In the days of yore, before you and I, the preferred means of transportation was horse and carriage. If the computer has taught me anything, long distance travel back then would involve fording three rivers, buying supplies at trading posts, and a pretty good chance of one member of your party dying of dysentery.
Then along came Henry Ford. His assembly line would revolutionize how people would travel. In addition, he ushered in the era of individualism by allowing people to have any color car that they wanted; so long as that color was black.
The Automobile made it easier for people to travel throughout the country. If you wanted to go from Maine to Florida, or any where in between, all you had to do was hop on Route One and you were on your way. Unfortunately between Maine and Florida there are over 2000 lights that you have to compete with. Not fun.
During his Presidency, Dwight D. Eisenhower alleviated this problem. Under his authority the Interstate Highway System as we know it today was developed (it is in fact named after him. There are still signs in some places that make note of this). However, like most changes, it too faced some detractors.
“Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across
the country from coast to coast without seeing anything. ” – Charles Kuralt
So, I don’t know who Charles Kuralt is, but the point is, I can’t even imagine life without Interstate Highways. They rank up there with television, the Internet, and that plastic spout on orange juice cartons.
Now to get to Florida all you have to do is hop on I-95. (But unlike the lamp in the ikea commercial, Route One was not kicked to the curb, it just isn’t used for long distance travel anymore.) Ever since I have started driving, I have had a lot of contact with I-95. I have been on it during rainstorms, snow storms, blackouts, and even sniper shootings. But now I finally reach the point of all this fluff:
The Five Most Memorable Moments on I-95.
5. The White Van: On our return from College Park one year, Mar and I were cruising up the fast lane, when we were cut off by a white van. At the first moment we had a chance, we sped up and gave the driver the finger. Unbenounced to us, the driver and passenger were two African Americans who then proceeded to tail gate us among other dangerous maneuvers. I took this time to write a note to whom it may concern informing them that if we were found dead on the side of the road, it was more than likely due to this type of white van with the license plate [whatever it was].
4. Nutmegger: While stuck in traffic one weekend, Mar and I found some paper in the car and a sharpie and started the tradition of making signs for other drivers on the road. On this maiden voyage we pulled up alongside a young lady and showed her a sign reading: “Quit playing with my emotions.” She smiled. Since we were still very socially retarded we got very excited. We sped up to catch up with her and noticed that she took her hair out of her ponytail. This prompted our sign reading: “You look good with your hair down.” After she blushed we spent the next 50 miles or staying side-by-side with her trying to figure out our next move. When she got off the highway she instantly became the girl that got away and got herself into Piccinich lore.
3. People Know Us: When driving down to the 2005 Preakness, we stopped of at a rest stop in Jersey to get gas. Once again a sign came into play. By this point we were bringing a ream of paper with us in the car, and on this trip we had signs to go through the entire Anchorman People Know Me Monologue. While sitting at the gas pump, Ostrowe proceeded to show a woman who was sitting at the adjacent pump all of the signs. For some reason she believed us and 10 miles down the road she rolled down the window to tell us, while driving, that she told her husband about us and that he had heard of us.
2. Poison Ivy Gate: That same year after the Preakness Ostrowe, being hammered, decided that he had to pee. As documented in the running diary, he rolled down the window and angled himself towards the door. I asked him if he was trying to pee out the window and he arrogantly responded that he was. I immediately pulled over and Ostrowe matriculated his way into the woods to relieve himself. A week later he had the worse case of poison ivy I have ever seen.
1. Pawsox: Last summer “I was going to see a Pawsox game” so since I was in Rhode Island I decided to stop off and see Tara at work. “Jon who was supposed to come to the game with me” called up and said he couldn’t make it so I was “stuck in Rhode Island with nothing to do.” That night I stayed at Tara’s house and the rest is history.