Yearbooks

Song for this Post: Photograph by FauxNickleback
What the hell is on Ross’ Head?

In the process of cleaning house, I found all my yearbooks and will share some observations with you.

1998 – 8th Grade
Number of Signatures: 35

75% of these entries refer to me as Spike. Unfortunately not because I was the star of Coach O’Shea’s Cowboy Football Team. I probably couldn’t even do one pull-up on the coach’s arm. However, I was able to use a gratuitous amount of hair gel to spike my hair. The following year, it became alright to wear hats in school, therefore, no more need to buy hair gel.

Notable Entries:

Nick, Hey Sweety […] we def. have to hang out this summer. Love Tara
I’m not sure who this impostor is, but I am positive we never even talked again

This Book is Property of OZ. Signed Inmate Alex. TheAmazing1@.com
I must have done a pretty good job of convincing this kid that I watched OZ, because I never have. Unless of course he himself only pretended to watch it to try to be as “cool” as me.

[…] I hope we will be friends for a long long time. Love Always, Megan HW
Once again another person I haven’t talked to in ages. It is amazing with how many girls signed the book “Love Always.”

Dear Nick, You’re awesome sexy […]
That’s correct

Nick (Bud), I hope you and *** get together this summer […] I hope your dog doesn’t fart on you again […] so do you like anyone else besides ***? […] I hate cheese. Eww I hate Peanut Butter! By the end of the summer you better go skinny dipping with me and the gang. Love, Lauren.
Whoa. (Checks year) Yup, I was 14. I think it is illegal for me to elaborate on this entry.

[…] You should go out with Lauren. You guys would look cute. You know you want to go skinny dipping alone with her. Love, Kristen
Bah, I used to be cool.

1999 – Freshman Year
Number of signatures: 0

Wow, what a difference a year makes…ok ok ok, don’t worry. Not to many people get yearbooks freshman year. Megan said we would be friends for a long time…she will be there.

2000 – Sophmore Year
Number of Signatures: 0

Once is a fluke, twice is a trend. But then again the inside cover is black. Maybe, I just can’t see the signatures.

Nope, nothing there.

2001 – Junior Year
Number of Signatures: 4!

Jen (Moro’s homecoming dae)
Shorty (I was her Jr. Ball Date)
and

Jaromir Jagr Faquer – You are one crazy bastard hit it low and you can hit the 100 sign with any club. Hit that bitch with confidence. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is the key to life. Come visit at college in Nova. Start early, end late, cut bitch. -The person soon to be known as Mar

To Nick, You are one crazy kid. It’s been cool these past couple of years. Like shootin hoops, trips to the mall, and who can forget my CAR! Well I guess I will see you next year over breaks and stuff and I am going to come back from college with a smoking hot girlfriend! -Chris Moro
He left out Beep Bop Boop Bip

2002 – Senior Year
Number of Signatures: 1

The Fucking Rick, Here are some words to live by courtesy of one of the greatest thinkers of all time. Myself. You are a fucking mexican. Start drinking alcohol mother fucker. Hot chicks love horses and if you love horses then according to the transitive property, hot chicks must love you. Watch those fuckers with great interest. Hit that bitch with confidence. Always fold a hand you can’t win with. And above all, if you are too careful, your life can become one big fucking grind. – Mar “I’m just a regular kid” aka greatest worker of all time

So apparently I have been socially retarded for longer than I care to remember. What is the moral of this story. Kids with hair gel have more friends than kids with hats.
F ’em if they don’t like my hat.