Second Round, I command thee to continue.
1 Fitzys v. 8 Brock
At one point in our existence, everyone dreaded going to Fitzy’s. It is the stereotypical shit hole bar. And though no one can exactly recall when Fitzy’s turned the proverbial corner of being and becoming, it is now our stereotypical shit hole bar. What may make Fitzy’s so appealing is that it is the Anti-Nyack. We all hate Nyack, and dread going there, but a trip to Fitzy’s first makes Nyack almost bearable (except for Rick since he doesn’t take Nyack Anestesia (Read: Beer). It is impossible to recount all of memorable Fitzy’s moments, but let’s try. Rick and Terry Pokerfest which lasted from 1AM until 10AM. That night was made even crazier with a Joe Rutko sighting and the sight of Rick’s neighbor walking in at 8AM to booze. The Cancerous Dart Board. The night Joe grabbed Rick’s ass. The night Margret Parodie gave Dmo a big hug and kiss. The night Rick actually made out with a good looking chick in Fitzys. The Best of Seven, Best of Seven World Series of Piccinich Darts. The night Mar banged Abby in the bathroom. The home of the Megatouch and the most used jukebox in the county. And not to mention it’s the preferred bar of Joey O, Evelyn, Francis, Chuck WH, Terry!, Patrick, and countless others.
As a former co-worker with Dmo at Cintas, Brock was mostly known by legend. In addition to working at Cintas, he moonlights as a professional wrestler in Keystone Championship Wrestling. Brock has been idolized in Wrestlemania Running Diarys and other various blog posts, but it wasn’t until the 2007 Preakness that his name became known on a larger scale. That year, he single-handedly stole the show. He fought Ostrowe, and Anfron, drank his face off, got kicked out, and snuck back-in. Brock once was KCW’s Mr. Money in the Bank and went to ringside after the champ had finished his match and proceeded to repeatedly beat the champ with a chair until he was unconscious. At that point, he pinned him and won the title. He also had a legendary feud with Big Lenny, whose name was once chanted by Ostrowe before passing out driving to a deli of the same name.
Ostrowe: Brock would definitely fit right in with the Fitzy’s crowd
Rick: I’m going to go out on a limb and say Brock will defeat Fitzys
O: Fitzy’s has so much more to offer than Brock
R: Since I said that, the Piccinich contingent will automatically vote for Fitzys
O: Barpie? Soft pretzel? How bout a michy light?
R: But on the other hand, maybe I was using reverse psychology to get more votes for Fitzys
O: You’re putting way too much thought into this
R: Fitzy’s has tons of stories, but look at all the video evidence we have of Brock’s retardation
O: Brock is entertaining, but Fitzy’s is the last bastion of non-suckitude in Rockland County
R: He got thrown out of the Preakness and then snuck back in by putting his shirt on
O: I once played darts in Fitzy’s without my shirt on
R: Do you think anyone is still reading the commentary on this matchup?
O: I stopped three lines ago
R: Donec posuere. Donec in massa ut magna TITTIES bibendum feugiat. Vivamus et eros.
O: Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern’s penis, Baba Booey
13 Blue Chips v. 5 Vin
No, not the movie. Blue Chips was a product of the Gentlemanly Gathering in Springfield. In the Piccinich Dictionary it is defined as “a screw job.” The origin comes from the Korean Rummy Match at Sophia’s. As is the tradition with Korean Rummy, whoever is winning for the longest, will inevitably get screwed by the rest of the players. That day at Sophia’s, Mar held the lead for most of the day. Upon receiving pitcher number 10 from the waitress who couldn’t wait for us to leave, we declared once all this beer was gone, the game would be over. During the course of play, Mar’s lead disappeared, due to cheeky shenanigans of course, and finally after one hand Dmo took the lead. Dmo and Ostrowe quickly finished off their beers, but Mar still had some left. So we began goading him for being a pussy and still having half a beer left. After a minute of making fun of him, he chugged the rest of his beer and we all stood up and left him there before the cards were even dealt.
Over the course of the Piccinich Effect no one life has changed as much as Vin. During the early years, he was known for throwing ridiculously huge parties at his house at least three times a year when his parents were foolish enough to leave him home alone. He also would come to work at the golf course on Saturday and Sunday morning with fantastic stories about his womanizing. He was a drunk and the equivalent of a male slut. In addition, Vin (for the record WE DO NOT condone this) had a tendency to drink and drive. One time he passed out at a red light and rolled backwards into some-one’s garden. He then proceeded to get out of his car, and sleep in the homeowner’s car. In the morning he woke up just as Rachel’s Dad walked outside. Yes, it was Rachel’s house before they even knew each other. He makes a delicious Queso Dip. He “doesn’t want to wind up 25 and alone.” He is a really good liar and an all-around gentleman. Vin recently moved to Florida to be a golf pro but then turned into a elementary school teacher. At a strip club one day he met a Romanian girl whose visa was about to expire. In order to keep her in the country, he proposed to her. He flew to Romania to meet her parents, and buy to a wedding ring for $100, and the two were married last month in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach. And these last sentences only make up about 1% of the Vin stories that exist in our circle.
R: Vin is the only entry to pitch a shutout in the first round, but it could partially be blamed on a weak opponent
O: I think Vin is pretty blue chips, or that first round match up was pretty blue chips. Vin is a stong seed though
R: Vin 3 years ago not blue chips. Vin now = blue chips
O: He is a gentleman tho
R: Of utmost standing. Don’t get into the car with me now. No homo. (See 4th of July)
O: That dumpyassed chick was fucking blue chips
R: Drunk Vin drove better than the sober dumpy chick
O: Vin is the godfather of excellent drunk driving
R: And the godfather of Lou Paride’s child
O: This match up does not bode well for blue chips
11 Sars v. 3 Chili’s Challenge
Born Haryle Kaldis of Deer Meadow Drive in West Nyack, Haryle was the proud founder of The Official I Hate (Restricted Name) Website. After creating the website, Haryle sent the site to everyone on his track team, including (Restricted Name). A few days later, while stretching for his track meet, the newspaper came to take pictures of Haryle, not for his accomplishments on the track, but rather to headline the article in the paper about the aggravated harassment case (Restricted Name) filed against him. Later Haryle became the Sarge after his stint in the Army. One night while playing Korean Rummy with Mr. Stanton, Sarge got his name changed permanently to Sars. Sars also enjoys taking 28 year old single mom’s and their children out to see Spongebob Movies and for long scenic runs around Rockland Lake. Meanwhile, Sars is still out there running…
When you go to your local neighborhood Chili’s, you will notice that the table is made up of about 50 tiles. Ostrowe had the idea to drink one beer per tile. On July 26. 2003 Ostrowe and Dmo participated in the original Chili’s Challenge and were aiming for 25, 10 oz beers each. Terry and Rick joined in as witnesses, and Mar was our waiter. The end of that night was a blur for Ostrowe, but he had this conversation with Mar to remember it by.
O: I don’t know how SARS managed to sneak past Tiki. Then again he is skilled at stalking
R: Tiki heard she was playing Sars and her lawyer decided it would be best to not be in the same place as him
O: Understandable. I bet if Tiki was our waitress for the Chili’s Challenge she wouldn’t have cut us off
R: Tiki is a gentleman. Or so to speak
O: SARS is a gentleman, but he would’ve been useless during the challenge
7 Evelyn v. 2 Birth of Mar
If you go to Fitzy’s, you know Evelyn. She is loud, obnoxious, fat, and annoying, Fitzy’s wouldn’t be the same without her. She enjoys playing crappy music on the jukebox and the feeling she gets when Anfron returns home to her anus. Did you know her son Bobby is in a metal band? One day, when Tara came to Fitzy’s Dmo introduced Evelyn to her. Evelyn promptly gave Tara a big hug and brought her over to meet her son Bobby. Bobby’s girlfriend who happened to be standing next to Bobby took offense to he introduction and was 10 seconds away from beating up Tara before Rick swooped in a saved her.
Birth of Mar:
Around out first Belmont trip in 2002 was when the Marty Piccinich idolization was beginning. By the time Rick was a freshman in college later that year Marty Piccinich was out in full force. In October of 2002, a Marty P reunion was scheduled in College Park, Maryland. Of course the Piccinich Effect reared its ugly head and that was the weekend of the Sniper Attacks in the DC area & Columbus Day weekend. The normal 4-hour drive to MD took almost 10. When we got there, Dmo’s party was already in full force, Rick retired to Dmo’s Bed and Mar started drinking. This was your typical College party where cups were sold and you had to re-use your cup. When Mar got his cup he wrote Marty on it so that people would know it was his. Later in the night, in a drunken stupor he lost his cup so he had to get another one. He began to write Marty on the cup again but passed out halfway through. The next morning, we found him with the cup still in his hand and only “Mar” written on the cup. Hence, a legend was born.
O: The real birth of Mar took place when he emerged from Evelyn’s anus
R: So does that mean he dies every night when he crawls back in?
O: How’s Evelyn?
R: Did you know her son is in a metal band?…Didn’t we use this joke already?
R: We are the kings of eating a dead horse. Wait I don’t get it.
O: The birth of mar is such an epic event in Piccinich effect lore. It is metaphorically huge, Evelyn is just plain huge.
1 Terry v. 8 Marty P
Terry is the epitome of all that is man. A former Rockland Lake employee and current Fitzy’s bartender, his propensity for boozing has made him the subject of legend . . . at least in Moro’s mind. Somewhere around the time of the 2007 Preakness Moro developed an obsession with Terry, declaring him the “social captain of Rockland” and creating an elaborate, Bill Brasky-like backstory that he adds to on a daily basis. For example, did you know that one time Terry beat up a bear for trying to take his tin of dip and then afterwards brought the bear to Fitzy’s for a barpie and a Michie Light? True story. He’s the captain!!!
Marty P was the longtime basketball coach at Clarkstown South, and Ostrowe’s Italian teacher for three of four years there. Somewhere along the line Pupino made the claim that he invented the slam-dunk, and his legend grew from there. He would later be given credit for inventing the piano key necktie, and the MP3, which originally stood for “Marty Piccinich 3pointer”. He is the namesake of the Piccinich Effect and the reason everyone refers to each other as “Marty.” When Mar‘s mother received a call from him at her job, she had to put the phone down because she couldn’t believe he was a real person.
R: When all is said and done…whose legend will be bigger
O: The legend of Marty P has grown so much over the years. But then again, so has Terry’s
R: Terry’s has grown at a faster rate. Did you know his feces is used as currency in Argentina? But Marty P can sneeze with his eyes open
O: Do you think Moro’s ever going to grow tired of talking about Terry?
O: We’re coming up on a year now and he’s shown no signs of stopping
R: Speaking of Moro…
4 Moro v. 12 Daryl
He first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect in late 2005 when he accompanied Rick and Ostrowe to a high school party, and proceeded to spend the entire time quoting Family Guy and causing his and Ostrowe’s team to lose to high schoolers in beer pong by knocking four cups off the table. His status as a gentleman has grown by leaps and bounds since then. Always ready to help find a lost dog, his endless supply of Terry quotes and other Moro-isms provide hours of entertainment. At the BWW Opening Day, he ordered mild wings and was given wild. He has not stopped talking about this since then. When told he would be in the same bracket as Terry, he responded “What am I gonna do? Do I vote for me or my captain? I’ve gotta stay loyal to Terry!!!” Unfortunately, since moving to Nyack, he rarely ventures out of that section of the county. Nyack’s gain is the Piccinich Effect’s loss.
The biggest gentleman the Piccinich Effect has ever met. A former colleague of Jim$ and Dmo at DialAmerica, he accompanied them, along with Mar and Terry on a trip to Vegas, where he was subsequently thrown into a Christmas tree. In his spare time he mows lawns for extra cash. And he does it all with Steve Elkington’s putter lodged in his ass. He also invented OMW, and made Rick’s day by coming to BWW, thus enabling him to send an OMW2BWW text. Daryl once tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round.
R: A very gentlemanly matchup
O: Hey, You’re Daryl!!!
R: Daryl is a gentleman, but the thought of a Moro v. Terry Matchup may sway the voting public
O: I wonder if Daryl finally managed to remove Elkington’s putter from his ass with his victory in round 1
R: Steve Elkington’s Putter:Daryl::Hair:Samson
O: What about OMW? I think Moro is OMW to the sweet sixteen
O: Moro’s obsession with Terry >>>>> OMW
R: But Moro never tried to draft Peyton Manning in the 14th round
O: But he did find a lost dog once
6 Anfron v. 14 Mar – Subway
Anfron is a fairly normal, upstanding citizen when he is sober. However, when he boozes heavily, he turns into a complete train wreck. He first crossed paths with the Piccinich Effect on the South Padre Island trip, when he was responsible for much drunken mayhem. He solidified his position in the tournament with his performance at the 2007 Preakness, as well as the 2007 Maryland season opener, when he wandered off drunk and was saved from arrest by a high school chum’s passing family. He hopes to one day achieve his lifelong dream of banging an Asian right in her ass
Mar – Subway:
During a visit to the University of Maryland, the Piccinich Effect stopped at Subway, as was the custom at the time. Mar was completely flustered by this, apparently never having encountered something like Subway before. He first asked the sandwich artist behind the counter if it was possible to substitute meats, and then after he ordered and paid for his sandwich, he walked out of the store without picking it up off the counter.
R: Are you guys going to Blimpe?
O: I think if you take Anfron as a whole, he is definitely more retarded than Mar’s Subway escapades
R: There is no substitute for Anfron
O: No homo
7 Stanton v 2 Korean Rummy
Ohhhhh a Stanton! Mr Stanton is an elderly gentleman, who was the former golf coach at STAC, and began making his living hustling the Piccinich Effect at Korean Rummy in their younger days. He is such an accomplished player that anytime a seven is drawn as the first card, it is known as a Stanton. He is also known for referring to everyone as “Dickhead“, and botching the numerous names of the Association of Gentlemen.
If there were an official sport of the Piccinich Effect, Korean Rummy would be it. A complex game in which sevens are magical, it has been played in numerous bars across Rockland, often to the chorus of “What are you guys, playing Hold ‘Em?” by every passerby. It has also been played at several Triple Crown races, Rockland Lake, and on the moon. Not to mention the epic Korean Rummy In a Cell match.
O: Without Korean Rummy, Stanton would have a lot less appeal
R: Dickhead. Terry may grow up to be Stanton
O: Stanton does have a Korean Rummy draw named after him. I don’t know if that’s enough to move on though
R: We’ll see
Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Piccinich.