The Secret Life of Walter T. Goose

Well, it is official. I have gone insane. So without further ado.


In the Summer of 2002, Rudolph and Wiletta Goose gave birth to their first litter of goslings. There were three in total: Jane, Ashley and Walter. The family lived happily in their small town of Emo, Ontario, Canada. The three children were all good kids, each with their own distinctive personality. Ashley clung to her parents and loved to show them she didn’t need their help. She would always be a good little gosling. And she always wanted more. Jane hung around the middle of the pack and whined about everything. Then there was Walter. He was a good little gosling. However, he was easily distracted. His mother had to keep a constant eye on him.

The family lived in Emo for sometime and the kids grew up to be beautiful geese. Unfortunately by the summer of 2003, Emo was no longer a good place to raise young geese. So Rudoplh and Wiletta decided to fly the family to upstate New York. Rudolph also invited his brother Taylor and his son Derek. Rudy had heard that Derek was having a rough go at life (he fell in with a lot of bad crowds) so Rudy felt that if Derek spent time with his well-mannered children then he could turn his life around. After flying for several hundred miles, the family settled down near Cooperstown.

After a year of living in Cooperstown, Jane, Ashley and Walter were ready to start their own lives. They were now mature, two years old and seeking mates who they could spend the rest of their lives with. It wasn’t long after that Jane married Hugo and moved to Vernon, NY and Ashley married Albert and moved to Albany, NY. This left Walter living at home still with Willetta, Rudy, Taylor and Derek. Derek was never nice Walter. He would pick on him, make fun of his abnormally long neck and ruffle his tail feathers. Worst of all, Derek tried to make Walter join all of the bad crowds that he was in.

After a year of this torture, Walter couldn’t take it anymore. He had been in Cooperstown for two years now and wasn’t have any luck with the lady geese. It’s not that he was ugly, he just had very poor social skills. Whenever he tried to talk to a good looking girl, he would get all bashful. So one day he told his parents and uncle that he needed to leave town. They said their sad goodbyes and Walter took off.

He wasn’t quite sure where he was going, and although it pained him to leave his parents, he knew he needed to get as far away from Derek as he possibly could. He had heard that Florida had some good looking lady geese so he decided that’s where he would go. However, one morning something unexpected happened.

He was over New Jersey when he saw the most beautiful goose he had ever seen. She was walking towards him down what looked like a runway for beauty queens. He was instantly lost in her eyes. As he cruised towards her in a stupor, a million different things he could say to her ran through his mind. Then, all of a sudden, he was awoken from his trance by the sight of her running towards him. He became excited and started flying towards her as fast as he could. He was flapping his little wings as fast as he could. She was gaining speed and was now running faster than Walter. As he got closer, he noticed that she was way bigger than he was, but it didn’t matter because she was beautiful. Walter was within 100 yards of her, when she left the ground and all of a sudden, with a giant jet-propelled roar, she blew by him.

Walter didn’t know what him. The girl of his dreams was so close. When he regained his bearings, he turned and she was only a speck in the sky, but he tried to follow her anyway. He changed course and followed the distinct scent she left behind.

It seemed like Walter had been flying forever. His wings became tired and he knew he had to land. He saw a nice, scenic lake in a suburban area and it reminded him of the pond he grew up at in Emo. He landed and found a nice nook near the lakes edge to nest for the night.

When he woke up in the morning, he knew his love was gone. He vowed to never forget her and search the sky every night hoping to see her again. Eventually, he got up and went looking for food. While walking along he noticed something funny. There were triangles everywhere. After a while he didn’t mind though because everywhere he went he found people who would give him some bread and other assorted treats. He decided that this is where he would stay.

As the days went on, Walter found solace, behind the tallest building in the area. One day in early November he was walking near the dock when he looked up at the building and saw something white flying overhead. The object was on a direct line to hit the water, but it hit an imaginary wall of some sort. After showcasing a spectacular dance, it landed at the base of a tree just inches away from the waters edge. He walked over to check it out, and as he got closer a tear came to his eye. It looked just like his girl that got away.

Over the course of the year he would find more of these mementos. All of which he would bring back to his nest. They reminded him that if something like this could hurt so much, it had to be pretty great to begin with.

Another winter came and went, and Walter still did not have a girlfriend. But, he wasn’t worried. He was content living the life of a bachelor and he was having a lot of fun. Sadly around May the white reminders stopped falling. Then everything changed on that fateful July day.

That morning, Walter has just woken up, and he was busy with his morning routine when he heard a loud splash in the lake. He got up and waddled around the corner to see two goose feet sticking straight up out of the water. He dove in to help the other goose out. However, he wasn’t prepared for who he helped to take his breath away. He bobbed there for a second, speechless, and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. She broke the silence by introducing herself as Susan. She told him that she was flying over head and she hit a nasty air pocket and was thrusted to the ground. Walter finally snapped out of it and managed to ask Susan if she would care to come over for some breakfast.

After that day, Susan and Walter became inseparable. They spent all their time together. They went to the bridge, sat on the quad watching the squirrels do their dances, and listened to the music of life together. On October 13 they were married by Reverend Slick T. Mallard.

Susan and Walter made each other so happy. They were like peas and carrots. Then in February of 2006. Susan broke the great news to Walter. He was going to be a daddy. Upon hearing this, Walter jumped for joy. He flew laps around the lake and bought all the squirrels drinks. He was overcome with rapture. 29-31 days later the eggs hatched and Susan and Walter became the proud parents of six goslings.

Bobby and Johnny were the oldest. They both exited their shells at the same time, and as is custom in the world of geese, they were considered twins. They were both athletic and witty.

Susan Jr. came next. She was a spitting image of her mother. She was also a mathematical genius.

Then came Norbert. He was a feisty little gosling. He always wanted to be the first to get everything.

Mary was next. She was always winded and constantly needed to rest.

Lastly, Steve joined the world. He was the absent-minded gosling, much like his old man.

Susan hangs around the kids, and Walter hangs back

One day in May while Walter, Susan, and the kids were going for a walk, the unthinkable happened. Walter turned around and saw his evil cousin Derek, sitting, watching. Every now and again Derek would try to get close to the kids, and Walter would have to chase him away. Derek was trying to do what he does best, lure small, absent-minded Steve to the dark side of goose-dom. Walter would have none of it. He hired Gus Gus the duck to protect his family while he slept.

Notice Derek lurking the background: watching, waiting

One day Derek got to close to the nest and Walter was furious. He told Derek that he never wanted to see him again. Derek responded by telling him that if he beat Derek in a race around the lake, he would leave forever. That afternoon, all the animals in the area, crowded around banks of the lake to watch.

The two geese were situated at the starting line and as the gun was about to go off Derek bit Walter’s wing. He let out a wail as the gun sounded and Derek got a big head start. Walter recovered and took off after him. Walter flew as fast as he could. The life of his children depended on it. Twenty-two minutes later the two geese raced down the homestretch and crossed the finish line almost simultaneously. It was Walter’s “abnormally” long neck that made the difference. He had won the race and Derek had to go back to wherever it was that he came from.

All of the neighborhood animals rejoiced and Walter, Susan and all the kids went home knowing their life was going to be a-o-k. They all lived happily ever after.


2 comments on “The Secret Life of Walter T. Goose

  1. you wrote this yourself?I don’t get what your mother told me all those years that you couldn’t write for beans. Or was that Maxx she was talking about?Or did she edit this?Your aunt(guess which one)


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