Post Number 100

This here is the monumental 100th post on the blog. First off I want to thank all those who have supported me from the start. Couldn’t have done it with out you. Now enough of the sap, lets get to it.

Ahhhhhh. Week One of the NFL season. The one day that the Redskins have a better then 30% chance of being at .500 or above. Everything starts anew and impossible is nothing. In my eyes there is only one day of the year that is better than the first Sunday of the season. (For those of you who can’t guess the first day of the NCAA basketball tourney is my favorite day of the year.)

As it has become tradition, NFL Sundays are spent at Bailey’s in Blauvelt. Ostrowe stumbled upon it once when the OBT’s DirecTV stopped working. So yes, Ostrowe is responsible for discovering Bailey’s and Degrassi. That’s quite a combo if you ask me. But enough with the back story, lets get to the Week One Plog (Piccinich Log)

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It’s about 12:30, as I pull up to Bailey’s Ostrowe sends me a text message to proclaim that today is going to get messy. In the parking lot, Moro parks his car and effectively blocks in another car

The first jersey I see upon entering Bailey’s is a Keyshawn Johnson Jets jersey. It was only eight years ago that Keyshawn left the Jets.

Usually Ostrowe and I just sit at the bar because it’s the two of us. However, we are expecting a record breaking crowd which will necessitate us getting a long table of our own.

In attendance: (Favorite team in parenthesis)
Rick (Redskins)
Ostrowe (Panthers)
Dmo (Cowboys)
Moro (Jets)
Sars (Eagles)
Daryl (Giants)
Pupino (Rams)
Ian (Packers)
John Power (Giants)

For the Record: Team Ostrowe is playing Team Pupino today and Team Sars is playing Team Ian.

Eric Gabrielson and his step dad show up and within two minutes have already proven to be annoying enough to make me want them to leave. Just a sampling of things they screamed out loud:
“Where’s the Packer Game” “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” “Is there a tab, do we have a tab, is there a tab” “What is this guy standing for the national anthem for”

Dmo – This guy went to Vegas with Terry
Moro – Do you know how lucky you are?

CBS and their expert analysts think that Jason Campbell will be Mmmm Mmmm Good this season. Let’s hope they are right.

After two plays Clinton Portis is averaging five yards per carry. I’ll take it.


Last year during March Madness, Simmons coined the term, “an urkin.” It describes when multiple games go to commercial at the same time. At 1:09 we just were witness to the first triple urkin.

Have you ever seen a 22 man pile in a football game. Team Sars and Team Ian just had one. Since football is involved this is not as gay as it sounds.

Joey Harrington is picked off and Minnesota returns it for a touchdown. It only took 20 minutes for the feel good story to plunge back to reality.

Wes Welker = Awesome. Too bad I didn’t start him this week.

Waiter – Who got the mozzarella sticks?
(No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks? (No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks?(No answer) Who got the mozzarella sticks? Rick grabs the mozzarella sticks
Moro – Hey I ordered those!

The Steelers Defense scores a touchdown.
Moro – Yes I have the Steelers D!!! No wait, I have Jacksonville

Tom Brady = Handsome

If you didn’t know we are all in a Fantasy Football league this year which is relevant for two reasons . 1) This makes football more hectic since you try to watch every game which has implications for you. 2) For once we know 12 people who could fill up an entire fantasy league. Last year the league never got off the ground and two years ago I had three teams in our league and three of the other teams never changed once. Even when players were injured.

I am proud to say that Washington-Miami is easily the worst game of the day right now
.

It stands to be noted that Bailey’s will have no quesadillas or wraps. Rumors abound. It is determined that the Mexican chef has the day off. Thankfully the pizza and wing chef is in today. Our table has ordered 36 wings and 3 pizzas for 6 people.

Pupino Moment #1 (Note: All of these moments a yelled out loud for all to hear): “[Orlando Pace is] the best left tackle in football and he’s injured?? That’s unbelievable!”

Meanwhile, Anfron is not in attendance because he is at the Renaissance Faire with Jess. Appropriately everyone sends him a “How’s Evelyn” text message


Moro has two missed calls from Evelyn. Partially because after their bangfest in the Fitzy’s bathroom the other night he is still a little sore and partially because I took his phone and changed my name to Evelyn
I go on a side rant about how Big John McCarthy, the referee from UFC who made popular the phrase “Let’s get it on, ” could probably go into a bar, stand in the middle and say that and have girls just flock to him.

Moro is officially frustrated with the Jets as he screams out: “What are they doing! Terry will never become a Jets fan if they play like this!” Ed. Note: He may or may not have said the second part of that quote.
After playing 29 minutes and 57 seconds of football and scoring a combined 3 points, the Redskins allow the Dolphins to score a TD as time expires. Hat tip to Cam Cameron for going for the seven instead of settling for a field goal. Of course if they didn’t score he would be subject to ridicule and possibly a stoning.

Chuck Frye has already been benched for the season.
Pupino is about to go out for a cigarette but we direct his attention to Adrian Peterson walking into the locker room and his face drops in disgust.

Coming into today we thought having Moro and Pupino in the same place at the same time would have caused some kind of riff in the fabric of existence but so far we have been pleasantly surprised that things are fine.
Ellis Hobbs takes the opening second half kickoff to the house for a 108 yard touchdown. Tied for the Longest. Return. Ever. CBS has a highlight of the return that also holds the record almost instantaneously.

Moro: (Seemingly out of nowhere) That was nice of Tony Romo to give Seattle the win last year
Dmo: Die
That wasn’t even a veiled shot at Dallas. That was pretty blatant.
Some random guy stands directly between Ostrowe and the Panthers game. Surprisingly Ostrowe doesn’t kill the guy. But then again he can still watch Pupino and his reactions to the game and know exactly what is happening.

No one is better at not doing what you ask him to do than Moro. And then afterwards he is oblivious to your taunts. ie: The Cheeseburger and the Napkin
Pennington gets hurt and all the Jets fans in the bar cheer thus echoing the sentiment in the stadium. Somewhere in the background someone screams out “faggot.” Later Keith Olbermann will call the all the worst person in the NFL.

Ostrowe’s Misery = Pupino’s Happiness and Vice Versa
Sars: Your dad is a rapist. That’s awesome

Tom Brady is picking apart the Jets defense like he knows what plays they are running. He is also quite handsome.
Pupino Moment #2: (After the a call is made against the rams) No way! Rumor rumor rumor rumor rumor rumor rumor rumor

Sars: I’d hate to be playing Randy Moss this week. Who has him?
Daryl: I have Randy Moss
Dmo: Aren’t you two playing against each other this week?
Ostrowe: HAHA you’re playing Randy Moss!
Sars: (To Daryl) You’re getting fucked by Evelyn
It is determined that at birth girls can not be named Kelli. In order to exchange and I for a Y you need to earn it. This rule is most assuredly set forth by the association of only hot chicks can be named Kelli.

Moro: Pennington is coming back!?
Pupino: There is no way that is him. Someone just put on his jersey.
Moro turns around and grabs the waitress’ boobs. He claims he was just stretching. Cue 15 straight minutes of harassing him and calling the waitress his girlfriend.

Voice in the distance: Oh no! Not another fucking fumble.
It’s Pupino
Who had 3:10 as the first time Steve Elkington’s putter would be mentioned today?

Another year and Baileys is still half filled with 10 year old kids running around the bar. And that old guy should not be wearing Under Armor. Unless of course he has a strong desire to protect this house.
Ostrowe turns to one of the aforementioned little kids and just says Brett Favre over and over to him.

Moro: You guys blew me for that pick!
In an effort to clear our gentlemanly names I will clarify that Moro was mad that we made fun of him picking Antwan Randel-El and he is currently having a monster game.
Ostrowe: Sars, Do you have Jeff Wilkens?
Sars: Yea
Ostrowe: Well Daryl has Randy Moss
Dmo: And Steve Elkington
Daryl: What?

Jay Touchy Feely is a captain for the Dolphins. Makes sense.
Dmo once again wishes death upon Moro for an unspecified reason.

Anfron stops banging Evelyn at the Faire long enough to send us a text message that says: “How tire the Jets do?”
Moro ever the optimist screams out: “Look at that schedule, they are going to start 0-7.” Ostrowe points out that the schedule is actually kind of easy.

The Rams are a few minutes away from losing to the Panthers. Pupino is on suicide watch.
Congratulations by the way to Sars for capping a dramatic comeback on Friday night and beating Mr. Stanton on the last hand to reclaim the Korean Rummy Championship Belt. Combined Dmo and I won 6 hands all night.

And it’s official, Pupino Moment #3: “The Rams. I’m gonna kill myself. Now I have to go to work all week with the Rams losing”
Moro leaves, but we still keep telling the waitress that her boyfriend left. She come over and talks to us for a bit and tells us that she thought Moro was handsome. Ed. Note: The last part may or may not have happened.

Pupino Moment #4: “Why the hell does the robot need to stretch. He is a robot. He doesn’t have muscles. Why do we need him anyway. I just want to watch football. It’s True It’s True I’m right! If I kill myself it’s your fault”
Pupino Moment #5: “I met this woman in Pearl River the other night. She blew me in her car behind the bar. What a slut! She’s got two kids and one of them is autistic. FUNNY!”

Ostrowe: Any time the Panthers can win and I can rid the world of Pupino it’s a success.
Until next week. You stay classy Bailey’s

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