Piccinich Madness – Testudo Region

It’s Game Time.

Now that the Play-In games are over, it is time to get to the meat and potatoes. Thanks to everyone for voting, and our four winners thank you even more.

Buffalo Wild Wings Opening Day won easily over Parsippany – Even Jim$ couldn’t buy a victory…foreshadowing?
Eddie O’s Basement defeated Pat’s King of Steaks – The early word out of the O’Neill household is that they are disgusted with the selection committee for getting such a low seed.
Winded defeated The Piccinich Madness Bracket – Winded saved the very fabric of time with this win here.
Waffle House defeated Papa John’s Stadium in a match for the ages – I’ll let Gus Johnson take it from here – WAFFLE HOUSE WITH THE COMEBACK WIN, HA HA, THIS IS MARCH MADNESS!

Just to drum up some suspence, we’ll reveal each region one at a time. First up is the Testudo Region. As previously mentioned Mullets Over Miami got the number one seed, let’s see how the rest of the region will play out.
*NOTE* By request, there will be no cheating in Piccinich Madness. The sanctity (ed. note: heehehe titty) of the tournament will not be jeopardized. *END NOTE*

Mullets Over Miami v. BWW Opening Day

Mullets Over Miami:
MOM is the tournament’s number one overall seed. It is one of the defining moments in the history of the Piccinich Effect, and thanks to Poppers it is a story that is told only in legend. For those unfamiliar with the story, on New Year’s Day 2002, Dmo, Ostrowe and Pupino were relaxing on a beach in Miami when a gorgeous blonde stumbled in front of them and passed out. After much cagoling and an offer of $10 bucks apiece from Dmo and Pupino, Ostrowe approached said blonde, draped his arm across her and blurted out “I’ll be your beach blanket baby.” Seven hours later they were back in the hotel room doing things on film that would only be able to be purchased in the special section of Romantic Depot. Upon returning to Maryland, Dmo and his roommates showed the tape to anyone who would watch it, which was only about ten people, as Poppers managed to somehow erase all but the first 17 minutes of the tape about a week later. If Ostrowe had never been heard from again, this would have been enough to solidify his honorary status in the Piccinich Effect. The legend of Mullets Over Miami lives on to this day.

BWW Opening Day:
For those of you with short-term memory loss. The BWW opening was the subject of a yet to be typed up running diary, and consisted of Dmo getting to the mall at 7am in order to be the first in line for free wings for a year. He was joined by Ostrowe and Sars, and later, Moro Rick and Tara. The BWW staff was woefully under prepared for the demands of a busy football Sunday, and Ostrowe nearly had an aneurysm trying to get them to put the Carolina game on. Later when Moro ordered mild wings, he was brought wild. He didn’t figure it out until after his first bite. This quickly became a Moroism. It also featured Sars hitting on the insanely hot bartender in Polish, and Moro throwing down a group of singles less than his share of the bill and walking out before anyone could count (aka Pulling a Moro).

Rick: BWW has delicious Potato Wedges
Ostrowe: I don’t see any way mullets loses, unless people either don’t know the story or are too disgusted to vote for it
R: You have to take into account the OMW 2 BWW. OMW 2 MIA doesn’t have the same ring to it
O: Yeah, but the BWW opening day doesn’t involve me peeing on Paulina
R: Touche. In all fairness though, Sars did have that dream about Paulina peeing on him though
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Abby v. Jeanette

Abby was Jim$ and Mar’s roommate when they first moved into an apartment together in Hoboken. She was a random who found the apartment on Craig’s List. Thanks to her massive T’s, she has since become so much more. After Mar received a text from Jim$ proclaiming he wanted to drink champagne from her snatch, it was then determined that Jim$ uses her snatch as a coozie on a regular basis, and thus, the Abbacoozie was born. Also, in case it was not mentioned, she has huge T’s.


Jeanette went to college with Mar and went on to work at DialAmerica with Jim$ and Dmo. Somewhere along the line and obsession with her titties developed. Though they are not quite as large as popular conjecture would lead you to believe, they are quite nice. It is also notable that she used to booze at lunch with Dmo, and once dated a Terry lookalike.

R: This is the ultimate matchup
O: Indeed, they’re both in the tournament for different reasons. Abby has massive T’s but is not really that hot, whereas Jeanette’s T’s are more myth and folklore, but she is quite hot
R: And Abby has the ability to keep your frosty beverage nice and cold
O: The Abbacoozie could be the deciding factor in this one
R: Nostalgia vs. the new digs…in a matter of speaking
O: Without Jeanette’s Titties there would be no Abbacoozie; J’s T’s are the godfather of the Abbacoozie
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Joe Rutko v. 4th of July

Joe Rutko:
An erstwhile Rockland Lake employee who was around for the birth of the Piccinich Effect. Mere days after Rick, Dmo, Ostrowe and Mar hung out for the first time, they all were playing blackjack at Vin’s kitchen table when Rutko whipped out a little baggie and began snorting it. As the future Piccinich Effect stared on in horror, the following exchange took place:
Mar:(trying to cut the tension):”So, how much did you pay for that?”
Rutko:”What do you think this is coke? Nah, this is heroin”
Since his driver’s license had been revoked, he often bummed rides from Rick. One such ride led to the following statement:
Rutko:”Don’t be alarmed, but I just lost a bag of heroin in your backseat”
He is also noted for almost getting into a fight with Ostrowe after declaring that The Phantom Menace was better than Spider-Man, declaring that if your last name is Hymen you should never name your child an adjective, and stealing the register from the Par 3 course at Rockland Lake after tricking the new kid into leaving it unattended. He has since been spotted clean and sober, and had a child on the way.

4th of July:

The Fourth of July 2007 consisted of a return appearance by Vin, who opened up his basement to Rick, Ostrowe, Dmo and Melissa. Unfortunately, since Melissa was drunk at the time, she was not the most gracious guest. Egged on by Rick and Ostrowe, Melissa proceeded to rake Vin over hot coals, and stage an epic fight with Dmo before storming out of the house. Shortly after, Rick and Ostrowe received karmic payback in the form of a dumpy-assed chick who cut them off in traffic, causing them to crash into her, and totaling Rick’s car.

O: Rutko had a brief but spectacular run
R: You can’t accurately capture how Joe Rutko affected our lives. He was like the snake in the garden of Eden. Not to toot our horns, but Rutko would have corrupted less gentlemanly people
O: He may have been a heroin addict, but he was still a gentleman. Like Vin! Just don’t say that in front of melissa
R: Nice Segway
O: I thought so
R: That’s the kind of talk that led to the 4th of July being in this damn bracket
O: That and a dumpy assed chick who looked like she was 14
R: I’m still not over it, there is no way I am giving her the satisfaction of moving on in this tournament
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Pupino v. Game of the Century

The Godfather of the Piccinich Effect, and a catalyst for all around mayhem. He is responsible for at least half of the nicknames of members of the Association of Gentlemen, as well as the birth of Bah, No Rumor, Buddy C, and the resurrection of Marty Piccinich as a cult icon. He can often be found where least expected, and is always willing to drop a “brother” or two.
Game of the Century:
Yet to be played, the Game of the Century came about when Ostrowe wondered aloud what the spread would be if he were to take on Tara’s friend Lynchy (the MOP of the 2007 D2 NCAA Women’s Tournament) in a game of one on one. Lynchy took this as a challenge, and teamed up with Tara to challenge Rick and Ostrowe to a game of two on two. After a year of stalling, in which Rick and Ostrowe created several award winning vignettes taunting the two Rhode Islanders, the date was set. The game will be played on April 19, 2008.

O: Without Pupino, there would be no Piccinich Effect. In fact, Pupino is one of the few who believes we’re going to win the Game of the Century.
R: In a way Pupino is the Godfather of this entire tournament
O: Pupino is the godfather of the entire tournament and he’s only a 5 seed??? That’s UnBeLIEVEable!!!
R: “Her kid has autism and she is blowing me behind the bar”
O: “FUNNY!!!”
O: I think what hurts the game of the century is the fact that it hasn’t been played yet. Thanks Team Rhody.
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The Big Metal E v. Mar & Moe

The Big Metal E:
Another product of Dmo and Ostrowe’s visit to Mar State. It was discovered during a walk to the cafeteria, ironically enough while a discussion about the real Big E was taking place. It was soon adopted as an unofficial mascot of the Piccinich Effect, and taken on many a fine Piccinich adventure. The Big Metal E is also a fan of the ladies, and has been known to throw back a few.
Mar & Moe:
During the first complete assemblage of the Piccinich Effect at Sprinfield College, Mar was introduced to Mo at a party. He then spent the rest of the night not saying a word to her, while Ostrowe stepped up as her beer pong partner. After the Piccinich Effect departed the party, Mar wondered aloud, “Why are we leaving? That girl was eye-raping the shit out of me. I definitely could’ve hooked up with her.” And he was serious.

R: Lets go to Moe for the rules. MOE!
O: Mar couldn’t manage to navigate her Aggrocrag. Of course, that would have required talking to her first
R: He is lucky the Big Metal E wasn’t there to see him fail
O: The Big Metal E is a gentleman. He would have easily succeeded in Mar’s place
R: The Big Metal E is a Party Animal. Remember when he passed out on the chair and Sars had to carry him out of Legends. And Lindsay was to shy to talk to him that night
O: Understandable. He’s quite the ladies man. Just check out his MySpace page
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Dmo’s Roomates v. Farting on Rasho

Dmo’s Roomates:

In all likelyhood, Dmo’s roommates could have all secured their own individual seeds. Combined, they are a force to be reckoned with.
BP: Known for going from a quiet, bookish guy to a complete rambling lunatic in the span of three beers. Once loaded up a paper airplane with a penny and threw it off the eleventh floor balcony, landing it on the hood of the only car in the parking lot who’s owner happened to be standing next to it.
Poppers: Known for being incredibly retarded. Has turned down sex with chicks on multiple occasions for reasons that make sense only to him. Once had his then-g/f inexplicably run out of his dorm room at 2am. Verbally assaulted a group of asians at the preakness who’s only crime was sitting next to us. Erased Mullets Over Miami.
Jurgen: Known for his stupid Boston accent, and his defining quote, “I hook up with ugly chicks because I fear rejection”. Head chef at Nubbinsville tailgates.
Farting on Rasho:
Back in 2003, the Piccinich Effect descended on Melissa’s dorm room, and were introduced to her roommates. After an hour or so of not talking to them the ladies left, only to return later, drunk. So drunk they decided to accompany the Piccinich Effect back to Seven Springs. Not long after arrival, the ladies realized how retarded their new companions were and passed out. Ostrowe took this opportunity to fart on one of the ladies, known as Rasho Nesterovic.

O: Dmo’s roommates are a force to be reckoned with
R: Flatulence is always funny paired with a sleeping girl’s head, that makes an challenging foe
O: Without Dmo’s roommates, there would be no Mullets Over Miami, no Birth of Mar
R: But I have this image in my head of the Simpsons episode where Bart is running for SCP and forgets to vote for himself and winds up losing. That’s Dmo’s roomates
O: How about the fact that they bought a dog, despite the fact that the apartment’s lease clearly forbade it, and then proceeded to let the dog piss and shit all over the apartment? Needless to say, they were evicted within weeks
R: Come to think of it, on the reverse bell curve, the past two points may push them to victory on account of retardation. When it come down to it, that is what the winner will be judged on
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Ostrowe & Fitz’s Sis v. Dmo’s Bed:

Ostrowe & Fitz’s Sis:

The Pearl River St Patrick’s Day Parade is always a drunken disaster. 2007 was no exception, as Ostrowe took the opportunity to hook up with James Fitzgerald’s sister. It started with a simple kiss on the cheek, and progressed to a full on makeout session in the middle of Murty’s, at which point the lovely Ms. Fitzgerald suggested they take it to another bar so James wouldn’t find out. After they made their way to Horse & Jockey and engaged in another round of tonsil hockey, who should walk in but James himself, proclaiming in astonishment, “What the hell is this???????????” And yet another Moroism was born.

Dmo’s Bed:

Back before Rick had even heard of Springfield College, he dated a young woman from Manhattanville by the name of Lib, who he decided to bring with him on a visit to Maryland. A seemingly quiet girl, she turned quite randy after a few beverages, assaulting Rick as he lay sleeping in Dmo’s bed.

R: What the hell is this?
O: We know which one Moro’s voting for. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened
R: I’m still not entirely sure what happened in Dmo’s bed
O: Maybe we should just move on
R: So how bout them Yankees?
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Jim$ v. Degrassi

Once merely one of Dmo’s roommates, Jim$ is wealthy enough to purchase his own seed. He is also one gentlemanly son of a bitch, and has quite the way with the ladies. He has had sex on the floor of both the Comcast Center and Cole Field House. In Atlanta he opened up a tab on New Year’s Eve that was used to purchase 20 bottles of champagne. According to Moro, he is the Captain of the Hoboken social scene. When McCain ascends to the Presidency in November, Jim$ already has a spot in the cabinet with his name on it.

Ostrowe stumbled upon Degrassi while searching for old episodes of Daria on digital cable. He immediately became entranced by its combination of high stakes teen drama, hot underage girls and Canadian accents. His obsession was soon transferred to the rest of the Piccinich Effect and eventually to all other gentlemen as well.

O: Jim$ has enough money to buy Degrassi Street
R: But does he have enough money to give Darcy chlamydia, get Liberty pregnant, diagnose Spinner with testicular cancer, give Emma ghonnoria and make her a bulimic, makea da posters for Marco’s dance, buy Craig crack, kill JT, take naked pictures of Manny, rape Paige, and smash Terri’s head on a rock?
Moro: Did someone say Terry?!
O: That’s a slow week for Jim$
R: Canada may underestimate the clout of a Captain
O: Whatever it takes, I know Jim$ can make it through
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Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinch.

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