Booze Cruise 2009

Flashback:
Booze Cruise 2006
Booze Cruise 2007 & 2008

Without the Preakness on the Piccinich Calendar in 2009, the opportunity for Gentlemanly Gatherings took a big hit. The Preakness is an unspoken warm up for Booze Cruise. As such, going into the BC this year, we knew things could get chippy. What we also knew was that Drunk Joyce would be the highlight of the night and possibly fall off the boat.
Let’s go to the videotape

5:25 Boarding starts at 6:30. The boat departs at 7:00 and returns at 10:00. Leaving now should give Rick enough time to stop and get a slice of pizza and a smoothie
5:40 Meanwhile, on the GWB, Joyce is driving Dmo, Mar, and Ostrowe to the boat and he gets a call from Faux Abby. Joyce doesn’t know who Faux Abby is, but every now and then she calls him and talks dirty. She has obviously been put up to it by someone on the CoG….but who?
5:50 Rick goes to Jamba Juice and obviously catches them on a shift change/Acai outage. He has been here for 15 minutes already
6:05 The Car of Gentlemen arrives at the pier. Joyce and Ostrowe go to the bathroom and leave Mar and Dmo locked in car. Joyce sets the alarm. When Mar and Dmo try to get out of the car, the alarm goes off and sounds for 10 minutes until Joyce gets back. They sit there laughing
6:15 Rick finally conquers Jamba and makes it to the boat
6:20 Eddie O, Poppers, and Jurgen arrive. They have already had a couple of beers each with dinner. A rookie mistake. Eddie O is so wealthy. His pants are extra shiny as he makes deals on his cell phone
6:25 Blue dress is the early favorite to be this year’s Gdatgdp
6:30 As we board the boat we are joined by Trusty. Who the hell is Trusty you might ask. He was Eddie O’s best man. During his speech at the Wedding, he was cut off when he started talking about how he thinks Eddie O’s mom is hot.
6:35 In the distance, Rick hears a guy telling a story about someone doing pull ups on the boat last year.
6:40 Jurgen finishes his first beer. He bends down and leaves his empty on ground. Ostrowe points out the trash can right behind us.
6:45 The boat is leaving in 15 minutes and Daryl isn’t here yet.
6:48 “When are you getting here” bomb to Daryl. Mar’s text is sent first. He is as fast as 15 year old girls
6:53 Jurgen is anti ~@~
6:55 We begin texting Daryl ~@~ every 7 min
6:59 Nicsam shows up with Talty. She is Broken.
7:o5 The boat departs only 5 minutes late. Daryl missed the boat like he misses trains. Blue dress is happy that she has a 75% less chance of being groped
7:07 On the Big Break, Nicsam won $1000 from gift card from Dick’s Sporting Goods. She admits that she loves Dick’s
7:09 Joyce takes a picture with his dream girl
7:1o We see a trio of 19 year old guys with braces and mullets. They stand out like something fierce. Mar says “They left the house saying I really do not want to get laid tonight”
First Jersey bro
7:12 Jurgen “Obama is a fraud. Social Security is a ponzi scheme.” Jim$ and Sars aren’t even here and we already have our first political debate.
7:14 There is a bigger security presence this year
7:16 Over/Under for when we start talking to chicks: 7:45
7:20 The female Rocky Dennis is on the boat tonight
7:24 Which body part will Joyce injure this year? Right now ankle is the odds on favorite
7:27 Also on the boat are Fat Freddy Prinze Jr and Vince Vieluf
7:30 Jurgen drops an empty bottle by accident. The jury says he will be hammered by 8:30
7:38 Ostrowe: The girl in the plaid skirts mom went to college
7:41 In the last 5 minutes every building on the shore has been proclaimed to be either Jim$ house or corner office
7:43 Jurgen: Is the the tail from an Air France plane on top of that building?
7:44 Silence
7:45 SARS IS ALIVE! He texts us back after we bomb him. Jurgen: Sars is Harley?
7:47 There are two guys on the boat that are smaller than Joyce
7:50 Best of Me bomb to Jmac. Rick accidentally send his text to AD of Notre Dame. Luckily, he it bounced back.
7:55 Jurgen: [Rick’s] jacket is from 2008
Rick: So?
Jurgen: Your 2000 and late
7:56 Mar: Is the statue of Olivia
7:58 Joyce is talking to a girl. But she works here. Doesn’t count
7:59 Jurgen is telling everyone that they look like a Carlos
8:00 Jurgen pops Eddie O’s collar
8:01 Jurgen does not appreciate the running diary
8:02 The over has won. There are too many members of the CoG here, thus making it even harder to talk to chicks
8:05 Ostrowe: That guy looks like Terry with AIDS
8:10 For the second straight year, Joyce has walked up to an Asian girls and asked her to take a picture of us. Why? Because Asians like to take pictures. Then he flashes her the peace sign and tells her he’s not that racist
8:13 Poppers wants to sign up for the job of banging Alicia Sacramone at the 2010 Olympics
8:15 According to Jurgen, everyone who lives Rockland is from Nyack and we are going to Blackpage tomorrow
8:16 In the distance, Rick hears, “Well she peed on me first”
8:20 Joyce: Nicsam flash your boobs…Oh wait never mind, they are inadequate
8:25 Joyce leaves. Proclaiming that he is going to harass chicks. Starving for some entertainment, Rick and Dmo follow him
8:30 Someone asks Rick if he is an Olympian. He says he was on the Archery team. The guy doesn’t believe him citing the fact that Rick is not wearing a clean hat.
8:35 Joyce is a ratard. And he looks like a Carlos
8:40 Dmo broke the boat by ripping off part of the ceiling. He is strong like Paul Casey
8:47 Joyce just came back with 6 beers
8:52 Jurgen lays out his issues with the running diary:
1 Nothing I do when drunk should be recorded
2 Nothing I do when drunk should be recorded because I’m a ratard
3 I’m a ratard
8:55 A couple of girls are questioning the fact that Joyce/Carlos is the one who was dancing last year. He proceeds to do dance push ups to prove them wrong
9:02 Carlos is ready to take to the dance floor. He throws his beer at Rick to hold. He throws it over Rick’s head and down the stairs. The beer explodes everywhere. The security guards come upstairs looking to break heads. Nobody fingers Carlos.
9:04 Dmo gropes Nicsam
9:06 Joyce pantomimes jerking off Nicsam
9:07 Ostrowe is hiding his empty beers in the life vests
9:10 Jurgen and Dmo have called Eddie O’s parents 12 times asking for Griff
9:12 Everyone is double fisting. The count has been jeopardized
9:15 Poppers reminds me for the tenth time that we are meeting at 11:00A on the 2nd tee at “Blackpage
9:20 Maria is hot
9:25 Carlos just showed his Carlos to a 40 year old woman
9:30-10:00 A blur of drunken Joyce dancing, double fisting, and Gentlemen
10:02 Shortly after docking, Jurgen elbows some drunk guy. The guy takes offense and demands satisfaction. Jurgen grabs his arm and refuses to let go. Drunken fisticuffs ensue. Dmo grabs the other guy to break it up, and “accidentally” pours his whole beer over the other guy. Needless to say, Jurgen is escorted off the boat.
10:10 The rest of us leave the boat to find Jurgen siting on the side of the West Side Highway.
All hell breaks loose. Time stamps abandoned
Ostrowe has two beers in every pocket. He can barely move.

Joyce has eight mini wine bottles in his pocket. He proceeds to break them all like Molotov cocktails

Joyce picks up a road cone and throws it at Eddie O. His shiny pants are damaged. Trusty puts a cone on Jurgen’s head

Mar tries to give Dmo a Rick Flair chop but winds up punching him in the face. Dmo returns the shot and the MegaCoG explodes. Mar tries to go for the DDT, but is blocked. The “fight” ends in a stalemate.

We get to Landsdowne Road. Jurgen goes in first, but the owner won’t let him in. Once he sees all the people that he is with, he says “Ok, you can come in only because I don’t want to lose their business.” Jurgen, Poppers, and Eddie O leave shortly thereafter. Wisely.

Girl: What’s your name?
Joyce: I’m wealthy

Dmo proclaims his love for Mar and his retardation. Rick agrees that it is much better to have Mar back on the right coast

There is a girl here wearing Junkyard dog chain

Ostrowe tells a chick she can’t see him

Mar has been talking to Beth Cooper on the other side of the bar for 20 minutes. Everyone is in shock, so Ostrowe goes over to see what they are talking about:
Mar: How’s Abby?
Ostrowe: What are you talking about?
Beth: All he has been saying is “How’s Abby?”
Mar: Bah, I’m winded
Beth: Oh yea, he has been saying that too.
Shortly thereafter, Mar stops talking to Beth to talk to a Ginger at the bar. Beth comes over to Rick and Joyce since her friend has been making out with a guy for the last 30 minutes. She claims that Rick is no fun. And voices her displeasure that Mar left her. Despite his best efforts, she somehow still wanted to sleep with him. Too bad he went to talk to another chick.

Ostrowe goes and talks to the Ginger and Mar:
Ginger: All a guy needs to do at the bar is look interested in a girl and say something like
Mar: How’s Abby?
Ginger: Yea, that works.
Ostrowe walks away stupefied

We leave Landsdowne way too late. Around 12:30. The car ride back is a disaster for the first 20 minutes. Once again there was a battle of insults with words aplenty.
Mar: Your, your, your, your a big, your a bigger, bigger, bigger, your a bigger word, word, Olajuwon, your a bigger word than Hakeem Olajuwon

By the time we get to the GWB, everyone other than Rick was passed out.

Drop off Mar at his house. Dmo gets out of the car and demands that Mar drives him home. After 5 minutes of convincing, he gets back into the car.

Get back to Joyce’s house at 1:30. We are planning to wake up at 7:00 to go to the Open. Should be awesome. Can’t wait to hit up the concession farm.

Final Tally
Mar 12 Beers
Dmo 11 Beers, 1 Shot
Ostrowe 10 Beers, 1 Shot
Joyce 9 Beers, 2 Mixed Drinks, 1 Shot
Jurgen 8 Beers
Poppers 6 Beers
Eddie O 5 Beers

May the god bless us forever

The Booze Cruise 2008 – The Prelude

You may be asking yourself, a prelude to what? I’ll tell you what. A prelude to the final Gentlemanly Preakness, one that will feature (hopefully) Drunk Anfron, Drunk Joyce, and Drunk Daryl. Pimlico may not be able to handle. I am getting to giddy just thinking about. Not to mention the possibility of renting a retard van to get down there. But I digress.

June 26 2008 was the date of the Booze Cruise which has become somewhat of a tradition for the CoG. (For the record it was also the day before Wall-E was released in theaters, but that is neither to nor fro) After work, a gentlemotley crew descended on the Big Apple for a night of debauchery. This is their tale.

5:42 – The Running Diary gets kicked off with a mass text sent by Rick: OMW2BTC

6:10 – Rick arrives at the circle line pier on 42nd street to find Jim$ standing there with Kevin who is exuding an aura of wealth on par with Jim$ himself. Safe to say he will be the only person on the cruise in a tuxedo. (Ed. Note: May or may not have been a tux, but just go with it. The imagery is way better)

6:20 – Rick is too lazy to venture across the street to a dignified establishment for dinner, he settles for a street water dog. He immediately regrets the decision. After 10 minutes of whining, he finally takes a bite of the dog only to throw it away in one swift movement.

6:30 – For the last 40 minutes, Joyce has been getting texts from someone claiming to be Abby. She tells him that he should come over to play with her massive titties, he then nearly drives off the George Washington Bridge. He calls the number back and the good news is that it is actually a chick on the other end.

6:32 – Ostrowe is scoping the scene for chicks he wants to hook up with. His number one choice is Blue Sun Dress. He proclaims that if anyone gets drunk enough to hook up with his number one thousand choice, they definitely got their moneys worth.

6:33 – Ed. Note: Just for the record, by hook-up I am referring to making out. I am still in high school on this matter since for most Young Upwardly Mobile Urban Professionals, Hookup = Sex.

6:34 – Ed. Note: Just for the record Part II. 99% of people our age are douchebags.

6:35 – Rick: If my life was an RPG, that hot dog would have made me more hungry
Ostrowe: That’s the type of talk that is going to have us surrounded by chicks. We’ll be fighting them off with a stick by the end of the night.

6:44 – Board the boat. Let the drinking commence. Scoring system:
Can of Beer: 1 Point
Bottle of Beer: 1.25 Points
Mojito: 1.5 Points

6:53 – After 9 minutes of drinking, Jim$ is already breaking out the financial speak. Rick walks away just to make sure he doesn’t learn something.

6:54 – Everyone sends Mar a “How’s Evelyn” Text Message

Running Diary Flashback:

Last year Mar was running late for the Booze Cruise and wound up sprinting for 10 minutes to make it on time. He was drenched when he got there.

6:55 – This is the boat that Jim$ takes to his larger boat.

7:03 – Jim$ steals the running diary to make the following declaration (He must not be feeling well since usually he just tells the running diary what to write): “Rick is a gentleman” “Rick promises Jim$ an NBC shirt”

7:13 – Ostrowe revels that he can’t be on a boat sober. Lucky for him Jim$ and Kevin found enough change in their pockets to fund this fine cruise.

7:14 – “I think it is time to text Mar”

7:20 – Once again rules are set in terms of talking to girls. In order for it to count as a conversation, there must be at least three exchanges. Over/Under on this happening is 8:00

7:22 – Joyce is on pace to fall over the edge of the boat. No one wants to have to tell Mr. and Mrs. Joyce what happened at the risk of never having the Prime Rib again. Joyce is forbidden to leave the middle of the boat.

7:24 – Dmo sets over/under on Drunk Joyce at 7:30. Everyone thinks that is too soon.

7:26 – Out of nowhere Joyce just starts screaming “That man is a gentleman.” After the two of them scare off all the girls in the area, Joyce officially pulls a Poppers and is the first pick up a guy. He introduces himself to his new boyfriend as Joyce, and a bunch of random strangers start laughing at him. Joyce can’t figure out what is so funny, but Ostrowe gentlemanly walks over and explains that his last name is Joyce. Somehow, Joyce parlays this into a conversation with the only chicks that are still nearby, they work for Fox News. As expected they steal Joyce’s sugar stick (not as dirty as it sounds) before they head to the part of the boat furthest from us.

7:27 – Jesus Christ, was that actually one entry?

7:33 – Sars: This boat is swaying more than John McCain’s view on off-shore drilling
Jim$ takes offense. Cue political debate

7:40 – Joyce is a gentleman and offers to take a picture for some random people on the boat. Instead of “Cheese” he makes them say “Happy Everyday”

7:45 – Text Mar. Jim$ and Sars still going at it.

7:50 – Ostrowe uses cheesy pick-up line on random girl, when she turns around, Joyce screams, “Hey you dated my cousin!” Turns out she went to the same school as his cousin. For the second time in as many occurrences, Ostrowe leeches on nicely to Joyce’s conversation with females.

7:54 – Ostrowe and Joyce pose with some random girls. One of the girls is taller than Ostrowe but as the picture is taken she bends at the knees to create the illusion that she is shorter than him. It works. Girl Secret Discovered.

7:55 – Daryl returns with beers for everyone except Joyce
Daryl: You weren’t here when I left
Joyce: (Screaming…again) You are a Ricky! You are a Ricky!
(Spit flies everywhere)

8:00 – Jim$ and Sars still going at it. Jim$ may not agree with everything Sars is saying, but he will defend to the death his right to say it. That is, of course, if Sars would actually admit that there is a chance he could be wrong. (Ed. Note: I’d tell you what exactly they were arguing about, but once the conversation drifts into the political forum, I drift in the opposite direction)
Joyce: (Screa…do I even have to type it) You are a fascist!
It doesn’t sound like fascist, more like a pile of sticks. Boat goes silent.

8:10 – Joyce is officially drunk. He is already stumbling about and the cruise is only 1/3 done. If he is drunk after an hour on the booze cruise, what happens next year when we are drinking for eight hours at Pimlico?

8:13 – Joyce: Are you Happy Everyday
Girl: No
Joyce: WHY NOT YOU ARE WEARING SANDALS!
Rick: (Notices she is wearing a necklace that says Lisa) (To Joyce) Tell her Lisa is a nice name
Joyce: Lisa is a beautiful name
Friend: Oh my God, how did you know her name was Lisa?

8:15 – Random goth girl asks us if she can take a picture of us. Always a gentleman, Rick informs her that her nipple is hanging out of her dress

8:16 – Sars and Jim$ still going after 33 minutes. Joyce walks over, calmly, and grabs Sars‘ titties. Getting to second base with guys was not on the docket.

8:17 – The boat is now approaching the recently installed East River Waterfall Art Exhibits. After reading about this for weeks, Rick is very excited to see them so he parks himself in an opening on the rail of the boat. Almost immediately some girl walks over and tells him that he took her spot. He tries to explain that there is enough room for her to stand there as well. She takes exception with his camera and the running diary. Joyce casually walks over and has a civil conversation with the crazy girl.

8:18 – Rick backs away to avoid incident and is greeted by by more dirty looks. Most people seem wary of the tall kid with a backpack and a camera who is taking notes and not drinking

8:27 – Joyce: (To an Asian girl) Happy Everyday
AG: What?
Joyce: Do you like taking pictures because they are pretty, or because you are Asian?
AG: Sorry, who said that? I can’t see anything because my eyes are too slanted.
This time Jim$ bails out Joyce and introduces himself to the girl who is immediately taken aback by his immeasurable wealth. She says her name is Steph then Jim$ introduces Rick to her as Bob Costas‘ Assistant. Rick goes with it.

8:34 – Joyce picks up the slack for Anfron who is in Turkey and starts talking to a couple of smurfettes. On another part of the boat, Sars begins to talk to Steph. For once there is a Windfall (get it?) of talking to chicks in this running diary. Are we becoming less socially awkward?

8:44 – A request for a gentlemanly picture totally cock-blocks Sars. Well talking to chicks was good while it lasted.

8:46 – Blue Sun Dress aka Ostrowe’s Dream Girl aka Side Boob walks up to Rick and asks him what he is doing. She thinks the running diary is a funny idea and is jealous that she doesn’t have someone to stay sober and drive her home

8:50 – Jim$ takes his gentlemanly trademark picture of side-boob. Instead of taking the wide angle group shot, he just zooms in on Blue Sun Dress Boobs. Blue Sun Dress = Heather

8:51 – Joyce walks over and gets to third base on Jim$, then somehow turns this into a conversation with Heather. Ostrowe effectively resumes his leeching duties.

8:52 – Rick calls out Heather for wearing a super revealing blue sun dress. She eventually admits that girls wear stuff like that to attract guys attention. (Ed. Note: I knew this, I just wanted to hear this from the horses mouth) She goes on to say that girls are not looking for guys who only care about money and talking about their big penis. They want funny gentlemen. Girl Secrets 2 & 3

9:00 – Joyce is wildly gesturing at somebody. Rick turns in time to see the smurfettes mouth, “That kid is waving at you” then as Joyce walks over to them, “Oh my god, shut up, here he comes.”

9:02 – Rick walks over to Joyce and tells him to come take a picture with us. Tells the smurfs to thank him later

9:05 – Joyce screams Happy Everyday in some woman’s face. She then grabs his package

9:09 – Jim$ shotguns a beer

9:12 – Joyce winds up in the middle of a dancing circle. He does a back flip while holding on to the roof then repeatedly throws himself onto the floor…violently. Ricky loves it.

9:19 – Dmo slaps Heather right in the ass. Joyce puts Mojito masher in his mouth. Ricky does not like.

9:21 – Jim$ takes another gentlemanly picture, but this time he is caught. Girl takes Jim$ camera and deletes the picture. First time feeble Jim$ is ever seen in public

9:24 – Sars lives Anfron’s dream. Is whisked away to the private area of the boat by Steph the Asian
9:27 – Don’t Stop Believing starts playing. Gentleman instantly go retarded. Group Shotgun leads to disaster. Daryl pours multiple beers on his shirt. After shotgun Joyce nearly stumbles off the edge. Sars and Ostrowe are in different areas macking it to chicks we haven’t seen all night.

9:28 – Ostrowe: (Boring Conversation)
Girl: (Boring Conversation)
Friend of Girl: You know she has a boyfriend right
Ostrowe (Walks Away)

9:30 – Ostrowe is a level 6 government employee, one step above a janitor. Jim$ is a level 29 government employee.

9:38 – Joyce does more pull-ups

9:41 – Tell me what you thought about when you were young, and so alone. The worst is over, you can have the best of me. We got older, but we’re still young. We’ll never grow out of this feeling that won’t give up.
It stands to be noted that Rick ruined the text medley that was sent to JMac because he was busy with the Running Diary and not listening to instructions from Ostrowe

9:45 – A gentlemanly dance party with Heather

9:50 – Ostrowe: Did you get a picture of that?
Rick: Of what?
Ostrowe: I just fucking hooked up with Heather
Rick: What? No way. I don’t believe you
Ostrowe: Did anyone just see that?
All: No
Ostrowe: What the fuck?!
Daryl: I saw it
Rick: You. Are. Drunk.

9:55 – Jim$ starts a “Wind.fall. After. Party.” Chant. Everyone joins in, except Rick. As he writes this entry in the running diary, Jim$ steals the paper and threatens it with watery harm. In order to appease his majesty and to save the life of the diary, Rick agrees to go to the Windfall.

10:00 – Get off the boat. We all run into Heather again on the pier. Ostrowe the vampire hooks up with her. This time there is photographic evidence.

10:01 – Joyce slaps a black guy on the ass as hard as he can. He turns around with vengeance in his eyes, then sees Joyce: “Oh my God, it’s Joyce! I Love Joyce!” He walks away smiling while all the gentlemen are besides themselves.

10:02 – Joyce slaps a 300lb chick on the ass as hard as he can. She is about to eat him, but Ostrowe gets between them. We immediately take Joyce to the car.

10:05 – Ostrowe is once again going at it with Heather. This time he manages to get her phone number. His typing skill are a little off, however, and Heather becomes “Gdatgdp” in his phone.

10:07 – While walking to the car we hear: “Haryle! Wait!” We turn and TWO Asians are running towards him. They grab him and tell him that he is coming with them in their limo.

10:08 – Unfortunately Sars declines, but he does get their phone number

10:13 – We finally get in the car. Ostrowe calls up Gdatgdp. (Paraphrasing)
O: Gdatgdp you are beautiful
O: You were the best looking girl on the boat
O: No, I’m not a pimp. I am retarded
O: My Name? It’s Marty
O: Yes it is. Why would I lie
O: If i was lying, I would come up with a much cooler name, like Daquan
O: No, don’t call me Daquan, that is not my name.
O: Ok, come to the Windfall. That is where we are going
(Hangs up)
O: Can you guys believe I fucking hooked up with Gdatgdp?!

10:18 – Sars gives Joyce StephAsian’s number
J: Hey Steph, it’s Joyce. Where are you now?
J: Are you going to get some Kimchi?
J: No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not THAT racist.

10:25 – As we get on the GWB, Ostrowe finally realized that we are not going to the Windfall

10:27 – Joyce leaves Steph a voicemail
“Hey Steph, it’s your boy Joyce. I’m down with the sub-continent. Call me if you want some Fiyahhhhh

10:55 – Drop Joyce off at home. Ostrowe discovers that he has a beer in his pocket. He takes a sip but then throws it into Joyce’s neighbor’s yard.

11:05 – Riding a wave of euphoria, Ostrowe takes his second wind to Fitzy’s. While there he somehow gains possesion of Francis’ cell phone and proceeds to text every girl “Come to Fitzy’s” Francis’ is pissed and wants to kill Ostrowe. People texted included, clients, his ex-wife, and his mom.

12:38 – After the Windfall After Party, Daryl gets kicked out of the Hustler Club for tripping up the stairs and being declared too drunk. Never one to give up a chance to see some titties, Jim$ gives Daryl his keys so Daryl can get some sleep in Hoboken

4:07A – Jim$ arrives home to find Daryl sleeping on his stoop. When he asks him why he didn’t use the keys to get inside, Daryl responds: “I couldn’t figure out how to get them to work”

Best. Booze. Cruise. Ever?

Final Tally (Unscientific):
Ostrowe – 16
Joyce – 15
Jim$ – 15
Daryl – 13
Dmo – 12
Sars – 5

http://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/bin/slideshow.swf

The Booze Cruise

I originally was going to start this post with an overview of the Windfall and why we don’t go “bar hopping” in New York City more often, but I realized it was useless fluff. This post is the story of the 2007 Booze Cruise, and it can speak for itself.

3:50 – Ostrowe sneaks out of work ten minutes earlier than he told his boss he needed to leave for a “doctor’s appointment” so he can tape the “The Driver Has Herpes :)” sign to the back of his friend’s car
4:45 – Dmo arrives at Ostrowe’s house and the journey begins
4:53 – After calling Big E’s cell to invite him to join us on the booze cruise (he will not be, he has a cold and didn’t even make it into work), Ostrowe and Dmo call Jim$ at work:
Jim$ office: “Deutsche?”
Ostrowe: “Jim McGreevey for Jim$”
Jim$ office: (transfers call)
Jim$: “Deutsche?”
Ostrowe: (gay voice) “Hi, this is Jim McGreevey.”
Jim$: (hangs up)
5:00 – A call is put into Hutter to attempt to convince him to come
5:04 – Trustey is 80% sure he will be attending, despite the fact that his ladyfriend is firmly against making the trip
5:18 – Hutter is wearing down
5:35 – Arrive at the Circle Line and park, an hour before the boat begins boarding
5:40 – Dmo takes his pants . . . OFF in the parking lot
5:41 – Rick gets a call from Ostrowe. He tells Rick that him and Dmo have already arrived at the pier. He is surprised at how early they got there.
5:50 – Hutter has stopped answering his phone
5:59 – Trustey won’t be attending
6:00 – Rick’s scheduled time of departure finally arrives, but Mar calls him up to get directions on how to get to Pier 83. As soon as Rick gets the directions for Mar, some last minute work comes in, and Rick is delayed for a few more minutes.
6:10 – Rick finally leaves work and makes a bee-line to Ben & Jerry’s to grab a smoothie, turns out that they are out of all smoothie ingredients.
6:13 – As Rick gets outside, it starts to rain. He takes a step back towards the building to go get an umbrella, but he decides against it.
6:20 – While drinking a delicious Jamba Juice Smoothie, Rick tells the Running Diary the basics of the Booze Cruise. For $45 bucks you get to spend three hours drinking on a boat as it does a half circle around the island of Manhattan. Normally, the Circle Line cruise runs $30, so for an extra $15 you get to drink as much as you want and get scenic views. In other words, this is going to get messy. The only scenic view Mar is used to is Evelyn’s _______.
6:35 – An impatient Ostrowe calls Rick to find out where he is. Ostrowe is upset because he is wasting valuable drinking time.
Rick: Just find Chip and give him my ticket
Ostrowe: I don’t know who he is
Rick: I’m not good at describing people so I won’t try, just scream out Chip and maybe he will find you
Ostrowe: Is he going to respond to that?
Rick: It’s his name
6:38 – Despite the fact that they started letting people on the boat about a half hour ago, Mar and Rick still haven’t arrived so Ostrowe and Dmo are not on board. There are getting very ancy. That the guy in charge keeps walking around going “You’re missing valuable drinking time!” only compounds this fact, as Dmo and Ostrowe begin to wish all sorts of bodily harm on Mar and Rick.
6:40 – Rick finally arrives at the Pier, Dmo and Ostrowe run inside to start boozing.
6:50 – Rick gets a call from Mar saying that he is still six blocks away.
6:55 – Mar is in the process of sprinting to the boat so that he doesn’t miss the 7:00 departure time.
7:01 – Mar reaches the boat, however he is sweating profusely.
7:10 – Mar pops the cherry that is double fisting Budweisers.
7:11 – Dmo realizes that he left his camera in the car.
7:15 – This is the 19th Annual Booze Cruise. Dmo has been on five making him the clear veteran. Mar, Ostrowe, and Rick all lag behind with just two cruises under their belt.
7:16 – Mar, Dmo and Ostrowe all text Jim$ at the same time: “How’s Evelyn?”
7:17 – For the first time it is mentioned that Jim$ owns the boat.
7:18 – Chip’s room mate asks us who reads our blogs. We respond by just pointing to the four of us.
7:24 – Ostrowe joins the double fisting party
7:25 – The boat officially leaves the dock
7:28 – Mar waits on line to get more beer. He looks extremely upset that he is not holding a beer. Or he could just be mad that they wouldn’t let him bring J’sT’s on the boat. They said that they had enough life preservers on board.

7:29 – The over/under on the first time anyone talks to a chick is set at 9:00 since we are socially inept. In order to galvanize the definition of “conversation,” it is determined that the girl must respond back three time.
7:31 – Ostrowe does the Texes Two-Step with a chick. Also known as when you are in someones way and you both take two steps in the same direction and there is always a chuckle included. Ostrowe comes back claiming that he made that chick laugh on the first date.
7:35 – It is official, Dmo’s dad would not have been the oldest person on the boat had he come.
7:41 – “How’s Evelyn?” Round Two.
7:47 – Ostrowe gets a two count with a girl. He almost shattered the Over/Under.
7:50 – After Rick gets back from taking some nice scenic pictures of New York City from the water, Dmo says: “This is some nice scenery…..on the boat”
7:52 – Just an observation: There are a lot of douche bags on the boat. Pink Shirts galore.
7:56 – Let Me Clear My Throat comes on and ushers in the dance movement. Everyone busts out the awkward White Man Shuffle. Some old woman takes this moment to start grinding on the big black man in the ‘Security’ shirt.
7:58 – A Young Abe Lincoln is on the boat.
7:59 – “How’s Evelyn?” Round Three.
8:01 – Dmo screams out ‘Titties’ and Mar proceeds to walk over to me and scream ‘Titties’ in my ear so as to make sure that I didn’t miss it the first time.
8:04 – An hour has gone by and a worker is already dragging out three garbage bags filled with empties. Mar gets out attention then screams out: “Bah look at Virgil”
8:09 – Moro:Terry::Mar:______. The answer at 8:15.
8:11 – Mar goes on a rant: “Evelyn was with Dmo last night and these are the facts”
8:12 – Ostrowe joins the ranks of guys doing the White Man Shuffle
8:15 – The answer is Evelyn.
8:20 – The Dirty Fitzgerald is mentioned and Mar almost spits his beer out
8:22 – As Mar walks downstairs, Rick has the insatiable urge to douse Mar with water, so he does. Ostrowe had the same urge but he was able to restrain himself. (And he is the one who is drinking)
8:25 – Dmo is amazed at how nice the weather is for the booze cruise after the brief shower before
8:27 – Ostrowe talks to a chick, but since I am just going on his word, does it count?
8:30 – Out of nowhere a storm cloud forms over the boat and it starts to rain sideways. Everyone on the boat is drenched. It looks like a ride at Universal.
8:40 – A chick walks by and and says she is freezing, so Ostrowe proceeds to wrap himself around her. What a gentleman.
8:45 – “How’s Evelyn?” Round Four
8:49 – Ostrowe is shuffling around searching for a shuffle partner
8:50 – As Ostrowe disappears around the corner, he literally reappears a few seconds later holding three beers.
8:54 – Ostrowe first sees Gray Shirt. He makes a vow to talk to her before the night is over.
8:57 – Dmo and Mar have an awkward conversation about Evelyn rubbing whipped cream on her boobs. Just to clarify here, Evelyn is a 50 year old, fat, bar tramp.
8:59 – “Ostrowe is peeing on Evelyn!” -Dmo
9:00 – Mar has a legitimate conversation with a chick who is about to puke over the side of the boat. He tells her that he is a gentleman like Jim Nantz and she walks away.
9:02 – As I was writing the previous entry Dmo walked over and grabbed my hand and tried to make me grab some girl standing near us.
9:05 – Mar is on fire as he starts talking to another chick. After a brief conversation with her she walks away and brings her friend to meet Mar. Being sober, Rick completely sees the “this is my girlfriend that I am trying to set you up with right now” sub context, but Mar drops the ball and turns away from them.
9:09 – Ostrowe deems himself drunk enough to talk to Gray Shirt. However, she is no longer in the area. Rick and Ostrowe fan out to try to find her and when they do Ostrowe stalks her from a distance waiting for the right moment. Rick stalks Ostrowe from a distance to chronicle the events.
9:12 – Ostrowe moves in close using the White Man Shuffle as a form of camouflage. When he gets close he turns around and sees Rick writing furiously and walks away. He comes back claiming that he needs someone to distract her fat friend, they both know that Rick will offer no help in that department. (It’s not that Rick, won’t; it’s more that he can’t due to his lack of social skills)
9:14 – Ostrowe takes up his staking pose. It’s kind of like a Sumo Wrestler stance, but with a beer in each hand.
9:15 – Ostrowe walks over again, but is intimidated again.
9:16 – This time before he walks over, Ostrowe formulates a plan of action. He works up the nerve and actually gets in a word edgewise before she plays the boyfriend card. Like a gentleman, Ostrowe accepts his fate and walks away with his head held high.
9:20 – In order to try to get the party jump started, Mar dances up on Ostrowe. No Homo.
9:22 – Fed up, and trying to make up for the previous act of homosexuality, Ostrowe grabs the boob of some random girl on the dance floor even though she is dancing with another guy.
9:25 – While talking to Faux-Famke Jansen, Ostrowe gets the boyfriend card again and doles out the first Ric Flair chop of the night to Dmo.
9:27 – A drunk Dmo has started to flail his arms around while talking and he punches one of the workers in the face.
9:40 – Dmo and Mar start fighting
9:44 – Ostrowe gets a kiss from the bartender that has her face pierced
9:50 – Ostrowe and Dmo simultaneously lean into say something to each other and almost kiss. No homo.
9:59 – The boat is back ashore and while we are getting off, Dmo and Ostrowe see a girl they went to high school with after some small talk Mar finally appears:
Girl: I live in Hoboken
Ostrowe: This kid lives in Hoboken too
Girl: Oh, where do you live?
Mar: Bah I’m retarded
(Girl fails to realize that this is probably a good time to walk away from us and continues talking to Ostrowe.)
Mar: Bah Hoboken sucks
Girl: Yea, I’ve live there too long, How long have you lived there?
Mar: 8 years.
10:05 – While walking to the car, Mar lifts up his shirt and produces a Budweiser from his persons.
Ride Home – It was a shit show. Mar got the case of the hiccups and it turned into another duck season/rabbit season argument like the one from the Preakness between Mar and Dmo; except this time it was only (the word). After ten minutes they would tire themselves out and Rick or Ostrowe would jump start them by calling them mooncrickets. The highlight was Dmo calling Mr. Stanton and handing the phone to Mar. Mar then said: “Hi Mr. Stanton, Doug Mohr said you are a (the word).
Ostrowe transcribed part of the conversation on the ride home, so without further ado. For the record we’ll say the first line is Mar, then he and Dmo alternate for the rest of the ride. (Caution: If you are easily offended, you may want to skip this part)
“Bah I hope you die”
“Bah I hope Steve Elkington rams a putter up your ass”
“Bah I hope so too”
“Bah Rick’s a gentleman”
“Dmo’s a (word)”
“I’m a gentleman”
“You’re a Gerry Oswald”
“You owe me a (word)”
“You owe me Daryl”
“Daryl picks your cotton”
“You do Daryl in the ass”
“That’s uncalled for”
“Daryl’s a gentleman”
“Tell him if he comes on vacation with us I will stab him in the testicles”
“How bout you do my lawn”
“How bout you’re a fucking jigaboo”
“How bout you’re a fucking (word)”
“You’re a (word)”
“You’re a (word)”
“You’re a fucking (word)”
“You’re a jigaboo”
“You blew Chris Moro for a pretzel”
“Bah I’m a gentleman”
“Bah you are a gentleman but you’re also a (word)”
“Bah you’re a (word)”
“Bah you’re still a jigaboo”
“Bah how bout I kick your ass”
“How bout you go back to your (word) ways”
“Jim$ is a (word) and he’s gonna own all other (word)s”
10:50 – Dmo calls Wally and demands he give us dollar drafts at Bruxelles
10:55 – Ostrowe makes Rick stop at HSBC so he can take out money to buy several dollar drafts
11:15 – We arrive at the Palisades Mall parking lot and everyone gets out to take a leak. When he gets back to the car, Mar says that he left his phone is Rick’s car even though we were in Dmo’s car the entire time.
11:17 – Dmo gets behind the wheel despite the fact that rick proclaimed Ostrowe was probably in the best shape to drive even though he drank the most (barely edging out Mar)
11:21 – Dmo proves Rick right by vacillating several times between Nyack and Fitzy’s on the drive, also hopping up on the sidewalk along the way
11:26 – Ostrowe gets out of the car at Fitzy’s before it comes to a complete stop to say hi to Jay Kohlman and Mike McGillick at the door
11:31 – I buy a round for myself Dmo and Mar
11:33 – Dmo takes some guy’s money off the bar. Kevin, who is bartending while not playing cards with Evelyn and James Fitz, has to admonish Dmo
11:37 – Ostrowe tells James’s sister that Mar came back to Rockland with us so he could see Evelyn
11:40 – Dmo and Mar get in the car to go home, ditching me in the bar. Kevin remarks, “why didn’t you drive, you don’t even seem drunk”
11:42 – Ostrowe starts calling people in his cell phone to come pick me up
(Curious as to what happened to Ostrowe? Click Here) Coming Soon
7:30 AM – “Oh, I thought you might have been home – it smelled like beer in the hallway outside your room” -Mar’s Mom
Final Tally:
Dmo: 11 Beers
Mar: 13 Beers
Ostrowe: 11 Beers + 3 Rum and Coke’s