Ever since Jim$ wedding, Table Two has been on quite the adventure.
The Cosmos lead el capitan Nikko Buencamino once again reached the championship this past season. After falling behind 2-nil in the final, they came back to knot the game up at 2 a piece. As is tradition, the game would be decided in penalty kicks
Friday Afternoon: 3:26 PM ET
Jmac: I feel like I want to do something awesome this weekend
(Less than 30 seconds later)
Rick: Let’s fly to Miami
With that text, Rick planted a seed in Jmac’s mind. After an hour of searching for flights to Miami (Only $215!) and a couple of back up ideas (Chicago and Vegas), Rick nearly had Jmac convinced to buy clothes in Miami since he didn’t have any with him and there was no way he could go home and catch a 8:00P flight. After much debate, they decided the plan should revolve around cheese steaks in Philly. Sadly, the Phillies and Union we both out of town. The Orioles were also out of town, however, they we playing the Nationals in DC. Poppers and Jurgen live in the DC area, however, Rick and Jmac had no clue if they would be around.
And so it was set. Wake up. Leave the apartment at 7. Catch the 1:05P game at Nationals Park. Do some stuff. Drive home Sunday morning-ish. Stop and get Cheesesteaks. Victory.
It was so much more than that.
7:07 – Leave Rick’s apartment. Based on our current track record, leaving 7 minutes late, makes us on time
7:08 – The streets of NY are empty. Need to wake up this early more often.
7:10 – Over/Under on number of times Give Me Everything is played: 7.5
7:21 – Banana, Smoothie, Croissant, Coffee. With the essentials purchased, we are on our way
7:28 – Jmac: If you ever buy a vespa I will beat you. Everyday. Until you get rid of it
7:34 – Give Me Everything starts off the day: 1
7:50 – Traffic in the Lincoln tunnel. Shocker.
8:06 – Out of Tunnel. Westbound helix closed.
Jmac: Why are they f***ing us?! Follow detour? F**k you. Our plans are f***ed
8:07 – How’s Piccinich Effect? (Ed. Note: For those new readers who are unaware. The Piccinich Effect states that whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and whatever can’t go wrong, will also go wrong)
8:10 – Jmac is a natural wedger. And a savage. He is able to work his way into any line of cars
8:25 – Back on a highway. Cuppiness is setting in. Jmac yelling at random drivers: “You have a truck. Take up 3 lanes please”
8:27 – Table 2 is excited to see the Liberty Science Center
8:31 – Rick is obsessed with looking at the iPhone google map app. He is watching that rather than the road
8:34 – Huey Lewis comes on the iPod playlist as we hit the turnpike.
Jmac: I’m leaning towards cars trucks and buses. People love cars only
Rick: Truckers know how to drive
8:40 – Traffic on the cars only side. Winning!
8:57 – We have Great Expectations for our trip
9:00 – Rick currently has a blackberry, a camera, an iPhone, and two iPods in his lap
9:02 – Stopping at Molly Pitcher service area
9:25 – This crazy guy driving without a shirt is crazy
9:55 – The doldrums of the Jersey Turnpike have consumed us. Playing MFK to pass the time
10:07 – Jmac left his EZPass in Drew’s car so we actually have to go to a toll booth attendant. He turns the radio off since I Just Had Sex was playing. Gentleman
10:08 – Jmac: I used to think the people who didn’t have EZPass were dumb. Now I am dumb
10:12 – Entering Delaware. Over/Under on time on when we reach Maryland: 15.5 minutes
10:14 – Break Your Heart has Jmac amped and cruising
10:19 – Give Me Everything #2
Best Line in the song: Grab somebody sexy, tell them hey
10:21 – Jmac contemplates stopping at the Delaware rest area to get food and gas. Rick cites the Delaware incident of 2005 as reason to not stop. I95 Rule #1: Never stop in Delaware unless you absolutely have to. (See: Labor Day 2010)
10:24 – Not having EZPass makes you notice tolls more.
Delaware: $3 to enter. $4 to leave
Delaware: We need money!
Delaware: No wait, please stay. We’ll treat you better we promise
Delaware: You can have what’s left of me
10:28 – Now entering Maryland. 16 minutes later. Since this is not a live blog, no one will believe that I actually set the O/U at 15.5 as we entered the state
10:39 – Rafael is cool but rude. Jmac wants to be his eskimo brother
10:40 – Park at the Chesapeake House as Little Bad Girl ends. Love perfection like that
10:52 – Rice Krispies Crunch Mix is amazing. It consists of Mini Rice Krispies Treats, Mini vanilla cookies, mini pretzels, mini yogurt covered pretzels, mini caramel coated pretzel sticks, and M&Ms. Since mix is in the name, they keep it with the trail mixes, and you can’t help but think it is a “healthy option” when in reality is just a bunch of deserts mixed together in a bag
10:58 – Arctic Sol bottles are made from recycled bottles. BWAANNNNNNNG
11:10 – Perfect Situation. Amazing how this song still holds true 6 years later
11:20 – Rick texts Ostrowe a MFK option just because he and Jmac imagine him crashing his mail truck upon reading it
11:33 – Give me Everything #3
11:37 – Rick sends himself a email as a reminder for Monday
11:38 – Rick gets excited when he sees the light flashing saying that he has an email. It is from himself
11:59 – The Greenbelt Metro station is within reach. Torn and Best of Me bring us down the homestretch
12:02 – Greenbelt Metro stop has park and ride and a kiss and ride. That is kind of cute. (Ed. Note: What? I’m not afraid to say it)
12:12 – DC Metro card machines are confusing. 75% of the people using them are clueless. However, for the record, Jmac and Rick cruised in and out
12:30 – College Frat guys riding the metro. A few people leave the car since they are very loud
12:44 – The guy in the aisle next to Rick is shifting positions every minute. Stand, kneel, lean left, lean right, swinging between the poles, ass in his face. This needs to stop. He is more ancy than Joyce.
12:45 – Upon further review, he might be drunk
1:03 – Apparently the USA Gold Cup Game is in DC tomorrow….plans changing
1:05 – Scanning your card to exit the Metro is an awful system. Washingtonians must be confused when they come to NY
1:10 – Pay $20 for $7 seats. Obviously the guy said they were $28 seats.
1:19 – The tickets are real!
1:25 – Even Shake Shack lines in DC are long. Opt for Blue Smoke BBQ
1:30 – Blue Smoke takes cash or credit only. What are the other options?
1:42 – Deuce has his first beer
1:53 – The Blue Smoke line is double the size. More winning for us
1:55 – The park plays “Proud to be an American.” Everyone rises and claps. USA USA
2:02 – There is a really loud obnoxious girl sitting 2 rows behind us. She may or may not be reading this as Rick types
2:11 – The CF on the Nationals bats behind the pitcher. He must be the greatest fielder in the world
2:13 – Jmac is using his JesusPhone to try to find Gold Cup tickets for tomorrow
2:24 – And a jean-short wearing Nationals fan with 4 teeth has joined the loud obnoxious woman behind us. Did we come to a NASCAR race?
2:33 – Guy behind us: “I feel like a can of crushed assholes right now”
2:51 – Baseball games do not lead to entertaining running diaries. I may start making stuff to see if you are paying attention
2:58 – This 3 run inning by the Nationals is really slowing down an otherwise quick game
3:01 – I doubt that Flippin Pizza has New York pies
3:06 – Poppers emails Rick and Jmac about a $50 ticket deal for the game tomorrow. It sounds like a scam, but since it came from the Maryland Message Board, Poppers pursues the tickets.
3:10 – Georgetown Grill. BOOOOOOO
Breyers Ice Cream Stand. Strong
3:20 – Rick and Jmac decide they have had enough of the baseball game. Rick doesn’t even know what inning the game is in
3:25 – $5 for a water outside the stadium. You are kidding right. It was $4 inside
3:57 – Jmac “This is a great town. So much stuff around. Historical crap”
5:00 – After a good hour tour of the historical sites, Rick and Jmac find out Jurgen is at a birthday party for his girlfriend. Poppers is aiming to get there at 6, so Rick and Jmac work their way to U Street
6:05 – Rick and Jmac find Jurgen at the bar, instead of saying hello, Jurgen just says; “I am so drunk already”
7:01 – Rick sits down, but no one else does. So he gets back up
Poppers sits down and everyone sits
7:15 – Re: Clint Dempsey being the best USA player by far:
USA Soccer. Like using a machine gun with revolver bullets
7:21 – Mexican [soccer fans] are the worst people ever. -Poppers
8:04 – Jurgen: It’s all Marvin Gaye New Orleans southwest s**t. The place is f***ing called Marvin’s. Look at the wall (getting angry) Marvin is everywhere. And you (to Rick) with your running diary. I don’t want to know what you are writing. I don’t care.
8:10 – Poppers calls up the ticket people, leaves his credit card info, address, mothers maiden name, and social security number on the machine. (Kidding on that last one)
8:21 – Jurgen is ineffectively honest.
8:23 – Poppers gets an email saying out tickets will be at Gate B tomorrow! Winning!
8:34 – The Late Poppers
8:45 – Samson is a one man show. He is a big black guy that is friends with Jurgen. He is wearing a Spongebob T-Shirt. He is like Joyce, but can actually dance. Give him a word. He makes up a dance on the spot. He is tutoring Jmac. Taking him under his wing.
Samson: You go fast, then you slow it down. That’s the ultimate insult
8:50 – Poppers: (To Samson) When was the last time you were in a dance off
Samson – I got challenged to a dance off last week. After I gutted 2 individuals, this other guy tried to step to me. I did the House Party (demonstrates for 3 minutes) long story short I gutted him too
9:09 – Pricilla doesn’t know Jason DeRulo.
Jurgen: I would like to put Hello on Clubster Poppers SOA
Rick: By Lionel?
Jurgen: Pitbull is a Cuban American from Miami how hard is that. It is not hard.
(Ed. Note: Hello is not by Pitbull)
9:12 – Jmac and Samson are inseparable
9:16 – Jurgen: Tell Jmac to spend his time on the blonde.
9:20 – Bouncer tries to get Samson to stop dancing by shining a light on him. That won’t work.
9:48 – Samson walks over to Jmac and just says “It’s Time”
Time for what. Rick knows not
9:49 – Apparently, Samson and Jmac have their own handshake
9:57 – Jurgen still trying hook up Jmac with the blonde. Jmac is like the raptor. He likes to hunt. He doesn’t like to be handed a girl
10:05 – Leave Marvin. Poppers knows a place down the street.
Random Girl in our Group: What’s the name?
Poppers: Don’t know.
RGIOG: I hope it is not Cafe St Ex. I don’t like that place
Poppers: (to Rick) I really hope it is Cafe St Ex. I don’t want her to be there.
10:11 – It is Cafe St Ex. RGIOG begrudgingly walks in
10:12 – Jmac is now throwing game at the blonde despite his claims from earlier. My how things change
10:18 – Jmac buys blonde a beer. O/U 11:10 Make out session
10:19 – Jmac: “I always wanted to run a marathon, but I don’t think I would make it”
10:21 – Debbie Downer (aka RGIOG) hates this bar
10:22 – The blonde is giving Jmac dreamy eyes. She is completely committed. He is already in
10:24 – Pricilla tells Rick and Poppers that Sophia (she is “fucking awesome” apparently) is just looking for a short term solution this evening. Poppers tells her to text us Sophia’s address so we can pick up Jmac before the game tomorrow
10:28 – Jmac getting his drunk lean on
10:30 – For the record, Rick, Poppers are standing around providing the color commentary and analysis of Jmac and Sophia
10:35 – Jurgen tells Samson to hit on Sophia. Samson declines since “his boy is already in there”
10:36 – Drunk Jurgen tries to seize control of the Running Diary. As is tradition
10:45 – Samson: This is like Oprah up in here tonight. You get a car. You get a car. Everyone is going home with a ride. There is a surplus. You may not get the car you want. But you will get one
10:47 – Samson could be either 28 or 45.
10:48 – We are losing Samson for the evening.
10:49 – Mysterious Tat Girl and her BF are mysterious. She was sitting at a table alone for 5 minutes. She is an attractive girl with a shoulder to shoulder chest tattoo with a skull in the middle. He showed up, they did a shot, and she got up and left
10:51 – The douchiest guy ever is in here. Rick dislikes him
10:53 – Jmac using the veteran move of close talking since it is loud in here. He head position is weird
11:59 – MTG was gone for ten minutes. She just got back with another drink and her BF is livid
12:12 – Rick and Poppers are consumed by the Jmac/Sophia saga while also trying to solve the enigma of MTG and her BF. Stealthily, MTG comes over and asks us to watch her drinks while she goes outside to smoke a cigarette
12:13 – Jmac heads to the bathroom. Rick stays with the drinks, Poppers goes to make sure no one else talks to Sophia
12:16 – MTG is back so Rick and Poppers make small talk with Sophia while Jmac is online for the bathroom
12:20 – Jmac is back. Rick asks for his keys, but Jmac refuses to give them up
12:21 – MTG’s BF is taking professional style photos in the bar now. Where the hell did he get a camera?
12:23 – Rick is trying to reach into Jmac’s pocket to get the keys. Jmac slaps his hand away and Poppers and Rick start laughing. Some random guy think they are laughing at his joke
12:25 – Rick has had enough. Tells Jmac he is leaving and gets the keys. Success
12:28 – If Poppers ran the rookie symposium, he would tell the kids to avoid clubs with one word names
12: 45 – Give me Everything #4
2:19 – Jmac emails the CoG. “What is her name?”
4:00 – Cole digs his way under the sheets and curls up in a ball. Rick is confused
10:45 – Give me Everything #5
11:00 – There is an ad on the radio trying to convince women to donate their eggs
11:11 – Jmac is alive. He sends a text to Rick saying he will take the train and meet them at the game. Rick tells him to get to the stadium at 2P
1:16 – Rick and Poppers leave for the game. No word from Jmac, but he should know the plan
2:12 – While waiting in a long line of cars, we see 4 El Salvadorians pushing their car down the road while someone else steers
2:13 – During a call to Jmac, Rick asks him how brunch is going. Jmac doesn’t reply implying that he is still with Sophia. Rick beats Poppers to the JLS email
2:16 – Poppers makes heady call on picking side streets to avoid the massive traffic line. We wind up right at the parking lot entrance.
2:17 – We are the only Americans in this parking lot
2:18 – The El Salvadorians are walking around with American Flags. This is going to be sick
2:29 – Just talked to Jmac, he is just getting on the Metro. We will be leaving his ticket at will call because there is no way he makes it to the stadium by 3:00. That of course if our tickets are actually real. Rick has his doubts
2:37 – Our tickets are real! Amazing!
2:38 – Amazing crowd. So pumped
2:40 – Poppers getting a lot of love for his Don’t Tread on me Flag. And a lot of grief for his Arsenal jersey
2:41- Rick used to think RFK was the coolest place as a kid even though he had never been there. Now that he is here for the first time, the only thing he has to say is “What a dump”
2:50 – Rick goes to buy a USA shirt and scarf and sees his Amazon card missing. After 5 seconds of panic, he realizes it is on Jurgens table
2:57 – Give me Everything # 6 (Playing in the stadium)
3:13 – A guy just walked in with a ziplock bag full of peanuts. You can bring anything into this stadium
3:14 – Well, this is better than a Cosmos game
3:20 – It is about 75% El Salvador fans, 20% USA, 5% Jamaica 0% Panama. El Salvador fans all rooting for America.
3:30 – Jmac still not here. Texts Rick saying that he just got to the will call line and it is nuts
3:40 – Soccer fans are amazing, but it is good to see they aren’t immune to getting crappy personalized jerseys. “Arty #69” I’m looking at you
3:54 – Jmac officially misses the first half
3:56 – JMAC!
Jmac: I got f***ed
Rick: Well obviously
Jmac: I was referring to the Metro & ticket window
4:14 – USA scores for Jmac!
4:32 – Poppers really needs to wear the Don’t Tread flag as a cape. It isn’t often that people get to wear capes in public and have it be socially acceptable
4:41 – USA scores again. This place is rocking. It may collapse.
5:01 – Bolt out of the stadium. Bid Poppers Adieu. The good news is that with El Salvador playing in the late game, we are the only ones leaving the parking lot. As we turn the car on, Give me Everything is playing on the radio. #7
6:30 – Stop at the Maryland House for an Oreo Cookie Milkshake
6:50 – Jmac: You know what’s good about cars? It’s like being indoors. I can take my shoes off. It’s like we are on a moving couch
6:58 – Entering Delaware
7:09 – Make the call to head for the Jersey Turnpike. Therefore no cheese steaks
7:10 – Give me Everything #8
7:15 – Leave Delaware
7:41 – Rick’s learns that his credit card is not at Jurgen’s
8:06 – We were making great time. It was only a matter of time before we hit traffic
9:15 – 1010 wins tells us the Holland Tunnel was backed up so we head for the Lincoln Tunnel. Sunday night Lincoln Tunnel traffic can be dicey, just ask the experts. However, maybe that is only a 1AM problem
9:18 – American Pie finishing up. 10 more songs on playlist. Approaching helix. But with this traffic, it will be close
9:44 – Made it to 96th Street off the West Side Highway. 2.5 songs left on the playlist
9:50 – As we reach the east side Give Me Everything comes on for the 9th time. The over wins in a landslide. Perfect as the last song on the playlist.
10:21 – Rick finds his credit card in the pockets of his mesh shorts. Everything did indeed come up Milhouse
10:30 – Poppers: Jmac is like Piccinich Effect Kryptonite
In the professional world, people tend to have a specialty. You have people who are great editors, but they can’t write. Or you might have someone who is excellent at crunching numbers, but they are not going to get the deal done. Five years into my professional life, I feel like I have no specialty. I can do a lot of things well, maybe you could even say above average, but I am not super passionate about one specific area of life. I want to do everything.
This is just a lead into profession in which I could be the best of the best of the best:
Minor League 100 Meter Sprinter (City Division)
For the most part people, that are really fast are going to be pros. And most other fast people will doing other sports. There is a huge opportunity in minor league sprinting. However, a hundred meter dash on a track is boring. A hundred meter dash on an active street in NYC would be awesome. With plenty of experience running to catch trains, I feel I would excel in this sport.
DJ for Hipsters
This job would be a cake walk. It would easy to focus on the job at hand since I wouldn’t want to socialize with clientele. If you play old, ironic music, they will love it. If you play random songs no one has ever heard of, inevitably one hipster will notice no one knows the song and they will claim to have had it on their iPod. Then the room will listen to the whole song and may even agree that it is a good song.
Sprinkle in some Matt and Kim, Black Keys, and Arcade Fire.
For the record, I do enjoy the last three bands mentioned, however, that doesn’t mean they are not hipster bands.
Grilled Cheese Restaurant Owner
Not to brag, but I make a dynamite grilled cheese. What if I opened a store that only sold grilled cheese sandwiches? You could pick your bread type, type of cheese, and even add something extra (Bacon, Tomato, Avacado, & More!). The overhead wouldn’t be too much. I think I need to explore this in my next life.
An exchange from Saturday Night
Names have been changed to protect the innocent
Laurant (texting Beth): Yes I know its a bar. You told me last night where you were going. I’m not marrying this broad
Laurant: (Mocking his own text) ‘I’m at the red lion next door.’ What the hell am I doing, I can get any girl I want. I don’t know what she looks like, she probably looks like a cow
LG: Time to make a decision, do I keep drinking or do I go find a dude
Laurant: If this girl doesn’t respond, I feel bad for the next girl that sees me. She won’t stand a chance. This girl has no idea what she wants.
(Emo Laurant being consoled by drunk LG. Doesn’t get better)
Ostrowe (via text): I wish you were taping this
Rick: So do I
LG: I really want you to bang Beth on my couch
Ostrowe (via text): Bahaha he’s so supportive
Laurant: I don’t even know what she looks like. How am I gonna find her?
LG: Come on I’ll find her in 9 minutes
Laurant: That’s kind of a long time
LG: I was going to say 9 seconds, but that didn’t seem realistic. Wasn’t going to be able to do that
(3 Hours Later)
Laurant: I’m ok. I’ll talk to u later. Beth is awesome
Since Dec 2009, any entrepreneurial gumshoe would have noticed that me keeping my Peanut Butter and Jelly at work was a sign that I was dating someone. (You can’t make PBJ the night before, it gets soggy). I’ve decided to leave them there in perpetuity just in case someone catches on to the trend
The only negative here is that if I ever want butter and jelly on my toast in the morning or PBJ on the weekend, I am out of luck. Now I know what you are thinking, “Why don’t you just buy some peanut butter and jelly for your apartment too.” I’ll tell you why, because then I will be opening Pandora’s box. Soon I’d be buying a loaf of bread for home and for work. OJ for home and for work. Throw pillows for home and work. I’m not going down that road.
Movies to see this summer:
X Men: First Class
Lost in Translation
Garden State (Don’t judge me. Not sure how I have never seen this. Thanks in advance Netflix)
Tree of Life
The Art of Getting By
30 Minutes or Less
Last night the Mavs defeated LeBron James and the Heat to capture their first ever title. With the majority of the country ecstatic that the Heat did not win a championship, I can’t help but remember the times when Dallas was the defacto worst team in the league since that was the first team you played against in NBA Jam. It is also worth pointing out that the fact that America was rooting for the German is a complete 180 from every good guy v bad guy movie of the 60s, 70s, 80s, and even 90s to some extent
I never realized how beautiful this place was
Joyce tends to scream ‘Korea’ out of nowhere when drunk. Once Jmac saw this commercial on TV, he insisted we make this version. Don’t be offended. (Note: This is a perfect example Orange Head Syndrome)
And the best part of all GPs these days is that we get to make outtakes. I think I am only making videos so that I can sell an hour of Joyce outtakes.
In what will hopefully become a reoccurring feature. Joyce provides his loyal fans with a glimpse into his inner sanctum. Topics touch on how he is feeling, how you are feeling, the general state of the teaching world and much much more.
Let’s hope we get more of these.