Jim$ Bachelor Party: Running Diary

The 2009 Gentleman of the Year is set to marry the reigning Gentlewoman of the Year on December 4, 2010. This will be the biggest CoG event of the young decade. As with most weddings, the bachelor party had been planned for months and was a highly anticipated event. The gents were giddy even. We got back from Vegas yesterday, and as tradition dictates, we were required to keep a running diary of the trip.

Wednesday September 22

6:00 P ET – After a day where they made a combined $3.1 Million Dollars, Jim$ and Dmo take off for Vegas on their private jet
8:30 P PT – Jim$ and Dmo arrive in Vegas
8:57 P – Virgil picks up Jim$ and Dmo in a stretch Escalade and brings them to the Hard Rock. They don’t even need to go to the front desk. They are greeted by a red cap at the curb and escorted to their penthouse suite.
9:30 P – Jim$ and Dmo get haircuts and massages in their suite to relax and prepare for the day.

10:03 P – The Gentlemanly Duo goes to Kokomo’s at the Mirage for dinner. Jim$ goes with the Double Rib Lamb Chops while Dmo gets the Lobster Milanaise
11:35 P – Dmo and Jim$ turn down a limo ride with strippers (because they are gentlemen) and choose to walk back to the Hard Rock instead. The Mirage security insists this is a bad idea, but they enjoy interacting with the normies. They give out $50 and 35 autographs each.
11:56 P – They make it back to the Hard Rock and immediately fall asleep after a busy day.
11:59 P – Eric Tucker of Los Molinos, CA takes the $5 bill he got from Dmo and puts it in a slot machine at the Ellis Island Casino and Brewery. He wins $15,000
Thursday September 23
8:00 A – After a refreshing night sleep Dmo and Jim$ wake up to room service. Two Eggs Scrambled with cheese. Hash Browns. Rare Cambodian Breast Milk. The Wall Street Journal. Toothpicks made of 14 karat gold. And a fine horsehair napkin.
9:03 A – Ostrowe lands in Vegas. He grabs some Au Bon Pain at the airport and hops in a cab driven by Virgil.
10:02 A – After checking into his suite, Ostrowe meets up with the other gentleman. They head to the casino floor for some early morning gambling to start the trip off right.
11:22 A – Dmo is up $5, Jim$ is up $15, Ostrowe is up $25. Playing it safe early. Only playing $15 per hand.
11:48 A – The Gentlemanly Trio has lunch by the pool at the Bartolotta Ristorante Di Mare at the Wynn. Dmo has the risotto ai frutti di mare and Jim$ goes with the tagliatelle con porcini.
1:23 P – The gentlemen split up for the time being. Dmo heads to Caesar’s Palace for the SANS Institute Convention on Network Security. Jim$ heads to Bally’s for the Paralyzed Veterans of America Convention and Expo. Ostrowe decides to sit by the pool at the Hard Rock
1:35 P – As Jim$ enters the hall, he is immediately recognized as the man who donates $10,000 a year to the foundation. Everyone also congratulates him on his 2009 Gentleman of the Year title.
2:23 P – Dmo is forced to leave the conference when he is presented a big problem by his boss.
2:32 P – Dmo solves the problem and is given a raise and promotion. He donates 1/10 of his raise (or $5,000) to the United Way.
5:00 P – Poppers and Jurgen arrive in Vegas. Jurgen pays for the cab ride to hotel
5:45 P – The Gentleman meet up at Harrah’s and walk up to the Starbucks counter. They all order a cheeseburger and fries from In & Out Burger. The barista walks to the back of the Starbucks and brings out their burgers.
5:46 P – Josh Humphreys, a CPA from Monroe City, Missouri sees this exchange happen while standing behind the gentlemen. He gets to the counter and orders In & Out as well. The barista shuts him down. He then asks for a large coffee. The barista asks if he means a “venti”
6:15 P – Jim$ and Dmo walk into the WITI/IIBA joint network meeting. They are both led to the stage and give two of the best keynote speeches ever. John Gilbert of Hurricane, UT has his life changed for the better.
7:00 P – The speeches end exactly on time. Standing Ovation.
8:30 P – Mar, Rick, and Daryl arrive. They walk/hitchhike to the hotel since they are so poor.
9:01 P – While walking to “The Beatles Love Cirque du Soleil” Jim$ puts a dollar in the slot machine. He wins $7.
9:32 P – Dmo and Jim$ are shown to a private booth. They are two minutes late, but the performers were waiting for them to arrive. Ostrowe, Poppers, and Jurgen sit with the peasants. Rick is not allowed in. “Bro. Shorts and sneaks. No dice” strikes again.
10:00 P Rick decides to head to the Palms for the NORA Cup Awards at Interbike. Drew Bezanson beats out Jamie Bestwick for rider of the year.
10:05 P – Mar and Daryl sit down at the table. Mar plunks down his life savings and looks to win millions.
11:20 P – For the first time, all the gentlemen are in the same place at the same time. Ostrowe, Poppers, and Jurgen joined Mar and Daryl at their table. Jim$ and Dmo scoff at the $5 limit. But look on with Rick anyway.
11:23 P – All normal people have left our vicinity due to our retardation. However, our dealer Carlos from Henderson, NV loves us
11:36 P – Carlos deals himself 21. Poppers – “Not at the table Carlos”
Friday September 24
12:05 A – The Gentlemen leave the table. Ostrowe Minus $10. Mar Minus $30. Daryl Minus $5. Jurgen Minus $10. Poppers Plus $35. Gives all profits to Jurgen since it was his money Poppers was using.
12:23 A – All the Gentlemen hangout in the suite eating ice cream and fall asleep watching Vegas Vacation.
12:30 A – Mar wakes up and insists on listening to the greatest song of all time before going to bed. Night Fever. He says it makes all the girls take their clothes off. For the record, there are no chicks here. Everyone else leaves. Rick, Mar and Ostrowe have a physical fight over the iPod dock. Mar wins.
9:00 A – The Gentlemen hit up the Lago buffet at Caesar’s Palace. Before the expedition the desert.
10:00 A – Board a bus at the Excalibur and head out on a trek in the desert. We are going ziplining over some gorge. Ostrowe set it up. Might be a ponzi scheme
10:10 A – Jurgen puts Daryl in his phone as Dyral
10:20 A – Text bomb Faux Eddie O. His girlfriend is not happy
10:29 A – It’s so hot
10:30 A – That girl behind the counter is hot
11:00 A – Ostrowe: This van was not made for 30 people.
Mar: Yea it was made for 1 guy and a 13 year old
11:15 A – It’s so hot
11:35 A – It’s so hot
12:02 P – It’s so hot
12:32 P – It’s so hot
1:45 P – Back at the Hard Rock. We all head straight for the pool.
1:55 P – Jim$ gets escorted to a fancy cabana to talk stocks with Richard Branson who happens to be in town.
2:24 P – After an action packed morning, the gentlemen all fall asleep by the pool.
3:43 P – Ostrowe and Mar wake up with sun burns reminiscent of past trips to the Preakness
4:01 P – They took our jobs
4:15 P – Can you believe they have The Game of Life on the pool deck? An amazing game ensues. Dmo the athlete lives in the Victorian while Jim$ the banker lives in a trailer home to see how the other half lives. Ostrowe the artist has 6 kids while living in the Tudor while Rick the rockstar lives in a split level.
4:18 P – Mar and Daryl disappear. Poppers head to the sports book
5:15 P – Jim$ wins at Life. Shocker.
5:30 P – We meet up with Mar and Daryl at the tables. Mar is down $100 and Daryl is down $50. Jason is not a gentlemanly dealer. Dmo and Jim$ sit and play 5 hands each and both walk away up $15. Everyone heads back to their room to freshen up for dinner
5:50 P – Crazy singing and fist pumping party starts in the suite when Escapar plays followed by Baby I Like It, DJ Pauly D, Flo Rida, Adam Lambert and T.I
6:30 P – Well. That was gay.
6:31 P – Watch the Jenna Jameson-Jill Kelly scene for old times sake to make things less awkward.
8:15 P – Sit down for a gentlemanly dinner at Delmonico’s at the Venetian. 47 toasts are made to Jim$…by the entire restaurant.
9:45 P – Monumental moment as Rick takes a shot in Jim$ honor as a gift to him. Everyone watches Rick make a face like a 15 year old.
10:00 P – Jim$ is not allowed to pay for the $1050 bill. The rest of the table (except Dmo) is now in debt
10:23 P – While stopping at Walgreens to get energy drink. A man walks in and says “Snowman in the house”
11:00 P – Cue Marathon gambling session at O’Shea’s.
11:45 P – The bearded guy from Your Love is My Drug sits down at out blackjack table. He gets blackjack on his first hand. “Blackjack. So easy a caveman can do it”

Saturday Septemeber 25
12:01 A – Dmo, Mar, Jurgen, Jim$ disappear and say they are going to the Mirage to see JWoww. By the time everyone catches up to them, they are on their way back to the Hard Rock already
As expected, the following events don’t have times.
Drunk Mar arms
Dmo just fell asleep on the bar.
Ostrowe shows off his heart tattoo
Your Korean Rummy in a cell
“How’s Abby” bomb Brock
“How’s Abby” bomb Daryl
You’re wealthy fight
Everyone tells the ugly girl that Rick works for NBC
2:15 A – Dmo is wide awake somehow and demands to play blackjack. Mar and Jurgen go play too. Everyone else goes to bed
7:55 A – A belligerent Dmo enters the room and wakes everyone up screaming about how Gerry Oswald is a word who stole our money. All Mar can say is “Titties” and “I’m Winded” after being cut off by his waitress named “Toots”
8:05 A – Dmo gives Daryl a superfly splash
8:30A – Dmo treats everyone to breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. He has enough hotel credit to cover the whole thing.
8:45 A – Dmo passes out at the table. Ostrowe eats his food.
9:15 A – Dmo, Mar, Ostrowe and Jurgen go pass out in the room. Poppers heads to the sports book. Rick, Daryl, and Jim$ head to the Stratosphere to jump off the top of it.
9:30 A – Jim$ helps a group of senior citizens who are lost. That is why he is the GotY.
10:15 A – It is high up here.
11:22 A – Get back to the Hard Rock and everyone is watching the Hangover in the suite.
11:34 A – Head over to the Hofbrauhaus for lunch. Joyce would love this German Beer Hall.
12:02 P – Jurgen has no concept of time on this trip since he refused to set his watch to pacific time.
12:30 P – Time to sit by the pool again. Daryl sits in a chair reading his Kindle.
1:15 P – Rick heads over to Street League. God knows what happens while he is gone
3:30 P – Shane O’Neill wins. Rick runs back to the pool. Apparently he missed Tequilla shots. Jim$ keeps reopening the slide after it is closed
3:34 P – Slide?
3:40 P – Slide?
3:50 P – Slide?
4:00 P – An old man with cataracts is sitting by the pool in pain. Jim$ gives him his sunglasses. What a gentleman.
6:30 P – Rick goes back to the room and Ostrowe is passed out on the ground.
7:00 P – Dinner at Hard Rock. Rick proclaims this as the worst ever dinner with the gentlemen. He enjoys it immensely.
7:05 P – Carlos chant. Followed by Baby chant
8:30 P – Heather our waitress convinces us to let her roommate take us to the strip club in a limo. She says he will pay our admission, and for our first drinks
8:50 P – Joey hates us. He pulls away without paying for anything.
9:01 P – As we walk in a stripper says “Oh, Hi Daryl”
9:10 P – Water here is $10 and if you try to use the ATM, there is a $60 fee.
9:15 P – Why are we at a strip club at 9:15?
9:30 P – Daryl gets an intense lapdance from some stripper, Rick feels the need to pay her as well just for watching
9:45 P – Ostrowe gets a lapdance from Daisy from Rock of Love.
10:15 P – We all head back to the Hard Rock and hit up the tables for a few hours
10:35 P – Suga is the coolest dealer of all time
11:00 P – Mar hasn’t been sober since Friday afternoon. Here is a list of the only things he is saying:
Teach me how to Dougie
Terry vs. Toilet
Pay the kid
Hey Toots
11:45 P – Mar is up $750, Dmo is up $1600

Sunday September 26
1:00 A – The gentlemen part ways again.
9:00A – The gentlemen go to church before football
10:00 A – Get a table at Blondies to watch the games

10:01 A – The Giants game is no where near us, so Daryl goes to sit at the bar alone
10:15 A – This table looks like death.
10:30 A – This table also smells like death
1:15 P – First football games over. Dmo and Mar still hammered so we decide walking back is a good idea.
1:25 P – Stop to get beers for the walk. Rick gets a smoothie.
1:50 P – Everyone crashes in the suite. Dmo sleeps on the floor near the door.
2:30 P – Everyone separates and plans on napping before the night game at Toby Keith’s
4:00 P – Mar and Rick go down early to play blackjack for an hour before catching a cab.
5:02 P – Bump into the most stereotypical New Yorker of all time. Her name is Ta-Ta. Rick, Ostrowe, and Mar stick around to talk to her. She rambles on for 20 minutes talking about how she is fat (she’s not) and how most guys stop talking to her when she tells them she is not looking to hookup. Ostrowe promptly walks away.
5:27 P – While standing on line for a cab Mar turns around to the girls behind us:
Mar: (Points to his arm) I was bit by a zombie
(Rick and Ostrowe lose it)
Mar: Do you think this is a zombie bite or a human bite?
Girl: Neither
Mar: Bueller?
Mar: Bueller?
5:45 P – Rob is the most gentlemanly bartender of all time.
6:00 P – Drunk Mar and Daryl are laughing about something, but no one knows what. Everyone is curious
6:18 P – After a J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets chant. Mar starts a T-I-T-T-I-E-S chant. It immediately catches on.
6:45 P – Jim$ buys Daryl a Patriot in a mason jar in hopes that Daryl will miss his flight.
8:00 P – Daryl leaves to catch his flight despite having two Patriots.
8:30 P – Jurgen tells the running diary that he would like Ostrowe and Goon to visit him more often in Maryland since they are gentlemen
9:00 P – The Dolphins screw Ostrowe and Dmo out of money. However, Poppers and Jurgen are happy. We pay for $172 of mason jars and the rest of our bill
9:10 P – While walking thru the casino
Mar – Teach me how to Dougie
Woman – Oh I get it, you are an asshole
Jim$ – Hellooo? He was just trying to teach you how to dance.
(Shows her how to Dougie)
Woman – I thought he called me a donkey
Mar – Terry?
9:30 P – Marathon session started in the Toby Keith section of Harrah’s.
10:02 P – Ostrowe claims our dealer, Jennifer from Yonkers, is a tranny.
10:15 P – I can’t believe Drunk Mar is still standing
10:34 P – Ostrowe starts to play the wheel “only because he likes annoying the girl spinning it”
10:35 P – Tigist hates Ostrowe.
10:45 P – 40 hits on the wheel and Ostrowe, Rick, and Poppers start to celebrate. Tigist gets extreme pleasure in not paying Ostrowe since he bet red 40 and not blue 40
10:50 P – Leave Harrah’s so we can catch the 11:15 showing of the Bellagio fountains
11:01 P – It is impossible to control Drunk Mar. You can only hope to contain him
11:08 P – Run through Caesar’s.
11:15 P – Somehow make it to the fountains. Cue Piccinich 7 closing credits
11:45 P – Get back to the Hard Rock and decide we should go to the club at least one night
11:52 P – Drunk Mar “Just stand here. I guarantee we get in”
Monday September 27
12:10 A – We still haven’t gotten in
12:20 A – Jurgen asks Jim$ if he wants to go to Vanity. When Jim$ gives the affirmative, Jurgen takes matters into his own hands. He gives the bouncer some money advice and inspires him to stop doing drugs. The bouncer proceeds to let us bypass the line and enter the club.
12:21 A – Either that or Jurgen said he would buy bottle service. I can’t remember. APR $1600
12:29 A – Somehow Drunk Mar gets into the club. Ostrowe slips the guy $100 saying to bring chicks to our table. The guy doesn’t
12:50 A – Jim$ helps all the other gentlemen find dance partners. Oddly enough, there is a 80 year old woman in the club all alone. Jim$ proceeds to dance with her.
1:15 A – I’m on a boat comes on.
1:45 A – Dynamite gets a great reaction
2:30 A – Jim$: “Rick and Poppers are Clubsters”
2:50 A – Jim$ shizes in Vanity but causes a ruckus when La Bamba starts playing.
3:30 A – Jim$, Rick, and Poppers finally leave. Ostrowe is at Mr. Lucky’s waiting to eat. Mar is playing blackjack. Dmo is playing blackjack somewhere else with Wally. Jurgen is died.
3:45 A – Rick bounces back and forth between Dmo and Mar. Mar is has $375 in chips
3:50 A – Poppers and Ostrowe go to bed.
3:51 A – Mar has $50 left.
3:53 A – Poppers find Jurgen on the phone talking to his bank. There is no one on the other end.
3:58 A – Dmo gets into a fight with Cris Angel.
3:59 A – Cris Angel leaves
4:00 A – Dmo and Wally rant for 5 minutes about how big of a dick Cris Angel is.
4:05 A – Cris Angel comes back
Wally: “Speaking of dicks”
4:15 A – Rick brings Mar upstairs
4:20 A – Jim$ is waiting for his food still at Mr. Lucky’s. Rick joins him for a quick bite
4:45 A – Rick and Jim$ head to bed.
8:00 A – Rick wakes up Mar so he doesn’t miss his flight. For a second, Rick thinks Mar is dead
8:05 A – Mar wonders around the room just saying “Terry vs. Toilet”
9:20 A – Mar actually gets on his plane
9:30 A – Rick has to ice his shoulder do to fist pumping fatigue.
10:00 A – Breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. Bid farewell to Jurgen and Poppers.
11:00 A – Check out and hang out in Dmo’s room
11:01 A – Jim$ checks his work voicemail and finds a message from Drunk Jurgen.
“Hi I would like to speak to a representative at the front desk so I will call some place else. Thank you. Good Night.”
11:02 A – We listen to the message 30 times. Highlight of the weekend
12:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
1:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
2:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
3:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
4:00 P – Finally leaving Vegas.
11:45 P ET – Land in NY. Dmo loses his phone.


Running Diary: Labor Day Weekend

Getting back to the F###ing basics

7:12 Rick gets off the bus in Nyack 13 hours before the scheduled departure time of 8:00 AM. He and Ostrowe are heading to Maryland for a BBQ at the Casa de Jurgen on Sunday followed by the Maryland-Navy game on Monday. But first thing is first. Dinner at Posa. Rick is stoked.
7:30 Rick hasn’t had Posa since moving to the city. It is so good it gives him a “brain idea.” Leave Rockland ASAP. Drive through Phily. Stop at Pat’s. Eat Cheesesteaks. Continue driving until we get tired. If we need to get a hotel, so be it. It will break up the trip nicely, plus we get cheesesteaks. Everyone wins!
7:31 Ostrowe immediately accepts the idea and they head out to run some errands before leaving. Rick finishes his second slice on the run. Estimated departure time: 9:30
7:35 Rick tries to convince Dmo and Mar to meet us there. Dmo is in AC winning millons with Hutter, Mar in LBI banging slimmies. Neither one is any shape to drive to Philly.
7:37 Stop at Pathmark to get a cooler. Rick has a second “Brain Idea.” Insists on getting M&M Pretzel and M&M Peanut Butter and eating them together. Pathmark is lacking in the M&M department despite having giant signs on each register promoting the pretzel incarnation
8:00 Stop by Ostrowe’s Mom’s house to move a recliner (attempt #2)
8:30 Recliner moved to Nyack. Ostrowe packs. He fills his overnight bag and realizes he doesn’t have enough room. He puts the packed overnight bag as is into a larger bag. So meta
9:03 Leaving 27 minutes before estimated time. (Ed. Note: This is what we needed. We need some spice in our life. We don’t do thing like this anymore. Is it because we are adults, or is it beacuse we got smarter?)
9:06 Ostrowe can’t wait until the bottles of Bud Light Lime in the trunk break and his clothes get soaked
9:11 Ostrowe: I don’t even know if I need energy drink. I’m adrenalized. I’ve got fucking amenergy”
9:22 Stop at the Montvale Service station for Ostrowe gets a 5 Hour Energy. Rick goes with a Monster, and M&Ms Pretzels & M&M Peanut Butter. Success!
9:25 Rick tries to mix the M&Ms in the little bags. They go everywhere. He finds a Shop Rite bag in the back seat and mixes the M&Ms in the bag. His mixture is just as dreamy as he dreamed in the dream he dreamed at 7:37
9:26 Things are officially cuppy
9:30 So God, (Ed. Note: I assume I was commenting that the M&Ms were so good, but I kinda like how it looks like I was writing a letter to God but got stuck after the opening. What do you say to God anyway?)
9:35 Rick cracks open the Monster. (Foreshadowing!)
9:38 Ostrowe texting while driving next to a state trooper. Still not as bad of an idea as this trip.
9:41 Rick almost does a bird call. Maybe he didn’t need the energy drink. My teeth hurt (Ed. Note: Wow it only took 6 minutes for that caffeine to hit me. I also like the multiple tenses used. Also, please note that after not seeing Joyce for 2 months, I started to become him. No homo)
9:49 “Baby I Like It” comes on. Business picks up. This will be the first of many times this song plays
9:54 (Unfiltered thoughts put on paper ahead) People should hire us to DJ their shit. We are awesome
9:56 Your Love is My Drug is about bearded mar
9:59 Ostrowe downs 5 hour energy. Wheeeeeeeeee. He proceeds to throw it in the backseat ala Stone Cold
10:00 (More of Rick’s Inner Monologue) I’m having trouble spelling ostrowe. And I also decided to switch to first person. Halucinating heart attack
10:09 Who would win in a battle of the bands. Infant Sorrow or Sex Bob-omb
10:13 Text from Rick to a coworker: I’m hopped up on goofballs. Goofballs = Monster Energy + M&Ms Pretzel and PB combined
10:21 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Le France soy ugly. What? I’ve got the shakes
10:23 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) This is why I don’t drink. I can’t even control myself on Monster
10:37 Fond memories of the sandal suite are shared. Burping is not delicious
10:38 Ostrowe is a pizza sprinter. Rick is a pizza marathoner
10:45 Almost 2 hours into our journey and Rick still feels like this is a great idea. Ostrowe is confident we will make it to Rockville. They only hope someone is awake
10:46 It feels great to be back in running diary mode
10:54 Both Rick and Ostrowe need to destroy toilets. Damn the Walt Whitman station for being just beyond the exit for Philly. What are the odds? This car is going to stink
10:56 Rick thinks they should stop at a hotel just to use the toilet in the lobby
11:12 The car can taste Pats!
11:20 Drive by: “Tham Mi Vein Spa” That loosely translates to “Happy Ending”
11:23 PATS!
11:30 Buy $80 worth of cheesesteaks. Rick and Ostrowe each buy 4. The Philly asshole behind the counter is not happy. They don’t even bother to help us with to-go bags (Ed. Note: It’s not we were the last guys in line. And it’s not they they specially make each cheesesteak.)
11:40 Back on the road with cheesesteaks in our guts. Ostrowe is reenergized and proclaims we will be making it to Rockville, MD
11:48 Is there a nice part of Philly. No. Ostrowe’s GPS sucks. It may have been made by rapists
11:54 Passing the John Heinz refuge park or something of the sort. He invented the ketchup bottle
11:57 Can’t wait for no one in Rockville to be awake. We are going to have to sleep in the car
11:58 The gum does nothing. NOTHING. There’s cheesesteak everywhere. It’s in my raccoon wounds

12:00 Happy Sunday
12:08 Fireworks. If we were to buy them and put them in the truck with the cheesesteaks the fuses would be lit by the steaks fumes
12:12 Looking forward to the new and improved Delaware rest stop. They are going to need to close it again when we are done
12:22 Double the amount of time in Delaware. Crashing hard. 2 miles to rest stop
12:29 Delaware rest big improvement over the old one. Although, being that the old one had a total score of Negative 29, it wasn’t hard to top
12:33 No cell service in the Delaware rest area. After leaving the bathroom Rick gets a water and a Wild Cherry Pepsi
12:37 Ostrowe is died in the bathroom.
12:38 Reason 3546 Why Delaware Sucks: They are playing Gray’s Anatomy on the TVs at the rest stop
12:51 Philly has no redeeming qualities. Kinda like Delaware
12:52 Rise Against is loaded into the CD player. Business picks up
1:04 The Late M&M Mystery Bag
1:06 My burps are awful. Monster + M&Ms Pretzel + Cheesesteak + M&Ms Peanut Butter + Wild Cherry Pepsi
1:10 Hope someone waits up for us. Sleeping in the car would be a disaster. Cheesesteak flatulence mixed with cheesesteaks
1:17 Much debate about where we are staying. Jim$ and Jenn staying at Jenn’s parents place which is about 25 minutes closer than Jurgen’s. Jim$ claims he will stay up for cheesesteak. Jurgen says the same thing. Poppers and the O’Neill’s are still at the bar
1:21 Bel Air and Edgewood are the same exit off of 95. Could be Ostrowe new favorite exit in the world. It’s a sign.
1:23 I don’t remember the last time I had this much caffeine in m veins. I can’t see straight
1:25 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Ostrowe likes eating pizza in a bowl
1:26 (Flight of the Conchords) “If had known you weren’t gay I would have spent a lot less time with Jermaine”
1:27 (More FotC) “I sometimes grow a beard”
“It looks glued on”
“Yea some times I glue it on”
1:30 Ostrowe: “It’s fucking 1:30. What the hell were we thinking”
Rick: “I’m at the Jersey Shore bitch”
Ostrowe: “I’m at the Jersey Shore bitch”
1:43 Two guys signing along to slow Rise Against songs in a car at 1:43 in the morning while both are drinking Wild Cherry Pepsi is pretty gay. We should make this a commercial.
1:50 Passing Glen Bernie/Annapolis. Hey Joyce, Bernie said your Bean Dip sucked
1:53 Passing Ellicott City. If we were staying with Jim$ and Jenn we’d be there by now
2:01 GTL Bitches. Beat that beat up
2:03 Ok. Two guys signing and fist pumping to Jason Derulo may be gayer
2:08 495 Bitches. The homestretch
2:21 How’s Korean Korner?
2:22 Don’t piss off Ostrowe after he’s been driving for 5 hrs. He is an angry driver
2:23 Recent updates are lacking. I can’t even….words
2:32 CASA DE JURGEN! Ostrowe opens the trunk and is knocked over the the stench of cheesesteaks. It stings the nostrils
2:38 The kitchen smells like cheesesteak already and they are in the fridge in a drawer
2:58 The Poppers Mansion tour is gentlemanly. He turns on the living room light and Goon and Jurgen are out cold. They don’t even flinch. Rick passes out in the office suite
6:39 Rick wakes up from cheesesteak shizing dreams…no wait…nightmares
6:40 Jurgen finds Ostrowe in his bed and Rick on the floor of the office. Asks why they didn’t share the bed
6:41 Rick looks at clock and hopes it is not really 6:41
7:21 Rick wakes up confused again after a long dream about waking up
7:30 Rick wishes he could nap on the toilet
7:31 The Rick’s tenses are all fucked up. I need to sleep
7:35 (Rick’s Inner Monologue)In a related story I feel like death
7:47 Ostrowe: “Prelude to a massive schize sounds like a work by Edgar Allen Poe”
7:49 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) I think I have a caffeine hangover. I am pathetic. I also need to stop whining
7:53 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Drinking water while laying down is amazing. Thanks peristalsis.
7:59 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) My flatulence might drive me out of couch cushions
8:11 I throw my hands up in the air sometimes singing eh-oh
8:35 Jurgen “I need to get an Eddie O. He does dishes on demand. I heard Peg say something about dishes, and now they are done. Eddie O is domesticated”
8:42 Peg’s French Toast Casserole made coming last night worth it. What a great idea to complement this amazing breakfast
8:52 Goon’s Pick-Up Line “How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi I’m John”
9:03 Peg: What’s wrong with her, she doesn’t She doesn’t look bad…..oh
9:10 Peg says Cole is a good dog, he growls at her
9:24 Peg: “I want to be in one of your videos Rick….with Jmac” (Eddie O Double Takes)
9:24 Ostrowe: Jared Leto is a good actor (Eddie O laughs)
9:46 9:00P is the O/U for Goon’s GotY nomination
9:50 Ostrowe is fidgety
10:06 Cole is disrespecting Goon’s clothes
10:19 Goon does the Terry Dance
10:23 Ostrowe is wearing the most American shirt of all time. Americans flags over the Declaration of Independence
10:35 Lot of couch sitting. Rick is DJing. Goon demands Poison (meaning the band), Rick plays Bell Biv Devoe. Goon then demands Conway Twitty
10:45 Peg calls us Neanderthals and tells Ostrowe to take out the trash
11:01 Rick takes a pic in the kitchen. Eddie O is yelled at for almost burning the place down. Rick explains that it was just the flash
11:02 Ostrowe punching out to Baby I Like It
11:48 Alexa Ray Joel comes on. Goon gets excited thinking Faith is on. Her Google image page is horrifying
11:52 Watching Ghostbusters. Everyone agrees that Sigourney Weaver was asking for chair rape. She took her pants off and sat on the chair. Goon “The chair is only human”
12:20 Peg chops up the chesesteak and serves us sliders. Rick and Ostrowe don’t want to look at them. Ostrowe grabs one anyway. Peg is helping out her GWotY ballot
12:56 Peg “Jim$ is so rich”
1:20 Chair rape debate Part 2. If you could chair rape anyone who would you chair rape. Ostrowe: “Do you think they warned her about the possibility of chair rape when she bought the chair”
1:43 Airheads wins Netflix instant stream battle
2:05 Joe Mantegna looks like half a butt puppet
2:35 Jurgen has never seen Airheads
2:50 There is a baby at our party. We are old
3:04 Jim$ and Jenn arrive. The gang is all here
3:23 BP just showed up out of nowhere. “I came in the back door” That is his MO. He comes in the back door
4:30 Badminton and Cornhole setup. Jurgen is a great host
5:56 The badminon match of the century. The Power Couple (PC) of Jenn and Jim$ vs. The Moderately Awesome Couple (MAC) of Peg & Eddie O. The PC wins
Note: I have no clue what times the following things occurred.
Jim$ does his best Rafiki imitation and holds a baby over his head
Crasher Jim$
Running diary dies
Escapar, Baby I Like It, & Pauly D played 40 times
Goon: “I’m gonna put this whole town in my rearview”
Everyone in attendance had the Jill Kelly/Jenna Jameson lesbian porn scene (SFW Pic) on their computer at one point. The two of them started out eating dinner at a fancy restaurant then took things to the bathroom
Peg does NOT like public bathroom porn.
Ostrowe says he hasn’t seen professional porn since High School. Jim$ calls bullshit
Ostrowe’s go to scene is FTA
Ostrowe proclaims that Summer Girls is an even worse song than Notice Me. Everyone disagrees
Goon is couch raped by Jim$
Jurgen’s friends come over and we try to fit in with them. When Rick asks if there are any music requests, Ostrowe asks for the Humpty Dance. Poppers then puts on Chappelle’s Show
Jurgen’s friends leave
Jim$ feeds Ostrowe Ron Ron Juice. It spills everywhere but Ostrowe does an amazing job of not dripping on the flag
11:40 Put on animal house for Jim$ and Jenn
11:45 Jim$ and Jenn leave
11:50 Switch to anchorman. Back to the basics

12:10 Everyone passes out
9:00 Restart anchorman
9:53 Hype machine working for Ostrowe’s shize behind the double doors.
9:54 Ostrowe comes out: “That shize was not the event”
10:35 Ostrowe doesn’t really beat up the beat, he stirs the beat. Maybe more of a puree
10:50 Leave for the game
11:10 Eddie O and Peg are not adept at posing for the paparazzi yet. Jim$ and Jenn are pros. That is why they are the Power Couple.
11:41 Amazing how Class of 2012 Naval officers seem infinitely older than us. If we went to the Naval Academy life how different would our life be? Completely Opposite right?
11:45 Peg is the food MVP of the weekend. French Toast Cassarole. Cheesesteak sliders
11:46 Is that James Franco?
12:07 Peg does not recommend pants shizing on the first date
12:08 Peg and Lauren are tired of being the only girls of Nubbinsville so they are just going to make their own
12:15 Peg makes us play erotic photo hunt. Version 2.0 is 10x better than the Fitzy’s version
12:18 Rick: “At least they (the naval officers) are white and not black…the uniforms I mean
Ostrowe: “That was the most racist thing said all weekend”
12:20 Is that Tom Cruise?
12:38 Jason is methodical. Goon pops Poppers in the face with the flag
12:40 Little O is a gent. You can equate everyone is his crew to a person in Nubbinsville
12:58 Jason sells his tickets to Antoine Dodson
1:02 Dunn has Tuberculosis. Literally
1:10 Is that James Franco?
1:15 The dynamic shifts (Ed. Note: I think this is when Heather showed up. But I don’t know why it changed)
1:21 Dmo! And Hutter!
3:17 2 hours of things happened
3:28 Hutter: “I was menstruating out of my mouth”
3:45 Gentlemen split up
3:47 Eddie O and Peg beat Jim$ and Jenn in a paparazzi off.
3:52 How’s Johnny Unitas
4:00 Poppers, Rick, & BP do a full lap around the stadium. Didn’t find the ticket window
4:55 Is that James Franco?
5:05 Hutter lost his shoe
5:18 Hutter lost his shoe
5:21 Terp Fans boo Navy. Bad form. You can’t boo The Navy
5:35 Hutter asks old lady “Do you know what that is?” Refering to the police tracking bracelet around some guys ankle.
6:36 O/U on time arriving home: 1:30A
7:00 James Franco & Tom Cruise lose.
7:27 Peg: “OMG Eddie O we should have twins. Look how much fun they are having”
Eddie O: “Yeah” (Keeps walking)
7:30 Plebe Jurgen
7:38 Saw a Naval cadet roll his ankle. First time I ever saw a Naval cadet do something imperfect
Peg: He’s going to get kicked out of school
8:29 Freshens might be one of my top 3 favorite eateries in the world
8:56 Peg: Cheese Whiz has its place in the world and that is on a cheesesteak
9:08 Txt from Ostrowe: “Its great that out of all the places the event schize could have come out, it chose to wait till I got to Heather’s apartment. Picciniched”
10:29 Peg wakes up. For a second.
11:15 Home! (Under Wins)

iTunes: 9.4.10

As the weeks go on, it get harder and harder for new songs to break into my Top 25. The number 1 song in my iTunes is Three Cheers for Five Years by Mayday Parade with 171 plays. Song #25 is I’d Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song is About also by Mayday Parade with 132 plays. Just to prove that the top 25 has more than Mayday songs here is the full list:

1. Three Cheers for Five Years – Mayday Parade: 171 Plays
2. Jersey – Mayday Parade: 168
3. Jamie All Over – Mayday Parade: 158
(I Promise things will change now)
4. Fast Times at Dropout High – The Ataris: 155
5. Last Train Home – Ryan Star: 155
6. Just Say You’re Not Into It – Mayday Parade: 151
7. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon: 149
8. Makedamnsure – Taking Back Sunday: 148
9. I Won’t Spend Another Night Alone – The Ataris: 146
10. Iris – Goo Goo Dolls: 144
11. All the Same – Sick Puppies: 143
12. Perfect Situation – Weezer: 143
13. Champagne’s For Celebrating – Mayday Parade: 142
14. If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Needed to Do Was Ask – Mayday Parade: 140
15. The Hero Dies in This One: The Ataris: 139
16. I Can Wait Forever – Simple Plan: 139
(#16 is the only non-five-star song in the top 25)
17. And My Names Dignan, So What – Day at the Fair: 138
18. Bittersweet – Radio Racer: 138
19. Boston – Augustana: 137
20. San Dimas High School Football Rules – The Ataris: 135
21. Song for a Mix Tape – The Ataris: 135
22. Dream is Over – Early November: 135
23. Walk on Water or Drown – Mayday Parade: 135
24. How I Spent My Summer Vacation – The Ataris: 132
25. I’d Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song is About – Mayday Parade: 132
Since my top 25 hasn’t been useful in introducing you to some of the new overly played songs in my life, let’s change the rules a little bit. Here are the top 25 songs in my iTunes since March 28, 2010. Why that arbitrary day you might ask? Because that is when I got a new computer. And all my songs before that now say they were added on March 27, 2010
25. I Woke Up in a Car – Something Corporate: 20
Back in 2007 when I first got my Mac this song somehow got lost in the shuffle and didn’t make it onto my new machine. I went looking for it earlier this year and didn’t find it so I redownloaded it
24. Hallelujah – Paramore: 21
I think this is the second best song named Hallelujah on my iPod (Jeff Buckley), but a good song nonetheless. Hayley Williams is hotter as a blonde
/Checks Google
Phew it’s not too creepy to say that
23. Tik Tok – Ke$ha: 21
I was late to the Ke$ha bandwagon. This song and Your Love is My Drug are the epitome of awesomely shitty songs. Very enjoyable. Maybe one day the Awesomely Shitty Bracket will be revealed
22. I Don’t Wanna Be – Gavin De Graw: 21
I don’t wanna be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
21. Creep – Stone Temple Pilots: 23
Don’t know why I didn’t have this. Forgive me
20. Bad Romance – Smile from the Trenches: 23
Before I fully embraced Gaga’s music (I still don’t like her as a person), I downloaded the punk version of Bad Romance
19. Laredo – Band of Horses: 24
Band of Horses made an appearance in Joyce’s Jameson video. When their new album was going to get thrown out at work, I stepped in and found it a home. This is the lone bright spot of the album
18. Shark in the Water – VV Brown: 27
17. Alejandro – Lady Gaga: 27
The first Lady Gaga song I liked the first time I heard it. Helped the aforementioned acceptance of her music
16. All I Do is Win – DJ Khaled: 27
15. Billionaire – Travie McCoy: 28
This song is called Jim$ in foreign countries
14. Untouched – The Veronicas: 31
Who would win in a fight. The Veronicas or T.a.T.u? PS This song is just epic
13. Teenage Dirtbag – Wheatus: 32
Teenage Rick relates to this….well except for the prom thing
12. Nothing on You – B.o.B. feat. Bruno Mars: 32
This is just a great song. But as Ostrowe pointed out, how did this guy come out of nowhere and get all these people on his tracks? I’m sure the internet could explain, but just go with it
11. Sexy Bitch – David Guetta feat. Akon: 33
Impossible not to smile when this song plays. My summer interns will tell you this is my pick-me-up song
10. Yeah Yeah Yeah – New Politics: 34
This is the Dew Tour theme song this year. Great song you just want to sing along with.
9. Pure Imagination – Maroon 5: 36
The AT&T commercial with this song is brilliant. Too bad their service doesn’t match their recent creative. Good song to fall asleep to.
8. American Slang – Gaslight Anthem: 36
Joyce, Ostrowe, and I are going to this concert. There are going to be so many hipsters.
7. Brick by Boring Brick – Paramore: 40
6. Airplanes pt. 2 – B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams & Eminem: 42
Part 2 > Part 1 due to Eminem’s sick verse. Hayley Williams is hot as a blonde
5. If We Ever Meet Again – Timbaland feat. Katy Perry: 43
I’m watching Notre Dame v. Purdue. The Irish look good. Consider this a kiss of death
4. Spine – I Love Monsters: 43
The drumer for this band works for NBC. They were also a finalist in the new FreeCreditScore.com band search
3. Bangers, Beans, and Mash – Infant Sorrow: 45
Russell Brand recorded a full album for the Get Him to the Greek album. For an actor, all the songs are pretty great
2. Little Lion Man – Mumford and Sons: 46
There is a lesson to be learned here
1. The Only Exception – Paramore: 64