In what could be the last post of the year, I once again produce nothing original. But it is still damn funny. But then again it could just be us.
[Insert Inspirational Christmas Quote Here]
SNL has been on the decline in recent years, but the guys & girls over there are still pretty smart. They realize how viral videos work. If you remember this time last year Lazy Sunday was all over the internet and is single-handedly responsible for the rise of YouTube. Lindsay told me about their latest viral video, and this one is going to be huge too. And since I’m in the Christmas Spirit, those of you who don’t remember Lazy Sunday, you won’t have to go far
Last weekend Tara and I ventured down to NYC to take in the festive sights. As expected everything was packed. However, there was only one real mission to accomplish during the trip: Ice skate at Rockefeller Plaza. The real purpose of this post though is to share a couple videos with you and to further exploit my new obsession with putting videos in the blog.
Video One: When we got to the rink I realized that I hadn’t been ice skating in about eight years. Meanwhile, Tara is a seasoned veteran. This of course would lead to hazardous situations (mostly for the other skaters) when our competitive fires were lit. About five minutes in, Tara skated by me and tagged me. I then sped up and tagged her, however, when I tried to make my escape I tried to skate away as fast as possible, but no matter how fast I moved my legs I wasn’t getting anywhere. I then promptly dug my skate into the ice and took a nice face first digger into the ice. Nearby skaters immediately gave me the “safe” signal as I scraped my dignity off of the ice. This video is from a short time later when I tried to sneak up on Tara.
Video Two: After getting smoothies at Jamba Juice, we came across this “billboard” in Times Square. No Comment
Last night was the Fitzy’s Christmas Party. For those of you who don’t know, Fitzy’s is a small, hole-in-the-wall bar that will never be described as a hot spot. Everyone who goes there knows everyone else. On a busy night there may be 20 people there, 95% of which are male. Then there is the food menu which can’t be beat. It consists of Cheetos, Super Pretzels, and Mini Pizza’s. They once experimented with having a soup of the day. But the only day was Friday…and it was always New England Clam Chowder (was it the red or the white?). It didn’t work out. There are a million stories which can explain the aura of Fitzy’s, but that would take way too long. Just know that it is my favorite bar in Rockland mostly because it is the exact opposite of Nyack.
Fitzy’s has a very distinct cast of characters. On any given night, at least 3 of the following people will be there:
Francis: Basically Fitzy’s in a nut shell. On nights he is not there, people are worried that he may be dead. I have no clue what he does for a living, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did it drunk.
Patrick: A bartender at Fitzy’s. On nights he is not bartending, he is at the bar drinking with his lady friend. He is the inventor of the art of repeating song lyrics in a “hey you should be writing this down” voice in order to sound profound.
Evelyn: Will always ask you if you know her son Bobby. He is in a death metal band. She is straight up insane. Before Fitzy’s I knew her as the Rockland Lake Driving Range Swindler. And until I wrote the previous sentence, I had totally forgotten that fact about her, that’s how memorable her Fitzy’s persona is. (Kind of like how people forget that Barry Bonds used to be a base stealer not a home run hitter)
Joey O: Back when he was my age he was jumping fences and setting records. If you look in the North High School Record Book they’re there.
Nunzio: He is literally a WWF/ECW wrestler. The first time I ever saw him at Fitzy’s was Christmas Day 2005. He was drinking alone, it was kind of sad, but he is a good guy.
Terry: The boss. He is a bartender at Fitzy’s and usually pregames and postgames at Fitzy’s. Then goes home at 4:00 AM, goes to sleep until 4 PM, puts something in the oven, then does it all over again.
That brings us to the Fitzymas Party, basically the antithesis of a normal night at Fitzy’s. There were close to 100 people there (including 8 females) and on top of that the party was catered. The Marty Party included all the usual suspects: Rick, Dmo, Ostrowe, Mr. Stanton, Sarge, and Ole Mel made a cameo before she left to get some rest for another day of teaching the future Spicy Jennifer’s of the world. These are some of the stories of the evening:
Last week Dmo went to the Rockland Lake Christmas Party. While there he had an interesting conversation with Jimmy Han. I can’t properly tell you the story, so I was forced to provide you with video. Dmo asked Jimmy how Rey Vivar was. The following is my attempt to imitate Dmo’s imitation of what Jimmy responded with. Keep in mind Jimmy is a Korean golf professional so his English isn’t the best.
Can you figure out what Jimmy was trying to say. No? I’ll let you know at the end.
CM Point showed up and as usual he was too much. On this night the phrase that pays was: “You called out the thunder, well you got it. Security. Hey Roddy. [punch]” Repeated ad nausea.
A second CM Point story. At some point this guy walked in and stopped the entire bar. He tried to tell everyone that he just moved into the area and that his wife’s dogs were roaming around the area. Upon hearing this CM Point turned to Ostrowe and me and said that he couldn’t drink another sip unless he went out looking for the dogs. 35 minutes later he had yet to return and Ostrowe and I were about to stop the entire bar and announce that our friend was roaming around the area (he responds to beep bop boop bip). Five minutes later he walked in the door, without the dogs, and we were informed that he drove in his car around the neighborhood then was forced to park half a mile away due to the amount of people. Later in the night one of the dogs walked into Fitzy’s through an open door and both dogs made it back to the owner.
Patrick: If someone here has a green suburban, you have to move your car. You are about to get towed.
Patrick: Because you parked on someones lawn
Jeopardy Video Clue Answer: Jimmy was trying to say that Rey’s Dad has Alzheimer’s
Epilogue: We talked to Terry the day after the Fitzymas party. Francis slept at Fitzy’s. He woke up at 7 AM and his mom picked him up and drove him to work (If you don’t know Francis is like 50). Terry got home at 10 AM
Today at dinner I was treated to what sounded like a long standing Toddism. The Thin Mint Theory finds its origin to be in the realm of cookies. If you were to make the mistake of putting a Thin Mint in a cookie jar with other cookies, it wouldn’t be long till all the cookies started tasting like Thin Mints. This principle can easily applied to people. If a person was a Thin Mint, they influence the people around them without even trying. To use the theory’s inventor as an example…OFT turns everything into a dirty joke, if you hang around him a lot, you too will turn everything into a dirty joke.
Jon: You locked me out last night
Rick: Oh, I’m sorry man
Jon: Luckily I had my keys with me
Rick: [AOL confused face]
And so ends hopefully the first of many mini-posts about sandom rhit.
So why should I just rely on things that happen in my life to fill up my blog space. My blog is housed within the phenomenon known as the Internet, and in fact there are an immeasurable number of other blog within this same domain. Now I know from personal experience, surfing the Internet can become a never ending pastime thanks to a devil of an invention that I bet most people take for granted, the Hyperlink. So why not share the fun things that I find on the Internet with my loyal fan base, while adding my own spin. So without further adieu The Rick Presents his untitled Internet hot list (so to speak)
Background: The Honda Motor company has been developing a robot for sometime now. ASIMO (Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility), as he/she is called, can do all sorts of stuff such as run, jump, recognize faces, recognize it’s name, and of course what is any type of electronic device without Internet connectivity.
Anyway, the purpose of me telling you this is because ASIMO frequently makes appearances at conventions and conferences and what not. This video was captured at one somewhere in Asia I assume, so unless you know Asian dialects you don’t need to worry about turning the sound up. But then again with the sound it is fun to hear the gibberish spoken by the cameraman. Just take one minute and thirty-five seconds (1:35) out of your life and watch this video. I swear it may possibly be worth your time.
Ok you have to admit that that was at least a little funny. Ok fine I’ll admit, I don’t know why I found it to be so funny, but I was cracking up while watching that in class. The best part is that after he tumbles down the stairs the scientist or whatnot run over and put a screen up to block the views of the general public. That must be when the midget inside of it crawls out and is promptly murdered to prevent the spread of this catastrophe. Mind you everyone in the audience received a Men In Black Flashy Thingy, but the video lives on!
It’s may be a little morbid but, does anyone else feel that the UCLA college basketball is shaping up to be one where they go into March Madness as one of the favorites to win the whole magilla, only to have John Wooden die after their first round game thus inciting the media to give them a rediculous amount of coverage. Sidenote: John Wooden basically looks the same as he did in 1975 right down to always wearing the same suit. It’s kind of creepy
The other day I started to think about the root of calling someone a “Buddy C.” We are retarted.
In related news. Everyone came back from Vegas technically alive. I was informed by Terry during one of the numerous phone calls I recieved that I was mistaken about his pre-flight routine. Instead of staying at Bruxelles till 4 AM he was at Fitzy’s till 4 AM. I can’t properly tell you the all the stories but here is what I do know:
I know I recieve a phone call every morning at 5:30 AM EST
I know everytime I called them at 10:00 PM EST Terry and Mar were still asleep from the night before
I know Dmo lost in a arm wrestling match against a girl
I know that Jim$ is a trooper for going to Vegas for the weekend then getting of the plane in NY and going straight to work
When/ If Apple ever puts out a Mac that function with two mouse buttons, I will be first in line to buy it. That’s the only downfall in my mind with Macs. I use the right click way to often now to just drop it cold turkey.
Number of Triple Crown Attended This Year: 1.5
Bold Prediction: Troy Smith wins the Heisman
December 9, 2006: It was used to play raquetball later that same day.
If he was $25 million in debt he could sell off one of his ties and receive $7.4 million as change
JamesOn says this post is over
All right, folks, you’ve seen enough. Move along, please. Come on, clear the sidewalk.
You could argue that this is my 52nd post, however, I am going to cite the fact that two of the posts were retro posts thus making this the “Milestone Fiftieth Blog Post.” Thank You, Thank You. No need for applause