Retro Post: Piccinichisms

Over the years we have always had a quote sheet on hand to document all the stupid stuff we say. What follows is a uncensored peek into our world. Most names have been withheld to protect the retarded:

To escape the lion, sometimes you must go to his den

There’s always enough room for two people at the top as long as you are both people

Choose your own Adventure

It can get much better than this

If you last name is Hyman never use an adjective to name your child

– Contact that’s another movie that makes no sense
– I think that’s Jay Kohlman’s favorite movie
– That makes sense

– I might as well secede the belt
– What is this the fucking union?

I don’t play cards

What kind of pen doesn’t have a house?

– What are you guys Wallflowers?
– Yea, we’re the three Marlenas

– We should have had Vin make his Queso dip
– It’s endorsed by Mike Utley

– What do you want to do?

I successfully cockblocked myself from every girl at this party

I hope you don’t think of me differently

This kid is like Mitch Williams we are the only two old enough to know who Mitch Williams is

-You guys are always smiling
– Well I’m just happy that I got tickets to the Luther Vandross Concert next week
– That’s fucked up

You are a lanky kid, tall, long legs you can get out of a lot of situations

– I’m going over there
– Say hi to Mar
– I’m not going to Long Island

(5 minutes after Terry wins the game)
– How did we win the last game?
– YOU made the 8-Ball

Maybe if we sat near the coats people would have a reason to come near us

How the fuck do u scream infidelities?!

It’s not the arrows, it’s the Indians

Next time we visit Doug I’m going to send myself as an e-mail attachment so I can get there faster, then you can just upload me

You’re just not a person bro

It’s not as fun until your 21

I don’t trust anything that bleeds five days of the month and doesn’t die

It’s the season of giving

Were pathetic and retarded what do they expect

You can never have enough snatch

Rick: You should hire a schwoogie to do your laundry for you
Mar: Hire?

Wait; Hold on Ma I’m looking at boobies

That’s what cool about magazines, you can stare at a chicks boobs forever and she will never know you’re a pervert

Your ramalamahamdamed if you do, and ramalamahamdamed if you don’t

The more you want something the less obtainable it is

I bet Canada has no laws about banging minors…. advantage Piccinich

I piss money

All that can go wrong, will go wrong…. All that can’t go wrong, will also go wrong

I don’t know if it’s me or the Shirley Temple’s speaking…. but you’re hot

I know you must get this all the time but…would you like some garlic bread??

– Someone should make a program were you can play any card game online
– Get on it Terry
– I sell golf clubs

Dave & Busters: Where you can get fucking cocked while your kids play video games

– Hey are you driving tonight?
– Yea just bring me another beer

Were Hardcore…. [One minute later] Harold. [Girl gets up and leaves] Apparently we don’t have the drawing power of Terry.

You couldn’t fit your trouser snake in my shorts

– Why would they make a fuss [about you peeing in the street]?
– Because I have a vagina

BELIEVE IN THE SYSTEM!

I’m emphatasizing my point…Fuck that’s not a word is it

-Grab me some singles
-(Pulling out 5 hundreds) We got 5; I think we’ll be ok

I can’t take me anywhere

Thank god were naked

I’m in a glass case of emotion!!!!

[In context] We now go live to Diane being a bitch, Diane

OH WHAT ARE THE ODDS

I don’t want to play anymore I just want to suck on Tom Bosley’s Clitoris

-I like Tom Bosley
-Your Retarded

You can lead a Piccinich to people, but you can’t make him talk

-Thank God I have X-Ray vision
-Who looks like Fay Vincent?

(Mar to a girl who walked into the room 5 minutes ago)
-Why are you watching basketball?
-I Will Stab You in the Throat

Whatever I say is Jesus Christ

This is Villanova playing, where is you team? They’re playing volleyball in the parking lot.

(Already on the top floor of Ricks dorm Mar proclaims): I’ll sleep upstairs

I’m Fucking Fast

That kid is so emo

– I started kickboxing and I’m watching my carbs
– Yea I started Kickboxing cars too

If you drank as much as I did you would have trouble getting out of Hong Kong too

(In reference to the previous quote)
– That’s the greatest quote I ever heard, who said it?
– You

That girl is a hooker

That’s why I play cards at bars, there’s less chance of fucking my chance up w/ girls

Are you going to ditch us to hang out with girls again?…………queer

I went to a bachelor party in Chicago, apparently the stripper said I was mean because I told her she sucked

You’re a Putz

Why don’t you and your cards go sit in the front row of a U2 concert.

Soiled Queso dip made of doors

-Is that Chase Utley?
– Is that Mike Utley?

– I’m just waiting for you to get off of your fat ass
– I’d be able to if this queso dip wasn’t so wonderful

Hey lets go solve problems

OOTley?

There’s queso dip on the quote sheet

I want a dictionary to open my bedroom

– All I know is that I’m seeing a lot of talking and no queso dip
– Shut the fuck up
(Rick fumbles pen as he tries to write the quote)
– Yea now what? Now you’re fucked

We’re trying to break into her room not make a delicious queso dip out of her door

– You can see right through her
– Damn her, she’s feigning interest to get more tips
– Shut up she really likes us

Your Korean Rummy in a cell [I know this is bad grammar but that’s what the sheet says and it’s much funnier….5 bucks to whoever can interpret what the hell it means]

He has his fingers in a lot of pies

I’m getting an STD just thinking about you

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball

If I were you I’d krazy glue her eyelids open and make her watch me bang Tiffany

Nine times out of ten

Communism is a bitch

Sometimes you have to swim through shit to get to the ocean

Live Lavishly

It’s like the blind leading the blind

Everyone’s looking for a freebie

You’re just not a person bro

Hot chicks like horses
I like horses
Therefore hot chicks like me

I went to a bachelor party in Chicago and apparently the stripper said I was mean because I told her she sucked

Well excuse me Mrs. Social Worker

11:52 Wife of guitar player tells us her son goes to a gay college
12:00 Woman has enough of us calling her son gay and leaves
12:41 While at Lexington Ostrowe is finally happy that he is at a bar where the women are not married to the guitar player whose gay son goes to the fashion institute

Sars is killing us off like we are a bunch of Iraqi children

(After coughing for 25 minutes straight) I’m dying motherfuckers

– Yes!
– What happened?
– Supreme Court Justice William Rhenquist is dead!

– I can get guilted into doing anything.
– Does that mean I can guilt you into having sex with me

(After Rick congratulates a girl on a pool shot) I was social!!

Someone should tell her she is the best pool player in New Orleans

– Where is Mar?
– He is getting raped by a schwoogie
– That is fucking great

So Nicole, call her back and tell her your staying at my house. You’ll like my house, it’s fun, we can play manhunt and shit.

For as long as I have known myself….

– I’m a cheerleader, what do you expect?
– I don’t fucking know

I thought you banged the transsexual?

– What are you up to tonight?
– Watching New Orleans get destroyed
– That’s terrible
– Yea, I know. I never got to go there

You are a lanky kid. Tall, long legs, you can get out of a lot of situations

You wouldn’t like me when I’m Bon Jovi

You’re wearing a bra? Loser.

OOOOH repercussions. Welcome to my world.

– Beep Bop Boop Bip. [Laughter] is it really that funny?
– No, it’s not

Here hold my beer. I can’t stand here while those dogs are lost out there. I once found a lost dog. [Walks out of the bar. Comes back 45 minutes later without a dog]

Point After

Here is an exchange I had with one of the interns yesterday. Keep in mind it was all in good fun:
Joe: Hey Nick, I thought you were going to fix the printer
Nick: Oh Yea. Let me call someone to get on that.
(picks up the phone and calls Joe)

While calling all the agents to get celebrity addresses we thought it would be cruel, yet funny to end calls with: “thanks for your help now we can send you a BOMB! “

Title Track (1.22.07)

It’s been a long time, and this here is the first official post of the new calendar year. Since our last broadcast, here at CTS, a lot has gone on in the world. Lets reflect:

Two notable deaths happened. One of the natural cause variety (Gerald Ford). One of the not-so natural cause variety (Saddam). I guess you could also include James Brown and Bam Bam Bigelow in this list, but different strokes for different folks eh. I can’t help but think about conspiracy theories with the Saddam one though. I bet in this day and age it is easy to fake someones death. Chevy Chase has been dead for a while now and no one has told him.

Classified Ad: WM looking for time machine/teleporter combination. That would be great. Thanks.

Florida won the BCS National Championship Game and by beating the team everyone thought was the best team in the nation, they have proved that they are the best team in the nation. I still hate them though. Now we have to live through another three months of hearing about their dual titles.

After the longest drought ever, it finally snowed. Thank God. I was starting to get really pissed off. Now I can take Mother Nature off my list. Oh who am I kidding my list has no real power. It only aspires to have half as much clout as Tara’s famous list

While at IHOP one fine morning. This very important looking guy sat down at the table next to Tara and I. Now I am not exaggerating when I say that this guy was on his cell phone the entire time. So the waitress brings him his food and unfortunately gives the guy too small of a plate, so he covers the microphone on the phone and says the following: “Hey. Can I get a bigger plate for these pancakes. Bare with me here, but here is my vision. I’m gonna pour my syrup on these pancakes and it’s gonna get all over your table here. I don’t want that to happen. So can you get me a bigger plate.” I can’t make this stuff up. If I did the waitress would have laughed in his face. She didn’t for some reason.

The Winter X-Games are this weekend. I’m stoked.

This morning I was walking underground and I was walking down the stairs I caught myself quoting that time I saw Bobby McFerrin fall down all those stairs. It’s too much man.


Amazing how this morphed into the Beep Bop Boop Bip that we all know and love.

So DirecTV is trying to lock up rights to the MLB Extra Innings package. Their offer is a reported $700 Million over seven years. Sounds like a lot until you realize they pay $700 Million A YEAR for Sunday Ticket. With 2 million subscribers to Sunday Ticket. At say, $235 a pop, you got $470 million right there. Plus this doesn’t count the inflated price that public places (such as bars) have to pay for the service. And I’m sure DirecTV gets ad revenue somehow, although I have to admit I don’t know how that works. So in conclusion don’t give your girlfriend a dirty fitzgerald.

Recently in Atlanta, these new AirTran billboards were put up:

Barclays paid $400 Million for the right to name the new building which the Brooklyn (currently the New Jersey) Nets will play in beginning in 2009. The deal is good for 20 years and is roughly equivalent to the deal Citibank signed to sponsor the new stadium for the Mets. Just for the record, the next biggest stadium deal was signed by Phillips for the rights to the Hawks and Thrashers Arena in Atlanta: 20 years $187 Million.
Addendum to this story. Some guy from the Daily News I believe, I could look it up but I’m too lazy right now made a good point. I’ll quote him, but once again who knows how accurate my memory is…”They are tearing down apartments where people have been living for 90 years so that they can build an arena which we be told is obsolete in 20 years?” I can’t say I agree with everything that he is implying (because in fact there is a plethora of other stuff attached to the arena complex) but it’s an interesting point.

That concludes our broadcast day. Thanks for watching NBC. BOOOOOOOOOOOOP………..