It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Time for the people to decide who is the Biggest Gentleman of the Year. Here is the full bracket
1 Jim$ v 8 Muary Fucking Povich
– Defending Gentleman of the Year
– He’s a fucking gentleman
– Someday, people will tell tales of the Dierck$en administration and I will say that I was proud to be alive in such an era; properly coined as “The Dierck$en Era of Prosperity”
– Tried to not run this year
– A 3x godfather
– Only person to ever make Rick drink
Muary Fucking Povich
– Is an excellent golf teacher
– Likes college girls
– Believes Maryland would make more money if the cheerleaders cheered topless
– Has determined the paternity status of countless people
4 Original Jim$ v 5 Mike’s Pizza
– Got beers for us when bar was closed.
– Supports the LG.
– Owns a country club.
– Has supplied us with many free meals.
– Invented the “cool breeze” style basketball lay up (behind the back under the legs)
– Excellent financial consultant
– Makes the food of the gods
– Has never made a bad slice
– Is kept in business by Rick
– When he went on vacation for two weeks. Rick cried
3 Jurgen v 6 Arnold Palmer
– Hosted a gentlemanly gathering at his palace
– Bought coffee for everyone
– Busted out the Jameson Special Reserve so we could have Irish coffee
– Vanity. $1600
– He would like to speak to a representative at the front desk so he will call someplace else. Thank you have a good night
– He is also a warrior having sustained the most bruises and cuts out of all of us.
– Steinbrenner of the CoG
– Bobble Head Night
– Invented the most gentlemanly drink of all time
– Also a golfer of some note
2 Joyce v 7 Dayman
– People were leaving, it was the leaving time and people were leaving because it was the leaving time and people were leaving
– Called Olivia angular
– Got trapped in a rape van
– Kinda looks like a Carlos
– Bought Dmo and Ostrowe White Castle
– Allowed JMac and Ostrowe to spend 24 hours on his couch, and cooked us burgers
– Came up with the idea for the Chilean miner costume, end result being us showered with applause and picture requests
– His dance push up at Jim$ wedding led to another person doing a dance pushup
– Fighter of the Nightman
– Champion of the sun
– Master of karate, and friendship for everyone
– Most gentlemanly of deodorants/body washes
– Is on a horse
3 Anfron v 6 Rob the Bartender
– Especially due to this email which I am not sure if we can post online or not
– Speaking of which I am 2 seconds away from bamgiong a ligeit again
– Send the CoG awesome foreign emails
– Asians love boozing. My bauce tried banging an asian banker and he tried to get me to bang her assistant
– Moved from a cube to his own private office
– Big Time
Rob the Bartender
– Enjoyed our shenanigans
– Kept serving all of us even though we were clearly hammered
– Chanted “T!I!T!T!I!E!S!” along with us
– “T! I! T! I! … Wait I fucked up”
– Teach me how to Dougie
2 Mar v 7 John Hamm
– I’ve concluded that the only thing better than big titties is….BIGGER TITTIES!
– Was not sober once in Vegas.
– Taught a hook how to dougie so she wouldn’t steal his camera
– Discovered that Night Fever makes all the girls take their clothes off
– Incredibly handsome
– Makes Mad Men one of the most critically acclaimed shows on television
– Excellent SNL host
– Appeared on two of the first 3 episodes of Conan
– Quite handsome
1 Rick v 8 Nikko
– Randomly created and scored a sheep.
– He takes criticism and corrects his playlist.
– Volunteers his time at ARC to chaperone events, whereas ARC = the COG and events = any gathering of the COG
-Keeps Mike’s Pizza in business
– Kept Mar and Joyce alive on the streets of Baltimore
– Es el Capitan de Los Cosmos, and Fall 2010 Champion Coed team
– Always happens to be at a bar when his friends are about to leave
– Introduced the world to “Heathers” and assorted hangouts with no formal signs on them.
– Hip style of dress, yet not a “hipster”
– Proverbial Expert on all things related to NYC nightlife
– NYU Degree
– Columbia Grad School Degree (pending)
– Goes by Kyle Mou
– Won Rick a slice of pizza by misspelling “Schizaffin”
– Challenged Jim$ to a cotton candy eating contest at a Pirates Game
– Let us stay in his house that smelled like piss
– Took us out in Pittsburgh to meet college chicks
– Has a dog that a stripper left at his house once after sleeping with him
– Shit his pants on the flight back from India this summer
– Defended our country and takes down Big Lenny
– Drives without a shirt in West Virginia.
– A true gentleman.
3 Jmac v 6 Keenan
– Brought imported onion dip to Daryl’s Mansion Warming Party
– Created “Daryl’s Mansion Warming Party” song
– Brought Mrs. Joyce flowers for mother’s day
– Chipped in for Mother’s Day dinner with the Ostrowe family
– A Godfather
– Only person to hook up at Jim$ wedding
– Bangs fat chicks
– Likes TK
– Let Ostrowe borrow his jacket to walk home after his was stolen
– Gave me a futon and coffee table when I moved into my apartment
– His engagmenet party was a booze cruise around Manhattan
– He has a pool that he lets me work from in the summer time and always provides cold budwesiers.
– He is a former bartender at Fitzy’s and Walsh’s
– He’s also marrying a boatload of money, smart man.
– Met Poppers once. Punched him really hard in the chest
The Redhead Region
1 Dmo v 8 Jason Derulo
– Beat up Criss Angel
– Won millions in Vegas
– Looks at chicks applications
– Run the Gentlemanly Fantasy Football league
– The cornerstone of the CoG
– Owner and operator of Club Tit$
– Has released three incredibly catchy hit singles from his debut album
– Amanbsa likes that song where he says his name
– He’s ridin’ solo, he’s ridin solo
4 Goon v 5 Gary Williams
– He is a top chef
– Popped the shirt off during our badminton screwjob loss
– Always Sunny is his favorite show
– He has great Ts
– “How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m John.”
– Bangs college slimmies
– Likes to eat wings and booze
– Works for a gentlemanly university
– Was awarded the 2010 ACC Coach of the Year
– Made the fist pump cool before Jersey Shore
3 Eddie O v 6 Extra Hour of Sleep
– He is married to a gentlewoman.
– He drinks straight bourbon.
– He is a known gentleman.
– He scored 4 touchdowns in one game.
– He just got peg a fork.
– Squats 400 lbs. at the gym.
– 500lb if listening to Baby I Like It
Extra Hour of Sleep
– Allows us to be less winded throughout the day
– Is an extra hour for Dougla$ to count his millions
– Is an extra hour for the ac/heat to distribute through anfron’s corner office so that the temp is optimal come Monday
2 Daryl v 7 Colin Cowherd
– “I just built Rio the Snowman. He is lacking all major appendages including stick arms. He has no carrot nose because I was too goddamn lazy to get a carrot, and I lack coal or a corn cob pipe to complete the illusion…”
– “I usually disappear into convenience stores and show up at the bar again, 45 minutes later, holding a bag of Doritios. This is what I’m told happens anyway”
– Taught his kidney spanish so it could play on the Mets. It batted .294 with 10 HRs and 72 RBIs. .992 Fielding Percentage
– 6 Martinis at the wedding
– Reasons to follow. There on a post it on my desk.
May the god bless you forever