Without the Preakness on the Piccinich Calendar in 2009, the opportunity for Gentlemanly Gatherings took a big hit. The Preakness is an unspoken warm up for Booze Cruise. As such, going into the BC this year, we knew things could get chippy. What we also knew was that Drunk Joyce would be the highlight of the night and possibly fall off the boat.
Let’s go to the videotape
5:25 Boarding starts at 6:30. The boat departs at 7:00 and returns at 10:00. Leaving now should give Rick enough time to stop and get a slice of pizza and a smoothie
5:40 Meanwhile, on the GWB, Joyce is driving Dmo, Mar, and Ostrowe to the boat and he gets a call from Faux Abby. Joyce doesn’t know who Faux Abby is, but every now and then she calls him and talks dirty. She has obviously been put up to it by someone on the CoG….but who?
5:50 Rick goes to Jamba Juice and obviously catches them on a shift change/Acai outage. He has been here for 15 minutes already
6:05 The Car of Gentlemen arrives at the pier. Joyce and Ostrowe go to the bathroom and leave Mar and Dmo locked in car. Joyce sets the alarm. When Mar and Dmo try to get out of the car, the alarm goes off and sounds for 10 minutes until Joyce gets back. They sit there laughing
6:15 Rick finally conquers Jamba and makes it to the boat
6:20 Eddie O, Poppers, and Jurgen arrive. They have already had a couple of beers each with dinner. A rookie mistake. Eddie O is so wealthy. His pants are extra shiny as he makes deals on his cell phone
6:25 Blue dress is the early favorite to be this year’s Gdatgdp
6:30 As we board the boat we are joined by Trusty. Who the hell is Trusty you might ask. He was Eddie O’s best man. During his speech at the Wedding, he was cut off when he started talking about how he thinks Eddie O’s mom is hot.
6:35 In the distance, Rick hears a guy telling a story about someone doing pull ups on the boat last year.
6:40 Jurgen finishes his first beer. He bends down and leaves his empty on ground. Ostrowe points out the trash can right behind us.
6:45 The boat is leaving in 15 minutes and Daryl isn’t here yet.
6:48 “When are you getting here” bomb to Daryl. Mar’s text is sent first. He is as fast as 15 year old girls
6:53 Jurgen is anti ~@~
6:55 We begin texting Daryl ~@~ every 7 min
6:59 Nicsam shows up with Talty. She is Broken.
7:o5 The boat departs only 5 minutes late. Daryl missed the boat like he misses trains. Blue dress is happy that she has a 75% less chance of being groped
7:07 On the Big Break, Nicsam won $1000 from gift card from Dick’s Sporting Goods. She admits that she loves Dick’s
7:09 Joyce takes a picture with his dream girl
7:1o We see a trio of 19 year old guys with braces and mullets. They stand out like something fierce. Mar says “They left the house saying I really do not want to get laid tonight”
First Jersey bro
7:12 Jurgen “Obama is a fraud. Social Security is a ponzi scheme.” Jim$ and Sars aren’t even here and we already have our first political debate.
7:14 There is a bigger security presence this year
7:16 Over/Under for when we start talking to chicks: 7:45
7:20 The female Rocky Dennis is on the boat tonight
7:24 Which body part will Joyce injure this year? Right now ankle is the odds on favorite
7:27 Also on the boat are Fat Freddy Prinze Jr and Vince Vieluf
7:30 Jurgen drops an empty bottle by accident. The jury says he will be hammered by 8:30
7:38 Ostrowe: The girl in the plaid skirts mom went to college
7:41 In the last 5 minutes every building on the shore has been proclaimed to be either Jim$ house or corner office
7:43 Jurgen: Is the the tail from an Air France plane on top of that building?
7:45 SARS IS ALIVE! He texts us back after we bomb him. Jurgen: Sars is Harley?
7:47 There are two guys on the boat that are smaller than Joyce
7:50 Best of Me bomb to Jmac. Rick accidentally send his text to AD of Notre Dame. Luckily, he it bounced back.
7:55 Jurgen: [Rick’s] jacket is from 2008
Jurgen: Your 2000 and late
7:56 Mar: Is the statue of Olivia
7:58 Joyce is talking to a girl. But she works here. Doesn’t count
7:59 Jurgen is telling everyone that they look like a Carlos
8:00 Jurgen pops Eddie O’s collar
8:01 Jurgen does not appreciate the running diary
8:02 The over has won. There are too many members of the CoG here, thus making it even harder to talk to chicks
8:05 Ostrowe: That guy looks like Terry with AIDS
8:10 For the second straight year, Joyce has walked up to an Asian girls and asked her to take a picture of us. Why? Because Asians like to take pictures. Then he flashes her the peace sign and tells her he’s not that racist
8:13 Poppers wants to sign up for the job of banging Alicia Sacramone at the 2010 Olympics
8:15 According to Jurgen, everyone who lives Rockland is from Nyack and we are going to Blackpage tomorrow
8:16 In the distance, Rick hears, “Well she peed on me first”
8:20 Joyce: Nicsam flash your boobs…Oh wait never mind, they are inadequate
8:25 Joyce leaves. Proclaiming that he is going to harass chicks. Starving for some entertainment, Rick and Dmo follow him
8:30 Someone asks Rick if he is an Olympian. He says he was on the Archery team. The guy doesn’t believe him citing the fact that Rick is not wearing a clean hat.
8:35 Joyce is a ratard. And he looks like a Carlos
8:40 Dmo broke the boat by ripping off part of the ceiling. He is strong like Paul Casey
8:47 Joyce just came back with 6 beers
8:52 Jurgen lays out his issues with the running diary:
1 Nothing I do when drunk should be recorded
2 Nothing I do when drunk should be recorded because I’m a ratard
3 I’m a ratard
8:55 A couple of girls are questioning the fact that Joyce/Carlos is the one who was dancing last year. He proceeds to do dance push ups to prove them wrong
9:02 Carlos is ready to take to the dance floor. He throws his beer at Rick to hold. He throws it over Rick’s head and down the stairs. The beer explodes everywhere. The security guards come upstairs looking to break heads. Nobody fingers Carlos.
9:04 Dmo gropes Nicsam
9:06 Joyce pantomimes jerking off Nicsam
9:07 Ostrowe is hiding his empty beers in the life vests
9:10 Jurgen and Dmo have called Eddie O’s parents 12 times asking for Griff
9:12 Everyone is double fisting. The count has been jeopardized
9:15 Poppers reminds me for the tenth time that we are meeting at 11:00A on the 2nd tee at “Blackpage“
9:20 Maria is hot
9:25 Carlos just showed his Carlos to a 40 year old woman
9:30-10:00 A blur of drunken Joyce dancing, double fisting, and Gentlemen
10:02 Shortly after docking, Jurgen elbows some drunk guy. The guy takes offense and demands satisfaction. Jurgen grabs his arm and refuses to let go. Drunken fisticuffs ensue. Dmo grabs the other guy to break it up, and “accidentally” pours his whole beer over the other guy. Needless to say, Jurgen is escorted off the boat.
10:10 The rest of us leave the boat to find Jurgen siting on the side of the West Side Highway.
All hell breaks loose. Time stamps abandoned
Ostrowe has two beers in every pocket. He can barely move.
Joyce has eight mini wine bottles in his pocket. He proceeds to break them all like Molotov cocktails
Joyce picks up a road cone and throws it at Eddie O. His shiny pants are damaged. Trusty puts a cone on Jurgen’s head
Mar tries to give Dmo a Rick Flair chop but winds up punching him in the face. Dmo returns the shot and the MegaCoG explodes. Mar tries to go for the DDT, but is blocked. The “fight” ends in a stalemate.
We get to Landsdowne Road. Jurgen goes in first, but the owner won’t let him in. Once he sees all the people that he is with, he says “Ok, you can come in only because I don’t want to lose their business.” Jurgen, Poppers, and Eddie O leave shortly thereafter. Wisely.
Girl: What’s your name?
Joyce: I’m wealthy
Dmo proclaims his love for Mar and his retardation. Rick agrees that it is much better to have Mar back on the right coast
There is a girl here wearing Junkyard dog chain
Ostrowe tells a chick she can’t see him
Mar has been talking to Beth Cooper on the other side of the bar for 20 minutes. Everyone is in shock, so Ostrowe goes over to see what they are talking about:
Mar: How’s Abby?
Ostrowe: What are you talking about?
Beth: All he has been saying is “How’s Abby?”
Mar: Bah, I’m winded
Beth: Oh yea, he has been saying that too.
Shortly thereafter, Mar stops talking to Beth to talk to a Ginger at the bar. Beth comes over to Rick and Joyce since her friend has been making out with a guy for the last 30 minutes. She claims that Rick is no fun. And voices her displeasure that Mar left her. Despite his best efforts, she somehow still wanted to sleep with him. Too bad he went to talk to another chick.
Ostrowe goes and talks to the Ginger and Mar:
Ginger: All a guy needs to do at the bar is look interested in a girl and say something like
Mar: How’s Abby?
Ginger: Yea, that works.
Ostrowe walks away stupefied
We leave Landsdowne way too late. Around 12:30. The car ride back is a disaster for the first 20 minutes. Once again there was a battle of insults with words aplenty.
Mar: Your, your, your, your a big, your a bigger, bigger, bigger, your a bigger word, word, Olajuwon, your a bigger word than Hakeem Olajuwon
By the time we get to the GWB, everyone other than Rick was passed out.
Drop off Mar at his house. Dmo gets out of the car and demands that Mar drives him home. After 5 minutes of convincing, he gets back into the car.
Get back to Joyce’s house at 1:30. We are planning to wake up at 7:00 to go to the Open. Should be awesome. Can’t wait to hit up the concession farm.
Mar 12 Beers
Dmo 11 Beers, 1 Shot
Ostrowe 10 Beers, 1 Shot
Joyce 9 Beers, 2 Mixed Drinks, 1 Shot
Jurgen 8 Beers
Poppers 6 Beers
Eddie O 5 Beers
May the god bless us forever