Last April, I saw posters for the Five Boro Bike Tour (a 42 mile bike bike through get this, all five boroughs) taking place in May of that year. When I tried to sign up, it was full. This year, I made sure to sign up on the first possible day. The only problem was that I don’t have a bike, and have only been bike riding once in the last who knows how long (February 2010). Little details. Tuesday April 26, I solved the bike problem with 5 days to spare. A couple of warm up rides and I was ready. What follows are the live Twitter updates I made during the ride:

6:45 The subway on 5 Boro morning http://twitpic.com/4rvuvj

7:15 Meet up with Jim$. He is a gentleman

7:34 Time to play the waiting game http://twitpic.com/4rw4jt

33 minutes after the scheduled start time. Cynical Rick makes his first appearance
8:33 Another pic from the 5 Boro bike walk http://twitpic.com/4rwsun

8:55 Got here at 7. Still walking at 9, but the start is in sight

9:27 5 B0ro Highlights of the first 20 minutes: Hipster played frogger by running across the street and almost got clocked about 5 times.
Guy screams out “Officer where can I cross.” Nowhere.
Girl making a walk of shame encounters 30K bikers blocking her from crossing 6th ave. Gonna be hard to cross in those stilettos

9:31 Stopped again. Despite my cynical tweets I am thoroughly enjoying myself. This is awesome http://twitpic.com/4rxiag

10:02 Glad to see I’m not the only cynic in the tour. Lot of people making the “at this rate we’ll get to Staten Island on Tuesday” joke

10:39 Frowned upon update mid ride 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4ryi10

11:05 Can’t help but think of Cam in Modern Family today. 5 B0ro

11:15 Crossing the bridge 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4rz83q

11:18 Jim$ sees someone covered in blood on the 59th street bridge. Not good

11:21 As silly as bike helmets look, wearing a baseball cap under one looks worse 5 B0ro

11:37 Mile 18 http://twitpic.com/4rzifu

12:11 Entering Brooklyn. Beware of hipsters 5 B0ro

12:20 The infamous Pink Flamingos 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4rzxqh

12:36 Yikes just saw a little kid careen off the road into an on looker 5 B0ro

12:39 Once upon a time in America 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s05lb

12:42 Brooklyn Bridge 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s0712

12:55 @ThoroughLizE Rick keeps tweeting about the 5 B0ro wondering how he is multitasking on the bike…
@thoroughLizE I’m just that good

1:01 Sends a text to Rachel. She is on line for the ferry already. As is Adrian from work. Jim$ and I have 10 miles to go. Shouldn’t take too much longer (foreshadowing)

1:04 And my butt is officially numb 5 B0ro

1:13 So close, yet so far 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s0fuq

1:19 hits mental barrier. Tweets about it

1:21 LizE: Rick must be stopping 😉
Rick: good motivational tweet. And no I am not stopping. I tweet on the move

1:25 Mr. Diercksen presides over the 5 B0ro bike stop http://twitpic.com/4s0jma

1:31 I won’t admit it, but I now enjoy when we have to stop. Or God Save The Queen http://twitpic.com/4s0l6p

1:36 The 5 B0ro: brought to you by Jamaica, Queens & Jamaica, Jamaica http://twitpic.com/4s0n3n
Jamaica. Once you go, you know

1:46 Far in the distance. Ms. Liberty. In the foreground. Bikers walking 5 Boro http://twitpic.com/4s0rda

1:53 Coming up on 30 minutes of standing still

1:59 Woman gets fed up with waiting, jumps the barrier and heads the other way on the BQE….with the cars. Juevos

2:04 Rules no longer in effect for some people. They are jumping the jersey barrier on the BQE5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s0z2o

2:10 Another 3/4 mile of walking we are told. Has to be at least of mile or two of stoppage behind us

2:13 Oh my god! That’s Cynical Rick’s music! To everyone jumping the jersey barrier, I hope all your hopes and dreams come true

2:15 People to the left of the jersey barrier now backed up. People go left of that http://twitpic.com/4s13oj

2:16 This bike is named Topenga. BMWFTW 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s147g

Updates coming fast and furious. Since we are stuck on the BQE

2:29 @5BoroBikeTour I loathe the people who jumped the jersey barrier on the BQE. Just FYI http://twitpic.com/4s19ps
@5BoroBikeTour make them wait until everyone passes them

2:44 Now taking random pictures 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s1fye

2:50 Moving? 5 B0ro

2:54 It’s like seeing Oz for the first time http://twitpic.com/4s1k6y

3:04 At base of Verrazano. Wish I was at base of bed

3:12 Verrazano. Kill me

3:16 Almost. Not walking. Will defeat the Verrazano http://twitpic.com/4s1t5h

3:25 Finally! I made it! http://twitpic.com/4s1wyl

3:40 I hope I never see Staten Island until next year

3:44 Un poco mas http://twitpic.com/4s244i

3:55 Where have I seen this before. Tired Rick is tired. He just wants to go homehttp://twitpic.com/4s25ht

3:58 The “15 minute wait for the ferry” sign was a lie

4:02 Next year I’m doing the #4boro bike tour

4:10 I’m so exhausted the crazy Jesus guy is starting to make sense http://twitpic.com/4s2anx

4:14 Marvin the Martian FTW 5 B0ro http://twitpic.com/4s2b9f

4:31 Can almost see the Ferry Terminal

4:35 Tweeting Rick is fed up. He is done tweeting

4:48 Finally on a Ferry

5:15 Finally back on the island of Manhattan. Thank god. Now I need to find food.

5:55 God bless Shake Shack

9:35 Strawberries on the knee. I’m so old http://twitpic.com/4s5xi5

Despite my frustrations, it was a great day. The route was an A+, the weather was an A, it is just a shame the congestion was an F, and the Ferry wait was a D.

https://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/bin/slideshow.swf