Labor Day 2011

For the second straight year, Jurgen was gracious enough to host the Gentlemen for a Labor Day BBQ connected to the Maryland season opening game. For the second straight year, Ostrowe and Rick brought cheesesteaks into the equation. However, this year, they also added Jmac and his handsomeness

8:00 It is the scheduled leaving time and neither Jmac or Ostrowe have made it to the Upper East Side. Ostrowe experienced some poisen ivy delays and Jmac experienced some sunshine and rainbows delays
8:15 Rick has spent at least 90 minutes looking for coolers in stores. Apparently they are no longer in season. He eventually gives up and buys one of those insulating bags that keep cold things cold and warm things warm
8:25 Ostrowe picks up Rick on the corner and they head crosstown to pick up Jmac on Central Park West
8:34 Jmac gets in the car. Cuppiness sets in
8:42 Ostrowe is full of rage on the roads on NYC
8:48 Odds are openly discussed. Jmac is falling in line with the rest of the pack
9:15 Jmac: It is so nice to actually like a girl
9:40 Ostrowe: Oh man, Melissa doesn’t live in Rockland anymore. I have to drop her off in Tarrytown. She doesn’t even live near the bridge
Rick: Yes she does.
Ostrowe: That’s like saying I live near the bridge
Rick: You do. The bridge starts in Tarrytown and goes to Nyack. By living in either of those towns you live near the bridge
10:00 Ostrowe once again has poisen ivy. The spray he keeps using smells awful
10:48 The cashier Pat’s King of Steaks calls us ‘sir’. Is this the twilight zone?
10:50 Pat’s Drink Guy: “Hey yo syracuse, what do you want?” That’s more like it
10:53 So God (See 2010 Labor Day Diary)
11:20 Rick passes out and wakes up as Ostrowe asks him a question. Says ‘no’ without knowing what the question was.
11:25 Rick is half lucid and talking in his sleep. While Jmac and Ostrowe are talking about Irene, Rick interjects “What Hurricane”

12:02 Cuppy gas stop at rest area. Rick is still half asleep and can’t understand why Ostrowe can’t get his credit card to work
Ostrowe: Rick close my door so I can back up
/Rick closes door and stands behind the car
12:05 Rick goes into giggle fit and can’t tell his joke.
Rick: It would be funny if Ostrowe drank his Poison Ivy spray and poured the soda on himself
No one laughs
12:13 Traditional stop at Delaware rest area
12:20 Rick purchases an energy drink. Oh no.
12:24 Jmac: Imagine if Joyce was here
12:27 Upon leaving the stop, Rick points out that the rest stop lady also commented on his shirt. Turns out that she just liked commenting on shirts
To Ostrowe (In a golf shirt): Do you golf a lot?
To Jmac (In a shirt that says undercover): Oh undercover eh, I wish. I could come up with ideas like that then I wouldn’t be stuck working here.
To Rick: Going to syracuse?
12:32 Jmac uses Ostrowe’s blackberry. Tries to press the screen like he does on his iPhone. “Why is it not searching”
12:33 Since the cooler bag keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, what happens if Rick puts his Arnold Palmer in there with the cheese steaks? BWOOOOONNG
12:38 Rick: If we get to Maryland and those cheesesteaks are warm because of the cooler bag I’m not going to be able to not eat one
Ostrowe: We are in Maryland
Rick: If we get to Jurgen’s house and those cheesesteaks are warm because of the cooler bag I’m not going to be able to not eat one
12:51 Rick: Decoy Museum. Is it a real museum or just a decoy museum to keep people from the real one?
Ostrowe: It is a museum of only decoys
Jmac: Trojan Horse is the centerpiece
Rick: Do they have the Fake McCoy who was a decoy for the Real McCoy?
Ostrowe: Wouldn’t that just be the McCoy?
Jmac: My head hurts
Rick: Jmac, can I change your line to ‘My McHead hurts’ for the sake of the running diary
Jmac: No that is awful. I would never say that
12:59 In discussing Vegas and instigation, the consensus is that Jim$ is the biggest instigator followed closely by Dmo. If you were standing on the edge of a cliff, Jim$ would say, we should really jump off this cliff. Dmo would be there and would say “you two should really jump off the cliff.” Jim$ will pull you over the edge with him as Dmo gives the two of you a push
1:12 Rick: Oh man I forgot that I had snacks
Jmac: (busts out his mocking Rick impression) Look at me, my name is Rick, I have snacks
Rick: You forgot that part about how I don’t drink and feel great all the time. By the way, there is a 45% chance when I open these they fly everywhere
Ostrowe: Did you get a bag of those exploding snakes?
Rick: Whoppers. Best ever
Jmac: What an awful candy
Ostrowe: Agreed
Rick: Want one
Ostrowe: Might as well
Jmac: I also feel like I have to defend my statement
Ostrowe: Still awful. Tastes like a chocolate covered cotton ball
Jmac: I thought you said chocolate covered dodgeball
Ostrowe: Does that exist?
Jmac: What, chocolate covered cotton balls do exist?
Ostrowe: Would take a lot lest chocolate than a dodgeball
1:24 Rick: You should just invite a lot of people to blank blank then we can write down everything they say for the movie script
Ostrowe and Jmac: There is a movie script
Rick: Sorry the running diary is very dialogue heavy. I keep imagining it as a movie script
Ostrowe: This sounds like a horrible movie
Rick: it would be great if it was just a 2 hour movie of our drive down. One camera shoot in the back seat with no cuts
Jmac: And this exact conversation is part of the movie.
Ostrowe: The camera never leaving the car would make people think the movie is metaphor for how we are trapped in our current state. When really we are just a couple of guys driving in the car
Jmac: Dicks in a car
Ostrowe: Great movie title. Three Dicks in a Car
1:33 Note: To appropriately experience the long dialogues, you should read them in a fit of laughter.
1:40 For the fifth straight year, it has just been stated we are going to the derby
1:44 While discussing the Birth of Mar
Ostrowe: It is great that that is how Mar got his nickname
Rick: You tell that story to anyone, they laugh. Great story
Ostrowe: That’s the same night BP and I got into a fight with those girls and they smashed a bottle of tomato sauce on Jurgen’s door.
Jmac: Smashed a bottle of tomato sauce? That’s messed up. Do they now how hard that was to make?
2:01 Tired Rick isn’t afraid to admit he like the name of the Kiss and Ride.
2:10 Arrive at Casa del Jurgen. He has woken up to greet us. What a gentleman
2:31 Jmac emails the chain: “I’m giddy with excitement for tomorrow. Or maybe I’m just still feeling the effects of sunshine and rainbows”
2:44 Like 12 year olds, Ostrowe, Rick and Jmac can’t fall asleep and have a group text chat going from 3 different rooms
9:23 Not the event
10:10 Jmac likes Jurgen’s clock. Great centerpiece. Despite the fact it is 4 minutes fast, he trusts it completely
10:45 Ostrowe is going thru every NFL game to predict the season standings to keep himself from not thinking about poison ivy
11:07 Zoosk commercial
Ostrowe: Who thinks like that. That is why you are single, that self-defeatist attitude
11:09 Rick: Hi I’m Dave Holmes you may remember me as the fat guy who has been next to hot chicks hosting random shows.
Ostrowe: And you know what, it was a different chick every time
Rick: Somehow, you still remember my name
11:11 While watching the DVD on TV version of Role Models, Dave Holmes has a fake sword fight with RHC who is wearing a skimpy dress
Jmac: Why is she wearing that?
Ostrowe: Yea she shouldn’t wear that if she is going to throw herself on the couch
Jmac: No why is she wearing clothes
Jurgen: Ostrowe did you shave your chest hair into a heart again?
Ostrowe: Not this year?
Jurgen: I saw the American flag, then I thought of your shirt from last year, then I remembered your badminton game with Goon
11:31 Ostrowe: I’m getting in the shower.
Jmac: Bagel dog?
Ostrowe: What?
11:51 DVD on TV. We take 95 minute movie and make it 3 hours long. Our secret is to give you a one minute teaser of a special feature before the break then after the commercial, show you the full one minute 20 second feature. Then go to another commercial break
12:09 Dmo and Mel show up. Dmo immediately comments on the wonderful clock centerpiece
12:27 Ostrowe has his first beer. Last year he started at 7:00A
12:29 Ostrowe goes for his first second cheesesteak. The warm cooler bag is in the fridge and is very confused trying keep the cheesesteaks warm in a cold environment
12:39 Melissa is talking about working in Brooklyn. Ostrowe and Rick are making hipster joke after hipster joke and every one has gone over her head
1:05 The O’Neill’s arrive
1:13 Ostrowe just finished week 3 of his preview, but give up now that people are here
1:18 Apps on the table courtesy of Peg
Jmac: Wow. You really should have won the GWotY last year
Peg: Yea. I should have
Ostrowe: Wow. You are bitter
Peg: Well yea, I’ll never win if every girl that Jmac bangs wins every year
Jmac: You’ll win this year
Ostrowe: Make sure Eddie O disappears for a while
1:27 Pricilla brings up the clock and everyone talks about how much they like it
Jmac: We should count how many people like the clock
Rick: I have been counting but I didn’t say anything so they come naturally
Jmac: That’s what she says
1:45 Jmac has red pepper dip on a red pepper. Dipception
1:50 According to Jmac most shorts are cargo shorts. However, most the shorts at this party are not cargo shorts
1:54 Now that more people are here, things are getting more schticky and inside jokey. From Pants under pants to Parsippany to Chair pulled out from under Lindsay to formal flair chop to what the hell is this?! in about a minute
2:23 (Ed. Note: I just had a time here. I don’t know what I was going to write for this post)
2:36 Melissa: Ostrowe, what is the was?
2:53 While walking behind the strip mall:
Rick: I thought there was going to be an opening he…oh there is
Ostrowe: yea me too..oh there is
Jmac: Oh, there is an opening here
3:19 While talking about our Grizley Pear karaoke trip, Ostrowe says that someone was booing Jmac mercilessly. We watch the video and Ostrowe realizes he was the one booing
3:25 Samson and Amos!
3:47 Knute: I remember you from tailgates
Jmac: Probably not
4:10 BP shows up and wakes up Ostrowe from a 15 minute nap
4:45 Melissa: To be honest Doug actually works 3 hours a day.
Rick: Wow. I thought you were going to defend him for a second and say he actually did work
5:57 Peg: My bill was $8
Jurgen: That’s because you were letting the college boys hit on you
Jim$: She was saving her husband money
8:32 Rick walks outside to play Beer Pong and in the interim, Jmac got very hammered. Turns out shots of Makers Mark bring out the best in him. Everyone mocks Eddie O for agreeing to be his partner since he has to drink double
9:06 Jim$: I would like the running diary to reflect that if I wanted to grow a beard like Sav, it would take me 18 months
9:24 Dmo steals Ostrowe’s seat. Ostrowe sits on his lap
9:25 Dmo just gave Melissa the ok to throw out old and ratty clothes when she does his laundry
9:34 Jim$ has ruined the browser history on Rick’s iPad. He apologizes to Jenn and confesses he clears the browser history every day
9:39 A Nibbles chant is started. Jim$ really wants to get him
9:43 The Crock Pot has boiled over
9:51 Jurgen: Bah my house is retarded
10:06 How’s sentimental Jmac
10:08 Dmo leans over to Jenn and says “your husband bet $500 on the team that is losing”
10:17 Melissa (to Pricilla): You should give Jurgen a raise so he can buy you something nice
10:38 Evil Peg Laugh during the Dr. Phil interview of Jmac on Eddie O’s lap. It looks like Jmac is a creepy boat driver in Venice hitting on Peg while she is on a romantic vacation with her husband.
10:40 Jim$ is making tic tacs. Worst. Idea. Ever.
11:01 After the success of Puppet Daryl, Jim$ makes Puppet Peg and grabs Eddie O’s head. Jim$ then forces their heads together
11:13 Jim$ starts a Hutter Sucks chant
11:15 Pricilla learns of Mullets over Miami.
Peg: Dmo filmed it.
Dmo: And you know who else was there. Jurgen
Melissa: Didn’t someone get a blank blank
Everyone: That’s not what happened at all
11:20 Jim$ pulls out his inflatable air mattress. When it is full, Dmo hops on and Jim$ lays down next to him. Next Jmac hops in followed by Rick and Eddie O.  Jenn, Peg, and Melissa look concerned.
11:55 Everyone is getting ready for bed and Paul and Samson are still bumping tunes. Jurgen just made them cheesesteaks
11:57 Peg is rocking Jmac to bed as Eddie O reads them a bedtime story
11:59 Samson invites Jmac to the club. Jmac accepts for a second. Then collapses

12:01 Jim$ run upstairs to steal Jurgen’s fan and Jmac says he’ll save his spot in bed with Jenn. All he needs is to hop in bed with Melissa and he has the triple crown
12:03 Jmac says he should have never let Rick meet SR because he is a jerk
12:05 Jmac hops in with Melissa and Doug. Trifecta complete
12:12 Jmac: I need water
Jurgen: Water is a bad choice. It makes you more sober
12:18 Jim$: it is so hot down here. Heat f***ing falls Jurgen
Jmac: Jim$ your wife is hotter than the temperature
12:20 Jim$ insists on cuddling with the fan
12:24 Jim$, Jmac, and Rick sing I want it that way for the house
12:29 For the second night in a row, Rick can’t sleep, but drunk gents mean no texting
12:44 Still up.
8:15 Rick hovers over Peg as she makes her famous French Toast Casserole
Rick: So what is the recipe here?
Peg: I don’t know. I just make it up
Rick: How long do you bake it in the oven?
Peg: I don’t know
Rick: How am I supposed to make this for myself?
8:38 Peg once again assigns Eddie O to supervise clean up after she bakes
9:30 FTC FTW
10:01 Peg: Get Jmac a coffee because he died
12:03 No updates since we have been watching Degrassi for 3 hours while alternating showers
12:25 Eddie O is wearing O’Neill shorts. If anyone takes them, he can prove they are his
1:09 Ostrowe texts Rick to see if he wants to go to the tailgate. Rick says no.
Ostrowe: Irish Exit?
Rick: Yes. We’ll just turn north on 95 when everyone doesn’t
Ostrowe: How do we get Melissa in the car with us?
Rick: Tell her we are going to the tailgate?
Ostrowe (To Melissa): Is your bag here? You should put it in the car? Are you riding with us?
Melissa: Yes and yes
Rick (to Ostrowe): Victory!
1:30 The gang leaves for the tailgate.
1:45 Ostrowe and Rick execute the Irish Exit to perfection. We are heading towards 95 on the beltway. Melissa and Jmac haven’t noticed yet
1:48 Melissa:  One thing about MT, this is going to sound really bad, so I’m not going to say it but now I have to because I said this, but she has Tourettes
1:51 Rick and Ostrowe set the o/u on Melissa figuring out there will be no tailgate at 2:02
1:53 Jmac: I officially don’t want a cheesesteak for a long time
2:03 Over wins
2:07 Rick realizes that Ostrowe’s AC sucks because his vent wasn’t open.
2:10 Jmac realizes a plot is afoot and texts Rick
2:15 Jmac openly talking about not going to the tailgate and Melissa still hasn’t said anything
2:19 Rick and Ostrowe start a discussion about how they have great imaginations. Ostrowe says he wishes he could major in imagination. Rick proclaims that he has been trying to imagine ways to get rich quick and be creative. He thinks coloring type book that works kids’ imaginations could be a hit. Melissa agrees. Ostrowe is brought on to co-write
2:25 After creative differences, Ostrowe is removed from the project.  Melissa claims she will find someone else to write the book if Rick is not serious. He assures her he will create one page a day for the next 5 months.
2:30 Rick and Melissa continue to bicker about the book.
2:35 Rick finds cookies. No one likes them since they are S Cookies.  Rick says that he loves them for that reason
2:49 Melissa says: “I never realized College Park was so far away” As we pull into the rest stop Rick can barely keep a straight face and walks away to keep from passing out. Jmac and Ostrowe use this opportunity to put all the blame on Rick
2:53 Rick reveals that he was purposely egging Melissa on about the book so that she wouldn’t realize we weren’t going to the tailgate. He affirms that he is serious about the book
2:56 A guy points to the big out of order sign on the Yogurt at Freshens and asks if they have yogurt
3:05 Ostrowe: No one wanted to be the asshole to say we weren’t going to the tailgate so instead we were the three assholes who just pulled the irish exit and kidnapped melissa in the process
4:15 Rick passes out (surprisingly before Melissa) and everyone takes a picture
4:50 Ostrowe gets a Roy Rogers chicken sandwich. Rick and Jmac tell him those things are awful
5:08 Ostrowe: I wish I had another chicken sandwich
Melissa: You actually liked it
Rick: Never underestimate the power of CoG members wanting to disprove other member
6:08 Ostrowe drops Rick and Jmac off in the city.  The game doesn’t start for another 2 hours. Had we gone to the tailgate, we would have been leaving now.  Thank god we left.

A Very Gentlewomanly Birthday

Thursday night was a dual birthday for Icebox and the 2010 Gentlewoman of the Year. And in the faithful words of the legend Rick James, (Click Here)

Rick arrived at 8:15 to find Hutter, Jim$, Daryl, Dmo, Icebox, and the GWotY well into their one dollar mugs.  As is tradition, their table had 13 mugs on it as Jim$ ordered another 8 beers and 8 tic tacs. Table 2 wasted no time cozying up to the unspoken for beers.

Jim$ ordered Daryl a martini prior to Rick’s arrival.  Afterwards, Jim$ and Daryl came to an agreement, Daryl would stay late so long as no one else ordered him a martini.  Sadly, no one had informed Rick of this stipulation and Rick asked the waitress to get Daryl another Martini.  To all the people who say that Jim$ ordered the martini and only said that Rick did it. You need to check your sources.  That most definitely did not occur.

Hutter: Jim$, when are you going to set me up on a date with AmCog? My goal in life is to go on a date with one celebrity. This is my chance.
Jim$: (texts AmCoG) Are you seeing anyone? I have a friend Ryan who I think would be good for you
Rick: First Jmac, now Hutter. Jim$ is the millionaire matchmaker
(5 Minutes Later)
Text from AmCog: Not seeing anyone. What is his last name? Want to Google him. Do you have a picture?
(For the next 5 minutes, we tried fruitlessly to take a picture of Hutter)

20 minutes after this exchange, Hutter tried to leave, however, Jim$ told him that if he left, he would send AmCoG a text saying that he changed his mind because Hutter was a P***y.  Hutter stayed for another hour

On the dance floor, Jim$ turned Daryl into his puppet by grabbing his arms from behind and flailing them through the air.

It is brought to Rick’s attention that H was pissed off at the Operahouse because she said Rick called her a Hoo-ah. All the Gentlemen are baffled since no one has ever heard Rick say that word. At the time, Jim$ defused the situation, but Rick was still dumbfounded that someone thought that he said such a thing in the first place.

The party decided to leave Green Rock and relocate to Mulligans (Ed. Note: I would like to point out this usually ends up killing the night).  At one point, Rick and Jenn turn around and Jim$ is nowhere in sight.  Rick sees a brief flash of Jim$ head walking through CVS. They found Jim$ in the dish soap aisle raving about dish soap being on sale for $0.99/bottle.  Despite pleas from Jenn, Jim$ bought 10 bottles.

An Adventure Pulled Out of Thin Air

Friday Afternoon: 3:26 PM ET

Jmac: I feel like I want to do something awesome this weekend
(Less than 30 seconds later)
Rick: Let’s fly to Miami

With that text, Rick planted a seed in Jmac’s mind.  After an hour of searching for flights to Miami (Only $215!) and a couple of back up ideas (Chicago and Vegas), Rick nearly had Jmac convinced to buy clothes in Miami since he didn’t have any with him and there was no way he could go home and catch a 8:00P flight.  After much debate, they decided the plan should revolve around cheese steaks in Philly.  Sadly, the Phillies and Union we both out of town.  The Orioles were also out of town, however, they we playing the Nationals in DC.  Poppers and Jurgen live in the DC area, however, Rick and Jmac had no clue if they would be around.

And so it was set.  Wake up. Leave the apartment at 7. Catch the 1:05P game at Nationals Park. Do some stuff. Drive home Sunday morning-ish. Stop and get Cheesesteaks. Victory.

It was so much more than that.
7:07 – Leave Rick’s apartment. Based on our current track record, leaving  7 minutes late, makes us on time
7:08 – The streets of NY are empty.  Need to wake up this early more often.
7:10 – Over/Under on number of times Give Me Everything is played: 7.5
7:21 – Banana, Smoothie, Croissant, Coffee. With the essentials purchased, we are on our way
7:28 – Jmac: If you ever buy a vespa I will beat you. Everyday. Until you get rid of it
7:34 – Give Me Everything starts off the day: 1
7:50 – Traffic in the Lincoln tunnel. Shocker.
8:06 – Out of Tunnel. Westbound helix closed.
Jmac: Why are they f***ing us?! Follow detour? F**k you. Our plans are f***ed
8:07 – How’s Piccinich Effect? (Ed. Note: For those new readers who are unaware. The Piccinich Effect states that whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and whatever can’t go wrong, will also go wrong)
8:10 – Jmac is a natural wedger. And a savage.  He is able to work his way into any line of cars
8:25 – Back on a highway. Cuppiness is setting in. Jmac yelling at random drivers: “You have a truck. Take up 3 lanes please”
8:27 – Table 2 is excited to see the Liberty Science Center
8:31 – Rick is obsessed with looking at the iPhone google map app. He is watching that rather than the road
8:34 – Huey Lewis comes on the iPod playlist as we hit the turnpike.
Jmac: I’m leaning towards cars trucks and buses. People love cars only
Rick: Truckers know how to drive
8:40 – Traffic on the cars only side. Winning!
8:57 – We have Great Expectations for our trip
9:00 – Rick currently has a blackberry, a camera, an iPhone, and two iPods in his lap
9:02 – Stopping at Molly Pitcher service area
9:25 – This crazy guy driving without a shirt is crazy
9:55 – The doldrums of the Jersey Turnpike have consumed us. Playing MFK to pass the time
10:07 – Jmac left his EZPass in Drew’s car so we actually have to go to a toll booth attendant. He turns the radio off since I Just Had Sex was playing. Gentleman
10:08 – Jmac: I used to think the people who didn’t have EZPass were dumb. Now I am dumb
10:12 – Entering Delaware. Over/Under on time on when we reach Maryland: 15.5 minutes
10:14 – Break Your Heart has Jmac amped and cruising
10:19 – Give Me Everything #2
Best Line in the song: Grab somebody sexy, tell them hey
10:21 – Jmac contemplates stopping at the Delaware rest area to get food and gas. Rick cites the Delaware incident of 2005 as reason to not stop. I95 Rule #1: Never stop in Delaware unless you absolutely have to. (See: Labor Day 2010)
10:24 – Not having EZPass makes you notice tolls more.
Delaware: $3 to enter. $4 to leave
Delaware: We need money!
Delaware: No wait, please stay. We’ll treat you better we promise
Delaware: You can have what’s left of me
10:28 – Now entering Maryland. 16 minutes later. Since this is not a live blog, no one will believe that I actually set the O/U at 15.5 as we entered the state
10:39 – Rafael is cool but rude. Jmac wants to be his eskimo brother
10:40 – Park at the Chesapeake House as Little Bad Girl ends. Love perfection like that
10:52 – Rice Krispies Crunch Mix is amazing. It consists of Mini Rice Krispies Treats, Mini vanilla cookies, mini pretzels, mini yogurt covered pretzels, mini caramel coated pretzel sticks, and M&Ms. Since mix is in the name, they keep it with the trail mixes, and you can’t help but think it is a “healthy option” when in reality is just a bunch of deserts mixed together in a bag
10:58 – Arctic Sol bottles are made from recycled bottles. BWAANNNNNNNG
11:10 – Perfect Situation. Amazing how this song still holds true 6 years later
11:20 – Rick texts Ostrowe a MFK option just because he and Jmac imagine him crashing his mail truck upon reading it
11:33 – Give me Everything #3
11:37 – Rick sends himself a email as a reminder for Monday
11:38 – Rick gets excited when he sees the light flashing saying that he has an email. It is from himself
Forever Alone
11:59 – The Greenbelt Metro station is within reach. Torn and Best of Me bring us down the homestretch
12:02 – Greenbelt Metro stop has park and ride and a kiss and ride. That is kind of cute. (Ed. Note: What? I’m not afraid to say it)
12:12 – DC Metro card machines are confusing. 75% of the people using them are clueless. However, for the record, Jmac and Rick cruised in and out
12:30 – College Frat guys riding the metro. A few people leave the car since they are very loud
12:44 – The guy in the aisle next to Rick is shifting positions every minute. Stand, kneel, lean left, lean right, swinging between the poles, ass in his face. This needs to stop. He is more ancy than Joyce.
12:45 – Upon further review, he might be drunk
1:03 – Apparently the USA Gold Cup Game is in DC tomorrow….plans changing
1:05 – Scanning your card to exit the Metro is an awful system. Washingtonians must be confused when they come to NY
1:10 – Pay $20 for $7 seats. Obviously the guy said they were $28 seats.
1:19 – The tickets are real!
1:25 – Even Shake Shack lines in DC are long. Opt for Blue Smoke BBQ
1:30 – Blue Smoke takes cash or credit only. What are the other options?
1:42 – Deuce has his first beer
1:53 – The Blue Smoke line is double the size. More winning for us
1:55 – The park plays “Proud to be an American.” Everyone rises and claps. USA USA
2:02 – There is a really loud obnoxious girl sitting 2 rows behind us. She may or may not be reading this as Rick types
2:11 – The CF on the Nationals bats behind the pitcher. He must be the greatest fielder in the world
2:13 – Jmac is using his JesusPhone to try to find Gold Cup tickets for tomorrow
2:24 – And a jean-short wearing Nationals fan with 4 teeth has joined the loud obnoxious woman behind us. Did we come to a NASCAR race?
2:33 – Guy behind us: “I feel like a can of crushed assholes right now”
2:51 – Baseball games do not lead to entertaining running diaries. I may start making stuff to see if you are paying attention
2:58 – This 3 run inning by the Nationals is really slowing down an otherwise quick game
3:01 – I doubt that Flippin Pizza has New York pies
3:06 – Poppers emails Rick and Jmac about a $50 ticket deal for the game tomorrow.  It sounds like a scam, but since it came from the Maryland Message Board, Poppers pursues the tickets.
3:10 – Georgetown Grill. BOOOOOOO
Breyers Ice Cream Stand. Strong
3:20 – Rick and Jmac decide they have had enough of the baseball game.  Rick doesn’t even know what inning the game is in
3:25 – $5 for a water outside the stadium. You are kidding right. It was $4 inside
3:57 – Jmac “This is a great town. So much stuff around. Historical crap”
5:00 – After a good hour tour of the historical sites, Rick and Jmac find out Jurgen is at a birthday party for his girlfriend.  Poppers is aiming to get there at 6, so Rick and Jmac work their way to U Street
6:05 – Rick and Jmac find Jurgen at the bar, instead of saying hello, Jurgen just says; “I am so drunk already”
7:01 – Rick sits down, but no one else does. So he gets back up
Poppers sits down and everyone sits
7:15 – Re: Clint Dempsey being the best USA player by far:
USA Soccer. Like using a machine gun with revolver bullets
7:21 – Mexican [soccer fans]  are the worst people ever. -Poppers
8:04 – Jurgen: It’s all Marvin Gaye New Orleans southwest s**t. The place is f***ing called Marvin’s. Look at the wall (getting angry) Marvin is everywhere. And you (to Rick) with your running diary. I don’t want to know what you are writing.  I don’t care.
8:10 – Poppers calls up the ticket people, leaves his credit card info, address, mothers maiden name, and social security number on the machine.  (Kidding on that last one)
8:21 – Jurgen is ineffectively honest.
8:23 – Poppers gets an email saying out tickets will be at Gate B tomorrow! Winning!
8:34 – The Late Poppers
8:45 – Samson is a one man show. He is a big black guy that is friends with Jurgen.  He is wearing a Spongebob T-Shirt. He is like Joyce, but can actually dance.  Give him a word. He makes up a dance on the spot. He is tutoring Jmac. Taking him under his wing.
Samson: You go fast, then you slow it down. That’s the ultimate insult
8:50 – Poppers: (To Samson) When was the last time you were in a dance off
Samson – I got challenged to a dance off last week. After I gutted 2 individuals, this other guy tried to step to me. I did the House Party (demonstrates for 3 minutes) long story short I gutted him too
9:09 – Pricilla doesn’t know Jason DeRulo.
Jurgen: I would like to put Hello on Clubster Poppers SOA
Rick: By Lionel?
Jurgen: Pitbull is a Cuban American from Miami how hard is that. It is not hard.
(Ed. Note: Hello is not by Pitbull)
9:12 – Jmac and Samson are inseparable
9:16 – Jurgen: Tell Jmac to spend his time on the blonde.
9:20 – Bouncer tries to get Samson to stop dancing by shining a light on him. That won’t work.
9:48 – Samson walks over to Jmac and just says “It’s Time”
Time for what. Rick knows not
9:49 – Apparently, Samson and Jmac have their own handshake
9:57 – Jurgen still trying hook up Jmac with the blonde. Jmac is like the raptor. He likes to hunt. He doesn’t like to be handed a girl
10:05 – Leave Marvin. Poppers knows a place down the street.
Random Girl in our Group: What’s the name?
Poppers: Don’t know.
RGIOG: I hope it is not Cafe St Ex.  I don’t like that place
Poppers: (to Rick) I really hope it is Cafe St Ex. I don’t want her to be there.
10:11 – It is Cafe St Ex. RGIOG begrudgingly walks in
10:12 – Jmac is now throwing game at the blonde despite his claims from earlier. My how things change
10:18 – Jmac buys blonde a beer. O/U 11:10 Make out session
10:19 – Jmac: “I always wanted to run a marathon, but I don’t think I would make it”
10:21 – Debbie Downer (aka RGIOG) hates this bar
10:22 – The blonde is giving Jmac dreamy eyes. She is completely committed. He is already in
10:24 – Pricilla tells Rick and Poppers that Sophia (she is “fucking awesome” apparently) is just looking for a short term solution this evening. Poppers tells her to text us Sophia’s address so we can pick up Jmac before the game tomorrow
10:28 – Jmac getting his drunk lean on
10:30 – For the record, Rick, Poppers are standing around providing the color commentary and analysis of Jmac and Sophia
10:35 – Jurgen tells Samson to hit on Sophia. Samson declines since “his boy is already in there”
10:36 – Drunk Jurgen tries to seize control of the Running Diary. As is tradition
10:45 – Samson: This is like Oprah up in here tonight. You get a car. You get a car. Everyone is going home with a ride. There is a surplus. You may not get the car you want. But you will get one
10:47 – Samson could be either 28 or 45.
10:48 – We are losing Samson for the evening.
10:49 – Mysterious Tat Girl and her BF are mysterious.  She was sitting at a table alone for 5 minutes.  She is an attractive girl with a shoulder to shoulder chest tattoo with a skull in the middle. He showed up, they did a shot, and she got up and left
10:51 – The douchiest guy ever is in here. Rick dislikes him
10:53 – Jmac using the veteran move of close talking since it is loud in here. He head position is weird
11:59 – MTG was gone for ten minutes. She just got back with another drink and her BF is livid
12:12 – Rick and Poppers are consumed by the Jmac/Sophia saga while also trying to solve the enigma of MTG and her BF.   Stealthily, MTG comes over and asks us to watch her drinks while she goes outside to smoke a cigarette
12:13 – Jmac heads to the bathroom.  Rick stays with the drinks, Poppers goes to make sure no one else talks to Sophia
12:16 – MTG is back so Rick and Poppers make small talk with Sophia while Jmac is online for the bathroom
12:20 – Jmac is back. Rick asks for his keys, but Jmac refuses to give them up
12:21 – MTG’s BF is taking professional style photos in the bar now.  Where the hell did he get a camera?
12:23 – Rick is trying to reach into Jmac’s pocket to get the keys. Jmac slaps his hand away and Poppers and Rick start laughing. Some random guy think they are laughing at his joke
12:25 – Rick has had enough. Tells Jmac he is leaving and gets the keys. Success
12:28 – If Poppers ran the rookie symposium, he would tell the kids to avoid clubs with one word names
12: 45 – Give me Everything #4
2:19 – Jmac emails the CoG. “What is her name?”
4:00 – Cole digs his way under the sheets and curls up in a ball.  Rick is confused
10:45 – Give me Everything #5
11:00 – There is an ad on the radio trying to convince women to donate their eggs
11:11 – Jmac is alive. He sends a text to Rick saying he will take the train and meet them at the game. Rick tells him to get to the stadium at 2P
1:16 – Rick and Poppers leave for the game.  No word from Jmac, but he should know the plan
2:12 – While waiting in a long line of cars, we see 4 El Salvadorians pushing their car down the road while someone else steers
2:13 – During a call to Jmac, Rick asks him how brunch is going.  Jmac doesn’t reply implying that he is still with Sophia.  Rick beats Poppers to the JLS email
2:16 – Poppers makes heady call on picking side streets to avoid the massive traffic line.  We wind up right at the parking lot entrance.
2:17 – We are the only Americans in this parking lot
2:18 – The El Salvadorians are walking around with American Flags. This is going to be sick
2:29 – Just talked to Jmac, he is just getting on the Metro.  We will be leaving his ticket at will call because there is no way he makes it to the stadium by 3:00.  That of course if our tickets are actually real.  Rick has his doubts
2:37 – Our tickets are real! Amazing!
2:38 – Amazing crowd. So pumped
2:40 – Poppers getting a lot of love for his Don’t Tread on me Flag. And a lot of grief for his Arsenal jersey
2:41- Rick used to think RFK was the coolest place as a kid even though he had never been there. Now that he is here for the first time, the only thing he has to say is “What a dump”
2:50 – Rick goes to buy a USA shirt and scarf and sees his Amazon card missing. After 5 seconds of panic, he realizes it is on Jurgens table
2:57 – Give me Everything # 6 (Playing in the stadium)
3:13 – A guy just walked in with a ziplock bag full of peanuts. You can bring anything into this stadium
3:14 – Well, this is better than a Cosmos game
3:20 – It is about 75% El Salvador fans, 20% USA, 5% Jamaica 0% Panama. El Salvador fans all rooting for America.
3:30 – Jmac still not here. Texts Rick saying that he just got to the will call line and it is nuts
3:40 – Soccer fans are amazing, but it is good to see they aren’t immune to getting crappy personalized jerseys. “Arty #69” I’m looking at you
3:54 – Jmac officially misses the first half
3:56 – JMAC!
Jmac: I got f***ed
Rick: Well obviously
Jmac: I was referring to the Metro & ticket window
4:14 – USA scores for Jmac!
4:32 – Poppers really needs to wear the Don’t Tread flag as a cape. It isn’t often that people get to wear capes in public and have it be socially acceptable
4:41 – USA scores again.  This place is rocking. It may collapse.
5:01 – Bolt out of the stadium. Bid Poppers Adieu.  The good news is that with El Salvador playing in the late game, we are the only ones leaving the parking lot.  As we turn the car on, Give me Everything is playing on the radio. #7
6:30 – Stop at the Maryland House for an Oreo Cookie Milkshake
6:50 – Jmac: You know what’s good about cars? It’s like being indoors. I can take my shoes off.  It’s like we are on a moving couch
6:58 – Entering Delaware
7:09 – Make the call to head for the Jersey Turnpike.  Therefore no cheese steaks
7:10 – Give me Everything #8
7:15 – Leave Delaware
7:41 – Rick’s learns that his credit card is not at Jurgen’s
8:06 – We were making great time. It was only a matter of time before we hit traffic
9:15 – 1010 wins tells us the Holland Tunnel was backed up so we head for the Lincoln Tunnel.  Sunday night Lincoln Tunnel traffic can be dicey, just ask the experts.  However, maybe that is only a 1AM problem
9:18 – American Pie finishing up. 10 more songs on playlist. Approaching helix. But with this traffic, it will be close
9:44 – Made it to 96th Street off the West Side Highway. 2.5 songs left on the playlist
9:50 – As we reach the east side Give Me Everything comes on for the 9th time.  The over wins in a landslide. Perfect as the last song on the playlist.
10:21 – Rick finds his credit card in the pockets of his mesh shorts. Everything did indeed come up Milhouse
10:30 – Poppers: Jmac is like Piccinich Effect Kryptonite

An Enchanted Evening

I still am baffled by the events from Saturday night. Joyce summed it up the best in an email after the fact:



Black turtleneck, black jeans, hiking boots

Breaking glasses

Lady gaga dance off

Tequila Shots

How’s Olivia?

“Anyone who tried to get my attention, had it”

John cockblocked John…what?

Meat hammer face chick, Yes and Yenni

Are you guys mobsters?

Black Sinead O’Conner

Cleansing Ale


What are you guys doing here … just leave.

Hey Soul Sister


Party Fries

The “cuppiest” morning in quite sometime.

9 Beverages, Gummy Bears, 6 Red Stripe, hot pockets, 2L Diet Coke, Multigrain chips

CJNO Entertainment Company

Olivia: Connie Chung inspired me to get into TV
Jmac: Michelle Kwan inspired me. Not to figure skate. Just in life

“Lying around, hungover on the couch all day seems better when a girl is present. Thanks Olivia”

Jim$ Bachelor Party: Running Diary

The 2009 Gentleman of the Year is set to marry the reigning Gentlewoman of the Year on December 4, 2010. This will be the biggest CoG event of the young decade. As with most weddings, the bachelor party had been planned for months and was a highly anticipated event. The gents were giddy even. We got back from Vegas yesterday, and as tradition dictates, we were required to keep a running diary of the trip.

Wednesday September 22

6:00 P ET – After a day where they made a combined $3.1 Million Dollars, Jim$ and Dmo take off for Vegas on their private jet
8:30 P PT – Jim$ and Dmo arrive in Vegas
8:57 P – Virgil picks up Jim$ and Dmo in a stretch Escalade and brings them to the Hard Rock. They don’t even need to go to the front desk. They are greeted by a red cap at the curb and escorted to their penthouse suite.
9:30 P – Jim$ and Dmo get haircuts and massages in their suite to relax and prepare for the day.

10:03 P – The Gentlemanly Duo goes to Kokomo’s at the Mirage for dinner. Jim$ goes with the Double Rib Lamb Chops while Dmo gets the Lobster Milanaise
11:35 P – Dmo and Jim$ turn down a limo ride with strippers (because they are gentlemen) and choose to walk back to the Hard Rock instead. The Mirage security insists this is a bad idea, but they enjoy interacting with the normies. They give out $50 and 35 autographs each.
11:56 P – They make it back to the Hard Rock and immediately fall asleep after a busy day.
11:59 P – Eric Tucker of Los Molinos, CA takes the $5 bill he got from Dmo and puts it in a slot machine at the Ellis Island Casino and Brewery. He wins $15,000
Thursday September 23
8:00 A – After a refreshing night sleep Dmo and Jim$ wake up to room service. Two Eggs Scrambled with cheese. Hash Browns. Rare Cambodian Breast Milk. The Wall Street Journal. Toothpicks made of 14 karat gold. And a fine horsehair napkin.
9:03 A – Ostrowe lands in Vegas. He grabs some Au Bon Pain at the airport and hops in a cab driven by Virgil.
10:02 A – After checking into his suite, Ostrowe meets up with the other gentleman. They head to the casino floor for some early morning gambling to start the trip off right.
11:22 A – Dmo is up $5, Jim$ is up $15, Ostrowe is up $25. Playing it safe early. Only playing $15 per hand.
11:48 A – The Gentlemanly Trio has lunch by the pool at the Bartolotta Ristorante Di Mare at the Wynn. Dmo has the risotto ai frutti di mare and Jim$ goes with the tagliatelle con porcini.
1:23 P – The gentlemen split up for the time being. Dmo heads to Caesar’s Palace for the SANS Institute Convention on Network Security. Jim$ heads to Bally’s for the Paralyzed Veterans of America Convention and Expo. Ostrowe decides to sit by the pool at the Hard Rock
1:35 P – As Jim$ enters the hall, he is immediately recognized as the man who donates $10,000 a year to the foundation. Everyone also congratulates him on his 2009 Gentleman of the Year title.
2:23 P – Dmo is forced to leave the conference when he is presented a big problem by his boss.
2:32 P – Dmo solves the problem and is given a raise and promotion. He donates 1/10 of his raise (or $5,000) to the United Way.
5:00 P – Poppers and Jurgen arrive in Vegas. Jurgen pays for the cab ride to hotel
5:45 P – The Gentleman meet up at Harrah’s and walk up to the Starbucks counter. They all order a cheeseburger and fries from In & Out Burger. The barista walks to the back of the Starbucks and brings out their burgers.
5:46 P – Josh Humphreys, a CPA from Monroe City, Missouri sees this exchange happen while standing behind the gentlemen. He gets to the counter and orders In & Out as well. The barista shuts him down. He then asks for a large coffee. The barista asks if he means a “venti”
6:15 P – Jim$ and Dmo walk into the WITI/IIBA joint network meeting. They are both led to the stage and give two of the best keynote speeches ever. John Gilbert of Hurricane, UT has his life changed for the better.
7:00 P – The speeches end exactly on time. Standing Ovation.
8:30 P – Mar, Rick, and Daryl arrive. They walk/hitchhike to the hotel since they are so poor.
9:01 P – While walking to “The Beatles Love Cirque du Soleil” Jim$ puts a dollar in the slot machine. He wins $7.
9:32 P – Dmo and Jim$ are shown to a private booth. They are two minutes late, but the performers were waiting for them to arrive. Ostrowe, Poppers, and Jurgen sit with the peasants. Rick is not allowed in. “Bro. Shorts and sneaks. No dice” strikes again.
10:00 P Rick decides to head to the Palms for the NORA Cup Awards at Interbike. Drew Bezanson beats out Jamie Bestwick for rider of the year.
10:05 P – Mar and Daryl sit down at the table. Mar plunks down his life savings and looks to win millions.
11:20 P – For the first time, all the gentlemen are in the same place at the same time. Ostrowe, Poppers, and Jurgen joined Mar and Daryl at their table. Jim$ and Dmo scoff at the $5 limit. But look on with Rick anyway.
11:23 P – All normal people have left our vicinity due to our retardation. However, our dealer Carlos from Henderson, NV loves us
11:36 P – Carlos deals himself 21. Poppers – “Not at the table Carlos”
Friday September 24
12:05 A – The Gentlemen leave the table. Ostrowe Minus $10. Mar Minus $30. Daryl Minus $5. Jurgen Minus $10. Poppers Plus $35. Gives all profits to Jurgen since it was his money Poppers was using.
12:23 A – All the Gentlemen hangout in the suite eating ice cream and fall asleep watching Vegas Vacation.
12:30 A – Mar wakes up and insists on listening to the greatest song of all time before going to bed. Night Fever. He says it makes all the girls take their clothes off. For the record, there are no chicks here. Everyone else leaves. Rick, Mar and Ostrowe have a physical fight over the iPod dock. Mar wins.
9:00 A – The Gentlemen hit up the Lago buffet at Caesar’s Palace. Before the expedition the desert.
10:00 A – Board a bus at the Excalibur and head out on a trek in the desert. We are going ziplining over some gorge. Ostrowe set it up. Might be a ponzi scheme
10:10 A – Jurgen puts Daryl in his phone as Dyral
10:20 A – Text bomb Faux Eddie O. His girlfriend is not happy
10:29 A – It’s so hot
10:30 A – That girl behind the counter is hot
11:00 A – Ostrowe: This van was not made for 30 people.
Mar: Yea it was made for 1 guy and a 13 year old
11:15 A – It’s so hot
11:35 A – It’s so hot
12:02 P – It’s so hot
12:32 P – It’s so hot
1:45 P – Back at the Hard Rock. We all head straight for the pool.
1:55 P – Jim$ gets escorted to a fancy cabana to talk stocks with Richard Branson who happens to be in town.
2:24 P – After an action packed morning, the gentlemen all fall asleep by the pool.
3:43 P – Ostrowe and Mar wake up with sun burns reminiscent of past trips to the Preakness
4:01 P – They took our jobs
4:15 P – Can you believe they have The Game of Life on the pool deck? An amazing game ensues. Dmo the athlete lives in the Victorian while Jim$ the banker lives in a trailer home to see how the other half lives. Ostrowe the artist has 6 kids while living in the Tudor while Rick the rockstar lives in a split level.
4:18 P – Mar and Daryl disappear. Poppers head to the sports book
5:15 P – Jim$ wins at Life. Shocker.
5:30 P – We meet up with Mar and Daryl at the tables. Mar is down $100 and Daryl is down $50. Jason is not a gentlemanly dealer. Dmo and Jim$ sit and play 5 hands each and both walk away up $15. Everyone heads back to their room to freshen up for dinner
5:50 P – Crazy singing and fist pumping party starts in the suite when Escapar plays followed by Baby I Like It, DJ Pauly D, Flo Rida, Adam Lambert and T.I
6:30 P – Well. That was gay.
6:31 P – Watch the Jenna Jameson-Jill Kelly scene for old times sake to make things less awkward.
8:15 P – Sit down for a gentlemanly dinner at Delmonico’s at the Venetian. 47 toasts are made to Jim$…by the entire restaurant.
9:45 P – Monumental moment as Rick takes a shot in Jim$ honor as a gift to him. Everyone watches Rick make a face like a 15 year old.
10:00 P – Jim$ is not allowed to pay for the $1050 bill. The rest of the table (except Dmo) is now in debt
10:23 P – While stopping at Walgreens to get energy drink. A man walks in and says “Snowman in the house”
11:00 P – Cue Marathon gambling session at O’Shea’s.
11:45 P – The bearded guy from Your Love is My Drug sits down at out blackjack table. He gets blackjack on his first hand. “Blackjack. So easy a caveman can do it”

Saturday Septemeber 25
12:01 A – Dmo, Mar, Jurgen, Jim$ disappear and say they are going to the Mirage to see JWoww. By the time everyone catches up to them, they are on their way back to the Hard Rock already
As expected, the following events don’t have times.
Drunk Mar arms
Dmo just fell asleep on the bar.
Ostrowe shows off his heart tattoo
Your Korean Rummy in a cell
“How’s Abby” bomb Brock
“How’s Abby” bomb Daryl
You’re wealthy fight
Everyone tells the ugly girl that Rick works for NBC
2:15 A – Dmo is wide awake somehow and demands to play blackjack. Mar and Jurgen go play too. Everyone else goes to bed
7:55 A – A belligerent Dmo enters the room and wakes everyone up screaming about how Gerry Oswald is a word who stole our money. All Mar can say is “Titties” and “I’m Winded” after being cut off by his waitress named “Toots”
8:05 A – Dmo gives Daryl a superfly splash
8:30A – Dmo treats everyone to breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. He has enough hotel credit to cover the whole thing.
8:45 A – Dmo passes out at the table. Ostrowe eats his food.
9:15 A – Dmo, Mar, Ostrowe and Jurgen go pass out in the room. Poppers heads to the sports book. Rick, Daryl, and Jim$ head to the Stratosphere to jump off the top of it.
9:30 A – Jim$ helps a group of senior citizens who are lost. That is why he is the GotY.
10:15 A – It is high up here.
11:22 A – Get back to the Hard Rock and everyone is watching the Hangover in the suite.
11:34 A – Head over to the Hofbrauhaus for lunch. Joyce would love this German Beer Hall.
12:02 P – Jurgen has no concept of time on this trip since he refused to set his watch to pacific time.
12:30 P – Time to sit by the pool again. Daryl sits in a chair reading his Kindle.
1:15 P – Rick heads over to Street League. God knows what happens while he is gone
3:30 P – Shane O’Neill wins. Rick runs back to the pool. Apparently he missed Tequilla shots. Jim$ keeps reopening the slide after it is closed
3:34 P – Slide?
3:40 P – Slide?
3:50 P – Slide?
4:00 P – An old man with cataracts is sitting by the pool in pain. Jim$ gives him his sunglasses. What a gentleman.
6:30 P – Rick goes back to the room and Ostrowe is passed out on the ground.
7:00 P – Dinner at Hard Rock. Rick proclaims this as the worst ever dinner with the gentlemen. He enjoys it immensely.
7:05 P – Carlos chant. Followed by Baby chant
8:30 P – Heather our waitress convinces us to let her roommate take us to the strip club in a limo. She says he will pay our admission, and for our first drinks
8:50 P – Joey hates us. He pulls away without paying for anything.
9:01 P – As we walk in a stripper says “Oh, Hi Daryl”
9:10 P – Water here is $10 and if you try to use the ATM, there is a $60 fee.
9:15 P – Why are we at a strip club at 9:15?
9:30 P – Daryl gets an intense lapdance from some stripper, Rick feels the need to pay her as well just for watching
9:45 P – Ostrowe gets a lapdance from Daisy from Rock of Love.
10:15 P – We all head back to the Hard Rock and hit up the tables for a few hours
10:35 P – Suga is the coolest dealer of all time
11:00 P – Mar hasn’t been sober since Friday afternoon. Here is a list of the only things he is saying:
Teach me how to Dougie
Terry vs. Toilet
Pay the kid
Hey Toots
11:45 P – Mar is up $750, Dmo is up $1600

Sunday September 26
1:00 A – The gentlemen part ways again.
9:00A – The gentlemen go to church before football
10:00 A – Get a table at Blondies to watch the games

10:01 A – The Giants game is no where near us, so Daryl goes to sit at the bar alone
10:15 A – This table looks like death.
10:30 A – This table also smells like death
1:15 P – First football games over. Dmo and Mar still hammered so we decide walking back is a good idea.
1:25 P – Stop to get beers for the walk. Rick gets a smoothie.
1:50 P – Everyone crashes in the suite. Dmo sleeps on the floor near the door.
2:30 P – Everyone separates and plans on napping before the night game at Toby Keith’s
4:00 P – Mar and Rick go down early to play blackjack for an hour before catching a cab.
5:02 P – Bump into the most stereotypical New Yorker of all time. Her name is Ta-Ta. Rick, Ostrowe, and Mar stick around to talk to her. She rambles on for 20 minutes talking about how she is fat (she’s not) and how most guys stop talking to her when she tells them she is not looking to hookup. Ostrowe promptly walks away.
5:27 P – While standing on line for a cab Mar turns around to the girls behind us:
Mar: (Points to his arm) I was bit by a zombie
(Rick and Ostrowe lose it)
Mar: Do you think this is a zombie bite or a human bite?
Girl: Neither
Mar: Bueller?
Mar: Bueller?
5:45 P – Rob is the most gentlemanly bartender of all time.
6:00 P – Drunk Mar and Daryl are laughing about something, but no one knows what. Everyone is curious
6:18 P – After a J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets chant. Mar starts a T-I-T-T-I-E-S chant. It immediately catches on.
6:45 P – Jim$ buys Daryl a Patriot in a mason jar in hopes that Daryl will miss his flight.
8:00 P – Daryl leaves to catch his flight despite having two Patriots.
8:30 P – Jurgen tells the running diary that he would like Ostrowe and Goon to visit him more often in Maryland since they are gentlemen
9:00 P – The Dolphins screw Ostrowe and Dmo out of money. However, Poppers and Jurgen are happy. We pay for $172 of mason jars and the rest of our bill
9:10 P – While walking thru the casino
Mar – Teach me how to Dougie
Woman – Oh I get it, you are an asshole
Jim$ – Hellooo? He was just trying to teach you how to dance.
(Shows her how to Dougie)
Woman – I thought he called me a donkey
Mar – Terry?
9:30 P – Marathon session started in the Toby Keith section of Harrah’s.
10:02 P – Ostrowe claims our dealer, Jennifer from Yonkers, is a tranny.
10:15 P – I can’t believe Drunk Mar is still standing
10:34 P – Ostrowe starts to play the wheel “only because he likes annoying the girl spinning it”
10:35 P – Tigist hates Ostrowe.
10:45 P – 40 hits on the wheel and Ostrowe, Rick, and Poppers start to celebrate. Tigist gets extreme pleasure in not paying Ostrowe since he bet red 40 and not blue 40
10:50 P – Leave Harrah’s so we can catch the 11:15 showing of the Bellagio fountains
11:01 P – It is impossible to control Drunk Mar. You can only hope to contain him
11:08 P – Run through Caesar’s.
11:15 P – Somehow make it to the fountains. Cue Piccinich 7 closing credits
11:45 P – Get back to the Hard Rock and decide we should go to the club at least one night
11:52 P – Drunk Mar “Just stand here. I guarantee we get in”
Monday September 27
12:10 A – We still haven’t gotten in
12:20 A – Jurgen asks Jim$ if he wants to go to Vanity. When Jim$ gives the affirmative, Jurgen takes matters into his own hands. He gives the bouncer some money advice and inspires him to stop doing drugs. The bouncer proceeds to let us bypass the line and enter the club.
12:21 A – Either that or Jurgen said he would buy bottle service. I can’t remember. APR $1600
12:29 A – Somehow Drunk Mar gets into the club. Ostrowe slips the guy $100 saying to bring chicks to our table. The guy doesn’t
12:50 A – Jim$ helps all the other gentlemen find dance partners. Oddly enough, there is a 80 year old woman in the club all alone. Jim$ proceeds to dance with her.
1:15 A – I’m on a boat comes on.
1:45 A – Dynamite gets a great reaction
2:30 A – Jim$: “Rick and Poppers are Clubsters”
2:50 A – Jim$ shizes in Vanity but causes a ruckus when La Bamba starts playing.
3:30 A – Jim$, Rick, and Poppers finally leave. Ostrowe is at Mr. Lucky’s waiting to eat. Mar is playing blackjack. Dmo is playing blackjack somewhere else with Wally. Jurgen is died.
3:45 A – Rick bounces back and forth between Dmo and Mar. Mar is has $375 in chips
3:50 A – Poppers and Ostrowe go to bed.
3:51 A – Mar has $50 left.
3:53 A – Poppers find Jurgen on the phone talking to his bank. There is no one on the other end.
3:58 A – Dmo gets into a fight with Cris Angel.
3:59 A – Cris Angel leaves
4:00 A – Dmo and Wally rant for 5 minutes about how big of a dick Cris Angel is.
4:05 A – Cris Angel comes back
Wally: “Speaking of dicks”
4:15 A – Rick brings Mar upstairs
4:20 A – Jim$ is waiting for his food still at Mr. Lucky’s. Rick joins him for a quick bite
4:45 A – Rick and Jim$ head to bed.
8:00 A – Rick wakes up Mar so he doesn’t miss his flight. For a second, Rick thinks Mar is dead
8:05 A – Mar wonders around the room just saying “Terry vs. Toilet”
9:20 A – Mar actually gets on his plane
9:30 A – Rick has to ice his shoulder do to fist pumping fatigue.
10:00 A – Breakfast at Mr. Lucky’s. Bid farewell to Jurgen and Poppers.
11:00 A – Check out and hang out in Dmo’s room
11:01 A – Jim$ checks his work voicemail and finds a message from Drunk Jurgen.
“Hi I would like to speak to a representative at the front desk so I will call some place else. Thank you. Good Night.”
11:02 A – We listen to the message 30 times. Highlight of the weekend
12:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
1:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
2:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
3:00 P – Why did we book a 4P flight?
4:00 P – Finally leaving Vegas.
11:45 P ET – Land in NY. Dmo loses his phone.


Running Diary: Labor Day Weekend

Getting back to the F###ing basics

7:12 Rick gets off the bus in Nyack 13 hours before the scheduled departure time of 8:00 AM. He and Ostrowe are heading to Maryland for a BBQ at the Casa de Jurgen on Sunday followed by the Maryland-Navy game on Monday. But first thing is first. Dinner at Posa. Rick is stoked.
7:30 Rick hasn’t had Posa since moving to the city. It is so good it gives him a “brain idea.” Leave Rockland ASAP. Drive through Phily. Stop at Pat’s. Eat Cheesesteaks. Continue driving until we get tired. If we need to get a hotel, so be it. It will break up the trip nicely, plus we get cheesesteaks. Everyone wins!
7:31 Ostrowe immediately accepts the idea and they head out to run some errands before leaving. Rick finishes his second slice on the run. Estimated departure time: 9:30
7:35 Rick tries to convince Dmo and Mar to meet us there. Dmo is in AC winning millons with Hutter, Mar in LBI banging slimmies. Neither one is any shape to drive to Philly.
7:37 Stop at Pathmark to get a cooler. Rick has a second “Brain Idea.” Insists on getting M&M Pretzel and M&M Peanut Butter and eating them together. Pathmark is lacking in the M&M department despite having giant signs on each register promoting the pretzel incarnation
8:00 Stop by Ostrowe’s Mom’s house to move a recliner (attempt #2)
8:30 Recliner moved to Nyack. Ostrowe packs. He fills his overnight bag and realizes he doesn’t have enough room. He puts the packed overnight bag as is into a larger bag. So meta
9:03 Leaving 27 minutes before estimated time. (Ed. Note: This is what we needed. We need some spice in our life. We don’t do thing like this anymore. Is it because we are adults, or is it beacuse we got smarter?)
9:06 Ostrowe can’t wait until the bottles of Bud Light Lime in the trunk break and his clothes get soaked
9:11 Ostrowe: I don’t even know if I need energy drink. I’m adrenalized. I’ve got fucking amenergy”
9:22 Stop at the Montvale Service station for Ostrowe gets a 5 Hour Energy. Rick goes with a Monster, and M&Ms Pretzels & M&M Peanut Butter. Success!
9:25 Rick tries to mix the M&Ms in the little bags. They go everywhere. He finds a Shop Rite bag in the back seat and mixes the M&Ms in the bag. His mixture is just as dreamy as he dreamed in the dream he dreamed at 7:37
9:26 Things are officially cuppy
9:30 So God, (Ed. Note: I assume I was commenting that the M&Ms were so good, but I kinda like how it looks like I was writing a letter to God but got stuck after the opening. What do you say to God anyway?)
9:35 Rick cracks open the Monster. (Foreshadowing!)
9:38 Ostrowe texting while driving next to a state trooper. Still not as bad of an idea as this trip.
9:41 Rick almost does a bird call. Maybe he didn’t need the energy drink. My teeth hurt (Ed. Note: Wow it only took 6 minutes for that caffeine to hit me. I also like the multiple tenses used. Also, please note that after not seeing Joyce for 2 months, I started to become him. No homo)
9:49 “Baby I Like It” comes on. Business picks up. This will be the first of many times this song plays
9:54 (Unfiltered thoughts put on paper ahead) People should hire us to DJ their shit. We are awesome
9:56 Your Love is My Drug is about bearded mar
9:59 Ostrowe downs 5 hour energy. Wheeeeeeeeee. He proceeds to throw it in the backseat ala Stone Cold
10:00 (More of Rick’s Inner Monologue) I’m having trouble spelling ostrowe. And I also decided to switch to first person. Halucinating heart attack
10:09 Who would win in a battle of the bands. Infant Sorrow or Sex Bob-omb
10:13 Text from Rick to a coworker: I’m hopped up on goofballs. Goofballs = Monster Energy + M&Ms Pretzel and PB combined
10:21 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Le France soy ugly. What? I’ve got the shakes
10:23 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) This is why I don’t drink. I can’t even control myself on Monster
10:37 Fond memories of the sandal suite are shared. Burping is not delicious
10:38 Ostrowe is a pizza sprinter. Rick is a pizza marathoner
10:45 Almost 2 hours into our journey and Rick still feels like this is a great idea. Ostrowe is confident we will make it to Rockville. They only hope someone is awake
10:46 It feels great to be back in running diary mode
10:54 Both Rick and Ostrowe need to destroy toilets. Damn the Walt Whitman station for being just beyond the exit for Philly. What are the odds? This car is going to stink
10:56 Rick thinks they should stop at a hotel just to use the toilet in the lobby
11:12 The car can taste Pats!
11:20 Drive by: “Tham Mi Vein Spa” That loosely translates to “Happy Ending”
11:23 PATS!
11:30 Buy $80 worth of cheesesteaks. Rick and Ostrowe each buy 4. The Philly asshole behind the counter is not happy. They don’t even bother to help us with to-go bags (Ed. Note: It’s not we were the last guys in line. And it’s not they they specially make each cheesesteak.)
11:40 Back on the road with cheesesteaks in our guts. Ostrowe is reenergized and proclaims we will be making it to Rockville, MD
11:48 Is there a nice part of Philly. No. Ostrowe’s GPS sucks. It may have been made by rapists
11:54 Passing the John Heinz refuge park or something of the sort. He invented the ketchup bottle
11:57 Can’t wait for no one in Rockville to be awake. We are going to have to sleep in the car
11:58 The gum does nothing. NOTHING. There’s cheesesteak everywhere. It’s in my raccoon wounds

12:00 Happy Sunday
12:08 Fireworks. If we were to buy them and put them in the truck with the cheesesteaks the fuses would be lit by the steaks fumes
12:12 Looking forward to the new and improved Delaware rest stop. They are going to need to close it again when we are done
12:22 Double the amount of time in Delaware. Crashing hard. 2 miles to rest stop
12:29 Delaware rest big improvement over the old one. Although, being that the old one had a total score of Negative 29, it wasn’t hard to top
12:33 No cell service in the Delaware rest area. After leaving the bathroom Rick gets a water and a Wild Cherry Pepsi
12:37 Ostrowe is died in the bathroom.
12:38 Reason 3546 Why Delaware Sucks: They are playing Gray’s Anatomy on the TVs at the rest stop
12:51 Philly has no redeeming qualities. Kinda like Delaware
12:52 Rise Against is loaded into the CD player. Business picks up
1:04 The Late M&M Mystery Bag
1:06 My burps are awful. Monster + M&Ms Pretzel + Cheesesteak + M&Ms Peanut Butter + Wild Cherry Pepsi
1:10 Hope someone waits up for us. Sleeping in the car would be a disaster. Cheesesteak flatulence mixed with cheesesteaks
1:17 Much debate about where we are staying. Jim$ and Jenn staying at Jenn’s parents place which is about 25 minutes closer than Jurgen’s. Jim$ claims he will stay up for cheesesteak. Jurgen says the same thing. Poppers and the O’Neill’s are still at the bar
1:21 Bel Air and Edgewood are the same exit off of 95. Could be Ostrowe new favorite exit in the world. It’s a sign.
1:23 I don’t remember the last time I had this much caffeine in m veins. I can’t see straight
1:25 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Ostrowe likes eating pizza in a bowl
1:26 (Flight of the Conchords) “If had known you weren’t gay I would have spent a lot less time with Jermaine”
1:27 (More FotC) “I sometimes grow a beard”
“It looks glued on”
“Yea some times I glue it on”
1:30 Ostrowe: “It’s fucking 1:30. What the hell were we thinking”
Rick: “I’m at the Jersey Shore bitch”
Ostrowe: “I’m at the Jersey Shore bitch”
1:43 Two guys signing along to slow Rise Against songs in a car at 1:43 in the morning while both are drinking Wild Cherry Pepsi is pretty gay. We should make this a commercial.
1:50 Passing Glen Bernie/Annapolis. Hey Joyce, Bernie said your Bean Dip sucked
1:53 Passing Ellicott City. If we were staying with Jim$ and Jenn we’d be there by now
2:01 GTL Bitches. Beat that beat up
2:03 Ok. Two guys signing and fist pumping to Jason Derulo may be gayer
2:08 495 Bitches. The homestretch
2:21 How’s Korean Korner?
2:22 Don’t piss off Ostrowe after he’s been driving for 5 hrs. He is an angry driver
2:23 Recent updates are lacking. I can’t even….words
2:32 CASA DE JURGEN! Ostrowe opens the trunk and is knocked over the the stench of cheesesteaks. It stings the nostrils
2:38 The kitchen smells like cheesesteak already and they are in the fridge in a drawer
2:58 The Poppers Mansion tour is gentlemanly. He turns on the living room light and Goon and Jurgen are out cold. They don’t even flinch. Rick passes out in the office suite
6:39 Rick wakes up from cheesesteak shizing dreams…no wait…nightmares
6:40 Jurgen finds Ostrowe in his bed and Rick on the floor of the office. Asks why they didn’t share the bed
6:41 Rick looks at clock and hopes it is not really 6:41
7:21 Rick wakes up confused again after a long dream about waking up
7:30 Rick wishes he could nap on the toilet
7:31 The Rick’s tenses are all fucked up. I need to sleep
7:35 (Rick’s Inner Monologue)In a related story I feel like death
7:47 Ostrowe: “Prelude to a massive schize sounds like a work by Edgar Allen Poe”
7:49 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) I think I have a caffeine hangover. I am pathetic. I also need to stop whining
7:53 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) Drinking water while laying down is amazing. Thanks peristalsis.
7:59 (Rick’s Inner Monologue) My flatulence might drive me out of couch cushions
8:11 I throw my hands up in the air sometimes singing eh-oh
8:35 Jurgen “I need to get an Eddie O. He does dishes on demand. I heard Peg say something about dishes, and now they are done. Eddie O is domesticated”
8:42 Peg’s French Toast Casserole made coming last night worth it. What a great idea to complement this amazing breakfast
8:52 Goon’s Pick-Up Line “How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi I’m John”
9:03 Peg: What’s wrong with her, she doesn’t She doesn’t look bad…..oh
9:10 Peg says Cole is a good dog, he growls at her
9:24 Peg: “I want to be in one of your videos Rick….with Jmac” (Eddie O Double Takes)
9:24 Ostrowe: Jared Leto is a good actor (Eddie O laughs)
9:46 9:00P is the O/U for Goon’s GotY nomination
9:50 Ostrowe is fidgety
10:06 Cole is disrespecting Goon’s clothes
10:19 Goon does the Terry Dance
10:23 Ostrowe is wearing the most American shirt of all time. Americans flags over the Declaration of Independence
10:35 Lot of couch sitting. Rick is DJing. Goon demands Poison (meaning the band), Rick plays Bell Biv Devoe. Goon then demands Conway Twitty
10:45 Peg calls us Neanderthals and tells Ostrowe to take out the trash
11:01 Rick takes a pic in the kitchen. Eddie O is yelled at for almost burning the place down. Rick explains that it was just the flash
11:02 Ostrowe punching out to Baby I Like It
11:48 Alexa Ray Joel comes on. Goon gets excited thinking Faith is on. Her Google image page is horrifying
11:52 Watching Ghostbusters. Everyone agrees that Sigourney Weaver was asking for chair rape. She took her pants off and sat on the chair. Goon “The chair is only human”
12:20 Peg chops up the chesesteak and serves us sliders. Rick and Ostrowe don’t want to look at them. Ostrowe grabs one anyway. Peg is helping out her GWotY ballot
12:56 Peg “Jim$ is so rich”
1:20 Chair rape debate Part 2. If you could chair rape anyone who would you chair rape. Ostrowe: “Do you think they warned her about the possibility of chair rape when she bought the chair”
1:43 Airheads wins Netflix instant stream battle
2:05 Joe Mantegna looks like half a butt puppet
2:35 Jurgen has never seen Airheads
2:50 There is a baby at our party. We are old
3:04 Jim$ and Jenn arrive. The gang is all here
3:23 BP just showed up out of nowhere. “I came in the back door” That is his MO. He comes in the back door
4:30 Badminton and Cornhole setup. Jurgen is a great host
5:56 The badminon match of the century. The Power Couple (PC) of Jenn and Jim$ vs. The Moderately Awesome Couple (MAC) of Peg & Eddie O. The PC wins
Note: I have no clue what times the following things occurred.
Jim$ does his best Rafiki imitation and holds a baby over his head
Crasher Jim$
Running diary dies
Escapar, Baby I Like It, & Pauly D played 40 times
Goon: “I’m gonna put this whole town in my rearview”
Everyone in attendance had the Jill Kelly/Jenna Jameson lesbian porn scene (SFW Pic) on their computer at one point. The two of them started out eating dinner at a fancy restaurant then took things to the bathroom
Peg does NOT like public bathroom porn.
Ostrowe says he hasn’t seen professional porn since High School. Jim$ calls bullshit
Ostrowe’s go to scene is FTA
Ostrowe proclaims that Summer Girls is an even worse song than Notice Me. Everyone disagrees
Goon is couch raped by Jim$
Jurgen’s friends come over and we try to fit in with them. When Rick asks if there are any music requests, Ostrowe asks for the Humpty Dance. Poppers then puts on Chappelle’s Show
Jurgen’s friends leave
Jim$ feeds Ostrowe Ron Ron Juice. It spills everywhere but Ostrowe does an amazing job of not dripping on the flag
11:40 Put on animal house for Jim$ and Jenn
11:45 Jim$ and Jenn leave
11:50 Switch to anchorman. Back to the basics

12:10 Everyone passes out
9:00 Restart anchorman
9:53 Hype machine working for Ostrowe’s shize behind the double doors.
9:54 Ostrowe comes out: “That shize was not the event”
10:35 Ostrowe doesn’t really beat up the beat, he stirs the beat. Maybe more of a puree
10:50 Leave for the game
11:10 Eddie O and Peg are not adept at posing for the paparazzi yet. Jim$ and Jenn are pros. That is why they are the Power Couple.
11:41 Amazing how Class of 2012 Naval officers seem infinitely older than us. If we went to the Naval Academy life how different would our life be? Completely Opposite right?
11:45 Peg is the food MVP of the weekend. French Toast Cassarole. Cheesesteak sliders
11:46 Is that James Franco?
12:07 Peg does not recommend pants shizing on the first date
12:08 Peg and Lauren are tired of being the only girls of Nubbinsville so they are just going to make their own
12:15 Peg makes us play erotic photo hunt. Version 2.0 is 10x better than the Fitzy’s version
12:18 Rick: “At least they (the naval officers) are white and not black…the uniforms I mean
Ostrowe: “That was the most racist thing said all weekend”
12:20 Is that Tom Cruise?
12:38 Jason is methodical. Goon pops Poppers in the face with the flag
12:40 Little O is a gent. You can equate everyone is his crew to a person in Nubbinsville
12:58 Jason sells his tickets to Antoine Dodson
1:02 Dunn has Tuberculosis. Literally
1:10 Is that James Franco?
1:15 The dynamic shifts (Ed. Note: I think this is when Heather showed up. But I don’t know why it changed)
1:21 Dmo! And Hutter!
3:17 2 hours of things happened
3:28 Hutter: “I was menstruating out of my mouth”
3:45 Gentlemen split up
3:47 Eddie O and Peg beat Jim$ and Jenn in a paparazzi off.
3:52 How’s Johnny Unitas
4:00 Poppers, Rick, & BP do a full lap around the stadium. Didn’t find the ticket window
4:55 Is that James Franco?
5:05 Hutter lost his shoe
5:18 Hutter lost his shoe
5:21 Terp Fans boo Navy. Bad form. You can’t boo The Navy
5:35 Hutter asks old lady “Do you know what that is?” Refering to the police tracking bracelet around some guys ankle.
6:36 O/U on time arriving home: 1:30A
7:00 James Franco & Tom Cruise lose.
7:27 Peg: “OMG Eddie O we should have twins. Look how much fun they are having”
Eddie O: “Yeah” (Keeps walking)
7:30 Plebe Jurgen
7:38 Saw a Naval cadet roll his ankle. First time I ever saw a Naval cadet do something imperfect
Peg: He’s going to get kicked out of school
8:29 Freshens might be one of my top 3 favorite eateries in the world
8:56 Peg: Cheese Whiz has its place in the world and that is on a cheesesteak
9:08 Txt from Ostrowe: “Its great that out of all the places the event schize could have come out, it chose to wait till I got to Heather’s apartment. Picciniched”
10:29 Peg wakes up. For a second.
11:15 Home! (Under Wins)

A Gentlemanly Sky Dive

On Friday, Three Gentleman decided that it was a good idea to jump out of a plane.
They were wrong.
It was a f&#*ing great idea.

Some Notes & Quotes:
We watched a legal video featuring Mr. Belding wearing a fake ZZ Top Beard. Obviously, we could not take this video seriously.

At the end of the video a graphic said: “Please REMBER to fill out all the forms”

The plane we flew in was related to the Enola Gay. One of the South Africans working there told us he had been jumping since 1977, presumably in the same plane.

“Make sure your furniture is in the middle of the room” – Coffee Joe, while tightening the harness on Rick

Sadly, April 30, 2010 will also be known as the death of The Big E. Joyce left him at the Martell’s Tiki Bar. He will be missed.

This video is a prime definition of Orange Head Syndrome

A Gentlemanly Dive from Gentlemanly Productions on Vimeo.

Find Your Fire

Orange Head Syndrome: Something that is only funny to all or part of the Chain of Gentlemen. See: Find Your Fire Video.

The video for the second single off the GiVeN Greatest Hits Album also happens to be a poster child for why movies are usually meticulously crafted and not shot on the fly. Though in a way, the chaos kind of works.
Find Your Fire: The Official Video from Gentlemanly Productions on Vimeo.