One Shining Moment

When I was in kindergarten, I attended a private school in the Bronx. The school was meant to be a stepping stone for all these kids to get into Ivy League schools. I remember one of my good friends routinely getting into quarrels with his dad (mind you, we were in kindergarten) because his dad went to Harvard and he wanted to go to Yale (Kindergarten!) Me, on the other hand, never wanted to go to an Ivy League school because “they sucked at sports.”

Since I was a wee lad, my sport allegiances have been with non-local teams more often than not. You never think about it but being a fan of a local team has intangible benefit associated with it. It is created by the camaraderie created by fans of a particular team. Very few teams are an exception to this rule, besides the Cowboys and the Yankees no other teams are effectively able to cross state lines. I feel that this rule has become the basis of my transformation into more of a casual sports fan. I don’t need to watch every Avalanche or Redskin game. I always check to see how the Mets and Yankees did, but it’s not on the top of my list. Mostly I like keep abreast of all the major happenings in the sports world in general.

There is one exception though:
Syracuse Basketball

College basketball is by far my favorite sport. The season is the perfect length. The post season is phenomenal, even when your team is not in it. And every year there are about 40 games that don’t involve Syracuse that are still must see games. To be honest I don’t know how I fell in love with the Orangemen, but we have been seeing each other for about 16 years now. Starting in Kindergarten, I would wait patiently for the NCAA brackets to be printed in Sports Illustrated and I would tape it to my door. I’d write in the name of all the winning teams right away, unless Syracuse lost, then I would need to check at least five different sources before I would believe it. Mind you, this was extremely difficult in the age before the internet.

Since I have been alive, every college basketball season except one has ended on a down note. This year was no different. Syracuse was relegated to the NIT after being snubbed by the Selection Committee. Everyone in the country listed Syracuse as the number one snub so that softened the blow slightly, but not by much. (I can admit now that we just weren’t that good. But you’ll never hear me admit it.)

This year when Syracuse was playing Clemson, I still had the giddyness associated with the NCAA tournament. But like I mentioned before, this was the NIT. Unfortunatly for Tara, even though she was not at her computer, I still assaulted her with my thoughts on the game. Almost 200 IMs later I had myself a glog.

(7:17:58 PM): Syracuse is losing 8-9 in the first half
Auto response from Thoops4 (7:17:58 PM): playing basketball….
(7:18:18 PM): I beat u back
(7:19:48 PM): Even if you’re not there I’m still going to IM you
(7:21:28 PM): those SYR jerseys are atrocious
(7:29:34 PM): those jerseys are so stupid
(7:29:42 PM): gray numbers? Really?
(7:29:53 PM): losing 14-18
(7:31:01 PM): Clemson assholes
(7:31:18 PM): winner gets to play in NY next week!
(7:31:43 PM): gross
(7:31:57 PM): their play is matching their jerseys
(7:32:17 PM): they are talking about blonde brownies for some reason
(7:33:21 PM): Clemson is boxing out b4 the shots go up. They box out and the guards are able to drive baseline. It’s Blue Chips
(7:33:37 PM): SYR 14 -Assholes 24
(7:34:59 PM): they just referred to Paul Harris as a man’s man
(7:35:10 PM): and they said that the new jerseys make his guns that much bigger
(7:35:21 PM): down 13
(7:40:40 PM): down 11
(7:41:09 PM): the ball just got blocked and wedged in between the rim and backboard simultaneously
(7:42:53 PM): mom made me mac and cheese
(7:43:22 PM): maybe it will be lucky
(7:43:25 PM): nope
(7:43:34 PM): Rautins just air-balled a three
(7:43:50 PM): you need to teach him how to shoot the three
(7:44:05 PM): down 8
(7:44:41 PM): or they can turn it over
(7:44:58 PM): DOWN 5!
(7:47:23 PM): It’s getting a little out of control
(7:49:12 PM): Nessler needs to stop talking about these blonde brownies
(8:10:27 PM): finally I can finish my thought after being kicked off for years
(8:10:40 PM): when I got kicked off Nessler commented: “Matt Gorman with an easy dunk.”
(8:10:51 PM): he made that easy dunk look so hard
(8:11:00 PM): it was a struggle for him to dunk it
(8:11:35 PM): Now SYR is down 11 at halftime
(8:12:20 PM): Boeheim got a technical foul during half time. More points for Asshole #1.
(8:12:24 PM): fantastic
(8:12:47 PM): they just showed the blonde brownie on TV
(8:12:57 PM): down 13 now
(8:13:10 PM): AHole #1 with 23 points now
(8:13:59 PM): Jesus
(8:14:15 PM): SYR hasn’t touched the ball yet in the 2nd half
(8:15:01 PM): 1 minute 15 has gone by
(8:15:24 PM): SYR just got their first touch
(8:15:24 PM): down 15
(8:15:34 PM): down 13
(8:15:39 PM): Devendorf with 11 points
(8:15:56 PM): that was the most pathetic play ever
(8:15:59 PM): wow
(8:15:59 PM): wow
(8:16:49 PM): first they steal the ball, then while dribbling up court Wright dribbles the ball into the hand of the assholes, easy asshole lay-up
(8:17:01 PM): then they throw away the inbound pass
(8:17:59 PM): the license plate on the car in this commercial is GAH
(8:19:04 PM): down 15
(8:19:12 PM): lets start playing now
(8:19:14 PM): down 13
(8:19:24 PM): Devendorf is going to carry us right now
(8:19:50 PM): he is going to take every shot
(8:19:58 PM): Nichols better step up
(8:21:03 PM): every Clemson inbounds pass from their baseline has to go all the way back to half court. That’s the one bright spot of our game; our inbound defense
(8:21:17 PM): asshole #1 has 26
(8:21:25 PM): SYR down 13
(8:21:52 PM): ok ok down 11
(8:22:13 PM): You’re not really going to read all of this are you?
(8:22:17 PM): it’s like a book
(8:22:18 PM): I’m sorry
(8:22:32 PM): even when your not here I still talk to you
(8:22:46 PM): I could be telling someone else this, but I’m not
(8:24:14 PM): I was going to pack when I got home because I’m ancy
(8:24:18 PM): but I don’t want to leave my seat
(8:24:33 PM): granted they aren’t playing too good with me sitting here
(8:24:35 PM): but they won when I sat here on Monday
(8:24:41 PM): I’m wearing my Gerry McNamara shirt again
(8:25:10 PM): Nessler is impressed by the packed house. Little John holds 10,000
(8:25:20 PM): I don’t see why that is impressive. They had 3000 the other night.
(8:25:55 PM): SYR had 26,000 that same night
(8:26:00 PM): fantastic turnover by SYR. They are getting creative with their turnovers
(8:26:18 PM): 11 again
(8:27:10 PM): of the 10 or so shots this half, Devendorf has 9 of them
(8:27:41 PM): what a Macy’s call
(8:28:23 PM): really.
(8:29:03 PM): we play 35 seconds of solid defense and the assholes throw up a prayer as the shot clock goes off and it goes in
(8:29:39 PM): Make FTs
(8:29:54 PM): Down 12
(8:30:04 PM): with 13 to go
(8:30:21 PM): dagger
(8:30:36 PM): Assholes score then SYR get ancy
(8:30:44 PM): then they run down court and just throw it away
(8:30:53 PM): bah I’m about to go downstairs
(8:30:59 PM): not much faith left
(8:33:06 PM): walking downstairs
(8:34:09 PM): so I can pack and chew some gum
(8:35:11 PM): fantastic SYR gets the ball
(8:35:17 PM): commits an offensive foul
(8:35:39 PM): I think Boeheim’s just going to say F it in a few seconds and go sit with his wife in the stands
(8:36:06 PM): hahahahah Austin Peay
(8:36:20 PM): assholes
(8:36:25 PM): down 15
(8:36:50 PM): stop making threes u sparkling wiggles
(8:36:54 PM): ok 13
(8:36:58 PM): with 10 to play
(8:37:21 PM): how many messages have I sent
(8:37:25 PM): 100?
(8:37:27 PM): 150?
(8:37:35 PM): SYR turnover
(8:37:47 PM): I’m about to turn this off
(8:37:53 PM): we are so terrible
(8:39:37 PM): 15 points
(8:39:47 PM): terrible shots
(8:39:51 PM): plus turnovers
(8:39:58 PM): plus heads up their butts
(8:40:03 PM): equals this is hard to watch
(8:40:16 PM): now I realize y we didn’t make the tournament
(8:40:50 PM): that asshole just dunked the ball so hard he knocked his own contact out
(8:41:24 PM): ostrowe’s training thus far: by the way, my training is going awesome, I just had a big Mac, a cheeseburger and mozzarella sticks for dinner
(8:41:35 PM): my training: complaining about this game
(8:41:47 PM): not to far away from changing the channel
(8:41:57 PM): these recruits we are getting next year better be good
(8:42:05 PM): I wonder if is Harris staying
(8:42:20 PM): if he tried to enter the draft, he wouldn’t be drafted
(8:42:35 PM): he has little to no skills that can translate to NBA talent
(8:42:52 PM): Devendorf on the other hand can drive the hoop and not pass, perfect for the pros
(8:43:06 PM): that’s not saying Harris can pass, b/c he can’t either
(8:45:57 PM): they just commented on Paul Harris’ physique in the new jerseys again
(8:46:25 PM): bah…..
(8:46:33 PM): down 14
(8:46:37 PM): down 16
(8:46:49 PM): my breath smells like potato sticks
(8:47:04 PM): am I at 200 yet?
(8:50:47 PM): Syracuse Line.
(8:50:54 PM): 17 field goals
(8:50:57 PM): 16 turnovers
(8:51:06 PM): that is y we are in the NIT
(8:51:17 PM): if we were in the big dance we would have lost in the first round
(8:51:22 PM): so which outcome is better
(8:51:44 PM): being relegated to the NIT and making some revenue by hosting two extra home games
(8:51:58 PM): or getting to the dance and losing in the first round to long beach st
(8:53:18 PM): hahahahhaahha this asshole just tried to dunk but muffed it and he just hung on the rim and caught his missed dunk and tried to put it back in
(8:53:25 PM): he got T’d up
(8:53:30 PM): SYR down 13
(8:53:39 PM): shooting two free throws
(8:53:44 PM): and then they get the ball back
(8:54:02 PM): Down 9!
(8:55:28 PM): I just made fun of my mom for playing FreeCell
(8:56:40 PM): Nessler on Devendorf dribbling up the court: “he’ll probably shoot.”
(8:56:56 PM): and he does
(8:57:30 PM): down 6!!
(8:58:03 PM): oooo 4 fouls on rivers
(8:59:38 PM): Keep driving at him over and over again!
(9:01:40 PM): down 3!!!!
(9:03:30 PM): clemson has lost two starters to fouls
(9:06:28 PM): SYR has lost Watkins
(9:07:48 PM): Devendorf and Harris are playing like men possessed
(9:09:32 PM): F
(9:09:40 PM): FTs
(9:12:43 PM): Paul u wiggle
(9:13:39 PM): Still down 3
(9:14:30 PM): BS
(9:14:49 PM): That asshole fell down on his own
(9:15:02 PM): not our fault he is clumsy
(9:15:02 PM): down 4
(9:17:41 PM): confusing moment
(9:17:54 PM): the scoreboard says timeout
(9:18:07 PM): nessler said foul
(9:18:20 PM): Nessler is right
(9:18:49 PM): Nichols on the line
(9:19:09 PM): makes the first
(9:19:50 PM): a very quiet 17 pts for him tonight
(9:20:32 PM): down 2
(9:21:49 PM): roberts just fouled out of the game
(9:22:29 PM): bah they ran out of gas
(9:23:31 PM): They showed a lot of heart coming back
(9:23:58 PM): another 2 minutes and they would have won
(9:24:54 PM): Well it was an entertaining season. There is always next year.

Another year in the books, but the chance that next year will be better keeps you coming back. That’s what so great about sports, every year you get a clean slate. But I’ll never forget that one year that ending on a good note. That’s enough to keep me coming back for years to come.

Retro Post: The Derby Running Diary

The most exciting two-minutes in Sports.

Back in the days when Jai-Alai was still on ESPN, The Derby had this amazing mystique associated with it. Nothing could top it, and ask anyone who has ever gone to a Derby, no matter if they were in the infield or the grandstand they will tell you that it was the greatest sporting event they have ever been to. Allow me to speak some wiggle, the Super Bowl can’t hold The Derby’s jock. Unfortunately the Sport of Kings has slipped in the past decade largely due to the lack of a Triple Crown Horse, culminating with last year. In the last five years the sport of horse racing has been blessed to have numerous Triple Crown hopefuls that generated a buzz in the sport. War Emblem, Funny Cide, Smarty (Piccinich) Jones. But last year, that was the year things were supposed to change. Barbaro was supposed to save the sport. The crazy part with Barbaro was that all he had to do was win The Derby. With the previous horses, they became household names after the Preakness. Once Barbaro won The Derby he became America’s Horse. So what does he go and do? He shatters his leg on the front stretch along with the hopes of a Nation. But I digress, this post is not about Barbaro, it is about the most amazing trip ever.

We started going to Triple Crown races in 2002 and we determined that 2004 would be the year we hit all three legs of the Triple Crown. It was a simpler time. A time when all three races were on the same network, and a time where we didn’t need to take sick days, all we had to do was tell Steve Kladis that we couldn’t work the weekend. This is the Running Diary from that amazing weekend: [Note: This was one of the first running diarys, that’s why it is quite sparse.]

2:38 pm – Leave College Park
5:00 pm – Pass by Negro Mountain (Seeing this sign may or may not have sparked our desire to keep a running diary. I can’t believe that nothing happened for the first two and a half hours)8:09 pm – Merge onto I-64, only 237.4 miles to go (Another three hour gap. Lackluster)
8:11 pm – Find out Marshall is in West Virginia (We are Marshall)
8:25 pm – Stop of at T.G.I.Fridays to eat (If I remember correctly, this was around the time that Jayson Williams shot his limo driver. The second we walked into the place we got dirty looks, presumably because we are bastard New Yorkers. I’m surprised no one slashed our tires)
9:20 pm – Rick takes a picture with the hot waitress, then being the smooth guy that he is, he turns and crashes into the door on the way out
9:29 pm – Nitro, WV: Where the preferred means of transportation is an atlas-sphere
9:35 pm – Big Sandy Superstore
10:10 pm – Apparently the exit number before 1 is 191 (I now realize this is because we were crossing state lines. What do you expect I was/am retarded)
10:11 pm – Big Sandy River! Reached Kentucky, acquired second wind for a second round pick and a player to be named later.
10:29 pm – Dmo’s flatulence almost causes an accident
10:46 pm – Little Sandy River
11:09 pm – Stopped off at a gas station and won $1 on a scratch off ticket (I still have that scratch ticket because I refused to cash it in for a dollar)
11:19 pm – Amy Lawrence asks Mike Matheney how it feels to know he needs four balls for a walk
12:35 am – Ole Mel calls and expresses surprise we haven’t arrived; clearly she must have forgotten we are retarded
12:41 am – Amy Lawrence is still retarded
12:43 am – Shelbyville! We can now have sex with our cousins (For the record, just in case anyone who is trying to hire me for a job is reading this, I do not condone people having sex with their cousins. This is simply a Simpsons reference.
12:51 am – Simpsonville; no more sex with our cousins (As pointed out in the “Behind the Laughter Episode, the Simpsons are in fact from Kentucky. Springfield, Kentucky is about an hour South of Shelbyville and Simpsonville)
12:55 am – God spites Rick yet again (I’m not quite sure how I was spited, or even when the first time I was spited on this trip)
1:18 am – Encountered pink light, did not know how to respond
1:25 am – Drove over curb to reach Papa John Cardinal Stadium parking lot
1:36 am – Rick pees in dumpster
1:50 am – Crappy band still playing across the street (They really did suck)
2:11 am – “Sleep” begins
2:12 am – Ostrowe kicks open trunk
2:13 am – Ostrowe Flatuates
3:45 am – No cars left in Papa John’s Stadium Parking Lot
5:15 am – Wake up to find everything soaking wet, Rain wins round one (Was there any doubt that the rain wouldn’t win. They were the number one seed, we won the play-in game)
5:45 am – Rain wins round two
6:10 am – Rain wins round three (It just won’t stop, It just won’t stop)
6:45 am – We surrender. Ostrowe plans on getting bag from the trunk, on the way his shirt falls in a puddle when he returns he only has a poncho
6:51 am – Ostrowe risks life by making pilgrimage to other car
6:59 am – Rick thinks he’s heady by using the natural resources of a puddle to wash his hands, however he realizes he is retarded since Ostrowe just peed in the puddle
7:49 am – Leave Papa Johns for Churchill Downs
8:15 am – Crotch assaulted by metal detector
9:15 am – After teaching Chubbs how to bet, Rick asks the KFC Girls if they know the Colonel (It became obvious that they have never watched Family Guy. Speaking of Family Guy, have they jumped the Shark, it doesn’t have nearly the amount of buzz they had when they came out of retirement)
9:20 am – Ostrowe wants a 13 year-olds phone number. The woman in front of us complains of being cold so Chubbs tells her to take her shirt off (Chubbs: 5.99/LB)
10:00 am – Met “The Sausage Girls”
10:30 am – Hacksaw Mark Duggan starts HOOOOOOOOO chant
10:44 am – Rain finally stops (I didn’t realize that it had started. Oh, that’s right it hadn’t stopped from the night before)
11:00 am – Maryland Hold-em starts. Chubbs asks Dmo for a dollar, Dmo declines. Rick runs out of dollars, Dmo gladly gives him one
12:00 pm – Two hot chicks show up, everyone turns and watches them
12:12 pm – The aforementioned hot chicks start going at it three feet away
12:30 pm – Chicks still going at it, everyone near turn three stops what they are doing
12:32 pm – NIPPLE!!
12:42 pm – HOOOOOOOOO chant heard faintly in the distance, Mark shows up
12:59 pm – Chicks separated; boo
1:00 pm – Maryland Hold-em, Dmo gives Chubbs a dollar this time
1:02 pm – Hot chick A passes out
1:20 pm – Hot chick B returns, wakes up hot chick A and they start going at it
1:27 pm – Hacksaw Mark Duggan pronounced dead
1:29 pm – BOOBIES!!
1:30 pm – Chicks separated; boo
1:40 pm – Chicks start going at it again
1:59 pm – MONEY SHOT!
2:10 pm – Dmo and Ostrowe go to Portapotty, Dmo returns, Ostrowe pronounced dead
2:30 pm – Chicks still going at it
2:32 pm – African Heat sets in
2:45 pm – Dmo and Beer assaulted in Portapotty by rowdy patron
2:52 pm – Chicks separated permanently; hot chick A taken home (For those who haven’t been counting, that is three hours that no one really did anything else but watch these two girls. Ah the joys of being at The Derby at the age of 20)
3:00 pm – BOOBIES!!
3:15 pm – BOOBIES!!
3:32 pm – BOOBIES!! (I assure other stuff went on at The Derby but since I was 20 and single, I wasn’t really concerned with anything else)
3:50 pm – Ostrowe resurrected with a So Co Hurricane in each hand
4:00 pm – Storm of the Century hits Churchill Downs
4:03 pm – Jurgen proclaims that the storm can’t get any worse
4:04 pm – The storm gets worse
4:08 pm – Jurgen proclaims that the storm can’t get any worse
4:09 pm – The storm gets worse
4:10 pm – Chick with hairy legs hides under Dmo’s poncho
4:12 pm – Jurgen proclaims that the storm can’t get any worse
4:13 pm – The storm gets worse
4:18 pm – Grandstand disappears
4:20 pm – The chick with hairy legs falls over, Rick blinded by hairy chang
4:30 pm – Jurgen proclaims that the storm can’t get any worse
4:32 pm – The storm gets worse
4:45 pm – The Storm of the Century finally ends
4:48 pm – Naked man shows up and slides across tarp
5:00 pm – Rick calf deep in bathroom flood, once again Rick encounters urine cleaning his calfs
5:10 pm – We watch an entertaining game of kill the carrier in the mud
5:15 pm – Fat guy shows up wearing tiny jockey suit and carrying an empty keg. Throws it around to show power but is quickly thrown out of circle. Keg thrown around more, surprisingly no one is killed
5:49 pm – Hacksaw Mark resurrected from dead
6:09 pm – Race Starts
6:11 pm – Race Lost
8:20 pm – Check into Best Western for some much needed comfort
8:25 pm – Independence makes Ostrowe feel like an adult
8:52 pm – Dmo emerges from shower warning about hitting his face on the shower head
9:00 pm – Rick hits face on shower head
9:15 pm – Ostrowe hits face on shower head
9:30 pm – Waffle House for some fine southern cuisine
9:32 pm – Reconfirmed Rick is an idiot (I wonder what I did)
9:45 pm – One-eyed waitress emerges from kitchen (Legend also has it she had a hairnet, an eye patch and was smoking)
10:15 pm – Much needed bedtime, this time in a real bed
5:00 am – Rick mumbles inaudible sentence in his sleep
8:00 am – Everyone wakes up
8:37 am – Rick baffled by Bob Costas doing his best Ladies Man impression
11:11 am – Leaving Kentucky after exactly 37 hours, to the minute
11:12 am – West Virginia still sucks
11:39 am – Ostrowe makes note to self “I don’t ever wanna go through West Virginia again” (Until we “go” to The Derby this year)
12:04 pm – Stupid West Virginia town names: Big Chimney, Big Otter, Mink Shoals
12:15 pm – Mar pronounced dead
12:30 pm – West Virginia is still a certified business location
12:42 pm – Rick and Dmo are startled by the same truck, Dmo thinks it’s from Alaska, Rick thinks it’s owned by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1:11 pm – Ostrowe squirts water all over himself
1:15 pm – Rick observes that if a girl’s name is Nona, there’s no way she is cooler than you
1:19 pm – While traveling north on I-79, we passed South Weston 20 minutes after Weston
1:24 pm – Vin calls to find out if Rick is working today (I told him millions of times that I wasn’t)
1:53 pm – West Virginia sucks more wang
2:15 pm – Mar Resurected, he’s on his way to AC before his final starts
2:19 pm – Scan through AM channels, scan never stops
2:28 pm – Hello Maryland, “Fuck you West Virginia” -Dan Ostrowe
2:31 pm – Hello Friendsville, Deep Creek and Swallow Falls
2:41 pm – Negro Mountain, the second encounter
2:46 pm – Ole Mel plots to kills us by trying to get us to play bullets while driving
2:57 pm – Ostrowe holds door open for girl her wants to do…she’s 7
3:00 pm – Disaster at Burger King, Cabin Fever sets in
3:14 pm – Passed by Noah’s Ark; missed picture
3:26 pm – Storm of the Century vs. Us II: This Means War
3:36 pm – Storm once again gets worse, can’t see anything; sucks for us
3:39 pm – Beat storm of the Century in race to Flintstone, Maryland, Photo Finish; exacta pays $27.65
4:23 pm – Ostrowe tells Rick to show the woman next to us how he feels, half asleep Rick gives everyone in a one mile radius the finger
4:28 pm – Bird impales head on windshield, nearly dies. Will go onto win the Kentucky Derby in two years
4:58 pm – Encountered Moose head ala The Godfather
5:05 pm – Ostrowe spill water on himself, again
5:13 pm – The Beltway sucks
5:16 pm – Dmo accurately predicts that the truck a mile ahead is from Alabama. (I think we saw 48 license plates on the trip to Kentucky)
5:23 pm – Return to Seven Springs, Ostrowe’s trunk smells, Dmo’s socks eat a hole in the pavement

To this day I am still amazed that we pulled off this trip without a hitch.

Bailey’s Madness


Everyone knows that there is no better time than March Madness. There is an abundance of college basketball on TV and an abundance of gambling in all workplaces. In the past as tradition we would spend the opening days watching as much basketball as we could, however adulthood has started to interfere. Luckily for myself I work for a sports company so I got to watch the games at work. However, the madness isn’t confined to the weekdays. Whats more, combine the first Saturday of the tournament with St. Patty’s Day and you got yourself one heck of a celebration. This year, the temple of celebration…..Bailey’s.

I thought I was being smart, I was supposed to pickup Melissa and Ostrowe at 2:00 so I left the house at 1:30 so I could account for the bad weather (which is still on my shit list). Of course as expected it took me 30 minutes to get out of my driveway. After picking up Melissa, I called Ostrowe to tell him that we were on his street, he informed that he had heard from Jim$. On a whim, Jim$ decided he was going to fly to Buffalo to watch the Maryland game in person, but JFK would not let his private jet take-off. This left Jim$ irate because he still had to pay his pilot for showing up even though they didn’t fly anywhere. But this did mean that he could meet us at Bailey’s.

When I got to Ostrowe’s house, his driveway was under a foot of snow because his Mexicools had not showed up yet. I parked across the street and Melissa and I watched as he trudged through the snow and across the busy street. As we drove to Bailey’s we expected the worse. St. Patty’s combined with the March Madness DirecTv Package should have equaled wall-to-wall people, but we were pleasantly surprised to get to Bailey’s and find the place empty. It actually took us 10 minutes to decide which table we should sit at. So now at this point it is me, Ostrowe, Melissa and Lindsay. Of course we order the stock Bailey’s Special #1 (Wings, Pizza and a Pitcher for 15 bucks). From the second we got to Bailey’s the basketball games were all fantastic, completely making up for the dismal first two days of the tournament. Ohio State pulled out a miraculous victory over Xavier. But since they are the number one team in the country, that’s what they are supposed to do. We also found out that Melissa often wears pants under her pants.

Next up was the important game. Maryland vs. Butler. At that moment the door opened and in walked Mr. and Mrs. Mohr (carrying a stuffed singing Testudo). Moments later they are followed by Jim$ Himself. Now we have quite the gathering of Maryland rooters. While the Mohr’s are there, we enjoyed telling stories about Dmo and his job which sadly lets him leave work at 12 noon each day so he can spend the afternoon by the pool or drinking on his balcony. Everyone is pounding pitcher after pitcher and it is an all-around good time. Especially when Melissa texts Jim$, who is sitting across the table mind you, with the message: “boobies and titties.” Apparently Mr. Mohr saw the message, but thankfully Melissa didn’t find this out until later.

Now for people who don’t know, Bailey’s, while a bar, can also seem to double as a daycare. No joke, half of the people who go there bring their children with them. And they never seem to come with just one child. It’s like they agree to host a playdate at their house for five kids or so, then after 15 minutes of the kids being there they realize this was such a bad idea so the parent brings them all to Bailey’s so they can get cocked while the kids horse around and the parents don’t have to drop a ton of money on video games like they do at Dave & Busters.

Unfortunately, Maryland loss to Butler which left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, but then again we were at Bailey’s on St. Patty’s Day. After the game, Mr Mohr so kindly picked up our tab like a true gentleman. Then literally, as the Mohr’s walked out the door, the alcohol buzz hit everyone at the table. Behind closed doors Jim$ came out into the open and like normal was the catalyst for the rest of the day.

In our 8 hours at Bailey’s we ordered around 15 pitchers. And by 6:00 it showed.
in one tirade about the downside of breast reduction surgery, Jim$ grabbed the attention of one of the eight-year-old girls floating around the bar and told her never get breast reduction. Then Jim$, Melissa, and Lindsay got into a spirited discussion of who was the most active. After a good hour debate, I’m still not sure they got anywhere.

Then the aformentioned moms came back into play.
Ostrowe: Excuse me, the next round of whatever those ladies over there are drinking is on me.
Waitress: The ones over there?
Lindsay: Yea, the ones over there with all the babies.
Ostrowe: Shut up Lindsay
The women were so flattered by Ostrowe’s act of kindness that they bought our table a pitcher. And one of the women even came over and thanked us. Her name was Lisa Greico and she was the main focus of Ostrowe’s attention, mostly because like Ostrowe had an affinity for pointing out, “She had titties the size of you head.” Later the two of them would talk again and Ostrowe asked her if she was going to be in Pearl River the next day for the St. Patty’s Day Parade. Her response, “Yes, I’ll be across the street from the bowling alley. With my husband.”

There were a few more encounters with the daycare students at Bailey’s before the host told us to stop cursing. Melissa and Jim$ got picture happy and unfortunatly for Lindsay, she became the focus of all the pictures. Ostrowe, after previously pulling the chair out from under her while she was sitting down, called over two little kids and asked them if they would like to take a picture with her and that they should just stare at her boobs. I’d like to see what happens to these kids when they grow up.

By 8:00 I was winded and figured Lindsay and I could catch a flick after the bar. Jim$ had convinced Ostrowe and Melissa to go to a party with him. Lindsay and I had no desire to go to any party, but we figured we should make sure that they would make it to the party. So we followed them for five minutes….still driving….Melissa calls: “Where are you guys.” “Right behind you Melis.”……..ten minutes…..text from Melissa: “We are behind you.” No you’re not……fifteen minutes….twenty minutes…….where the hell are we going….and we wound up in Pucking Farsippany. I hate New Jersey.

Quick Hits

In the Daily yesterday there was an article discussing the rule stating that kids must be one year removed from graduating high school to become eligible for the NBA Draft. There is a quote from David Stern saying:

“I would gather that by the end of the [NCAA men’s basketball tournament] our teams will have seen some extraordinary young men play against accelerated talent and be able to make good judgments.” Stern added the players will also have “grown in confidence both on and off court, and acquired skills that will make them better able to do their jobs”

Who is Stern trying to protect? The players themselves or the owners who get horny when they see the latest high school prospect and can’t resist. Because for every LeBron James there are three Martell Webster’s. But I have to give Stern credit because on the opening day of the tournament the top sport story was the Dallas/Phoenix game from the night before. You know Stern scheduled that on purpose.

In other news March Madness On-Demand has highlights of a ton of old games. Including Syracuse beating Georgia and Syracuse winning the National Title. If I didn’t find that I would be even more miserable today. Stupid Snow. I will also watch Adam Morrison cry over and over again. Today’s games better be good.

It’s never a good sign when the highlight of my day is opening my fridge and opening the vegetable drawer and finding a single Wild Cherry Capri Sun. I literally cheered when I saw it. Actually now that I look at it the expiration date, February 6, 2007, I realize how long this must have been sitting in the fridge. Oh well, it still tastes great!

So I was thinking about doing a March Madness post, but that is kind of cliche. Ok the real reason is that I was lazy, there are you happy. Anywho, I picked UCLA over Kansas in the National Semifinal. For a number of reasons, but mostly due to this.

After that movie was done I followed a few more links and stumbled across YouTube Gold. This clip had me dying. 1) It features a joyous Syracuse after beating Kansas to make it into the Final Four way back in 1996. 2) It features a “drunk” Al Maguire “dancing” 3) Look over Boeheim’s left shoulder when they interview him. You can catch a famous Syracuse Alum making Reche Caldwell eyes. Maybe that explains why he couldn’t beat the Patriots. Put Brady in that position and he is no where near the camera. By the time CBS went off the air he would have already impregnated both teams’ cheerleaders. Priceless.

Ahhhhhh The Masters. A tradition like no other.

High School Flashback

When we were in high school, we were jackasses. I’ll admit it. However, in my opinion, we never really crossed the line into douchebaggery. Then again that could just be my opinion. Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home. Whatever I’ll let the movie speak for itself.
Note: Part of the movie is messed up in the beginning. But don’t worry your not missing anything.

Big East Tournament Day 2

Well the Running Diary of Day 2 was even worse than BP’s attempt. This is what it came out to be:

8:30 Get to work
4:30 Syracuse Loses
4:45 Open Gmail
5:40 Leave work

Oh yea, I went to lunch today late so there were no lines, perfect chance to get my salad right. Nope, I got Subway again. But I also got Sun Chips, thats healthy. Good start Rick.

However, I offer this thought from my bus ride home. We all know how eager Hollywood is turn turn real life stories into movies. Imagine if they start taking very pedantic events and turning them into movies. Remember a few years ago when all those guys lifted a giant rock so that Tiger Woods could hit his shot. They could make a movie about all those guys and how they converged to lift the rock. I bet one of the guys wasn’t going to go that day but at the zero hour got his ticket. And one guy almost went to hang out at a different hole. Then the big rock lifting scene could be in slow motion and then they could give Tiger “Muppet Adult Treatment” where you only see up to his thighs.

To make up for this crappy blog I present:

Big East Tournament Running Diary

Day 1:

10:00 I feel like crap, but I am still excited for the Syracuse/uconn game (for the record, I refuse to capitalize uconn like it probably should be). I am running around trying to finish all my work so that I can watch most of the game. But knowing the Piccinich effect, I will be called into an office to do something. I just sent out an email to my bosses to drop a subtle hint, that for that time span I would not like to leave my desk. I’ll do work, but I’m not leaving the cube. Oh the joys of having a TV on my desk.
Gang – I’d like to apologize in advance for any loud noises emanating from my cube between the hours of 2:00 PM ET and 4:30 PM ET while Syracuse is playing uconn. If my poor eating habits don’t kill me, Syracuse surely will.

11:07 The game is not for three hours and I am still complaining about these jerseys that Syracuse is supposedly wearing. They make me furious. Every time I see them, which every time I read anything about the team and today’s game, I start complaining. I don’t even know where to begin with the over/under on number of times I complain. 200? 250?

11:23 I have started eating whatever I can get my hands on

11:28 GQ comes out of his office and says: “This has Nick’s name written all over it. Pinstriped and everything.” He hands me a snazzy NBA All-Star jacket. It’s awesome. Black and pinstriped without any gaudy logos. Maybe I should suggest that Syracuse wear pinstriped jerseys, now that would be awesome.

11:35 These new jerseys are so terrible.

11:36 Best jersey related comment yet:
Overall, Nike’s “System of Dress” deserves not only a failing grade, but probably should be admonished by an act of Congress or a misguided jihadist in a grainy video aired on a forgettable Arab cable television network.
Second place:
[Nike] has also created the impetus for endless conversations starting with the phrase, “Andy Rautins has the torso of a 15 year-old girl.”
Both quotes from: Syracuse Fan House Blog

11:39 For those of your thinking: “Doesn’t he have better stuff to do at work.” Shut up. Here is my justification. I am just using the time that I used to participate in the mail chain to write this blog. Since the mail chain has gone the way of Barbaro, I now have time that I can redistribute to other activities.

11:58 When they say Borat is the funniest movie of the year, are they referring to 2006 or 2007. They are trying to pull a fast one.

11:59 Doug Gottlieb is a tool, but he just said that a loss and Syracuse is on the bubble again, and I agree with him.

12:00 DePaul (who has been characterized as bipolar) kicks off the Big East tournament by playing Mar State (who has been characterized as winded)

12:15 This isn’t the first time this has ever happened, but with the score 8-2, an ESPN graphic just pointed out that Villanova has been on a 8-2 run in the last 4:21. I’m still pissed that Mar State beat Syracuse over the weekend, but their freshman guard, Scottie Reynolds is pretty cool.

12:19 In an unrelated note: I told myself that I have to start eating healthier so for lunch I think I am going to get a chicken salad. Odds of this actually happening: 15-1

12:35 When I have a son or daughter I know they are going to become a Mar State fan 3/4 because on the ESPN scoreboard they appear as “NOVA” and 1/4 to spite me.

12:38 Nice, a stress ball. This is going to come in handy later. I wonder who I’m gonna wing it at if Syracuse losses.

12:53 This is the picture on ESPN’s front page right now. Nichols (center) looks pissed off. Devendorf looks very evil. I don’t know what Rautins is doing with his hand. It looks photoshopped. And that referee, who is clearly not Ed Hoculi, is up to no good. Andy look out.
1:03 Do I like how ESPN refers to the NBA as “the association.” Good question……
1:07 I have stepped out to lunch. Will I get a salad? Time will tell.
1:29 OK OK Shut up. I didn’t get a salad, but I have a perfectly good reason. First off, Rockefeller Plaza + Lunch Time Rush + School Trips + Precipitous Weather Conditions = Ridiculously Large Lines. I hate lines, especially when I am hungry. This is why I normally go to lunch at 2:30. The line at the salad place was huge, and in addition to the length of time it would take, I don’t know how to order a salad. It would step up to the plate and be more frozen than Carlos Beltran in game 7 last year. I don’t need to make a fool of myself or ruin the assembly line process for everyone else. Then of course due to the lines my three indoor backups were also thrown out the window. I settled for pizza. I’m going to turn into a pizza one day. Oh yea, I also got an Auntie Anne’s Pretzel to help me survive all the walking.
1:47 After all my rambling, this game has gotten close. Mar State is only getting points from Reynolds and Sumpter……..PS Jason Chandler just made one of the best reverse layups I have seen in a while
2:12 And Mar State rides out a victory with the help of their tremendous free-throw shooting. Best in the conference and it showed today. Very similar performance to the one that beat Syracuse on Saturday.
2:19 Jon calls me into the office. The Syracuse game is slated to start in about 20 minutes. Piccinich Effect strikes again.
2:39 I make it back just in time for the tip. And also a pleasent burst of 5 mail chain emails. My headache is reaching epic levels. Hopefully the Syracuse jerseys don’t make it worse.
2:45 The jerseys haven’t made me puke yet. Most of the guys wised up and got the jersey a size to big. Watkins is the only one wearing a tight one. I think Nike exagerated the tightness on their website. I still argue that the jersey’s look stupid. They also have stupid silver stripes on the back of the shoulders.
2:48 Syracuse starts 1-9 and I am blaming the jerseys. They are hitting part of the backboard I didn’t even know existed.
2:59 The jerseys still suck. They aren’t that tight, but they look stupid.
3:07 Harris getting kicked in the junk leads to a fast break dunk.
3:13 I’m trying to remember someone saying: “This is going to be a very good team in the years to come” about Syracuse. I don’t think it has ever been said. When Carmelo was there everyone knew he was leaving after one year. This year everyone thought we would be terrible and then Nichols and Rautins surprised everyone. Every year one player steps up and becomes a go to guy. It’s great, never a favorite, never a bottom dweller, I love it. Makes life exciting.
3:18 Good 35 seconds of scanning every Syracuse player up and down to show-off their jerseys. Huge three by Nichols.
3:20 Syracuse is playing good for the time being, they are now down by one. I blame the jerseys. They just played that Bud Light Super Bowl commercial with the monkies. It still sucks.
3:29 Between AIM, the stress ball, and work I have managed to control my screaming
3:46 Championship Week presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods brings you the Big East Championship Presented by Aeropostale. Thats the name of this program.
3:58 Nichols “sinks a three to the delight of the orange clad partisans”
4:01 I want Bill Raftery to narrate my life. He emphasizes the last word of every sentance. It’s great. Nick today woke up at FIVE FIFTY THREE! Rick is about to leave Springfield, and there is Tara, he leans in for the KISSSSSSS Etc etc….
4:18 Time to relax a bit SYRACUSE 62 – uconn 48. Of course if I rest too much uconn will come back. Oh wait nevermind, uconn traveling violation leads to technical on Calhoun.
4:21 Calhoun gives a foul call on Syracuse a sarcastic applause.
4:25 I don’t know how much Aeropostale is paying to sponsor the Big East Tournament, but you would think it would be enough to get them a bigger presence in the logo plastered on the floor. Granted they are all over the rest of the arena, scorers table, and jumbotron but still…
4:46 Solid second half for the Cuse leads to a good win. uconn seemed sluggish and those old jerseys they were wearing really was a disadvantage. Now I can continue the day in a good mood. The running diary will make it to day 2!