claim however that I am not emo, but that is the easiest way to find an emo kid, they are all self-loathers. Now I know the question everyone must be asking: “How can I enjoy the presence of “Party Nick?”” It is simple really, just follow this checklist:

1) No Picciniches: There is a direct relationship between the number of Picciniches in a room and the multiplication factor of our social ineptitude. I realize that I am bad alone, and I’m sorry, can’t help it. But when we are together it gets ugly. (Point in Case: Jackie’s house)

2) Not the wheel: I hate feeling like the third-, fifth-, seventh-(and so on)-wheel. I don’t think I am alone here so I am not going to try to defend this point.

3) Comfort factor: I have to feel comfortable with the group I am with. If there are to many people I don’t know, I become a reverse shrinky-dink. A nice group of four, six or eight people is a good number, especially if I know most of them.

4) Wind Me Up: I’m not much of a self-starter. Like that little dog that does backflips, get me started and I can keep going until I get too fatigued.

5) Chameleon: I like larger areas of public gathering. Yes, I know this is a little contradictory to point number three, but stay with me. The better I can blend in with the rest of the people, the more open I will be.

This post is going nowhere fast so I’m just going to quit before it gets painful. Yea, I know it’s not one of my better works, but it was worth mentioning. Until next time, Seacreast out.

Title Track

Phil has two more green jackets than you do. 3 years ago who woulda thunk?

Watching Jon scream as he was mounted by assiram was pretty priceless.

N: If I had a dog, and that dog had a son and he had a pet that would be Sid.
T: Next time I sit on you I am going to kill you.

Show me your best blind face

You know your emo if you can’t fit sweatpants under your jeans.

T: If I could go back in time I’d go back to Rome to see them molest little boys.
N: You could go there now to see them molest little boys.
S: Come on, they’re not allowed to do that anymore
N: I was saying Rome, I never said anything about the Vatican.

My name is Henifer Lopez, I eat tacos and burritos

Ice Age Crew NYC Bound

N: I’d go back to see a Babe Ruth play in the Original Yankee Stadium
S: We know where your priorities lie

Well she wants to live her life. Then she thinks about her life. Pulls her hair back, as she screams. I don’t really want to be the queen.

If emo were a soda, it would be Diet Goth.

Still green, they headed north two hours ago.

N: My parents are coming tonight even though I told them they didn’t have to.
J: You know you called them up and begged them to come up.
N: If I was insecure I would get up, go to the library and forward you the emails. and if I was emo I would push my waffle to the edge of the table, go to the bathroom, slit my wrists and write a stupid song about how I felt.
J: Then I would bang on the table causing your waffle to fall off the edge, and it would all be my fault.
N: A perfect metaphor for life

Why is every flag pole in a town donated by The Lions Club. What the hell do they do, and where did they get all of their money. It’s like a big secret. THAT’S IT! They invest in secrets. They know the secrets of everyone in town and they raise money by using blackmail. “Oh, we can just elect a new mayor from out of town to get rid of them.” Wrong. Everyone has secrets and the Lions Club has eyes and ears everywhere. There is no escaping their domain.

Wow, what a great audience.

I wish every weekend could be sans Eminem.

Hey, where’s Beer? He left a half-drunken peter on the table.

26 Days, 1 Hour till post

The anomoly caused the Legion to turn their heads and scowl. Wow.

39 Days till Langdon becomes larger than life. But Hanks? Come on.

Check out the Hapland games for some good fun/frustration.

A: If you guys here a beep during my presentation, it’s just my heart monitor.
T: BEEP

Mohito flavored fries, what it’s not a gay dish.

If anyone on the Heaven/Hell committee is listening: I won’t make a joke about Maggie Dixon. Promise.

Why would you hold a press conference to say you haven’t made a decision? Not cool Favre.

The only thing left to do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston. “Thanks for coming out!”

Rose Casanova, I think not

It would seem that most of the sport management department thinks that I am engaged to Rose. It was brought to my attention yesterday at the department social:

SNSB: Everyone is getting engaged.
Me: I’m engaged
SNSB: Are you really?!
Me: No, I just make stuff up
SNSB: Wait, I thought you were engaged to Rose?
Me: (Falls over) hahahahaha no, she’s engaged to Hercules. I’m flattered that I strike you as a Hercules

Jon and Dawn were standing there and they were equally as amused. Afterwards it got me thinking. Rose and I do hang out a lot. She yells at me, and hits me. I guess that signifies relationship to some people. But seriously. Come on. My suspicions were confirmed today. For example, at lunch:

D: I’ve seen the ring, but I just assumed that you were engaged to that boy that sits next to you.
Rose: hahahahahha no.

Times that by like thirty. And you know what the worse part is…I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NAME! I AM JUST “THAT BOY THAT SITS NEXT TO YOU”. Poppycock. But the highlight of this entire ordeal is what Rose said to me as I sat down in class:

“You know, I think I have ruined your game”
hahaha…Rose thought I had game

World Series of Pop Culture

So I have joined this movement. In addition to the geocities site, I now also have a blog. It’s funny how this can be so emo…..and so not emo at the same time. Everyone has a blog, I think Grey’s Anatomy has three. Conformist…that’s not so emo. Yet if I used this blog to vent my pent-up teenage angst that would be so emo.
However, I am going to take the high road and just post some funny stuff. Then again only three people may find this funny (See Orange Head).
Anyway onto post number one:
The World Series of Pop Culture Running Diary

If you had asked Ostrowe before that fateful day, we could have used a running diary to chronicle our rise to the top of the World Series. We could discuss each of our opponents and write about all the stress that comes with being famous money winners. BUT, it was not meant to be. Then again had we made it past the first day we had already signed vows of secrecy saying we wouldn’t talk about the selection process. Whoops.
3:45 Ostrowe picked up.
3:55 Smokes tells us to pull into Pomona Park to pick him up. Little do we know that this is a housing development so we are instantly confused. Disaster averted when Smoke appears out of the blue.
3:58 Mom calls sobbing over the death of Boone. No I don’t have a pet, he’s a TV character.
4:02 While cruising down the Palisades we zip by a cop sitting in a Camaro. WTF mate. I slow down and he doesn’t come after us…But if he had I would have showed him my nine. Of course by nine I am referring to tears I would be shedding while begging him not to give me a ticket. What?! I’m not Sara, I don’t have magical police-ticket-avoiding powers
4:36 We drive by the Church of Scientology on 48th Street and see Ally Sheedy the goth chick from The Breakfast Club, was purchasing a hot dog from a street vendor, and we asked her for her autograph but she didn’t have a pen so we followed her out to her car, but on the way we were accosted by 5 scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center until 10:45, at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho De Fritas Rojos south of Castle Rock, and found a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46…But seriously there is a Church of Scientology on 48th Street.
5:00 As we walk up to the Hilton one hour before our scheduled time, Ostrowe comments: “I bet those people are here for the World Series”. This is reference to the small gaggle of people sitting on the curb outside.
5:03 Inside the Hilton elevator:

Woman: Wow George Clooney
Rick: Thanks, people don’t normally recognize me

5:06 Ostrowe’s assumption is confirmed as the aforementioned group walk through the door and get in line.
5:10 The girl who seems to be in charge tells us to come back in 45 minutes because we are too early. Maybe she thought we turned our clocks ahead a day early.
5:15 As we leave the Hilton to grab some cash and food, the Reverend Slick fails to bless us. We should have taken this as a sign and made off while we still had some pride.
5:25 The same production company was auditioning for another reality show called “Hook Me Up” so we came back to the hotel early to check it out. After we realized it sucked we made our way back to the girl in charge to sit and wait.
5:35 While chit chatting with the girl in charge she randomly blesses us (Hey Reverend Slick, right here buddy). We find out that her name is Kristin. She gives Rick points for inquiring about the spelling (Kristin with an “I” or an “E”). Ok maybe she didn’t give me points but I can dream can’t I. She was an 80’s flashback anyway, with her frizzy hair and her fauxSpicolli shoes and her spandex tights under the denim skirt and her T-Shirt which had a bunch of random scribblings on it that didn’t make any sense. Who needs her anyway?
5:40 “Kristin with an I” asks us how we know each other. Rick and Ostrowe don’t really know when they met, but Ostrowe’s girlfriend and Smokes’ girlfriend are sisters. Ostrowe uses this time to question Rick’s manhood. Ostrowe leaves to take a leak, and in his absence a memorial is erected where he once sat:


5:45 The previous group of auditioners exits the testing room

Rick: (Jokingly) So what was the answer to question number one?
Team McGreevy Member: Like we would tell you.

Well yea you’re not gonna tell me. It’s a joke. Dumbass. You could have had a moment of glory had you come up with a quick, witty response such as “D” or “Your mom”. Ok, so maybe those aren’t so witty but I don’t see you or him coming up with anything better.
5:46 That team has four players, no fair…..Oh I’m sorry…..I didn’t realize….No it was my fault…..yes my parents taught me manners….I just thou…..No no I…..Ok I’ll shut my mouth. So do they make you buy two seats when you book a flight?
5:47 Rick raises his hand to ask a question but when “Kristin with an I” comes over he is thrown off by Smokes and Ostrowe questioning his hand raise, which then leads to “Kristin with and I” going off on a tangent and then walking away without answering whatever Rick wanted to ask.
5:50 So it has become apparent that as far as combined aged of team members go, we are the Freddy Adu of teams on line. Although we are waiting on line with not one, but two Andy Reid impersonators and the King of Siam
6:00 We have completely underestimated this process. Later on Rick will calculate:
72 people/hour x 11 sessions = 792 people = 264 teams today and only 8 will get chosen
6:07 Thirty seconds after sitting down in the testing room Rick removes the cap on his pen by flinging it half way across the room. Way to go slick.
6:09 Ostrowe fades back. Shoots the jumper from the corner only to have his piece of gum stick to the wall a foot above the garbage. Isiah Thomas appears out of nowhere to sign Ostrowe to a 30-day contract.
6:25 Test completed. 50 questions in 15 minutes. Take the abbreviated test to see how you would have done:
What song does Bill Murray constantly wake up to in Groundhog’s Day?
What R.E.M song is loosely based on Dan Rather getting attacked on the streets of NYC?
What kind of animal is Patrick from Spongebob Square Pants?
What planet is Alf from?
What was Meg Ryan’s screenname in “You’ve got Mail”?
What was Charlie’s band name on “Lost”?
Who was George Jetson’s boss?
What was the name of Scooby Doo’s van?
What street do the women from “Desperate Housewives” live on?
What was Hulk Hogan’s character name in Rocky III?
Who does Ferris Bueller pretend to be at lunch?
6:30 Please welcome the musings of Flan LeBetard. As Dan LeBetard’s doppelganger he promises to provide half of the amusement at half the price. And as a bonus he comes with six Entertainment Weekly Pop Culture Quiz Calendars. After giving the team of three people with the best name one calender, he proceeded to give away four more for some random stuff. Upon seeing this the following exchange ensues:

Ostrowe: Why did the team with the best name only get one calendar?
Flan: Because I didn’t have enough for all of them.
Ostrowe: But you gave out four after giving them one.
Flan: Yea, but I don’t have any left.
Ostrowe: There is one sitting on that table right there.
Flan: That’s mine…moving on, whoever tells me the best joke gets this last calendar.
Ostrowe: I thought that was yours?
Flan: (No Response)

6:35 Apparently in order to be a pop culture geek you must know “To screw in a light bulb” jokes because that’s all that people were telling. However, Rick managed to steal the title, and calendar with:

Did you know that Helen Keller had a horse?
Neither did she.

6:40 While trying to throw away his water bottle, Ostrowe goes one for three. Isiah decides to give him a one year contract worth one million dollars with a 300,000 signing bonus.
6:55 They just broke the unfortunate news to us. We didn’t make it to the interview stage. We got out of there in a lickety split. This was in no part Ostrowes fault. He held up his part of the bargain nailing 45 of the 50 questions. Smokes and I on the other hand did less than stellar. If they told us how they were grading the tests, I could give you more information, but since Flan was recently nominated for biggest douche in the universe, I got nothing. I estimate that I got 25-30 right, but at least I had educated guesses for all of them. Smokes on the other hand had a lot of blank spaces. But this is neither here nor there.
7:05 Walk past a nice restaurant named “Renee Pujol’s“. Graphic.
7:15 After the disappointment subsides a little we stop off at the House of Brews for some grub and to watch the Final Four. By the time we sit down halftime is finishing and George Mason is only down by five. Then the Gators hit a couple of quick threes and soon open up a huge lead. Unfortunately by this time we had already ordered food and we can’t leave.
Marty Piccinich’s Road Map to Fine Eateries:
Rick: “The buffalo wings were tasty, but not very filling. The blue cheese was excellent”
Ostrowe: “These are the best onion rings I have had in a long time. And the two dipping sauces it comes with are superb
7:50 We leave before the game ends praying that the next game will be worth staying up for.
8:30 We finally get in the car after a detour helps us find Steve Guttenberg park.
9:03 Drop off Smokes in some random place and he disappears into the wind.
9:25 Pit stop at Ostrowe’s house before we head off to Fitzy’s, the most magical place in existence, I sit on his couch as UCLA starts to run away with their game.
9:30 I am still sitting on the couch as this conversation takes place:

Ostrowe: Fitzy’s?
Rick: Yea, I’m ready when you are.
(Two minutes later, now Ostrowe is sitting on the adjacent couch)
Ostrowe: We’re not going are we.
Rick: I’m not moving
Ostrowe: Good, I’m too exhausted to go anyway. I don’t even feel like moving.
Rick: Neither do I
Ostrowe: You could sleep on the couch or the bed in the other room if you want.
Rick: I’ve driven home in worse shape.
Ostrowe: Touche

9:56 The house phone rings:

Ostrowe: I bet that is for me. And my mom thinks I left for Fitzy’s half an hour ago.
(Uses his cell phone to call his house line)
Ostrowe: Was that phone call for me?…..No, I’m in the basement….Yea I know we didn’t make it to Fitzy’s.

10:something Rick leaves because this game sucks too.