Congrats to the winners in the Triple Crown Region.
Chevy Chase killed Waffle House
Sunburn scratched out Poisen Ivy
The Lemon Relay ran away from Faux Ben
Ostrowe’s Pee pulled it out against Anfron’s Pee
Eddie O’s Dad’s Chair rained on the Storm of the Century
The Hundred $ Kid bought out Sweet Murph
Cheesy Moustache Guy upset Hacksaw Mark
Sandy Chang dunked Negro Mountain
Now onto the Dart Board Region
Fitzys v. Winded
At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.
To recap, nobody embodies the state of being winded as well as Mar does. Just the other day Mar had a dream that he was sleeping because he was fatigued. No one can be sure of when this started or how, but it is quite contagious. Now we are all winded, or fatigued, or exhausted. Back in 2006, June 18, 2008 was set as the over/under for when Mar would no longer be winded. As of right now, the over is almost guaranteed to win.
Ostrowe: Fitzy’s is often responsible for cases of windedness
Rick: Because some people have to hop fences and set records to get there
O: Joey O is a gentleman. Fitzy’s might be the most gentlemanly establishment in history
R: And the captain works there
R: And to think, we hated Fitzy’s at one point
O: That was back when you couldn’t even see the floor because it was covered in cigarette butts
R: And to think, Mar once ran cross country once
Brock v. Ricky
As a former co-worker with Dmo at Cintas, Brock was mostly known by legend. In addition to working at Cintas, he moonlights as a professional wrestler in Keystone Championship Wrestling. Brock has been idolized in Wrestlemania Running Diarys and other various blog posts, but it wasn’t until the 2007 Preakness that his name became known on a larger scale. That year, he single-handedly stole the show. He fought Ostrowe, and Anfron, drank his face off, got kicked out, and snuck back-in. Brock once was KCW’s Mr. Money in the Bank and went to ringside after the champ had finished his match and proceeded to repeatedly beat the champ with a chair until he was unconscious. At that point, he pinned him and won the title. He also had a legendary feud with Big Lenny, who’s name was once chanted by Ostrowe before
The number 9 gentleman on Ole Mel’s list of gentlemen, hence a number 9 seed. Ricky is a die-hard Cowboys fan who loves Bailey’s. He can be found in the Grotto every Sunday the Cowboys are playing. He has a pension for betting on anything, for example, “I bet you one dollar the Cowboys get 7 yards on the next play.” Ricky’s second favorite hobby is adding color to pictures.
O: Ricky adds color to this tournament
R: I bet you two dollars this match-up is decided by less than two votes
O: Brock is the Antichrist of personality, Ricky is a very colorful personalityR: But who can provide more entertainment. The Preakness proved that Brock is a trainwreck, and Ricky might be Dead after the playoffs
O: A very tough match-up
Tiger Lounge v. Blue Chips
Another product of the Gentlemanly Gathering in Springfield. A drunken Mar repeatedly stated that he wanted to go to the Tiger Lounge, which in fact was a lounge two doors down from Rick’s Room. There was neither Tiger Woods nor a TV in the room, however, there were mattresses randomly stacked in the corner and a ton of flatulence. Later when Rick brought a spare TV to the lounge, it was unbearably smelly.
No, not the movie. Blue Chips was a product of the same trip as the Tiger Lounge. In the Piccinich Dictionary it is defined as “a screw job.” The origin comes from the Korean Rummy Match at Sophia’s. As is the tradition with Korean Rummy, whoever is winning for the longest, will inevitably get screwed by the rest of the players. That day at Sophia’s, Mar held the lead for most of the day. Upon receiving pitcher number 10 from the waitress who couldn’t wait for us to leave, we declared once all this beer was gone, the game would be over. During the course of play, Mar’s lead disappeared, due to cheeky shenanigans of course, and finally after one hand Dmo took the lead. Dmo and Ostrowe quickly finished off their beers, but Mar still had some left. So we began goading him for being a pussy and still having half a beer left. After a minute of making fun of him, he chugged the rest of his beer and we all stood up and left him there before the cards were even dealt.
O:Mar is retarded
R: Nick Nolte is a gentleman
O: I wouldn’t be surprised to find him passed out in the Tiger Lounge on any given day
R: Nick Nolte or Mar?
R: It doesn’t matter who wins this one because they are going to lose to the winner of…
Vin v. Triple Take
Over the course of the Piccinich Effect no one life has changed as much as Vin. During the early years, he was known for throwing ridiculously huge parties at his house at least three times a year when his parents were foolish enough to leave him home alone. He also would come to work at the golf course on Saturday and Sunday morning with fantastic stories about his womanizing. He was a drunk and the equivalent of a male slut. In addition, Vin (for the record WE DO NOT condone this) had a tendency to drink and drive. One time he passed out at a red light and rolled backwards into some-one’s garden. He then proceeded to get out of his car, and sleep in the homeowner’s car. In the morning he woke up just as Rachel’s Dad walked outside. Yes, it was Rachel’s house before they even knew each other. He makes a delicious Queso Dip. He “doesn’t want to wind up 25 and alone.” He is a really good liar and an all-around gentleman. Vin recently moved to Florida to be a golf pro but then turned into a elementary school teacher. At a strip club one day he met a Romanian girl whose visa was about to expire. In order to keep her in the country, he proposed to her. He flew to Romania to meet her parents, and buy to a wedding ring for $100, and the two were married last month in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. And these last sentences only make up about 1% of the Vin stories that exist in our circle.
The 2003 NBA Draft was very much hyped for two reasons. Lebron James & Carmelo Anthony. Being a Syracuse fan Rick wanted to go and Dmo and Ostrowe were easily convinced to accompany him. The draft was around 6:00P so we decided to show up around 1:00P to get tickets. Rookie mistake. People had been camping out since the early morning hours so we were shut out. We decided to watch the draft at the ESPNZone in Times Square but to kill sometime we decided to visit Rick’s dad at work. When we got off the elevator, my Dad was sitting at his desk about 30 feet away, and he turned and looked at us. Then looked back at his computer. Then he turned and looked at us. Then he looked back at his computer. Then he executed a perfect snap turn when he finally realized that he knew us. A flawless, natural Triple Take in the wild. The night was capped off by an appearance from the Real Big E at ESPNZone where he asked Shelly, our waitress, to buy drinks for some ugly chicks across the restaurant. When we made it back to Rockland a drunk Ostrowe gave Dmo a stunner, but Dmo neglected to sell it. Dmo woke up the next day with a cryptoquote in his pocket.
O: Wow. Without Vin, we never would’ve started hanging out
R: The Triple take was the most pure human movement ever captured by our eyes
O: It was quite spectacular. Then again, so are some of Vin’s stories
R: The Night of The Triple Take was one great night. Vin gave us many great nights
O: I still can’t believe he’s married. But seeing the Triple Take was like seeing Haley’s Comet. A once in a lifetime opportunity
Tiki Barber v. Sars
On the opening day of Buffalo Wild Wings. Rick received a text message from Ostrowe saying: “I want to have sex with Tiki Barber.” Upon arriving at BWW, he saw the reason. Tiki Barber in this case was a fairly attractive blond in a Tiki Barber jersey. (If Sars was writing this she would be “an absolutely gorgeous girl,” but he is not your author). Sars spent the day trying to find ways to talk to her, and when he found out she was Polish, he text messaged some other Polish girl he was friends with and asked how to say different things in Polish to impress her. Somehow, Tiki was able to resist Sars’ charm.
Born Haryle Kaldis of Deer Meadow Drive in West Nyack, Haryle was the proud founder of The Official I Hate (Restricted Name) Website. After creating the website, Haryle sent the site to everyone on his track team, including (Restricted Name). A few days later, while stretching for his track meet, the newspaper came to take pictures of Haryle, not for his accomplishments on the track, but rather to headline the article in the paper about the aggravated harassment case (Restricted Name) filed against him. Later Haryle became the Sarge after his stint in the Army. One night while playing Korean Rummy with Mr. Stanton, Sarge got his name changed permanently to Sars. Sars also enjoys taking 28 year old single mom’s and their children out to see Spongebob Movies and for long scenic runs around Rockland Lake. Meanwhile, Sars is still out there running…
O: Tiki is one of the 3 hottest chicks I’ve ever seen in person in my entire life. It’s no wonder SARS is obsessed with her.
R: He learned polish for her
O: Probably a better tactic than creating a website about her
Chili’s Challenge v. Ms. X:
When you go to your local neighborhood Chili’s, you will notice that the table is made up of about 50 tiles. Ostrowe had the idea to drink one beer per tile. On July 26. 2003 him and Dmo participated in the original Chili’s Challenge and were aiming for 25, 10 oz beers each. Terry and Rick joined in as witnesses, and Mar was our waiter. The end of that night was a blur for Ostrowe, but he had this conversation with Mar to remember it by.
One night at Fitzy’s Rick actually hooked up with a decent looking chick that happened to be at the bar. If we have been to Fitzy’s 1000 times, there have been random good looking chicks there times. That is how unbelievable that night was. Couple that with the fact that we are retarded and it never should have happened. Read the full recaps to better understand.
O: The Night of Ms. X was truly an amazing experience
R: Things like that aren’t supposed to happen to us
O: It was like travelling to an alternate universe where we knew how to talk to chicks
R: And they wanted to talk to us
O: The chilis challenge was an adventure of its own. Yet another one of pupino’s brainchildren
R: Pupino’s influence is all over this bracket
O: I’m still pissed we got kicked out before we could finish the Chili’s Challenge. That was at the height of my drinking career too
R: I don’t think I can handle that many Shirley Temples anymore either
O: That’s like Tiger being kicked out of Augusta in the third round of the Master’s in the middle of a record breaking performance
R: Well since he is not a woman he doesn’t have to be worried about being kicked out
Evelyn v. Francis
If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Evelyn. She is loud, obnoxious, fat, and annoying, Fitzy’s wouldn’t be the same without her. She enjoys playing crappy music on the jukebox and the feeling she gets when Anfron returns home to her anus. Did you know her son Bobby is in a metal band? One day, when Tara came to Fitzy’s Dmo introduced Evelyn to her. Evelyn promptly gave Tara a big hug and brought her over to meet her son Bobby. Bobby’s girlfriend who happened to be standing next to Bobby took offense to he introduction and was 10 seconds away from beating up Tara before Rick swooped in a saved her.
If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Francis. He is a gentleman who rountinely takes naps on the bar. On the occasion that you go to Fitzy’s and he is not there, the bartender usually gives him a call to make sure he is still alive.
O: Two Fitzy’s stalwarts
R: Another tossup. How’s Evelyn?
O: Did you know that her son Bobby is in a metal band? Francis wants to know who played this shit on the jukebox. He’s a little bit country, she’s a little bit rock and roll
R: Francis loves hand cremes
O: Francis is younger than your dad and looks like he is old enough to be your grandfather. I don’t think those hand cremes are working
Birth of Mar v. South Padre
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared it’s ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4 hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.
For spring break 2005, Mar and his fellow Mar State classmates booked a trip to South Padre Island, TX. Since one of his roommates couldn’t go, Mar invited Ostrowe in his place. Disaster shortly ensued. As this was Ostrowe and Anfron’s first meeting, there was no shortage of drunken shenanigans. Highlights include:
– Anfron hooking up with a really tan chick on the first day of the trip who would henceforth be referred to as “The Maid”
– Mar vomiting all over the bathroom door within hours of Ostrowe’s arrival
– Both Mar and Ostrowe getting lost and scaling fences like Napolean Dynamite
– Anfron attempting to get the Pizza Hut girl’s number while placing an order over the phone, then returning to the room after going to meet the delivery guy downstairs and proclaiming, “Yo, we got punked!!! There’s not even a Domino’s on the island!”
– Anfron wandering into a random unlocked blood soaked hotel room in search of chicks
– Mar trying to sneak an ugly chick upstairs past the hotel security instead of paying the guest fee
– The television in the hotel room being broken while a blacked out Ostrowe was in the room, Mar insisting Ostrowe was not the culprit despite the fact that he was the only one in the room at the time, and the security deposit being returned in full despite the broken television.
– Mar was so drunk everyone was able to convince him he went up onstage during a dance contest and won doing the dance from Napolean Dynamite
R: Two prime examples of our retardation
O: The Birth of Mar was the epitome of a great college party. I don’t know that my liver has ever truly recovered from South Padre
R: Would you call it the climax of your drinking career
R: South Padre was a week long Preakness
O: But the events of the Birth of Mar are equally as life changing
R: A legacy was created, in a time when he was not as winded
Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich