Wednesday September 22
8:30 P PT – Jim$ and Dmo arrive in Vegas
8:57 P – Virgil picks up Jim$ and Dmo in a stretch Escalade and brings them to the Hard Rock. They don’t even need to go to the front desk. They are greeted by a red cap at the curb and escorted to their penthouse suite.
9:30 P – Jim$ and Dmo get haircuts and massages in their suite to relax and prepare for the day.
11:56 P – They make it back to the Hard Rock and immediately fall asleep after a busy day.
8:00 A – After a refreshing night sleep Dmo and Jim$ wake up to room service. Two Eggs Scrambled with cheese. Hash Browns. Rare Cambodian Breast Milk. The Wall Street Journal. Toothpicks made of 14 karat gold. And a fine horsehair napkin.
1:23 P – The gentlemen split up for the time being. Dmo heads to Caesar’s Palace for the SANS Institute Convention on Network Security. Jim$ heads to Bally’s for the Paralyzed Veterans of America Convention and Expo. Ostrowe decides to sit by the pool at the Hard Rock
1:35 P – As Jim$ enters the hall, he is immediately recognized as the man who donates $10,000 a year to the foundation. Everyone also congratulates him on his 2009 Gentleman of the Year title.
2:23 P – Dmo is forced to leave the conference when he is presented a big problem by his boss.
2:32 P – Dmo solves the problem and is given a raise and promotion. He donates 1/10 of his raise (or $5,000) to the United Way.
5:45 P – The Gentleman meet up at Harrah’s and walk up to the Starbucks counter. They all order a cheeseburger and fries from In & Out Burger. The barista walks to the back of the Starbucks and brings out their burgers.
5:46 P – Josh Humphreys, a CPA from Monroe City, Missouri sees this exchange happen while standing behind the gentlemen. He gets to the counter and orders In & Out as well. The barista shuts him down. He then asks for a large coffee. The barista asks if he means a “venti”
7:00 P – The speeches end exactly on time. Standing Ovation.
9:32 P – Dmo and Jim$ are shown to a private booth. They are two minutes late, but the performers were waiting for them to arrive. Ostrowe, Poppers, and Jurgen sit with the peasants. Rick is not allowed in. “Bro. Shorts and sneaks. No dice” strikes again.
12:30 A – Mar wakes up and insists on listening to the greatest song of all time before going to bed. Night Fever. He says it makes all the girls take their clothes off. For the record, there are no chicks here. Everyone else leaves. Rick, Mar and Ostrowe have a physical fight over the iPod dock. Mar wins.
9:00 A – The Gentlemen hit up the Lago buffet at Caesar’s Palace. Before the expedition the desert.
10:10 A – Jurgen puts Daryl in his phone as Dyral
10:20 A – Text bomb Faux Eddie O. His girlfriend is not happy
10:30 A – That girl behind the counter is hot
11:00 A – Ostrowe: This van was not made for 30 people.
Mar: Yea it was made for 1 guy and a 13 year old
11:15 A – It’s so hot
12:00 P – WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
12:30 P – WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
12:32 P – It’s so hot
12:55 P – WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
1:45 P – Back at the Hard Rock. We all head straight for the pool.
2:24 P – After an action packed morning, the gentlemen all fall asleep by the pool.
3:43 P – Ostrowe and Mar wake up with sun burns reminiscent of past trips to the Preakness
4:01 P – They took our jobs
4:15 P – Can you believe they have The Game of Life on the pool deck? An amazing game ensues. Dmo the athlete lives in the Victorian while Jim$ the banker lives in a trailer home to see how the other half lives. Ostrowe the artist has 6 kids while living in the Tudor while Rick the rockstar lives in a split level.
4:18 P – Mar and Daryl disappear. Poppers head to the sports book
5:15 P – Jim$ wins at Life. Shocker.
5:30 P – We meet up with Mar and Daryl at the tables. Mar is down $100 and Daryl is down $50. Jason is not a gentlemanly dealer. Dmo and Jim$ sit and play 5 hands each and both walk away up $15. Everyone heads back to their room to freshen up for dinner
5:50 P – Crazy singing and fist pumping party starts in the suite when Escapar plays followed by Baby I Like It, DJ Pauly D, Flo Rida, Adam Lambert and T.I
6:30 P – Well. That was gay.
6:31 P – Watch the Jenna Jameson-Jill Kelly scene for old times sake to make things less awkward.
8:15 P – Sit down for a gentlemanly dinner at Delmonico’s at the Venetian. 47 toasts are made to Jim$…by the entire restaurant.
9:45 P – Monumental moment as Rick takes a shot in Jim$ honor as a gift to him. Everyone watches Rick make a face like a 15 year old.
10:00 P – Jim$ is not allowed to pay for the $1050 bill. The rest of the table (except Dmo) is now in debt
10:23 P – While stopping at Walgreens to get energy drink. A man walks in and says “Snowman in the house”
11:00 P – Cue Marathon gambling session at O’Shea’s.
11:13 P – CAPTAIN SIDEBURNS!
11:45 P – The bearded guy from Your Love is My Drug sits down at out blackjack table. He gets blackjack on his first hand. “Blackjack. So easy a caveman can do it”
Saturday Septemeber 25
12:01 A – Dmo, Mar, Jurgen, Jim$ disappear and say they are going to the Mirage to see JWoww. By the time everyone catches up to them, they are on their way back to the Hard Rock already
As expected, the following events don’t have times.
Drunk Mar arms
Dmo just fell asleep on the bar.
Ostrowe shows off his heart tattoo
Your Korean Rummy in a cell
“How’s Abby” bomb Brock
“How’s Abby” bomb Daryl
You’re wealthy fight
Everyone tells the ugly girl that Rick works for NBC
2:15 A – Dmo is wide awake somehow and demands to play blackjack. Mar and Jurgen go play too. Everyone else goes to bed
7:55 A – A belligerent Dmo enters the room and wakes everyone up screaming about how Gerry Oswald is a word who stole our money. All Mar can say is “Titties” and “I’m Winded” after being cut off by his waitress named “Toots”
8:05 A – Dmo gives Daryl a superfly splash
8:30A – Dmo treats everyone to breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. He has enough hotel credit to cover the whole thing.
8:45 A – Dmo passes out at the table. Ostrowe eats his food.
9:15 A – Dmo, Mar, Ostrowe and Jurgen go pass out in the room. Poppers heads to the sports book. Rick, Daryl, and Jim$ head to the Stratosphere to jump off the top of it.
9:30 A – Jim$ helps a group of senior citizens who are lost. That is why he is the GotY.
10:15 A – It is high up here.
10:16 A – WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
11:22 A – Get back to the Hard Rock and everyone is watching the Hangover in the suite.
11:34 A – Head over to the Hofbrauhaus for lunch. Joyce would love this German Beer Hall.
12:02 P – Jurgen has no concept of time on this trip since he refused to set his watch to pacific time.
12:30 P – Time to sit by the pool again. Daryl sits in a chair reading his Kindle.
1:15 P – Rick heads over to Street League. God knows what happens while he is gone
3:30 P – Shane O’Neill wins. Rick runs back to the pool. Apparently he missed Tequilla shots. Jim$ keeps reopening the slide after it is closed
3:34 P – Slide?
3:40 P – Slide?
3:50 P – Slide?
4:00 P – An old man with cataracts is sitting by the pool in pain. Jim$ gives him his sunglasses. What a gentleman.
6:30 P – Rick goes back to the room and Ostrowe is passed out on the ground.
7:00 P – Dinner at Hard Rock. Rick proclaims this as the worst ever dinner with the gentlemen. He enjoys it immensely.
7:05 P – Carlos chant. Followed by Baby chant
7:15 P – SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR SIR (Everbody!)
8:30 P – Heather our waitress convinces us to let her roommate take us to the strip club in a limo. She says he will pay our admission, and for our first drinks
8:50 P – Joey hates us. He pulls away without paying for anything.
9:01 P – As we walk in a stripper says “Oh, Hi Daryl”
9:10 P – Water here is $10 and if you try to use the ATM, there is a $60 fee.
9:15 P – Why are we at a strip club at 9:15?
9:30 P – Daryl gets an intense lapdance from some stripper, Rick feels the need to pay her as well just for watching
9:45 P – Ostrowe gets a lapdance from Daisy from Rock of Love.
10:15 P – We all head back to the Hard Rock and hit up the tables for a few hours
10:35 P – Suga is the coolest dealer of all time
11:00 P – Mar hasn’t been sober since Friday afternoon. Here is a list of the only things he is saying:
Teach me how to Dougie
Terry vs. Toilet
Pay the kid
11:45 P – Mar is up $750, Dmo is up $1600
Sunday September 26
1:00 A – The gentlemen part ways again.
9:00A – The gentlemen go to church before football
10:00 A – Get a table at Blondies to watch the games
5:27 P – While standing on line for a cab Mar turns around to the girls behind us:
Mar: (Points to his arm) I was bit by a zombie
(Rick and Ostrowe lose it)
Mar: Do you think this is a zombie bite or a human bite?
8:30 P – Jurgen tells the running diary that he would like Ostrowe and Goon to visit him more often in Maryland since they are gentlemen
12:10 A – We still haven’t gotten in
12:50 A – Jim$ helps all the other gentlemen find dance partners. Oddly enough, there is a 80 year old woman in the club all alone. Jim$ proceeds to dance with her.
2:50 A – Jim$ shizes in Vanity but causes a ruckus when La Bamba starts playing.
3:45 A – Rick bounces back and forth between Dmo and Mar. Mar is has $375 in chips
3:50 A – Poppers and Ostrowe go to bed.
3:51 A – Mar has $50 left.
3:53 A – Poppers find Jurgen on the phone talking to his bank. There is no one on the other end.
3:58 A – Dmo gets into a fight with Cris Angel.
3:59 A – Cris Angel leaves
4:00 A – Dmo and Wally rant for 5 minutes about how big of a dick Cris Angel is.
4:05 A – Cris Angel comes back
Wally: “Speaking of dicks”
4:15 A – Rick brings Mar upstairs
4:20 A – Jim$ is waiting for his food still at Mr. Lucky’s. Rick joins him for a quick bite
4:45 A – Rick and Jim$ head to bed.
8:00 A – Rick wakes up Mar so he doesn’t miss his flight. For a second, Rick thinks Mar is dead
8:05 A – Mar wonders around the room just saying “Terry vs. Toilet”
9:20 A – Mar actually gets on his plane
9:30 A – Rick has to ice his shoulder do to fist pumping fatigue.
10:00 A – Breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. Bid farewell to Jurgen and Poppers.
11:00 A – Check out and hang out in Dmo’s room
11:01 A – Jim$ checks his work voicemail and finds a message from Drunk Jurgen.
“Hi I would like to speak to a representative at the front desk so I will call some place else. Thank you. Good Night.”
11:02 A – We listen to the message 30 times. Highlight of the weekend
12:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
1:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
2:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
3:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
4:00 P – Finally leaving Vegas.
11:45 P ET – Land in NY. Dmo loses his phone.