Ahhhhhh. Week One of the NFL season. The one day that the Redskins have a better then 30% chance of being at .500 or above. Everything starts anew and impossible is nothing. In my eyes there is only one day of the year that is better than the first Sunday of the season. (For those of you who can’t guess the first day of the NCAA basketball tourney is my favorite day of the year.)
As it has become tradition, NFL Sundays are spent at Bailey’s in Blauvelt. Ostrowe stumbled upon it once when the OBT’s DirecTV stopped working. So yes, Ostrowe is responsible for discovering Bailey’s and Degrassi. That’s quite a combo if you ask me. But enough with the back story, lets get to the Week One Plog (Piccinich Log)
It’s about 12:30, as I pull up to Bailey’s Ostrowe sends me a text message to proclaim that today is going to get messy. In the parking lot, Moro parks his car and effectively blocks in another car
The first jersey I see upon entering Bailey’s is a Keyshawn Johnson Jets jersey. It was only eight years ago that Keyshawn left the Jets.
Usually Ostrowe and I just sit at the bar because it’s the two of us. However, we are expecting a record breaking crowd which will necessitate us getting a long table of our own.
In attendance: (Favorite team in parenthesis)
John Power (Giants)
Eric Gabrielson and his step dad show up and within two minutes have already proven to be annoying enough to make me want them to leave. Just a sampling of things they screamed out loud: “Where’s the Packer Game” “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” “Is there a tab, do we have a tab, is there a tab” “What is this guy standing for the national anthem for”
Dmo – This guy went to Vegas with Terry
Moro – Do you know how lucky you are?
CBS and their expert analysts think that Jason Campbell will be Mmmm Mmmm Good this season. Let’s hope they are right.
After two plays Clinton Portis is averaging five yards per carry. I’ll take it.
Last year during March Madness, Simmons coined the term, “an urkin.” It describes when multiple games go to commercial at the same time. At 1:09 we just were witness to the first triple urkin.
Have you ever seen a 22 man pile in a football game. Team Sars and Team Ian just had one. Since football is involved this is not as gay as it sounds.
Joey Harrington is picked off and Minnesota returns it for a touchdown. It only took 20 minutes for the feel good story to plunge back to reality.
Wes Welker = Awesome. Too bad I didn’t start him this week.
Waiter – Who got the mozzarella sticks? (No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks? (No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks?(No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks? Rick grabs the mozzarella sticks
Moro – Hey I ordered those!
The Steelers Defense scores a touchdown.
Moro – Yes I have the Steelers D!!! No wait, I have Jacksonville
Tom Brady = Handsome
If you didn’t know we are all in a Fantasy Football league this year which is relevant for two reasons . 1) This makes football more hectic since you try to watch every game which has implications for you. 2) For once we know 12 people who could fill up an entire fantasy league. Last year the league never got off the ground and two years ago I had three teams in our league and three of the other teams never changed once. Even when players were injured.
I am proud to say that Washington-Miami is easily the worst game of the day right now.
It stands to be noted that Bailey’s will have no quesadillas or wraps. Rumors abound. It is determined that the Mexican chef has the day off. Thankfully the pizza and wing chef is in today. Our table has ordered 36 wings and 3 pizzas for 6 people.
Pupino Moment #1 (Note: All of these moments a yelled out loud for all to hear): “[Orlando Pace is] the best left tackle in football and he’s injured?? That’s unbelievable!”
Meanwhile, Anfron is not in attendance because he is at the Renaissance Faire with Jess. Appropriately everyone sends him a “How’s Evelyn” text message
Moro has two missed calls from Evelyn. Partially because after their bangfest in the Fitzy’s bathroom the other night he is still a little sore and partially because I took his phone and changed my name to Evelyn
Moro is officially frustrated with the Jets as he screams out: “What are they doing! Terry will never become a Jets fan if they play like this!” Ed. Note: He may or may not have said the second part of that quote.
Chuck Frye has already been benched for the season.
Coming into today we thought having Moro and Pupino in the same place at the same time would have caused some kind of riff in the fabric of existence but so far we have been pleasantly surprised that things are fine.
Moro: (Seemingly out of nowhere) That was nice of Tony Romo to give Seattle the win last year
No one is better at not doing what you ask him to do than Moro. And then afterwards he is oblivious to your taunts. ie: The Cheeseburger and the Napkin
Ostrowe’s Misery = Pupino’s Happiness and Vice Versa
Tom Brady is picking apart the Jets defense like he knows what plays they are running. He is also quite handsome.
Sars: I’d hate to be playing Randy Moss this week. Who has him?
Moro: Pennington is coming back!?
Voice in the distance: Oh no! Not another fucking fumble.
Another year and Baileys is still half filled with 10 year old kids running around the bar. And that old guy should not be wearing Under Armor. Unless of course he has a strong desire to protect this house.
Moro: You guys blew me for that pick!
Jay Touchy Feely is a captain for the Dolphins. Makes sense.
Anfron stops banging Evelyn at the Faire long enough to send us a text message that says: “How tire the Jets do?”
The Rams are a few minutes away from losing to the Panthers. Pupino is on suicide watch.
And it’s official, Pupino Moment #3: “The Rams. I’m gonna kill myself. Now I have to go to work all week with the Rams losing”
Pupino Moment #4: “Why the hell does the robot need to stretch. He is a robot. He doesn’t have muscles. Why do we need him anyway. I just want to watch football. It’s True It’s True I’m right! If I kill myself it’s your fault”
Ostrowe: Any time the Panthers can win and I can rid the world of Pupino it’s a success.