How to be a Gentleman #455

Be the Most Interesting Man in the World

Stay Classy my Friends

The police often question him just because they find him interesting.

His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.

His blood smells like cologne.

He’s been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room.

His organ donation card also lists his beard.

He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.

His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

He lives vicariously through himself.

His charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.

Years ago, he built a city out of blocks. Today, over six hundred thousand people live and work there.

He is the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.

Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear.

If he were to give you directions, you’d never get lost, and you’d arrive at least 5 minutes early.

His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.

His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.

Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.

He never says something tastes like chicken. Not even chicken.

People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.

He could disarm you with his looks… or his hands. Either way.

He can speak French… in Russian.

He wouldn’t be afraid to show his feminine side….if he had one.

His mother has a tattoo that reads “son”

At museums, he is allowed to touch the art

His small talk has once altered foreign policy.

Sasquatch has a picture of him.

He once ran a marathon because it was on his way.

He has inside jokes with complete strangers.

Cuba imports cigars from him.

Mosquitos refuse to bite him simply out of respect.

He bowls overhand.

On Lady Luck: “Be wary of a woman who only shows up when you are winning.”

On life: “It’s never too early to start beefing up your obituary.”

On pick-up lines: “There’s a time and place for them. The time is never. You can figure out the place on your own.”

On the two-party system: “The after party is the one you want to attend.”

On careers: “Find out what it is in life that you don’t do well, and then don’t do that thing.”

On roller blades: “No.”

 “Some say having a dark side will lead to no good. I certainly hope so.”

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