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Piccinich Madness Final Four

Triple Crown Region v. Dart Board Region
3 Hundred $ Kid v. 2. Birth of Mar

Hundred $ Kid:
Sigh. When you go to Preakness, the locals allow you to park on their lawns for a price. Every year we park in the same place. Well every year except 2007. That year Rick randomly decided to park in a new place. When the fine young gentlemen working the yard asked for $20, Rick asked if they had change of $100. The fine young gentleman affirmed that he did and once Rick handed the bill over the fine young gentleman ran away screaming “I GOT $100, I GOT $100.” The entire incident happened in slo-mo, yet no one was able to do anything about it. Easily the most surreal moment of all Preaknesses.

Birth of Mar:
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared its ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4-hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.

Commetary:
R: First off Congrats to all four entrants for winning in the regional finals
O: I guess you could say the hundred $ kid stole a couple of victories. LOL
R: And I guess you can say Mar lives in Evelyn’s anus
O: True story. This is a very tough match-up, both are defining events in the history of the Piccinich Effect
R: Both contestants have garnered much support over the course of their runs
O: Do you think the fact that the Hundred $ Kid was more recent and is still fresh in people’s minds plays a factor in this match-up?
R: It might. Who would win in a race: Mar during his cross-country days or the Hundred $ Kid (holding a 100 bill)
O: Mar has been winded as long as I’ve known him
R: But he once ran cross-country…that is unbelievable
O: Very, but even in those days I don’t think he could’ve caught up to the Hundred $ Kid
R: Mar is a gentleman. Hundred $ Kid…not so much
O: That’s an understatement. Will the Hundred $ Kid run away with this victory?
R: Well you can be sure Mar will be laying down
O: He’s fatigued
R: And exhausted
O: Not to mention winded. He was too winded to even finish writing “Marty.” Which is how he got here in the first place.

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=85741

Testudo Region v. Jameson Region
3 Dmo’s Roommates v. 2 Korean Rummy

Dmo’s Roomates:
In all likelyhood, Dmo’s roommates could have all secured their own individual seeds. Combined, they are a force to be reckoned with.
BP: Known for going from a quiet, bookish guy to a complete rambling lunatic in the span of three beers. Once loaded up a paper airplane with a penny and threw it off the eleventh floor balcony, landing it on the hood of the only car in the parking lot who’s owner happened to be standing next to it.
Poppers: Known for being incredibly retarded. Has turned down sex with chicks on multiple occasions for reasons that make sense only to him. Once had his then-g/f inexplicably run out of his dorm room at 2am. Verbally assaulted a group of asians at the preakness who’s only crime was sitting next to us. Erased Mullets Over Miami.
Jurgen: Known for his stupid Boston accent, and his defining quote, “I hook up with ugly chicks because I fear rejection”. Head chef at Nubbinsville tailgates.

Korean Rummy:
If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.

Commentary:
O: I’m impressed with the run Korean Rummy’s made so far in this tournament, but I don’t think it stands up to Dmo’s Roommates
R: I Think Korean Rummy is the team I least expected to be here
O: Out of the final four, they are definitely the surprise
R: They are magical
O: You can’t discount the Asian finesse either
R: : Poppers hates Asians
O: Only when they’re having picnics in the middle of the Pimlico infield
R: Silly Chinese Chickens, picnics are for kids
O: I think the stories out of Eddie O’s wedding are enough to seal the deal on this one for Dmo’s Roommates. If Korean Rummy had made it to the wedding, then it’d be a much closer call
R: Koreans have soul. Well at least the Southern ones.
O: BP refused to drink because he didn’t want to get out of control, then refused to dance with Peg because he was too winded. Meanwhile Poppers and Jurgen got into a fight over the same chick, and neither one of them wound up hooking up with her
R: That is incredible
O: I think that’s the definition of a Thank You Korea

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=85740

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

We have reached the Elite 8 of Piccinich Madness. It has been a long arduous road thus far, but for the most part it has been greeted with nothing but rave reviews. Three number one seeds were eliminated in the last round, proving once again the highly combustible nature of the 64 team bracket. Now I understand there may be some concerns about the sanctity of the tournament, but since no one has admitted to shady behavior we shall resort to using the Ostrich Solution, bury our heads, because if we don’t see it, it isn’t happening. Under these conditions, we will be assuming that a vast majority of voters in North Carolina only had the desire to vote for three of the 8 match-ups.

Let’s see who can punch their ticket to the Final Four. Onto the Regional Finals!

Triple Crown Region

4 Lemon Relay vs. 3 Hundred $ Kid

Lemon Relay:
Another product of the 2003 Belmont, the Lemon Relay was a spontaneous result of too much rain, and of course Pupino. The lemon relay consisted of taking a Lemon and putting it in your mouth, jogging in place for thirty seconds, then passing the lemon peel on to the next participant. The relay went on for about 2 minutes before we got winded. Of course none of us had ever been winded yet, so maybe it wasn’t stopped on account of windedness. No Homo.

Hundred $ Kid:
Sigh. When you go to Preakness, the locals allow you to park on their lawns for a price. Every year we park in the same place. Well every year except 2007. That year Rick randomly decided to park in a new place. When the fine young gentlemen working the yard asked for $20, Rick asked if they had change of $100. The fine young gentleman affirmed that he did and once Rick handed the bill over the fine young gentleman ran away screaming “I GOT $100, I GOT $100.” The entire incident happened in slo-mo, yet no one was able to do anything about it. Easily the most surreal moment of all Preaknesses.

Commentary:
O: Our thoughts are with you Chevy
R: I think Chevy Chase had a heart attack at a lemon party
O: I think the Hundred $ Kid sold him some bad crack.
R: We can rebuild him, we can make him better
O: PS what’s a lemon party?
R: The worst thing ever. If you’re curious go to lemonparty.org. Not at work tho…Daryl (Ed Note: They made a Lemon Party joke 30 Rock, and rather than seeing this with my own two eyes, I used Urban Dictionary to enlighten myself)
O: I think it once again comes down to, lemon relay = cheeky and fun, Hundred $ Kid = cruel and tragic
R: Hundred $ Kid is comedy gold though
O: True, and its a lot fresher in people’s minds. This is Piccinich classic vs. the new generation
R: Spike getting pregnant vs. Manny getting pregnant
O: Sega genesis vs. Xbox 360
R: Coke vs. New Coke
O: George HW Bush vs. George W Bush
R: No Bush vs. Bush…ladies
O: Jeanette’s titties vs Abby’s titties . . . wait

http://wp.vizu.com/vizu_poll.swf

Dart Board Region

1 Fitzy’s vs. 2 Birth of Mar

Fitzys:
At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margaret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.

Birth of Mar:
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared its ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4-hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.

Commentary:
R: This is the only 1 vs. 2 match-up in the Elite 8
O: I don’t know how you choose in this one. Both very strong seeds.
R: But like the greatest movie ever made, Highlander, there can be only one
O: There were like 4 Highlander movies. But there’s only one Mar
R: And only one Fitzy’s
O: And only one Fitzy’s
R: Well said
O: Well said. Titties
R: There are rarely titties at Fitzys
O: There were a ton of titties in Dmo’s apartment during the birth of Mar
R: I was asleep for the majority of the time.
O: BP and I got into a fight with a bunch of them while Mar was passed out on the couch
R: The dart board did have cancer, which could lead to some sympathy votes
O: Mar is retarded, that could lead to some sympathy votes as well
R: Francis might still be passed out on the bar at Fitzy’s from last night
O: Francis is a gentleman
R: Francis’ mullet is also a gentleman
O: It’s the most gentlemanly mullet north of Miami
R: Which is a segway to…

http://wp.vizu.com/vizu_poll.swf

Testudo Region

5 Pupino vs. 3 Dmo’s Roommates

Pupino:
The Godfather of the Piccinich Effect, and a catalyst for all around mayhem. He is responsible for at least half of the nicknames of members of the Association of Gentlemen, as well as the birth of Bah, No Rumor, Buddy C, and the resurrection of Marty Piccinich as a cult icon. He can often be found where least expected, and is always willing to drop a “brother” or two.

Dmo’s Roomates:
In all likelyhood, Dmo’s roommates could have all secured their own individual seeds. Combined, they are a force to be reckoned with.
BP: Known for going from a quiet, bookish guy to a complete rambling lunatic in the span of three beers. Once loaded up a paper airplane with a penny and threw it off the eleventh floor balcony, landing it on the hood of the only car in the parking lot who’s owner happened to be standing next to it.
Poppers: Known for being incredibly retarded. Has turned down sex with chicks on multiple occasions for reasons that make sense only to him. Once had his then-g/f inexplicably run out of his dorm room at 2am. Verbally assaulted a group of asians at the preakness who’s only crime was sitting next to us. Erased Mullets Over Miami.
Jurgen: Known for his stupid Boston accent, and his defining quote, “I hook up with ugly chicks because I fear rejection”. Head chef at Nubbinsville tailgates.

Commentary:
O: A shame mullets had to fall victim to voting shenanigans
R: Some people would say both these seeds had tainted victories, but that is the way of the Piccinich
O: I think Dmo’s roommates would’ve won sans taint. Hopefully now that Jim$ is out of the tournament we don’t have to hear him bitch about it anymore
R: What is a better word, Taint or gooch
O: I prefer grundle
R: Jim$ is a gentleman, but he is also a son of a bitch
O: That’s no rumor
R: Pupino is only a son of a bitch
O: Is he even too much for the combined forces of Dmo’s roommates to handle?
R: He achieved the impossible by defeating the mullet, so at this point anything is possible. If Pupino wins this whole thing, the tournament may just be a modern version of Frankenstein. Being that Pupino rises up at the end to destroy all his monsters
O: Is that what happens in Frankenstein?
R: I think so, the only part I remember vividly is the titties in the movie
O: If it was like Frankenstein than the tournament would end with Pupino being caught in a burning lighthouse while the villagers throw torches at him. Are you thinking of Frankenstein or Frankenhooker?
R: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein totally had a titty in it
O: Ok, I was thinking of the original from like 1933
R: I remember watching it on Cinemax and seeing the “Brief Nudity” tab in the beginning. As a fourth grader that’s enough to give you half a pack of Rolaids
O: Bram Stoker’s Dracula had titties too. When I was in fourth grade a chick with a tight shirt on would’ve given me a pack of Rolaids….Is this the least relevant commentary we’ve done yet?
R: By far. Pupino just needs to JACK-EM!
O: Way to get it back on track. Now that the Caps lost, this is pretty much all Dmo’s roommates have going for them
R: Poppers still has his dog to love him…and pee on him
O: And Jurgen can still hook up with ugly chicks
R: And BP can still…….
O: ………

http://wp.vizu.com/vizu_poll.swf

Jameson Region

12 Daryl vs. 2 Korean Rummy

Daryl:
The biggest gentleman the Piccinich Effect has ever met. A former colleague of Jim$ and Dmo at DialAmerica, he accompanied them, along with Mar and Terry on a trip to Vegas, where he was subsequently thrown into a Christmas tree. In his spare time he mows lawns for extra cash. And he does it all with Steve Elkington’s putter lodged in his ass. He also invented OMW, and made Rick’s day by coming to BWW, thus enabling him to send an OMW2BWW text. Daryl once tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round.

Korean Rummy:
If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.

Commentary:
O: Daryl was the benefactor of some shady voting tactics to get this far
R: Daryl might have the most impressive run of any of the remaining participants: Elk95, Moro, Terry
O: He is a giant killer. Korean Rummy has had a pretty easy go of it up until the last round. Does the quality of opposition come into play in this match-up?
R: Could Daryl be OMW to the Final Four Sorry Melissa OHW
O: OHW just sounds retarded, like a dyslexic kid trying to spell “WHO.” Besides, Melissa’s not even going to read this
R: Rumor Not Is That. For the record I don’t think Daryl cheated at all, we called it before, the Christmas trees and the putters came out in full force to support him
O: Has Daryl ever played Korean Rummy? I think all of Asia is going to need to turn out for this one to stop Daryl’s run. Verrrrrrry important match
R: The mo-mentum is on the side of the Baker. No wonder the Mo didn’t want to bang Mar
O: I’m winded
R: Maybe you shouldn’t have banged Abby while doing the Piccinich Madness Commentary
O: If I was banging Abby I wouldn’t have even been able to see the screen due to her massive T’s. Besides, Jim$ doesn’t like to share
R: It’s a wonder how Jim$ gets through a day without being able to see
O: He pays people to see for him

http://wp.vizu.com/vizu_poll.swf

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

Only 16 teams remain. The best, and the brightest. Most of them are street fighters who will need to use their killer instinct to make sure this mortal kombat isn’t their final fight. Their primal rage will be coursing through their veins….Tekken

Triple Crown Region

1 Chevy Chase v. 4 Lemon Relay

Chevy Chase:
As the number one seed in the Triple Crown Region, Chevy Chase has a lot of power. However, with that power comes great responsibility. While at the Belmont in 2004, Ronald Reagan passed away and they announced it on the jumbotron. The next year at the Preakness we decided it would be fun to spread a rumor that someone died. When it was decided that Gerald Ford was too obvious, Ostrowe suggested Chevy Chase. From there the “joke” took off. Rick “got a phone call from him mom” telling him that Chevy just died and we spent the rest of the day spreading the “news.” Most people took it in stride and suggested their own accounts of how he died. The actual scope of the “rumor” will never be able to be measured but for arguments sake we will say 3.45 Million people thought Chevy Chase was dead by the end of the month. Post Script: Four Years Later when we told the story to Anfron he thought Chevy Chase was really dead.

Lemon Relay:
Another product of the 2003 Belmont, the Lemon Relay was a spontaneous result of too much rain, and of course Pupino. The lemon relay consisted of taking a Lemon and putting it in your mouth, jogging in place for thirty seconds, then passing the lemon peel on to the next participant. The relay went on for about 2 minutes before we got winded. Of course none of us had ever been winded yet, so maybe it wasn’t stopped on account of windedness. No Homo.

Commentary:
O: I think the lemon relay might cause Chevy’s untimely demise
R: If Chevy Chase was alive there is no doubt in my mind that he would participate in the lemon relay
R: I don’t know, he might consider himself above such things. After all, he’s Chevy Chase and you’re not
R: Well he would certainly come on a Vegas vacation with us. And Jim$ would bang Beverly D’Angelo
O: She looks awful now. I bet you didn’t know Jim$ last name is actually Poppagiorgio
R: Dam
O: Although Jim$ could actually afford to go back in time and bang Beverly D’angelo when she was still hot
R: A VHS player can get you back in time to when she showed her boobies in the first vacation movie
O: Is this all going to be in the commentary?
R: Why not?
O: Titties!

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84775

3 Hundred $ Kid v. 10 Cheesy Moustache Guy

Hundred $ Kid:
Sigh. When you go to Preakness, the locals allow you to park on their lawns for a price. Every year we park in the same place. Well every year except 2007. That year Rick randomly decided to park in a new place. When the fine young gentlemen working the yard asked for $20, Rick asked if they had change of $100. The fine young gentleman affirmed that he did and once Rick handed the bill over the fine young gentleman ran away screaming “I GOT $100, I GOT $100.” The entire incident happened in slo-mo, yet no one was able to do anything about it. Easily the most surreal moment of all Preaknesses.

Cheesy Moustache Guy:
For as long as we can remember, we have always been fascinated with cheesy moustaches. More than likely this was created by Pupino. At the very first Preakness we tried to take pictures with as many cheesy mustaches as possible. Everyone was very cooperative, except this one douche. He refused to take a picture with us, and when we when took one anyway, he snatched the camera out of Dmo’s hands and stomped it on the ground. Even though we couldn’t take any more pictures for the rest of the day, the picture still survived.

Commentary:
O: The battle of Preakness assholes
R: The cheesy moustache shenanigans were cheeky and fun
O: The Hundred $ Kid has the advantage in that he got away with the money, while we did get the camera back from Cheesy Mustache Guy. CMG has gone on a Davidson-like run in this tournament
R: The Cheesy Moustache Guy was then demoted when he returned to his home planet of Assholian
O: Maybe the reason he was so pissed was because he was the Hundred $ Kid’s first victim

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84776

Dart Board Region

1 Fitzys v. 5 Vin

Fitzys:
At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.

Vin:
Over the course of the Piccinich Effect no one life has changed as much as Vin. During the early years, he was known for throwing ridiculously huge parties at his house at least three times a year when his parents were foolish enough to leave him home alone. He also would come to work at the golf course on Saturday and Sunday morning with fantastic stories about his womanizing. He was a drunk and the equivalent of a male slut. In addition, Vin (for the record WE DO NOT condone this) had a tendency to drink and drive. One time he passed out at a red light and rolled backwards into some-one’s garden. He then proceeded to get out of his car, and sleep in the homeowner’s car. In the morning he woke up just as Rachel’s Dad walked outside. Yes, it was Rachel’s house before they even knew each other. He makes a delicious Queso Dip. He “doesn’t want to wind up 25 and alone.” He is a really good liar and an all-around gentleman. Vin recently moved to Florida to be a golf pro but then turned into a elementary school teacher. At a strip club one day he met a Romanian girl whose visa was about to expire. In order to keep her in the country, he proposed to her. He flew to Romania to meet her parents, and buy to a wedding ring for $100, and the two were married last month in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. And these last sentences only make up about 1% of the Vin stories that exist in our circle.

Commentary:
O: Oh my
R: Epic matchup
O: I don’t even know who to pick in this match up
R: Vin is the one who introduced Fitzys into our lexicon
O: They are both godfathers of several other tournament entries, but Vin might have the advantage there because he actually is a Godfather of Lou Paride’s kid
R: Lou Paride’s kid might be a Fitzy’s regular by age 13
O: If Vin has anything to say about it I’m sure he will be
R: It must be restated: Vin is a gentleman
O: I was wondering if we were going to make it this whole commentary without that being said
R: Of course we couldn’t
O: We’re too gentlemanly to let such a thing happen
R: Everything I learned about being a gentleman I learned from you
O: Everything I learned about being a gentleman I learned from Vin. PS i just found the bill for the Best Western in Edgewood
R: Is that near SEEEEE-caucus?
O: It’s the one we stayed at for Preakness. I have no idea why I even still have this
R: That is random

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84777

3 Chili’s Challenge v 2 Birth of Mar

Chili’s Challenge:
When you go to your local neighborhood Chili’s, you will notice that the table is made up of about 50 tiles. Ostrowe had the idea to drink one beer per tile. On July 26. 2003 Ostrowe and Dmo participated in the original Chili’s Challenge and were aiming for 25, 10 oz beers each. Terry and Rick joined in as witnesses, and Mar was our waiter. The end of that night was a blur for Ostrowe, but he had this conversation with Mar to remember it by.

Birth of Mar:
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared its ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4-hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.

Commentary:
O: Mar worked at Chili’s and wasn’t able to help the Chili’s Challenge along to completion
R: This is the challenge’s chance at redemption
O: These are two of the oldest participants in Piccinich Madness
R: And both were heavily influenced by alcohol
O: I think Evelyn could complete the Chili’s Challenge herself
R: Well it wouldn’t be fair since everywhere Evelyn goes, Mar goes
O: Did you know Evelyn’s son is in a metal band?
R: And so it continues

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84778

Testudo Region

1 Mullets Over Miami v. 5 Pupino

Mullets Over Miami:
MOM is the tournament’s number one overall seed. It is one of the defining moments in the history of the Piccinich Effect, and thanks to Poppers it is a story that is told only in legend. For those unfamiliar with the story, on New Year’s Day 2002, Dmo, Ostrowe and Pupino were relaxing on a beach in Miami when a gorgeous blonde stumbled in front of them and passed out. After much cagoling and an offer of $10 bucks apiece from Dmo and Pupino, Ostrowe approached said blonde, draped his arm across her and blurted out “I’ll be your beach blanket baby.” Seven hours later they were back in the hotel room doing things on film that would only be able to be purchased in the special section of Romantic Depot. Upon returning to Maryland, Dmo and his roommates showed the tape to anyone who would watch it, which was only about ten people, as Poppers managed to somehow erase all but the first 17 minutes of the tape about a week later. If Ostrowe had never been heard from again, this would have been enough to solidify his honorary status in the Piccinich Effect. The legend of Mullets Over Miami lives on to this day.

Pupino:
The Godfather of the Piccinich Effect, and a catalyst for all around mayhem. He is responsible for at least half of the nicknames of members of the Association of Gentlemen, as well as the birth of Bah, No Rumor, Buddy C, and the resurrection of Marty Piccinich as a cult icon. He can often be found where least expected, and is always willing to drop a “brother” or two.

Commentary:
O: Another blockbuster matchup
R: Mullets seems to be a crowd favorite
O: It is the number one overall seed for a reason. Mullets never would’ve happened without Pupino. He provided the mullet
R: I think it will win here only because if you have never seen/heard Pupino, you can’t properly grasp how retarded he is
O: And his reluctance to approach Yvonne led me to step up in his place. Whoever loses this matchup has nothing to be ashamed of…unless it’s Pupino, whose whole life is something to be ashamed of
R: Amen
O: Brother

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84779

3 Dmo’s Roomates v. 2 Jim$

Dmo’s Roomates:
In all likelyhood, Dmo’s roommates could have all secured their own individual seeds. Combined, they are a force to be reckoned with.
BP: Known for going from a quiet, bookish guy to a complete rambling lunatic in the span of three beers. Once loaded up a paper airplane with a penny and threw it off the eleventh floor balcony, landing it on the hood of the only car in the parking lot who’s owner happened to be standing next to it.
Poppers: Known for being incredibly retarded. Has turned down sex with chicks on multiple occasions for reasons that make sense only to him. Once had his then-g/f inexplicably run out of his dorm room at 2am. Verbally assaulted a group of asians at the preakness who’s only crime was sitting next to us. Erased Mullets Over Miami.
Jurgen: Known for his stupid Boston accent, and his defining quote, “I hook up with ugly chicks because I fear rejection”. Head chef at Nubbinsville tailgates.

Jim$:
Once merely one of Dmo’s roommates, Jim$ is wealthy enough to purchase his own seed. He is also one gentlemanly son of a bitch, and has quite the way with the ladies. He has had sex on the floor of both the Comcast Center and Cole Field House. In Atlanta he opened up a tab on New Year’s Eve that was used to purchase 20 bottles of champagne. According to Moro, he is the Captain of the Hoboken social scene. When McCain ascends to the Presidency in November, Jim$ already has a spot in the cabinet with his name on it.

Commentary:
R: This is like a NWO match-up
O: I was going to compare it to Van Halen vs David Lee Roth.
R: The North vs. the South in the Civil War? Except with more titties
O: Jim$ makes more money than the other three of them combined. Is it enough to buy a victory though?
R: Jim$ could care less if loses. He’ll just buy out the winner. Does Jim$ have a virgil?
O: He has a whole fleet of them
R: Like the winged monkey army in The Wizard of Oz?
O: Nice analogy. I still think the combination of Poppers, Jurgen and BP is too much for Jim$ to overcome
R: If this was the WWE, the match would end with the four of them hugging it out and reuniting to form a super team
O: And then Dmo coming out and managing them all to championship glory

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84780

Jameson Region
1 Terry v. 5 Daryl

Terry:
Terry is the epitome of all that is man. A former Rockland Lake employee and current Fitzy’s bartender, his propensity for boozing has made him the subject of legend . . . at least in Moro’s mind. Somewhere around the time of the 2007 Preakness Moro developed an obsession with Terry, declaring him the “social captain of Rockland” and creating an elaborate, Bill Brasky-like backstory that he adds to on a daily basis. For example, did you know that one time Terry beat up a bear for trying to take his tin of dip and then afterwards brought the bear to Fitzy’s for a barpie and a Michie Light? True story. He’s the captain!!!

Daryl:
The biggest gentleman the Piccinich Effect has ever met. A former colleague of Jim$ and Dmo at DialAmerica, he accompanied them, along with Mar and Terry on a trip to Vegas, where he was subsequently thrown into a Christmas tree. In his spare time he mows lawns for extra cash. And he does it all with Steve Elkington’s putter lodged in his ass. He also invented OMW, and made Rick’s day by coming to BWW, thus enabling him to send an OMW2BWW text. Daryl once tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round.

Commentary:
R: I think before we do the commentary we need to make sure Moro didn’t kill himself
O: Or Daryl. Terry and Daryl’s history dates back to the Vegas trip. So there is some familiarity with the opposition there
R: Another standard WWE buddy match-up
O: At least we know whom Moro’s voting for in this one
R: That is true, if the Christmas tree population knew how to use the internet, Daryl would run away with this one
O: Not to mention the putter delegation

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84782

14 Mar – Subway v. 2 Korean Rummy

Mar – Subway:
During a visit to the University of Maryland, the Piccinich Effect stopped at Subway, as was the custom at the time. Mar was completely flustered by this, apparently never having encountered something like Subway before. He first asked the sandwich artist behind the counter if it was possible to substitute meats, and then after he ordered and paid for his sandwich, he walked out of the store without picking it up off the counter.

Korean Rummy:
If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.

Commentary:
R: I am shocked Anfron let this one get away from him
O: That tends to happen when you vote against yourself…3 times
R: He got punk’d
O: You can never underestimate Mar’s retardation though, it tends to sneak up out of nowhere
R: Mar’s retardation has cost him a bevy of Korean Rummy title reigns
O: This is true
R: But anything can happen in Piccinich Madness
O: Mar often gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar
R: He likes to live lavishly
O: I guess forgetting to get rid of your sevens is the Korean Rummy equivalent of forgetting your sandwich on the counter
R: Sevens and subway sandwiches are both magical
O: And delicious…maybe not the sevens so much

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=84783

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

Second Round, I command thee to continue.

Dart Board Region

1 Fitzys v. 8 Brock

Fitzys:
At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.

Brock:
As a former co-worker with Dmo at Cintas, Brock was mostly known by legend. In addition to working at Cintas, he moonlights as a professional wrestler in Keystone Championship Wrestling. Brock has been idolized in Wrestlemania Running Diarys and other various blog posts, but it wasn’t until the 2007 Preakness that his name became known on a larger scale. That year, he single-handedly stole the show. He fought Ostrowe, and Anfron, drank his face off, got kicked out, and snuck back-in. Brock once was KCW’s Mr. Money in the Bank and went to ringside after the champ had finished his match and proceeded to repeatedly beat the champ with a chair until he was unconscious. At that point, he pinned him and won the title. He also had a legendary feud with Big Lenny, whose name was once chanted by Ostrowe before passing out driving to a deli of the same name.

Commentary:
Ostrowe: Brock would definitely fit right in with the Fitzy’s crowd
Rick: I’m going to go out on a limb and say Brock will defeat Fitzys
O: Fitzy’s has so much more to offer than Brock
R: Since I said that, the Piccinich contingent will automatically vote for Fitzys
O: Barpie? Soft pretzel? How bout a michy light?
R: But on the other hand, maybe I was using reverse psychology to get more votes for Fitzys
O: You’re putting way too much thought into this
R: Fitzy’s has tons of stories, but look at all the video evidence we have of Brock’s retardation
O: Brock is entertaining, but Fitzy’s is the last bastion of non-suckitude in Rockland County
R: He got thrown out of the Preakness and then snuck back in by putting his shirt on
O: I once played darts in Fitzy’s without my shirt on
R: Do you think anyone is still reading the commentary on this matchup?
O: I stopped three lines ago
R: Donec posuere. Donec in massa ut magna TITTIES bibendum feugiat. Vivamus et eros.
O: Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern’s penis, Baba Booey

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82199

13 Blue Chips v. 5 Vin

Blue Chips:
No, not the movie. Blue Chips was a product of the Gentlemanly Gathering in Springfield. In the Piccinich Dictionary it is defined as “a screw job.” The origin comes from the Korean Rummy Match at Sophia’s. As is the tradition with Korean Rummy, whoever is winning for the longest, will inevitably get screwed by the rest of the players. That day at Sophia’s, Mar held the lead for most of the day. Upon receiving pitcher number 10 from the waitress who couldn’t wait for us to leave, we declared once all this beer was gone, the game would be over. During the course of play, Mar’s lead disappeared, due to cheeky shenanigans of course, and finally after one hand Dmo took the lead. Dmo and Ostrowe quickly finished off their beers, but Mar still had some left. So we began goading him for being a pussy and still having half a beer left. After a minute of making fun of him, he chugged the rest of his beer and we all stood up and left him there before the cards were even dealt.

Vin:
Over the course of the Piccinich Effect no one life has changed as much as Vin. During the early years, he was known for throwing ridiculously huge parties at his house at least three times a year when his parents were foolish enough to leave him home alone. He also would come to work at the golf course on Saturday and Sunday morning with fantastic stories about his womanizing. He was a drunk and the equivalent of a male slut. In addition, Vin (for the record WE DO NOT condone this) had a tendency to drink and drive. One time he passed out at a red light and rolled backwards into some-one’s garden. He then proceeded to get out of his car, and sleep in the homeowner’s car. In the morning he woke up just as Rachel’s Dad walked outside. Yes, it was Rachel’s house before they even knew each other. He makes a delicious Queso Dip. He “doesn’t want to wind up 25 and alone.” He is a really good liar and an all-around gentleman. Vin recently moved to Florida to be a golf pro but then turned into a elementary school teacher. At a strip club one day he met a Romanian girl whose visa was about to expire. In order to keep her in the country, he proposed to her. He flew to Romania to meet her parents, and buy to a wedding ring for $100, and the two were married last month in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. And these last sentences only make up about 1% of the Vin stories that exist in our circle.

Commentary:
R: Vin is the only entry to pitch a shutout in the first round, but it could partially be blamed on a weak opponent
O: I think Vin is pretty blue chips, or that first round match up was pretty blue chips. Vin is a stong seed though
R: Vin 3 years ago not blue chips. Vin now = blue chips
O: He is a gentleman tho
R: Of utmost standing. Don’t get into the car with me now. No homo. (See 4th of July)
O: That dumpyassed chick was fucking blue chips
R: Drunk Vin drove better than the sober dumpy chick
O: Vin is the godfather of excellent drunk driving
R: And the godfather of Lou Paride’s child
O: This match up does not bode well for blue chips

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82203

11 Sars v. 3 Chili’s Challenge

Sars:
Born Haryle Kaldis of Deer Meadow Drive in West Nyack, Haryle was the proud founder of The Official I Hate (Restricted Name) Website. After creating the website, Haryle sent the site to everyone on his track team, including (Restricted Name). A few days later, while stretching for his track meet, the newspaper came to take pictures of Haryle, not for his accomplishments on the track, but rather to headline the article in the paper about the aggravated harassment case (Restricted Name) filed against him. Later Haryle became the Sarge after his stint in the Army. One night while playing Korean Rummy with Mr. Stanton, Sarge got his name changed permanently to Sars. Sars also enjoys taking 28 year old single mom’s and their children out to see Spongebob Movies and for long scenic runs around Rockland Lake. Meanwhile, Sars is still out there running…

Chili’s Challenge:
When you go to your local neighborhood Chili’s, you will notice that the table is made up of about 50 tiles. Ostrowe had the idea to drink one beer per tile. On July 26. 2003 Ostrowe and Dmo participated in the original Chili’s Challenge and were aiming for 25, 10 oz beers each. Terry and Rick joined in as witnesses, and Mar was our waiter. The end of that night was a blur for Ostrowe, but he had this conversation with Mar to remember it by.

Commentary:
O: I don’t know how SARS managed to sneak past Tiki. Then again he is skilled at stalking
R: Tiki heard she was playing Sars and her lawyer decided it would be best to not be in the same place as him
O: Understandable. I bet if Tiki was our waitress for the Chili’s Challenge she wouldn’t have cut us off
R: Tiki is a gentleman. Or so to speak
O: SARS is a gentleman, but he would’ve been useless during the challenge

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82204

7 Evelyn v. 2 Birth of Mar

Evelyn:
If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Evelyn. She is loud, obnoxious, fat, and annoying, Fitzy’s wouldn’t be the same without her. She enjoys playing crappy music on the jukebox and the feeling she gets when Anfron returns home to her anus. Did you know her son Bobby is in a metal band? One day, when Tara came to Fitzy’s Dmo introduced Evelyn to her. Evelyn promptly gave Tara a big hug and brought her over to meet her son Bobby. Bobby’s girlfriend who happened to be standing next to Bobby took offense to he introduction and was 10 seconds away from beating up Tara before Rick swooped in a saved her.

Birth of Mar:
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared its ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4-hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.

Commentary:
O: The real birth of Mar took place when he emerged from Evelyn’s anus
R: So does that mean he dies every night when he crawls back in?
O: How’s Evelyn?
R: Did you know her son is in a metal band?…Didn’t we use this joke already?
O: Probably
R: We are the kings of eating a dead horse. Wait I don’t get it.
O: The birth of mar is such an epic event in Piccinich effect lore. It is metaphorically huge, Evelyn is just plain huge.

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82205

Jameson Region

1 Terry v. 8 Marty P

Terry:
Terry is the epitome of all that is man. A former Rockland Lake employee and current Fitzy’s bartender, his propensity for boozing has made him the subject of legend . . . at least in Moro’s mind. Somewhere around the time of the 2007 Preakness Moro developed an obsession with Terry, declaring him the “social captain of Rockland” and creating an elaborate, Bill Brasky-like backstory that he adds to on a daily basis. For example, did you know that one time Terry beat up a bear for trying to take his tin of dip and then afterwards brought the bear to Fitzy’s for a barpie and a Michie Light? True story. He’s the captain!!!

Marty P:
Marty P was the longtime basketball coach at Clarkstown South, and Ostrowe’s Italian teacher for three of four years there. Somewhere along the line Pupino made the claim that he invented the slam-dunk, and his legend grew from there. He would later be given credit for inventing the piano key necktie, and the MP3, which originally stood for “Marty Piccinich 3pointer”. He is the namesake of the Piccinich Effect and the reason everyone refers to each other as “Marty.” When Mar‘s mother received a call from him at her job, she had to put the phone down because she couldn’t believe he was a real person.

Commentary:
O: wow
R: When all is said and done…whose legend will be bigger
O: The legend of Marty P has grown so much over the years. But then again, so has Terry’s
R: Terry’s has grown at a faster rate. Did you know his feces is used as currency in Argentina? But Marty P can sneeze with his eyes open
O: Do you think Moro’s ever going to grow tired of talking about Terry?
R: Never
O: We’re coming up on a year now and he’s shown no signs of stopping
R: Speaking of Moro…

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=83056

4 Moro v. 12 Daryl

Moro:
He first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect in late 2005 when he accompanied Rick and Ostrowe to a high school party, and proceeded to spend the entire time quoting Family Guy and causing his and Ostrowe’s team to lose to high schoolers in beer pong by knocking four cups off the table. His status as a gentleman has grown by leaps and bounds since then. Always ready to help find a lost dog, his endless supply of Terry quotes and other Moro-isms provide hours of entertainment. At the BWW Opening Day, he ordered mild wings and was given wild. He has not stopped talking about this since then. When told he would be in the same bracket as Terry, he responded “What am I gonna do? Do I vote for me or my captain? I’ve gotta stay loyal to Terry!!!” Unfortunately, since moving to Nyack, he rarely ventures out of that section of the county. Nyack’s gain is the Piccinich Effect’s loss.

Daryl:
The biggest gentleman the Piccinich Effect has ever met. A former colleague of Jim$ and Dmo at DialAmerica, he accompanied them, along with Mar and Terry on a trip to Vegas, where he was subsequently thrown into a Christmas tree. In his spare time he mows lawns for extra cash. And he does it all with Steve Elkington’s putter lodged in his ass. He also invented OMW, and made Rick’s day by coming to BWW, thus enabling him to send an OMW2BWW text. Daryl once tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round.

Commentary:
R: A very gentlemanly matchup
O: Hey, You’re Daryl!!!
R: Daryl is a gentleman, but the thought of a Moro v. Terry Matchup may sway the voting public
O: I wonder if Daryl finally managed to remove Elkington’s putter from his ass with his victory in round 1
R: Steve Elkington’s Putter:Daryl::Hair:Samson
O: What about OMW? I think Moro is OMW to the sweet sixteen
R: OMW:Daryl::Captains:Moro
O: Moro’s obsession with Terry >>>>> OMW
R: But Moro never tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round
O: But he did find a lost dog once

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=83057

6 Anfron v. 14 Mar – Subway

Anfron:
Anfron is a fairly normal, upstanding citizen when he is sober. However, when he boozes heavily, he turns into a complete train wreck. He first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect on the South Padre Island trip, when he was responsible for much drunken mayhem. He solidified his position in the tournament with his performance at the 2007 Preakness, as well as the 2007 Maryland season opener, when he wandered off drunk and was saved from arrest by a high school chum’s passing family. He hopes to one day achieve his lifelong dream of banging an Asian right in her ass

Mar – Subway:
During a visit to the University of Maryland, the Piccinich Effect stopped at Subway, as was the custom at the time. Mar was completely flustered by this, apparently never having encountered something like Subway before. He first asked the sandwich artist behind the counter if it was possible to substitute meats, and then after he ordered and paid for his sandwich, he walked out of the store without picking it up off the counter.

Commentary:
R: Are you guys going to Blimpe?
O: I think if you take Anfron as a whole, he is definitely more retarded than Mar’s Subway escapades
R: There is no substitute for Anfron
O: No homo

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=83058

7 Stanton v 2 Korean Rummy

Stanton:
Ohhhhh a Stanton! Mr Stanton is an elderly gentleman, who was the former golf coach at STAC, and began making his living hustling the Piccinich Effect at Korean Rummy in their younger days. He is such an accomplished player that anytime a seven is drawn as the first card, it is known as a Stanton. He is also known for referring to everyone as “Dickhead“, and botching the numerous names of the Association of Gentlemen.

Korean Rummy:
If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.

Commentary:
O: Without Korean Rummy, Stanton would have a lot less appeal
R: Dickhead. Terry may grow up to be Stanton
O: Stanton does have a Korean Rummy draw named after him. I don’t know if that’s enough to move on though
R: We’ll see

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=83059

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

The Second Round Begins…..Now.

Testudo Region

1 Mullets Over Miami v. 8 Jeanette

Mullets Over Miami:
MOM is the tournament’s number one overall seed. It is one of the defining moments in the history of the Piccinich Effect, and thanks to Poppers it is a story that is told only in legend. For those unfamiliar with the story, on New Year’s Day 2002, Dmo, Ostrowe and Pupino were relaxing on a beach in Miami when a gorgeous blonde stumbled in front of them and passed out. After much cagoling and an offer of $10 bucks apiece from Dmo and Pupino, Ostrowe approached said blonde, draped his arm across her and blurted out “I’ll be your beach blanket baby.” Seven hours later they were back in the hotel room doing things on film that would only be able to be purchased in the special section of Romantic Depot. Upon returning to Maryland, Dmo and his roommates showed the tape to anyone who would watch it, which was only about ten people, as Poppers managed to somehow erase all but the first 17 minutes of the tape about a week later. If Ostrowe had never been heard from again, this would have been enough to solidify his honorary status in the Piccinich Effect. The legend of Mullets Over Miami lives on to this day.

Jeanette:
Jeanette went to college with Mar and went on to work at DialAmerica with Jim$ and Dmo. Somewhere along the line and obsession with her titties developed. Though they are not quite as large as popular conjecture would lead you to believe, they are quite nice. It is also notable that she used to booze at lunch with Dmo, and once dated a Terry look-alike.

Commentary:
Rick: Whose has nicer titties?
Ostrowe: Jeanette’s titties are real, Yvonne’s were fake yet spectacular
R: It stands to be re-mentioned that you PEED on Yvonne’s titties
O: I don’t think that really stands to be re-mentioned
R: I was just making sure that the voters remembered. It’s my civic duty as committee member
O: I thought it was your civic duty to hand $100 bills to mooncrickets
R: I told you it was for tax purposes

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82206

4. Joe Rutko v. 5 Pupino

Joe Rutko:
An erstwhile Rockland Lake employee who was around for the birth of the Piccinich Effect. Mere days after Rick, Dmo, Ostrowe and Mar hung out for the first time, they all were playing blackjack at Vin’s kitchen table when Rutko whipped out a little baggie and began snorting it. As the future Piccinich Effect stared on in horror, the following exchange took place:

Mar:(trying to cut the tension):”So, how much did you pay for that?”
Rutko:”What do you think this is coke? Nah, this is heroin”

Since his driver’s license had been revoked, he often bummed rides from Rick. One such ride led to the following statement:

Rutko:”Don’t be alarmed, but I just lost a bag of heroin in your backseat”

He is also noted for almost getting into a fight with Ostrowe after declaring that The Phantom Menace was better than Spider-Man, declaring that if your last name is Hymen you should never name your child an adjective, and stealing the register from the Par 3 course at Rockland Lake after tricking the new kid into leaving it unattended. He has since been spotted clean and sober, and had a child on the way.

Pupino:
The Godfather of the Piccinich Effect, and a catalyst for all around mayhem. He is responsible for at least half of the nicknames of members of the Association of Gentlemen, as well as the birth of Bah, No Rumor, Buddy C, and the resurrection of Marty Piccinich as a cult icon. He can often be found where least expected, and is always willing to drop a “brother” or two.

Commentary:
O: Blockbuster matchup
R: If we weren’t playing in the Game of the Century this weekend, this would be it
O: I think you’ve gotta give the edge to pupino here, based off the fact that half the tournament was spawned from his retardation
R: But the relative impact Joe Rutko had on two years of our life is still very strong. Without him we would have never had the opportunity to see someone snort heroin
O: Yeah, but Pupino is able to keep producing at a high level even after 7 years
R: Joe Rutko had a kid……who’s child will be better off in the long run?
O: Wow . . . the thought of pupino breeding is too scary to even contemplate

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82207

3 Dmo’s Roommates v. 11 Mar – Moe

Mar & Moe:
During the first complete assemblage of the Piccinich Effect at Sprinfield College, Mar was introduced to Mo at a party. He then spent the rest of the night not saying a word to her, while Ostrowe stepped up as her beer pong partner. After the Piccinich Effect departed the party, Mar wondered aloud, “Why are we leaving? That girl was eye-raping the shit out of me. I definitely could’ve hooked up with her.” And he was serious.

Dmo’s Roomates:
In all likelyhood, Dmo’s roommates could have all secured their own individual seeds. Combined, they are a force to be reckoned with.
BP: Known for going from a quiet, bookish guy to a complete rambling lunatic in the span of three beers. Once loaded up a paper airplane with a penny and threw it off the eleventh floor balcony, landing it on the hood of the only car in the parking lot who’s owner happened to be standing next to it.
Poppers: Known for being incredibly retarded. Has turned down sex with chicks on multiple occasions for reasons that make sense only to him. Once had his then-g/f inexplicably run out of his dorm room at 2am. Verbally assaulted a group of asians at the preakness who’s only crime was sitting next to us. Erased Mullets Over Miami.
Jurgen: Known for his stupid Boston accent, and his defining quote, “I hook up with ugly chicks because I fear rejection”. Head chef at Nubbinsville tailgates.

Commentary:
O: I was surprised that Mar & Moe even made it out of the first round. I think Dmo’s roommates are too strong of an opponent for them to take down
R: Mar and Moe can compete with Poppers g/f running out of the room at 2:00A, but throw in all the other intangibles and it is tough
O: BP would’ve poured water all over Mar and Moe and then thrown a dime-loaded paper airplane at them
R: Then BP might take Mar and Moe and throw them through the screen
O: Jurgen has a stupid Boston accent

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82208

10 Dmo’s Bed v. 2 Jim$

Dmo’s Bed:
Back before Rick had even heard of Springfield College, he dated a young woman from Manhattanville by the name of Lib, who he decided to bring with him on a visit to Maryland. A seemingly quiet girl, she turned quite randy after a few beverages, assaulting Rick as he lay sleeping in Dmo’s bed.

Jim$:
Once merely one of Dmo’s roommates, Jim$ is wealthy enough to purchase his own seed. He is also one gentlemanly son of a bitch, and has quite the way with the ladies. He has had sex on the floor of both the Comcast Center and Cole Field House. In Atlanta he opened up a tab on New Year’s Eve that was used to purchase 20 bottles of champagne. According to Moro, he is the Captain of the Hoboken social scene. When McCain ascends to the Presidency in November, Jim$ already has a spot in the cabinet with his name on it.

Commentary:
O: Rumor has it Jim$ actually bought and paid for Dmo’s bed
R: Jim$’ bed is a pile of $100 bills
O: He sleeps there with many beautiful women
R: Jim$ loves to seduce women with his poetry
O: I think what this comes down to is that Dmo’s bed was an isolated incident for us, whereas stuff like that happens to Jim$ on any given day
R: That or the fact that Jim$ will buy a victory

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82210

Triple Crown Region

1 Chevy Chase v. 8 Sunburn

Chevy Chase:
As the number one seed in the Triple Crown Region, Chevy Chase has a lot of power. However, with that power comes great responsibility. While at the Belmont in 2004, Ronald Reagan passed away and they announced it on the jumbotron. The next year at the Preakness we decided it would be fun to spread a rumor that someone died. When it was decided that Gerald Ford was too obvious, Ostrowe suggested Chevy Chase. From there the “joke” took off. Rick “got a phone call from him mom” telling him that Chevy just died and we spent the rest of the day spreading the “news.” Most people took it in stride and suggested their own accounts of how he died. The actual scope of the “rumor” will never be able to be measured but for arguments sake we will say 3.45 Million people thought Chevy Chase was dead by the end of the month. Post Script: Four Years Later when we told the story to Anfron he thought Chevy Chase was really dead.

Sunburn:
This match up of Preakness related discomforts both revolve around Ostrowe. The best part about the sunburn is that Ostrowe had brought sunscreen to protect himself. The sunscreen came in glue stick form; however, at the end of the day it was obvious that he missed a few spots. Mar has also fallen victim.

Commentary:
O: Maybe Chevy Chase died from sun poisoning
R: Chevy is the logo for this entire tournament, but your sunburn may scar you for life
O: May?
R: Has
O: The sunburn may have been too localized to move on, the Chevy Chase rumor spread all throughout Pimlico…and beyond
R: Chevy is like the undead. The sun may be too strong for him. You never know with Piccinich Madness
O: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. Whatever can’t, will also go wrong

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82211

4 Lemon Relay v. 12 Ostrowe Pee

Lemon Relay:
Another product of the 2003 Belmont, the Lemon Relay was a spontaneous result of too much rain, and of course Pupino. The lemon relay consisted of taking a Lemon and putting it in your mouth, jogging in place for thirty seconds, then passing the lemon peel on to the next participant. The relay went on for about 2 minutes before we got winded. Of course none of us had ever been winded yet, so maybe it wasn’t stopped on account of windedness. No Homo.

Ostrowe Pee:
Belmont 2003 might go down as the greatest Triple Crown race of all time. Somehow five years have passed since this historic day. It poured all day, no joke, downpour from 7AM to 6PM. By the afternoon we were all drenched, but it was a good time had by all. When the race was about to start none of us wanted to leave our position due to the fact it would take forever to get back. Of course Ostrowe had to take a piss, but he was able to rationalize that since he was already soaking wet, and it was going to be raining for a few more hours, he could just pee his pants and it would make no difference. So he did.

Commentary:
R: The battle of the 2003 Belmont
O: The 2003 Belmont was easily the greatest of all Triple Crown races we attended. I still have no recollection of the lemon relay taking place. You had to explain it to me the next day
R: That is not a rumor. It was a controlled train wreck, which was spectacular to watch and no one got hurt
O As far as events go, I think the lemon relay was more significant, although me deciding to urinate in my already soaked pants definitely set the tone for the day
R: On a sheer hilarity level I think it is a pick-em. Even Jimmy the Greek would have trouble picking this one.
O: He wouldn’t even make a pick; he would just say something about Rickys

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82212

11 Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair v. 3 Hundred $ Kid

Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair:
In a drunken stupor Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair said something uncalled for to Ostrowe and paid the ultimate price. That’ll learn him.

Hundred $ Kid:
Sigh. When you go to Preakness, the locals allow you to park on their lawns for a price. Every year we park in the same place. Well every year except 2007. That year Rick randomly decided to park in a new place. When the fine young gentlemen working the yard asked for $20, Rick asked if they had change of $100. The fine young gentleman affirmed that he did and once Rick handed the bill over the fine young gentleman ran away screaming “I GOT $100, I GOT $100.” The entire incident happened in slo-mo, yet no one was able to do anything about it. Easily the most surreal moment of all Preaknesses.

Commentary:
R: Tough draw for the Chair. I think he would have had a chance against anyone else
O: We know who Jimmy the Greek would pick in this one
R: The chair did a good job of selling the stunner
O: He would probably say that the $100 kid was able to run away because his ancestors ran away from lions in the plains of Africa…or something like that. I think what helps Coach O’Shea’s chair out is that we have actual video of it, whereas we only have the re-enactment of the $100 kid
R: It took Eddie O 2 weeks to recover from the trauma

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82213

10 Cheesy Moustache Guy v. 2 Sandy Chang

Cheesy Moustache Guy:
For as long as we can remember, we have always been fascinated with cheesy moustaches. More than likely this was created by Pupino. At the very first Preakness we tried to take pictures with as many cheesy mustaches as possible. Everyone was very cooperative, except this one douche. He refused to take a picture with us, and when we when took one anyway, he snatched the camera out of Dmo’s hands and stomped it on the ground. Even though we couldn’t take any more pictures for the rest of the day, the picture still survived.

Sandy Chang:
At our first Preakness, we made the rookie mistake of not spending the extra money to get into the infield. Now as wily veterans, we have learned the errors of our ways. However, that doesn’t mean that our first Preakness was without memorable moments. Sandy Chang resides at the top of this list. As was the tradition back then, Ostrowe always traveled with a plethora of beads. Sandy Chang (that was her real name by the way) wanted some beads, but as is the law, she needed to earn them. She led Ostrowe up to the top of the grandstand earned her beads. Upon returning Ostrowe regaled us with stories of her Oreo Cookie Nipples. Afterwards she left her cell phone in our possession and we used it to call all her friends. Had Anfron been with us on that day, he surely would have banged her right in the ass.

Commentary:
R: The battle of the 2003 Preakness
O: I wonder if cheesy mustache guy would’ve been as upset if we asked him to pose with Sandy Chang’s Oreo Cookie nipples
R: Cheese is not compatible with Oreos
O: He might get crumbs in his mustache
R: He’d probably like to give Sandy Chang a moustache ride
O: God forbid she tried to take a picture of it
R: Anfron would grow a moustache to give sandy a ride
O: He’d bang her right in her ass

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/MicroPoll?id=82214

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

Bonus time for all you faithful readers. Here is the final region of Piccinich Madness. As with the Testudo Region, these write-ups are brought to you by Ostrowe, the proprietor of The Glass Case of Emotion.

1. Terry v 16. Eddie O’s Basement

Terry is the epitome of all that is man. A former Rockland Lake employee and current Fitzy’s bartender, his propensity for boozing has made him the subject of legend . . . at least in Moro’s mind. Somewhere around the time of the 2007 Preakness Moro developed an obsession with Terry, declaring him the “social captain of Rockland” and creating an elaborate, Bill Brasky-like backstory that he adds to on a daily basis. For example, did you know that one time Terry beat up a bear for trying to take his tin of dip and then afterwards brought the bear to Fitzy’s for a barpie and a Michie Light? True story. He’s the captain!!!

Eddie O’s basement has housed several gentlemen prior to the various Belmont’s we have attended, in addition to housing his hot mom and Coach O’Shea, it has the unique feature that can only exist in a world without sunlight. Though there is a window, no matter what time of day it is, the window is always black as the darkest night. This caused great confusion for Dmo and Ostrowe during a midsummer visit for a keg party, when they repeatedly went back to sleep, thinking it was still night.

Commentary:
Rick: Terry could light up Eddie O’s Basement
Ostrowe: I think the reason Eddie O’s Basement is dark is that in case Terry ever stays over, he can sleep till 4 without having to deal with the sun
R: Terry is honored that he is a number one seed. I am honored that we honored Terry
O: Rumor has it Eddie O is planning on stuffing the ballot box in favor of his basement, just like Coach O’Shea stuffs Eddie O’s Hot Mom’s box
R: Eddie O wants this one bad, but can he pull it off

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501423.js 1 v 16 – Who Wins?
( polls)

8. Marty P v 9. Buddy C

Marty P was the longtime basketball coach at Clarkstown South, and Ostrowe’s Italian teacher for three of four years there. Somewhere along the line Pupino made the claim that he invented the slam-dunk, and his legend grew from there. He would later be given credit for inventing the piano key necktie, and the MP3, which originally stood for “Marty Piccinich 3pointer”. He is the namesake of the Piccinich Effect and the reason everyone refers to each other as “Marty.” When Mar’s mother received a call from him at her job, she had to put the phone down because she couldn’t believe he was a real person.

Buddy C is the retarded brother of a hot chick named Kelly that went to high school with Jim$ and Pupino. Allegedly when Pupino called her house one time, he answered the phone and responded, “Baaahhhh, Kelly’s not home.” As such, he is the godfather of Bah. He was given the nickname “Bud” as a reference to Married With Children, which eventually morphed into Buddy C. Once when Ostrowe and Dmo were boozing at Cornerstone, they began asking the waitress for “Buddy C’s”. When she came back and said “Here’s your Buddy C’s!”, Ostrowe asked her out on the spot. She said yes, but as he was unaccustomed to this, he was unable to follow through. This has nothing to do with anything, yet it never would’ve happened without Buddy C’s involvement.

Commentary:R: Both are namesakes of ours. Both are Pupino creations
O: Both are based off of real people. This might be the toughest match to call in the entire tournament. Unless Buddy C gets the sympathy vote because he’s retarded
R: I used to call Mar’s house in the age before cell phones, and ask for Marty Piccinich and his mom wouldn’t ask any questions

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501422.js 8 v 9 – Who Wins?
( surveys)

4. Moro v 13. FIT Mom

Moro first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect in late 2005 when he accompanied Rick and Ostrowe to a high school party, and proceeded to spend the entire time quoting Family Guy and causing his and Ostrowe’s team to lose to high schoolers in beer pong by knocking four cups off the table. His status as a gentleman has grown by leaps and bounds since then. Always ready to help find a lost dog, his endless supply of Terry quotes and other Moro-isms provide hours of entertainment. At the BWW Opening Day, he ordered mild wings and was given wild. He has not stopped talking about this since then. When told he would be in the same bracket as Terry, he responded “What am I gonna do? Do I vote for me or my captain? I’ve gotta stay loyal to Terry!!!” Unfortunately, since moving to Nyack, he rarely ventures out of that section of the county. Nyack’s gain is the Piccinich Effect’s loss.

On Thanksgiving Eve 2004, the Piccinich Effect began the night at Legends, as was the custom at the time. Since it was such a busy night, there was a band playing, and a larger than usual crowd. When Ostrowe and Dmo stood for the playing of the national anthem, it drew the attention of an older, slightly attractive woman who decided to join the Piccinich Effect at their table. After Ostrowe spent several minutes hitting on her, she eventually revealed that she was the guitarist’s wife. Further prodding led to the revelation that she had a son going to school at the Fashion Institute of Technology. When Ostrowe heard this, he began barraging her with gay joke after gay joke until eventually she got fed up and left.

Commentary:
O: I don’t know if moro would be more upset if he lost in the first round or terry lost in the first round
R: I don’t know what’s gayer, the FIT Mom’s kid, or the fact that Moro loves Enya
O: Or Moro’s mancrush on Terry
R: If Terry ran away, would Moro be able to find him?
O: I have to say yet again, if Moro didn’t exist, you couldn’t even invent him, he’s that unbelievable

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501421.js 4 v 13 – Who Wins?
( polls)

5. Daryl v 12. Elk 95:

Daryl is the biggest gentleman the Piccinich Effect has ever met. A former colleague of Jim$ and Dmo at DialAmerica, he accompanied them, along with Mar and Terry on a trip to Vegas, where he was subsequently thrown into a Christmas tree. In his spare time he mows lawns for extra cash. And he does it all with Steve Elkington’s putter lodged in his ass. He also invented OMW, and made Rick’s day by coming to BWW, thus enabling him to send an OMW2BWW text. Daryl once tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round.

When Rick, Mar, and Dmo were wee lads, they all got golf lessons from Gerry Oswald at the practice tee. In retrospect, Oswald was a pretty slimy character who would always seem to lose interest in teaching kids how to play golf. He favorite method of teaching was taking said children into his office and showing a tape labeled “Elk 95.” The tape featured Steve Elkington repeatedly swinging a golf club from all different angles in what looked like somebody’s back yard. When the Picciniches were all grown up, Oswald enlisted them into his indentured servitude program, aka the Rockland Lake Junior Golf Camp. To this day, Oswald has still not given Mar and Dmo the last $60 dollars that he owes them. Which at a 5% interest rate has grown to $84.43. Steve Elkington would grow up to lodge his putter in Daryl’s ass.
Post Script: Nicole Sikora once hooked up with Gerry Oswald’s son at D&D’s while he was DJing.
Post Post Script: It also should be noted that Nicole Sikora hooked up with James also.

Commentary:
R: OMG it’s Daryl!
O: I think its quite impressive that he manages to live his daily life with a putter up his ass
R: He drafted the putter in the 14th round
O: I think Daryl is OMW to the second round
R: OMG DB OMW 2 SR
O: LOL

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501420.js 5 v 12 – Who Wins?
( polls)

6. Anfron v 11. Walsh’s

Anfron is a fairly normal, upstanding citizen when he is sober. However, when he boozes heavily, he turns into a complete train wreck. He first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect on the South Padre Island trip, when he was responsible for much drunken mayhem. He solidified his position in the tournament with his performance at the 2007 Preakness, as well as the 2007 Maryland season opener, when he wandered off drunk and was saved from arrest by a high school chum’s passing family. He hopes to one day achieve his lifelong dream of banging an Asian right in her ass

Walsh’s was the greatest bar in the history of Nyack, and the home base of the Piccinich Effect until its untimely demise. Walsh’s played host to many a game of Korean Rummy (until the game was banned by Mr Walsh himself), as well as Ostrowe’s many Napoleon Dynamite dance exhibitions, and Rick and Ostrowe’s memorable game of pool against two chicks. Often the Piccinich Effect would spend hours at a time boozing at Walsh’s, only to have the tab at the end of the night come to a grand total of $12.

Commentary:
O: Anfron is a gentleman. Drunk Anfron is a disaster waiting ot happen
R: Walsh’s was a gentleman
O: Walsh’s was a gentlemanly establishment. I don’t think there could ever be another Walsh’s – it was like Fitzy’s stuck in the middle of Nyack
R: A safe haven of sorts
O: An oasis in the middle of a desert of douchebags

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501418.js 6 v 11 – Who Wins?
( polls)

3. Queso Dip v 14. Mar & Subway

During the summer of 2005, Melissa had a party at her house. At this time, Vin was dating Melissa’s friend Megan, and the two of them were joined at the party by a delicious Queso Dip of Vin’s own creation. Since Rick and Ostrowe are assholes, they could not simply let this slide, and spent the rest of the evening making jokes about the Queso Dip, causing Vin to declare he would never make anything again, and eventually alienating themselves from everyone else at the party, as is the Piccinich way.

During a visit to the University of Maryland, the Piccinich Effect stopped at Subway, as was the custom at the time. Mar was completely flustered by this, apparently never having encountered something like Subway before. He first asked the sandwich artist behind the counter if it was possible to substitute meats, and then after he ordered and paid for his sandwich, he walked out of the store without picking it up off the counter.

Commentary:
O: Both involve delicious foodstuffs
R: Vin was unable to make Melissa’s door into a delicious Queso Dip
O: Mar was unable to substitute meats
R: Vin substitutes cheeses
O: here was Queso Dip on the quote sheet
R: I was honored

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501417.js 3 v 14 – Who Wins?
( polls)

7. Stanton v 10. Jimmy Han

Ohhhhh a Stanton! Mr Stanton is an elderly gentleman, who was the former golf coach at STAC, and began making his living hustling the Piccinich Effect at Korean Rummy in their younger days. He is such an accomplished player that anytime a seven is drawn as the first card, it is known as a Stanton. He is also known for referring to everyone as “Dickhead“, and botching the numerous names of the Association of Gentlemen.

Jimmy Han invented the wonton, and introduced Korean Rummy to the Piccinich Effect. Once when Rick and Ostrowe were playing stickball in the middle of the Rockland Lake pro shop during a torrential downpour, he walked in shirtless with the register from the Par 3 course. He has also taken up residence on Rey Vivar’s couch and tried to explain to Dmo that Rey Vivar’s father has Alzheimer’s in the most hilarious way possible.

Commentary:
R: OOOO a Stanton
O: I was gonna say that Dickhead.
R: Ostroweeeee slooooww problem
O: Two Rockland Lake stalwarts. Thank You Korea
R: You made me whole. No homo
O: I don’t even remember what we’re talking about anymore

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501415.js 7 v 10 – Who Wins?
( surveys)

2. Korean Rummy v 15. Jim Nantz

If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.

Jim Nantz is the most handsome sportscaster in the business. His handsomeness was brought to light during a Korean Rummy match-up at Walsh’s, in which Terry yelled at Dmo for not taking his turn, and Dmo responded that he could not, as he was captivated by Jim Nantz’s handsome face on the TV screen. While working at DialAmerica, Dmo was known to keep a picture of Jim Nantz on his desk.

Commentary:
R: Hello friends
O: If Jim Nantz could somehow provide commentary on a Korean Rummy match-up, I could die a happy man
R: Your Korean Rummy in a cell
O: If Jim Nantz was in that cell, it would be quite handsome
R: A Korean Rummy Championship might rank above the Super Bowl on the Nantz scale. I don’t think it reaches masters level though
O: Korean Rummy is a tradition unlike any other

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/501412.js 2 v 15 – Who Wins?
( surveys)

(If the polls aren’t working…go here)
Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.

Congrats to the winners in the Triple Crown Region.
Chevy Chase killed Waffle House
Sunburn scratched out Poisen Ivy
The Lemon Relay ran away from Faux Ben
Ostrowe’s Pee pulled it out against Anfron’s Pee
Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair rained on the Storm of the Century
The Hundred $ Kid bought out Sweet Murph
Cheesy Moustache Guy upset Hacksaw Mark
Sandy Chang dunked Negro Mountain

Now onto the Dart Board Region

Fitzys v. Winded

At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.

To recap, nobody embodies the state of being winded as well as Mar does. Just the other day Mar had a dream that he was sleeping because he was fatigued. No one can be sure of when this started or how, but it is quite contagious. Now we are all winded, or fatigued, or exhausted. Back in 2006, June 18, 2008 was set as the over/under for when Mar would no longer be winded. As of right now, the over is almost guaranteed to win.

Commentary:
Ostrowe: Fitzy’s is often responsible for cases of windedness
Rick: Because some people have to hop fences and set records to get there
O: Joey O is a gentleman. Fitzy’s might be the most gentlemanly establishment in history
R: And the captain works there
O: Barpie?
R: And to think, we hated Fitzy’s at one point
O: That was back when you couldn’t even see the floor because it was covered in cigarette butts
R: And to think, Mar once ran cross country once

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/498476.js 1 v 16 – Who Wins?
( surveys)

Brock v. Ricky

As a former co-worker with Dmo at Cintas, Brock was mostly known by legend. In addition to working at Cintas, he moonlights as a professional wrestler in Keystone Championship Wrestling. Brock has been idolized in Wrestlemania Running Diarys and other various blog posts, but it wasn’t until the 2007 Preakness that his name became known on a larger scale. That year, he single-handedly stole the show. He fought Ostrowe, and Anfron, drank his face off, got kicked out, and snuck back-in. Brock once was KCW’s Mr. Money in the Bank and went to ringside after the champ had finished his match and proceeded to repeatedly beat the champ with a chair until he was unconscious. At that point, he pinned him and won the title. He also had a legendary feud with Big Lenny, who’s name was once chanted by Ostrowe before

The number 9 gentleman on Ole Mel’s list of gentlemen, hence a number 9 seed. Ricky is a die-hard Cowboys fan who loves Bailey’s. He can be found in the Grotto every Sunday the Cowboys are playing. He has a pension for betting on anything, for example, “I bet you one dollar the Cowboys get 7 yards on the next play.” Ricky’s second favorite hobby is adding color to pictures.

Commentary:
O: Ricky adds color to this tournament
R: I bet you two dollars this match-up is decided by less than two votes
O: Brock is the Antichrist of personality, Ricky is a very colorful personalityR: But who can provide more entertainment. The Preakness proved that Brock is a trainwreck, and Ricky might be Dead after the playoffs
O: A very tough match-up

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/498473.js 8 v 9 – Who Wins?
( polls)

Tiger Lounge v. Blue Chips

Another product of the Gentlemanly Gathering in Springfield. A drunken Mar repeatedly stated that he wanted to go to the Tiger Lounge, which in fact was a lounge two doors down from Rick’s Room. There was neither Tiger Woods nor a TV in the room, however, there were mattresses randomly stacked in the corner and a ton of flatulence. Later when Rick brought a spare TV to the lounge, it was unbearably smelly.

No, not the movie. Blue Chips was a product of the same trip as the Tiger Lounge. In the Piccinich Dictionary it is defined as “a screw job.” The origin comes from the Korean Rummy Match at Sophia’s. As is the tradition with Korean Rummy, whoever is winning for the longest, will inevitably get screwed by the rest of the players. That day at Sophia’s, Mar held the lead for most of the day. Upon receiving pitcher number 10 from the waitress who couldn’t wait for us to leave, we declared once all this beer was gone, the game would be over. During the course of play, Mar’s lead disappeared, due to cheeky shenanigans of course, and finally after one hand Dmo took the lead. Dmo and Ostrowe quickly finished off their beers, but Mar still had some left. So we began goading him for being a pussy and still having half a beer left. After a minute of making fun of him, he chugged the rest of his beer and we all stood up and left him there before the cards were even dealt.

Commentary:

O:Mar is retarded
R: Nick Nolte is a gentleman
O: I wouldn’t be surprised to find him passed out in the Tiger Lounge on any given day
R: Nick Nolte or Mar?
O: Either
R: It doesn’t matter who wins this one because they are going to lose to the winner of…

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/498467.js 4 v 13 – Who Wins?
( polls)

Vin v. Triple Take

Over the course of the Piccinich Effect no one life has changed as much as Vin. During the early years, he was known for throwing ridiculously huge parties at his house at least three times a year when his parents were foolish enough to leave him home alone. He also would come to work at the golf course on Saturday and Sunday morning with fantastic stories about his womanizing. He was a drunk and the equivalent of a male slut. In addition, Vin (for the record WE DO NOT condone this) had a tendency to drink and drive. One time he passed out at a red light and rolled backwards into some-one’s garden. He then proceeded to get out of his car, and sleep in the homeowner’s car. In the morning he woke up just as Rachel’s Dad walked outside. Yes, it was Rachel’s house before they even knew each other. He makes a delicious Queso Dip. He “doesn’t want to wind up 25 and alone.” He is a really good liar and an all-around gentleman. Vin recently moved to Florida to be a golf pro but then turned into a elementary school teacher. At a strip club one day he met a Romanian girl whose visa was about to expire. In order to keep her in the country, he proposed to her. He flew to Romania to meet her parents, and buy to a wedding ring for $100, and the two were married last month in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. And these last sentences only make up about 1% of the Vin stories that exist in our circle.

The 2003 NBA Draft was very much hyped for two reasons. Lebron James & Carmelo Anthony. Being a Syracuse fan Rick wanted to go and Dmo and Ostrowe were easily convinced to accompany him. The draft was around 6:00P so we decided to show up around 1:00P to get tickets. Rookie mistake. People had been camping out since the early morning hours so we were shut out. We decided to watch the draft at the ESPNZone in Times Square but to kill sometime we decided to visit Rick’s dad at work. When we got off the elevator, my Dad was sitting at his desk about 30 feet away, and he turned and looked at us. Then looked back at his computer. Then he turned and looked at us. Then he looked back at his computer. Then he executed a perfect snap turn when he finally realized that he knew us. A flawless, natural Triple Take in the wild. The night was capped off by an appearance from the Real Big E at ESPNZone where he asked Shelly, our waitress, to buy drinks for some ugly chicks across the restaurant. When we made it back to Rockland a drunk Ostrowe gave Dmo a stunner, but Dmo neglected to sell it. Dmo woke up the next day with a cryptoquote in his pocket.

Commentary:

O: Wow. Without Vin, we never would’ve started hanging out
R: The Triple take was the most pure human movement ever captured by our eyes
O: It was quite spectacular. Then again, so are some of Vin’s stories
R: The Night of The Triple Take was one great night. Vin gave us many great nights
O: I still can’t believe he’s married. But seeing the Triple Take was like seeing Haley’s Comet. A once in a lifetime opportunity

http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/498462.js 5 v 12 – Who Wins?
( polls)

Tiki Barber v. Sars

On the opening day of Buffalo Wild Wings. Rick received a text message from Ostrowe saying: “I want to have sex with Tiki Barber.” Upon arriving at BWW, he saw the reason. Tiki Barber in this case was a fairly attractive blond in a Tiki Barber jersey. (If Sars was writing this she would be “an absolutely gorgeous girl,” but he is not your author). Sars spent the day trying to find ways to talk to her, and when he found out she was Polish, he text messaged some other Polish girl he was friends with and asked how to say different things in Polish to impress her. Somehow, Tiki was able to resist Sars’ charm.

Born Haryle Kaldis of Deer Meadow Drive in West Nyack, Haryle was the proud founder of The Official I Hate (Restricted Name) Website. After creating the website, Haryle sent the site to everyone on his track team, including (Restricted Name). A few days later, while stretching for his track meet, the newspaper came to take pictures of Haryle, not for his accomplishments on the track, but rather to headline the article in the paper about the aggravated harassment case (Restricted Name) filed against him. Later Haryle became the Sarge after his stint in the Army. One night while playing Korean Rummy with Mr. Stanton, Sarge got his name changed permanently to Sars. Sars also enjoys taking 28 year old single mom’s and their children out to see Spongebob Movies and for long scenic runs around Rockland Lake. Meanwhile, Sars is still out there running…

Commentary:

O: Tiki is one of the 3 hottest chicks I’ve ever seen in person in my entire life. It’s no wonder SARS is obsessed with her.
R: He learned polish for her
O: Probably a better tactic than creating a website about her

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Chili’s Challenge v. Ms. X:

When you go to your local neighborhood Chili’s, you will notice that the table is made up of about 50 tiles. Ostrowe had the idea to drink one beer per tile. On July 26. 2003 him and Dmo participated in the original Chili’s Challenge and were aiming for 25, 10 oz beers each. Terry and Rick joined in as witnesses, and Mar was our waiter. The end of that night was a blur for Ostrowe, but he had this conversation with Mar to remember it by.

One night at Fitzy’s Rick actually hooked up with a decent looking chick that happened to be at the bar. If we have been to Fitzy’s 1000 times, there have been random good looking chicks there times. That is how unbelievable that night was. Couple that with the fact that we are retarded and it never should have happened. Read the full recaps to better understand.

Commentary:

O: The Night of Ms. X was truly an amazing experience
R: Things like that aren’t supposed to happen to us
O: It was like travelling to an alternate universe where we knew how to talk to chicks
R: And they wanted to talk to us
O: The chilis challenge was an adventure of its own. Yet another one of pupino’s brainchildren
R: Pupino’s influence is all over this bracket
O: I’m still pissed we got kicked out before we could finish the Chili’s Challenge. That was at the height of my drinking career too
R: I don’t think I can handle that many Shirley Temples anymore either
O: That’s like Tiger being kicked out of Augusta in the third round of the Master’s in the middle of a record breaking performance
R: Well since he is not a woman he doesn’t have to be worried about being kicked out

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Evelyn v. Francis

If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Evelyn. She is loud, obnoxious, fat, and annoying, Fitzy’s wouldn’t be the same without her. She enjoys playing crappy music on the jukebox and the feeling she gets when Anfron returns home to her anus. Did you know her son Bobby is in a metal band? One day, when Tara came to Fitzy’s Dmo introduced Evelyn to her. Evelyn promptly gave Tara a big hug and brought her over to meet her son Bobby. Bobby’s girlfriend who happened to be standing next to Bobby took offense to he introduction and was 10 seconds away from beating up Tara before Rick swooped in a saved her.

If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Francis. He is a gentleman who rountinely takes naps on the bar. On the occasion that you go to Fitzy’s and he is not there, the bartender usually gives him a call to make sure he is still alive.

Commentary:

O: Two Fitzy’s stalwarts
R: Another tossup. How’s Evelyn?
O: Did you know that her son Bobby is in a metal band? Francis wants to know who played this shit on the jukebox. He’s a little bit country, she’s a little bit rock and roll
R: Francis loves hand cremes
O: Francis is younger than your dad and looks like he is old enough to be your grandfather. I don’t think those hand cremes are working
R: Touche

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Birth of Mar v. South Padre

Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared it’s ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4 hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.

For spring break 2005, Mar and his fellow Mar State classmates booked a trip to South Padre Island, TX. Since one of his roommates couldn’t go, Mar invited Ostrowe in his place. Disaster shortly ensued. As this was Ostrowe and Anfron’s first meeting, there was no shortage of drunken shenanigans. Highlights include:

– Anfron hooking up with a really tan chick on the first day of the trip who would henceforth be referred to as “The Maid”
– Mar vomiting all over the bathroom door within hours of Ostrowe’s arrival
– Both Mar and Ostrowe getting lost and scaling fences like Napolean Dynamite
– Anfron attempting to get the Pizza Hut girl’s number while placing an order over the phone, then returning to the room after going to meet the delivery guy downstairs and proclaiming, “Yo, we got punked!!! There’s not even a Domino’s on the island!”
– Anfron wandering into a random unlocked blood soaked hotel room in search of chicks
– Mar trying to sneak an ugly chick upstairs past the hotel security instead of paying the guest fee
– The television in the hotel room being broken while a blacked out Ostrowe was in the room, Mar insisting Ostrowe was not the culprit despite the fact that he was the only one in the room at the time, and the security deposit being returned in full despite the broken television.
– Mar was so drunk everyone was able to convince him he went up onstage during a dance contest and won doing the dance from Napolean Dynamite

Commentary:
R: Two prime examples of our retardation
O: The Birth of Mar was the epitome of a great college party. I don’t know that my liver has ever truly recovered from South Padre
R: Would you call it the climax of your drinking career
O: Definitely
R: South Padre was a week long Preakness
O: But the events of the Birth of Mar are equally as life changing
R: A legacy was created, in a time when he was not as winded

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The Testudo Region has now gone official. Mullets Over Miami Peed on Buffalo Wild Wings Opening Day; Jeanette sipped on some victory champagne from the Abbacoozie; Joe Rutko survived a head-on collision with the fourth of July; Pupino smoked the Game of the Century; MoeMar successfully made it to the top of the Radical Rock after falling behind early to The Big Metal E; Dmo’s Roomates farted on Rasho; Dmo’s Bed was more comfortable than Ostrowe and Fitz’s Sis; and Jim$ bought out Degrassi. Now we are moving on to the next region.

Ever since War Emblem instilled a sense of hope in a down-trodden Post 9-11 world, the Triple Crown has become a tradition. A tradition so strong, that it earned it’s very own region in the Piccinich Madness Bracket. For a slightly outdated, but still semi-official list of the greatest Triple Crown races of all time, see the end of the Preakend 2005 Running Diary. But now we have the great pleasure of welcoming the Triple Crown Region into the ring.

1 Chevy Chase v. 16 Waffle House

Chevy Chase:
As the number one seed in the Triple Crown Region, Chevy Chase has a lot of power. However, with that power comes great responsibility. While at the Belmont in 2004, Ronald Reagan passed away and they announced it on the jumbotron . The next year at the Preakness we decided it would be fun to spread a rumor that someone died. When it was decided that Gerald Ford was too obvious, Ostrowe suggested Chevy Chase. From there the “joke” took off. Rick “got a phone call from him mom” telling him that Chevy just died and we spent the rest of the day spreading the “news.” Most people took it in stride and suggested their own accounts of how he died. The actual scope of the “rumor” will never be able to be measured but for arguments sake we will say 3.45 Million people thought Chevy Chase was dead by the end of the month. Post Script: Four Years Later when we told the story to Anfron he thought Chevy Chase was really dead.

Waffle House:
As a reminder, our first trip to the Waffle House was after the 2004 Kentucky Derby. We specifically picked the Best Western in East Bumblefuck because it was next to a waffle house. Ever since that first trip to this fine southern restaurant, it has become a routine stop on any southern swing. Other Waffle House highlights include:
– The female cook with a hairnet and eye patch
– Anfron going to another table and eating discarded their discarded food
– Ostrowe passing out in the car outside, then waking up to female titties on the window
– Anfron ordering “a friggin steak” and to drink “a friggin beer”

Commentary:
Rick: Waffle House was the last team in, and they pulled off a dramatic comeback in the play in game
Ostrowe: You have to admire Waffle House’s tenacity, but the Chevy Chase thing was epic. There were about 100,000 people at the Preakness and I would say at least 40% of them went home thinking Chevy Chase was no longer with us
R: The crazy chef from Waffle House had to be on as much drugs as Chevy Chase. And the Waffle House waitress from MD thinks we are on as much drugs as Chevy Chase
O: I think Chevy Chase’s heart attack came as a result of eating at Waffle House

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8 Sunburn v. 9 Poison Ivy

Sunburn:
This match up of Preakness related discomforts both revolve around Ostrowe. The best part about the sunburn is that Ostrowe had brought sunscreen to protect himself. The sunscreen came in glue stick form, however, at the end of the day it was obvious that he missed a few spots. Mar also has been attacked by the sun

Poison Ivy:
Ostrowe passed out while Rick was driving from the Preakness back to College Park in 2005. He was on the phone when he noticed Ostrowe waking up and tilting his body towards the window. Rick asked if he was trying to take a piss out the window to which Ostrowe arrogantly responded that he was. Rick immediately pulled off the road and Ostrowe decided to walk 20 yards into the woods to take his piss. All was fine until a few days later when his Uber Poison Ivy From Hell kicked in and left him looking like this.

Commentary:
O: I am retarded
R: (arrogantly) Yea. What was more painful?
O: The Poison Ivy was definitely more painful, however the scars from the sunburn are much worse
R: Sounds like a Papa Roach song
O: The pain from the sunburn died down in less than a week, I had poison ivy for like two months. God bless Vodka and cranberry juice

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4 Lemon Relay v. 13 Faux Ben Howland

Lemon Relay:
Another product of the 2003 Belmont, the Lemon Relay was a spontaneous result of too much rain, and of course Pupino. The lemon relay consisted of taking a Lemon and putting it in your mouth, jogging in place for thirty seconds, then passing the lemon peel on to the next participant. The relay went on for about 2 minutes before we got winded. Of course none of us had ever been winded yet, so maybe it wasn’t stopped on account of windedness. No Homo.

Faux Ben Howland:
The scene: Preakness 2003. In the grandstand, there was a guy wearing Pitt jacket, and since the Real Ben Howland had just left his job as Pitt Head Basketball Faux Ben was born. The only thing that makes Faux Ben memorable was his outstanding cheese platter. Whenever Faux Ben was not looking Dmo raided his cheese. When Faux Ben finally caught him, he told Dmo that he did not need to steal it, he could have as much as he wanted. Dmo told him that he didn’t want anymore cheese. Dmo of course kept taking cheese so long as Faux Ben was not looking.

Commentary:
R: This is going to be a tough vote since they were both “you needed to be there incidents.” …oh wait that’s the whole tournament
O: I had to have the Lemon Relay explained to me the next day because I was too drunk to remember, and when it was explained i still couldn’t believe it
R: That shows the true power of Pupino in that even I participated and I was completely sober
O: That’s no rumor!
R: Ben doesn’t even get a word in edgewise in the commentary….that’s not good for business

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5 Anfron Pee v. 12 Ostrowe Pee

Anfron Pee:
At the end of the day after the 2007 Preakness, Anfron was hammered. Some of you may not know, but Anfron gets hammered like no ones business, it is never a pretty sight. And by not a pretty sight we mean it is hilarious. So anyway, once we got back to the car, Anfron , still offended by the Hundred $ Kid (see below) and his shenanigans, proceeded to pull down his pants and started peeing in the direction of the homeowner. The situation was made even more life threatening when Anfron screamed “This is what you get you fucking _______”

Ostrowe Pee:
Belmont 2003 might go down as the greatest Triple Crown race of all time. Somehow five years have passed since this historic day. It poured all day, no joke, downpour from 7AM to 6PM. By the afternoon we were all drenched, but it was a good time had by all. When the race was about to start none of us wanted to leave our position due to the fact it would take forever to get back. Of course Ostrowe had to take a piss, but he was able to rationalize that since he was already soaking wet, and it was going to be raining for a few more hours, he could just pee his pants and it would make no difference. So he did.

Commentary:
R: We have the second appearance by your urine
O: Anfron’s pee almost got us killed
R: Your urine is a power conference
O: My pee was more of the cheeky and fun variety, Anfron’s pee was cruel and tragic, and therefore hilarious
R: At least you had the decency to not whip your penis out in public, and for that I thank you
O: Revenge is a dish best served warm and yellow
R: Yvonne loved your revenge

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6 Storm of the Century v. 11 Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair

Storm of the Century:
When we got rained on while sleeping in Papa John’s Stadium parking lot, we figured that was the last rain would we see all weekend. We were sadly mistaken. Around 4:00 PM on race day the second worse storm we have ever had the honor of being a part of descended upon Churchill Downs. What was a gorgeous day, quickly turned into a shitshow. There was mud puddles and mud people everywhere. Rick went to the bathroom, which was unfortunately located in a valley, and was once again covered in piss. Visibility was at a record low, but after an hour or so, the Storm finally passed. After the race, we started heading back to Maryland, the backseat was extra soggy being that I left the window open all day. Somewhere in the middle of Kentucky we once again encountered the storm. We got off the road, got a hotel room (No homo) and the next morning continued our ride to Maryland. As we reached the state of Maryland we encountered the storm for a third time. This time we drove through and came out the other side alive. When we reached our final destination in College Park, we got inside and later that evening we fought the Storm for a fourth time.

Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair:
In a drunken stupor Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair said something uncalled for to Ostrowe and paid the ultimate price. That’ll learn him.

Commentary:
O: If Eddie O’s dad’s chair was a man I would punch him. I’d punch him right in the mouth.
R: Keeping the theme going the storm the century pissed on us….4 times….and you metaphorically pissed on Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair
O: I literally thought we were going to die on that drive home . . . we were driving through half a foot of water and people were flying past us, then I looked down at the speedometer and saw we were doing 60 . . . madness
R: This is a tough match to call
O: It’s up to the voting public to decide

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3 Hundred $ Kid v. 14 Sweet Murph Teriyaki

Hundred $ Kid:
Sigh. When you go to Preakness, the locals allow you to park on their lawns for a price. Every year we park in the same place. Well every year except 2007. That year Rick randomly decided to park in a new place. When the fine young gentlemen working the yard asked for $20, Rick asked if they had change of $100. The fine young gentleman affirmed that he did and once Rick handed the bill over the fine young gentleman ran away screaming “I GOT $100, I GOT $100.” The entire incident happened in slo-mo, yet no one was able to do anything about it. Easily the most surreal moment of all Preaknesses.

Sweet Murph Teriyaki:
The 2005 Preakness featured Eddie O’s friend Murph. Murph’s epic day started when he ordered a banana at Dunkin Donuts effectively shutting down the work flow. It was rung up as an “extra dry topping.” Later that day Murph passed out so we put a Subway wrapper on his head and the Sweet Murph Teriyaki was born.

Commentary:
O: I still can’t believe you just handed that kid a $100 bill
R: Neither do I. I am colorblind
O: colorblind = retarded
R: The Sweet Murph Teriyaki is very delicious. No homo
O: you beat me to that. On the plus side I’m sure that $100 bought that kid a ton of crack
R: I wrote it off as a donation to the inner city youth on my taxes

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7 Hacksaw Mark Duggan v. 10 Cheesy Mustache Guy

Hacksaw Mark:
The legend of Hacksaw Mark is another memorable moment from the 2004 Kentucky Derby. When we arrived in the infield at 8:30AM, Hacksaw was already bombed. He had one of those helmets with two cup holders and straws to maximize drunkenness. He got his name due to the fact he would randomly shout out “HOOOOOOOOO” ala Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Around 11:00 Hacksaw Mark disappeared and was pronounced dead at 1:30. Around 6:00, just before the big race, a faint HOOOO was heard in the distance, and out of no where Hacksaw Mark re-entered our lives.

Cheesy Moustache Guy:
For as long as we can remember, we have always been fascinated with cheesy moustaches. More than likely this was created by Pupino. At the very first Preakness we tried to take pictures with as many cheesy mustaches as possible. Everyone was very cooperative, except this one douche. He refused to take a picture with us, and when we when took one anyway, he snatched the camera out of Dmo’s hands and stomped it on the ground. Even though we couldn’t take any more pictures for the rest of the day, the picture still survived.

Commentary:
O: Cheesy mustache guy really did not want his picture taken. I guess if I had a mustache as cheesy as his I wouldn’t either.
R: He needed to borrow Hacksaw’s hat so he could loosen up
O: Hacksaw Mark sprinted out of the gate and kept up his pace the entire way
R: Now that you mention it, he did. That is uncanny. He’s gotta be a Captain of somewhere
O: Churchill Downs

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2 Sandy Chang v. 15 Negro Mountain

Sandy Chang:
At our first Preakness, we made the rookie mistake of not spending the extra money to get into the infield. Now as wily veterans, we have learned the errors of our ways. However, that doesn’t mean that our first Preakness was without memorable moments. Sandy Chang resides at the top of this list. As was the tradition back then, Ostrowe always traveled with a plethora of beads. Sandy Chang (that was her real name by the way) wanted some beads, but as is the law, she needed to earn them. She led Ostrowe up to the top of the grandstand earned her beads. Upon returning Ostrowe regaled us with stories of her Oreo Cookie Nipples. Afterwards she left her cell phone in our possession and we used it to call all her friends. Had Anfron been with us on that day, he surely would have banged her right in the ass.

Negro Mountain:
The drive to Louisville from Seven Springs was ten hours long. It’s hard to figure out how we managed to survive the trip. Along the way we saw a ton of interesting signs. Nitro, WV (Where everyone drives atlaspheres), Big Chimney, and the Big Sandy River. But the most amazing sign we saw was Negro Mountain. Enough said.

Commentary:
R: Can you describe how Sandy made you feel?
O: Not really. It made me feel like she was an idiot, because I had another pair of the same beads I gave her in my pocket that I put on after she showed me heroreo cookie nips
R: The hundred $ kid may have bought Negro Mountain with my donation
O: I still can’t believe that in the 21st century there’s a place named Negro Mountain in America. And it’s not in Haverstraw.

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