This past weekend kicked off what may become the greatest three month stretch in CoG history. For starters:
– We have two infants now…okay maybe not WE….let’s make that Eddie O & Peg have Julsy Bean and Jim$ & Jenn$ have JDIII.
– Ten CoG related birthdays between Feb and May
– Two weddings
– And to go with two weddings, two bachelor parties.
What better way to kick off such a monumental period of time, than with a Running Diary
11:00 – Joyce texts Rick at work. “I promise to not be annoying for the next 7 hours.” As of now, the festivities are set to begin around 6P at Macanova
5:15 – Rick gets ancy, but needs to book a flight for his boss. The jump off has been postponed
5:45 – Freedom
6:15 – Rick and Joyce meet up at Macanova and immediately start playing FIFA. Molly likes to poke fun at our video game play dates, but since she is in another state, she can’t say a thing…until she reads this….
6:45 – Jmac arrives
8:00 – Ostrowe arrives. Estimated time of departure is 8:45. Our reservation at Peter Luger, a steakhouse more revered than Mulligans, is at 9:45
8:40 – Jmac realizes he is the only one wearing jeans and freaks out about his outfit. Typical Jmac. He goes into his room to change. Rick heads to the bank to get cash since Luger does not accept credit cards. He sent an email to the gents earlier warning them of the fact
8:50 – The 4 Horsemen meet up outside of the bank and head to the Subway.
9:00 – As we get onto the platform, the M train stops in front of us. Everything is coming up Milhouse.
9:35 – Vlad opens the door for us as we walking into the famed Steakhouse everyone raves about
9:40 – Jmac goes to buy the first round of drinks at the bar. But he only has credit. Turns out Rick’s email only went to Joyce.
9:45 – We sit down and the waiter asks if we have ever been there before. When we say no, he tells us rule #1. Put the sauce on everything but the ice cream. Ostrowe and Jmac take that as a challenge. They look forward to putting the sauce on the ice cream.
10:00 – The meal starts with the bacon course. Sure, a single slice of bacon seems like a lack luster appetizer, especially one that costs $4. But look at it.
10:48 – The bar keep comes over to refill the mugs. The following exchange takes place:
Bar Keep: Ok, I be back with four beers
Rick: Nope. Just three
BK: (Confused look) But why three? You are four?
Ostrowe: He doesn’t drink
BK: (More confused) What? Ah, wait. I know. You [Rick] are not 21.
10:55 – All the pieces of steak are gone, but Joyce refuses to let anything go to waste. He proceeds to lay into the bone with a fork and knife.
10:58 – Jmac: Hambone would be a great nickname for someone. We need to use that.
Ostrowe & Jmac: Daryl.
11:00 – Tapping out. God that was good. Joyce is taking the bones home with him. Stick it in a pot, you got a stew
11:35 – Vlad wishes us a great evening. What a gentleman.
11:37 – Rick has never felt this happy and sick at the same time. He feels like if he breathes in too much oxygen in one breath he will puke. This is basically a walking coma.
11:44 – Walking onto the subway platform, Jmac follows and starts talking to a black guy he thinks is Joyce. If we were underestimating the Power of Luger before, we are not anymore
11:50 – A J train pulls up. Expecting to see a M train, we stand and watch as everyone else on the platform gets on.
11:51 – We probably should have got on that train.
12:01 – After 10 minutes in the cold, another J train shows up. We don’t make the same mistake this time. Learning!
12:15 – We make the transfer from the J to the 6. While walking down the tunnel, a guy behind us comments on how well “these guys” are dressed. As he passes is he turns and says “yea. I was talking about y’all. You guys are fresh”
12:16 – The same guy slips on a newspaper on the platform and almost goes down. He regains his balance and whips around to scream “you didn’t see that. Don’t look at me you well dressed bastards”
12:20 – Rick is so full he actually takes a seat on the train.
12:25 – All the conversations around us sound like adults talking in a Peanuts cartoon.
12:55 – Make it back to Macanova. Joyce has apparently made it home too because he is sending a ton of emails.
1:01 – Rick curls into fetal position on top of bed and passes out
8:30 A – Alarm goes off. Rick is not happy. But today is Hoboken St. Paddy’s Day. Told Mar we would meet him at the Path station at 10:00A
9:00 – No event for Rick. He gets out of the shower and wakes up Ostrowe.
9:01 – Rick picks up the phone and calls Jmac to make sure he is awake:
Ostrowe: Who are you calling
Rick: Jmac, to make sure he is up
Ostrowe: But he is not coming with us
Ostrowe: He is meeting us there later. He has to get a haircut. He said that last night
Rick: Uhhh, Whoops
Rick: Uhhh sorry. Go back to sleep
Rick: I thought you were coming with us
Rick: Nothing. Go back to sleep. Sorry
9:05 – Ostrowe goes to get in the shower, but is cut off by Jmac. Rick tells Mar and Joyce that we will be late
9:10 – Ostrowe: This feels like a Preakness day
10:10 – Leave Macanova. Not too late. Mar tells Rick the next train to Hoboken is at 10:30. Rick and Ostrowe break into a jog.
10:28 – Rick and Ostrowe make it to the train, but Mar is no where to be seen. Rick calls him and he is still on the street
10:30 – Mar jumps into the train as the doors close. Surprisingly, the PATH is way less crowded than last year
10:45 – Meet up with Joyce in Hoboken. The bars already have lines outside. It is like college all over again
11:15 – Make it to Casa Diercksen. Jim$ has gone from getting accused of pulling the fire alarm last year during St. Paddys (he did not) to being on baby duty this year (he is).
11:16 – Security in this mansion is very laid back. His only attempt to stop us from getting in was “they know you are coming up?”
11:17 – CoG premiere of JDIII what a little Gentleman. This is surreal
11:28 – Ostrowe is an excellent baby feeder. JDIII chugs milk like a champ. Takes after his dad. (Ed. Note: Jim$ is a dad. That is crazy and awesome)
11:31 – Ostrowe can’t figure out how to make the transition from feeding to burping, so Papa Jim$ steps in.
11:32 – JDIII spits up all over Papa Jim$
11:45 – Rick takes the plunge and holds JDIII
12:10 – Ostrowe, Mar, Joyce and Rick depart as Dmo, Mel, Jurgen and Priscilla arrive. Head over to Icebox’s apartment where Hambone is waiting.
12:30 – Arrive at Icebox’s, the party is mostly in the kitchen. Rick hangs out alone in the living room since Syracuse is playing
12:31 – As Rick changes the channel from ESPN
Random Girl: Oh I wasn’t watching that
Rick: (Absentmindedly) Oh ok. Good.
(Ed. Note: Looking back at this, probably comes off as rude. Didn’t mean it that way. Chalk this up as awkward exchange #193789 in my life)
2:05 – Syracuse loses. A somber Rick joins the party
Not going to try to put times to things that happened at the party. So I’ll just list them out
Hambone’s nickname works so well, he changes his twitter name to Hambone Baker
We learn a new card game, to replace the terrible Steal my Bundle, F*** You Pyramid. It is basically Uno mixed with yelling at people. Every time you play a card you scream F*** You _______. The game teaches us how fun it is to say F*** You Hambone over and over
A girl walks in who is introduced as Laura. Joyce sees her and screams:
Joyce: DAISY FUENTES!!
DF: Wow. I haven’t heard that in a while
We quickly learn that F*** You Daisy Fuentes is just as fun
After FYP, we switch to Asshole. Strangely enough it is the quickest game of all time as people lose interest midway thru the second hand.
Ostrowe ends the game as the Vice President to President Meg Van Popple. MVP lives up to her name
Rick with a sharpie in his hand can be dangerous. He is writing GentlemanlyProductions.com on everything. OJ Bottles, Crystal Light Cans, bills, scraps of paper which he then puts on the fridge etc… Since all these things are going to be thrown away by the end of the day, it is probably not the best marketing tool
Ostrowe is the tic tac master. He makes concoctions for everyone. Each time he asks Jenna to get him a cup regardless of where she is in the room
Ingram swears she wasn’t upset at Jenna’s party. She also absolves Jim$ of making her cry
Everyone partakes in the Flabongo. A flamingo shaped beer bong
Jmac and Joyce play beer pong against….ummm…some other guys. Joyce makes nothing but Jmac comes within one cup of pulling the upset. In the three game series, Joyce makes one cup, Jmac shoots lights out, but the gents can never get the win
Jmac teams up with MVP. His fortunes change as he misses every time and MVP carries the team in defeat.
MVP complements Ostrowe’s ring, as he explains the backstory:
Ingram: Yeah but he tried to give it to me last time
Ostrowe: I did?
Ingram: (Laughs) No.
5:15 – We have tickets to Ron Swanson’s standup show at 7:00. Originally we wanted to leave at 5, but of course leaving on time was never going to happen.
5:20 – On the street, Joyce is going on classic rants and screaming at strangers. He sees two girls across the street and gets into a shouting match with them. When they get the upper hand he finishes them off with YOU LOOK LIKE…YOU LOOK LIKE!
5:25 – When approached by the Make a Wish foundation, Joyce screams in their face. Rick gives them $5 to make up for it.
6:15 – We make it back to the city, Herald Square, but Rick left the tickets at home expecting us to stop back before the show. Bad move.
6:25 – Thinking they will never make it back to Macanova and then to the show on-time, Rick takes off running down the street telling the rest of the crew to meet him at Town Hall
6:26 – Rick understimates Joyce and his speed.
6:36 – Rick and Joyce make it to Macanova after a mad, 1.2 mile dash through the streets of NYC. Three people have their nights ruined by Joyce and his antics
6:56 – The Four Horsemen make it to the show on time.
9:20 – Ron Swanson killed it. Great show.
9:50 – Head from midtown to West Fourth Street. The horsemen swing by Joe’s Pizza for some slices. This is the first time Rick has eaten (other than finger foods at Icebox’s) since dinner last night. Afterwards the gents would meet up with Jurgen and co. to cap off what could wind up as one of the most epic weekends of the year.