A Romantic Mountain Getaway

When I found out that I would be going to Mt. Snow for the final stop of the Dew Tour, my first concern was finding a way to get there. When I went last year, I was still living in Rockland. And I had a car. This year, I am a city dweller without a car. My solution was to ask Dmo to drive up and back with me, and in exchange I would provide him with a free room and a free lift ticket. Everyone wins.

Of course, we forgot to factor in the Piccinich Effect.

Last year I stayed at the Grand Summit Lodge at Mt. Snow. It was right on the mountain and had two beds in the room. At the following three summer stops I went to, as well as the first two Winter stops this season, my hotel rooms also had two beds. Wednesday, I called up the Grand Summit to confirm that I had a room there for the weekend. Of course they couldn’t find it, but they confirmed that I had a room at the Austin Hill Inn. First thought: “Ok, whatever. Can’t be that bad.” False.

/Flashback
Last week Dmo accompanied to Macy’s to kill time before the ACC Alumni Happy Hour at Bro J’s. (Side Note: Dmo – How’s FSU?) Dmo was nice enough to carry some of my clothes since I ran out of hands, and he then proceeded to point this out to the cashier. My reply: “I’m taking him on a ski trip next weekend, so it’s ok.”
/Super Delayed No Homo

I informed Dmo and we both went to the site and found out the AHI was a romantic bed and breakfast. Small rooms. One bed. Not even room for an air mattress. Needless to say, everyone we know is getting a kick out of this. Ourselves included.

Amenities in our room:
Heart Shaped Hot Tub
Vibrating Bed
Sensual Oils
Breakfast in bed
Secrecy guaranteed
Dumb and Dumber odd colored tuxedos

This should be fun.

How Expected – Formal

This episode of How Expected has been filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Scene 1:
(Ext. Palisades Mall. It is Friday, RICK and MOM are talking about TARA’s formal which is taking place Saturday night)
Mom – So what color is Tara’s Dress?
Rick – Green.
Mom – So you got her a white corsage?
Rick – (Long Pause) F.
Mom – You didn’t get her a corsage?
Rick – I don’t know what happened! How the hell did I manage to do that?
Mom – I don’t know
Rick – Bah, I’m retarded

Scene 2:
(Int. Rick’s Car driving to his cousins Bat Mitzvah. It is Saturday morning and RICK and his MOM are lost somewhere in Jersey due to terrible directions.)
Rick – Hey look! A florist!
(Swerves across one lane into the parking lot. Reads the sign on the door)
Rick – Bah, they don’t open for another half an hour
(Starts backing out of the parking lot when he sees a bouquet of flowers moving in the window)
Rick – Hey is someone in there!
(MOM jumps out of the car while it is still moving and bangs on the door. The storekeep opens up)
Mom – Hi, we have a minor emergency, my son is retarded and forgot to get a corsage for his girlfriend and he needs one for today. And it would need to be done by 12.
StorekeepOk.
(Back in the car)
Mom – One day we’ll have to tell Tara this story.
Rick – Who are you kidding, I’m gonna tell her as soon as I get there.

Post Script: Ostrowe, who knew of the situation, left this message on Rick’s phone Friday Night:
“Hey yo Copernicus, why don’t you and your shirt get off the phone with 1800-FLOWERS because your never going to find a corsage, and navigate your way over to Fitzys with your feet. You are really pissing off the Captain and Moro is going to lose his shit.”

Eli’d

Horse shit. (Ed. Note: I am in no way in the right state of mind to write this)
I was going to keep a running diary of the goddamn Syracuse game tonight, but I figured I did one last year and their season ended. So I sat by as they built a nice 22 point lead, then the shit hit the proverbial fan. UMass chipped away and at the 3:31 mark I commented that Syracuse only had a little bit longer to hold on…….
(The Following is the actual rant Tara was forced to read)
WE SCORED ONE F-ING POINT IN THE LAST 331!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
THAT WAS SO DEPRESSING
I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT
I JUST HAD TO GO ON ESPN.COM TO CHECK
AND THAT JUST MADE ME MORE DEPRESSED
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
If Greg (Tara’s friend who goes to UMass) ever mentions this before I die I am not responsible for what happens
I AM BESIDES MYSELF
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY
I AM GOING TO BED EARLY TONIGHT

Somehow that was the most depressing Syracuse game I have seen in a long time. Fuck. Goddamn. Really.

Sorry about the language Mom.

Fuck.

Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times. Think of better times.

Self Titled

While at dinner one day, one of Tara’s teammates asked her who her boyfriend was. Before Tara could even open her mouth, another teammate responded with: “He is that guy who always wears a hood and listens to his headphones.” The answer was sufficient enough to not warrent anymore questioning. Now should I get offended. I don’t think so. One, at least i was refered to as “that guy” and two, the fact that no more explaination was needed proves that I’m not as invisible as I believe.

That got me to thinking, what if I didn’t have the hood? There was only one way to find out. So I used today as a test. I left the creepy hood guy at home and DappeRick made a surprise guest appearence sans the headphones. But for the record, even DappeRick wears a hat at all times.

9:40 Leave my room and grab a newspaper. My timing was poor this morning and I was outside Alumni waiting for Tara to get out of her Magic Spells and Witchcraft class. Luckily the wind was behaving and I didn’t freeze. Apparently there is a wide variety of aviary wildlife in the Springfield College area. I never noticed before since I always had the iPod cranked.

9:50 We stop off at the post office to see if today is destined to be DvDegrassi Day. And as luck would have it, awaiting me in my box is Degrassi season 4. I instantly became way to giddy for my own good. I didn’t even want to go to any of my classes, but I was a trooper.

10:10 This girl in class tells me that she loves Degrassi. She gains a few points in my book bringing her back to the “not hated” area. Her in class comments usually piss me off.

10:50 We book it out of PR to beat cancer girl. I don’t want my nice shirt to get caught up in the wrong cloud. On the walk I realized that it is fun to hear parts of other peoples conversations, especially people walking the other way. Some snippets that perked my ears today:
“I couldn’t believe I did that either”
“That’s when I saw my dog bent….”
“On the bar last night infront of…”
“Jim$ tie collection is awe inspiring”
Ahhh, the normal Friday morning college campus conversations. You won’t believe it when I tell you, but last night I played a heated game of ping pong then watched Cheep Seats before going to bed. And it was fantastic!

11:45 I walk into Cheney for lunch and have a nice conversation with the card swiping lady. For the sake of this study, I will blame this on the DappeRick.

12:10 After plowing through a Cheney lunch, sans the apple juice, I give up on the study for the sake of watching Degrassi. After watching the one hour season premiere, I find myself almost sprinting to make it to my 1:00 class on time.

1:55 The end of DappeRick as I change into my gym clothes. However, I am able to squeeze in another two Degrassi episodes beforemy 3:00 class

All in all the study didn’t proved that I am going to wear my hood and headphones all the time. I wasn’t really missing anything. Plus life is much better with music anyway.

Post Script: The final count on license plates this summer, if anyone cares was 47. I was missing Wyoming, North Dakota and Hawaii. Making the winner Tara. I didn’t rig it, I swear.

Post Post Script: Before writing this post I took a gander out the window and to my surprise Walter, Susan and the Gang finally made their first appearence of the new school year! And the kids are all grown up. They are all so handsome. Jim Nantz and Tom Brady better watch out.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe

Thursday night while watching football, Pedro informed us that his town’s hick fair would be running until Sunday. Since he and Jon went last year as well, they both spoke very highly of the event. We decided to drive down after class on Friday to attend the festivities and to hopefully find Jon a nice wench. This trip, of course, would lead to a nice running diary.

10:50 After Public Relations, Jon and I walk up the street with Jess. She asks Jon what he has planned for the weekend and after Jon is done explaining everything to her I interrupt him:

Rick: But something is going to go wrong.
Jon: Nah, I don’t think so
Rick: Yea, ok. Really what do you think is going to go wrong?
Jon: Maybe it will rain.
Rick: I’d consider us lucky if we even get there.

2:00 Jon is done for the day but I still have a class at 3:00
3:30 I get a call during class from Jon. He thinks we are leaving at 3:00
3:50 I leave class and stop to get a smoothie
4:25 After a shower, forgetting my sunglasses, forgetting my ID, forgetting my contact lens solution, and forgetting a blanket (a.k.a. a hoodie) we finally make it to the car and are ready to leave
4:26 Jon’s car won’t start. How expected. This could be a quick end to the running diary, but instead I take it as further proof that a running diary is needed.
4:30 For some reason Jon has decided to take the longest way possible to get to the highway. He literally went about 10 miles out of the way. He blames this on the fact he never takes 91 South.
4:45 A few miles outside of Hartford we hit our first rush hour traffic snare.
5:00 It starts……..

Jon: Hey watch this
(He lets go of the wheel and the car jerks to the right)
Rick: Hmmmmm

5:01 I take a look out the window and see that the right front tire is exceptionally low. Of course we are now sitting in traffic a mile before our exit. We make the smart decision saying that we will get off on the next exit and stop off at a gas station. Sadly the next exit isn’t for another two miles.
5:03 I take the time to make sure the rest of the world knows what happened to us.

Dear World,
Jon’s car had a flat. He killed us.
Tara I blame Jon, you should too.

5:04 I’m an idiot. I decide we should pass up the Willow Street exit because it doesn’t sound to welcoming and instead drive an extra quarter mile to High St/Main St. Over that quarter mile span I am staring out the window at the injured tire. I try to tell Jon that his hubcap may come off at any moment, but before I can finish my sentence the hubcap explodes off and shoots backwards into the trailing traffic. Immediately the right side of the car is enveloped in smoke. Luckily we had anticipated this happening and Jon was going 50 mph at the time. The exit ramp was about 300 feet away so Jon skillfully guided the wounded horse down the ramp. We pulled off at the bottom and all I could muster was a dejected: “How expected.”
5:05 We get out of the car and Jon thinks of calling AAA. I tell him that we can fix this ourselves but he informs me that he doesn’t have a spare tire. I take a look in his trunk and find the spare exactly where it should be. Jon then tells me that he doesn’t have a jack. I find a jack. Jon tells me he doesn’t have a wrench. I find a wrench.
5:22 We are back on the road; however we can’t drive over 50 mph.
5:30 It pains Jon to drive this slowly on the highway.
5:45 I’m starving and desperately craving Pizza Hut
5:55 We are approaching Pedro’s house driving down a quaint county road. For some reason the road has a single yellow line down the middle. If this street is a main road, it makes Kings Highway look like an expressway. I then wonder out loud if Pedro has cows in his backyard.
6:05 Jon warns me not to curse in Pedro’s house. I unleash a ton of (Kenny’s Hot Sister)’s outside of the house
6:10 Arrive at Pedro’s house; sadly there are no cows in his backyard.
6:15 I’m seeing an awful lot of walking and not enough Pizza Hut
6:16 Jon is currently trying to explain that his car didn’t stall when we were leaving SC. Pedro shoots him a “so you turned the key and the engine didn’t turn over and you had to start again……how is that not stalling.” Jon has no response.
6:20 We enter the town of Hebron. Now I am torn here. Do I make a Hebron = Jon + Hebrew joke or do I take it in the Lebron direction. Also little known fact Hebron is home to the Gay City State Park. I’m not making this up.
6:27 Flashback to one day last year when we had this conversation:

K: Have you guys ever successfully brought up butt sex with your girlfriend?
R: No
K: No
R: I think that’s kinda gross
K: Yea…
(Long Pause)
R: Wait a sec, you asked your girlfriend didn’t you
K: No…yes

6:28 We decided to park at nearby Rham High School, home of the Rams. No joke.
6:34 High school plan aborted. For some reason we decide sitting in a line of traffic is more desirable. Although while sitting in traffic we pass by a house with a stone dog tethered to a stake.
6:41 I catch a lot of (Kenny’s Hot Sister) for singing Definitely Maybe. But then we realize how much Jon’s life sucks since he gets (Kenny’s Hot Sister) on all the time.
6:43 We park on some random front lawn which features a vampire-esque cross planted right next to the mail box.
6:46 Jon avoids a punch from Pedro but jumps into oncoming traffic and gets hit by a car.
Then Pedro awakes from his daydream
6:51 Flashback back during Super Bowl weekend there was a rule made that Jon, Brian and Pedro we not allowed to call their significant others more than two times a day. Wierd, this applies to me this time
7:08 My stomach is messed up, those three doughnuts I just pounded was a bad choice. Eating anything from this fair is going to have dire consequences. Odds are I’m going to need to be carried home.
7:15 Of course the person in front of me on line just bought the last slice of pizza, now I’m going to need to wait even longer to eat.
7:30 Flashback to the previous day when Pedro and I went to play tennis. Randomly we walk onto the court and playing next to us is OFT. He is playing with this random chick I have never seen before. Apparently they just met since they were talking about majors and what year they were. Then about ten minutes later the girl offers to give OFT a full body massage. Only fucking Todd.
7:40 We adopt the “No Homo” rule from Opie and Anthony. Saying No Homo can excuse you from any action or statement which is rather homosexual.
7:49 We sit down to watch a demolition car race. We sit behind these two girls who we want Jon to talk to. Odds are that he won’t talk to them.
7:52 Flashback: the other day I was driving behind a car which had “R.I.P Nick” painted in the window. I’m not going to lie, it was kind of creepy.
7:59 I have been watching this for ten minutes now and I haven’t started betting on it. I may be sicker than I thought
8:01 Jon owes Pedro $7.50. Pedro is hoping to be paid in blumpkins, but those have been deemed way to expensive. It is determined $7.50 can only get his balls rubbed by Jon’s feet for an hour
8:05 Jon: “Radio smells a lot like Pedro’s nuts.” I’m not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole
8:08 This fair is the home of tens of thousands of little hooahs. If I have a daughter she’s not leaving my sight until she’s 20. Hopefully by that time there are flying cameras I can use so I don’t have to actually follow her.
8:10 Jon isn’t even drunk and he is trying to rationalize his love life. After 15 minutes of nonsense we inform him that he hasn’t come up with one rational thought yet. He simplifies it to “I’m going to pretend I have a girl friend so I don’t pine over radio”
8:17 The diary just says “I threw up in my mouth. The burning rubber smell doesn’t help.” I wonder what made me throw up in my mouth. It couldn’t have been too bad since I didn’t throw up in my brain.
8:30 Pedro pays a dollar to see a 29 inch tall woman. He tries to set her up with Jon. Turns out she has a boyfriend.
8:36 Pedro and I start to try to sell Jon like a carnie freak. “Come see Jon Mermer. He floats like a butterfly and it stings when he pees”
8:40 We walk past a smoothie stand and see a sign advertising free refills. We are immediately intrigued. Of course as we get closer we see that we can have unlimited half-price refills. Pedro buys a small smoothie and upon taking the first sip he realizes that unlimited half-price refills only apply to mediums and larges. We are retarded. Jon gives in and buys a medium.
8:55 We stop off at the deep fried Twinkies stand and Jon and Pedro buy one of the devil’s treats. The entire booth stares at the two of them in eager anticipation. They basically look like the Planet Wings employees when some tough little kid orders nuclear wings.
9:10 We head back over to the smoothie shack. The smoothie girl tells us that she makes the best cappuccino smoothie, so of course we test it out. It is terrible.
9:20 Who would have thought that we wouldn’t see our first mullet until now?
9:22 For $2 that guy will show you his balls.
9:28 We bid the hick fair ado. I am still walking on my own because I was smart. I had three slices of pizza, a hot dog, a pepsi, a bottle of water and a smoothie, but I paced myself.
9:54 We stop off at Butterballs, a hick bar in a strip mall that wishes it was Fitzy’s.
10:00 So we walk in and we are the only people under the age of 50 and everyone is either a biker or a crack whore. I gave them my ID and after five minutes of vigorous testing I am handed an age verification permit so I sign it and put it on the bar.
10:05 The bar maid comes back to our table with the permit in hand:

BM: Hun, it’s not 8:00 PM
R: Oh, I thought you wanted me to put the time I was born
P: That’s a little much isn’t it?
BM: It doesn’t matter unless his mama is sitting next to him
R: This guy has a vagina does that count?

10:10 I steal someone’s credit in the Megatouch machine and now Megncharlie have the high score in sports trivia
10:15 We start playing pool but there is a half dead fat guy sitting at the end of the table which makes playing pool pretty difficult.
10:25 This place has a live band playing making it a wannabe Fitzy’s mixed with Frankie’s, mixed with Knights of Columbus Bingo night.
10:40 Yup, that woman is wearing leather chaps
11:00 We leave Butterballs and head back to Pedro’s for some late night poker fun. Pedro brings two decks out from his room. One a standard red Bicycle deck, the other features a large Puerto Rican Flag and a Coqui. Jon refuses to use the PR cards since they may be a kindred spirit of mine.
11:20 Pedro’s cat jumps onto Jon and he instantly complains.

J: I hate cats
R: I hate fish
J: Do you know John Edwards hates fish?
R: No comment

11:30 Jon is the King of Excuses but he is off his game a bit after he re-uses his “I just had eye surgery” excuse from a year ago. Pedro starts to imitate Jon but quickly stops. Jon urges him to continue the impersonation: “Do me then you’ll be like Mr. Garrison”
11:38 Jon starts a debate with himself over whether he would rather give or receive a blumpkin from Pedro. In the background I am collapsing on account of windedness.
11:42 Someone says “I’m going to strip you dry.” The running diary doesn’t indicate who but there exists no context where that can’t be misconstrued.
12:00 Only Pedro and I are left, but since I am so winded before Pedro even deals me a card I throw all my chips into the pot. After the dust settles I win the hand and the $10 pot. Bah I am winded.

After the game I went straight to bed and rumor has it Pedro and Jon tried to watch a movie but that only lasted a good nine minutes. The next day we got breakfast and went on a trip to fix Jon’s tire. It was pretty ridiculous, it was literally a two and a half hour ordeal going to and from the tire shop, and we were only in the store for like 20 minutes. Miraculously we made it back to SC in one piece with nothing else going wrong. Good times overall though.

A Saturday Night

I’ve been sitting on this story for over a week now for two reasons: 1) I didn’t know if it could make for a substantial post by itself and 2) I didn’t really know how to approach it. I sat around all week waiting for something else to happen to beef up this post, but enough is enough, time to post. Plus I need to reach my weekly quota.

The weekend started harmlessly. Fitzy’s on Friday, Softball on Saturday followed by the Hambletonian. Now that doesn’t sound too exciting, but you have to remember Fitzy’s is the greatest bar on earth and any day that combines softball and horse racing is pretty fantastic too. I could have gone to bed as soon as I got home, slept till Monday morning and still have woken up boasting of having a fantastic weekend. However, the weekend still had some wonder up its sleeves.

The previous Thursday was Rachel’s birthday so Saturday night we were going to the city to celebrate. So around 9:30 I picked up Dmo and Melissa and we headed down to the city to meet up with Rachel and her future sister-in-law. Somehow we found a parking spot right next to the bar we were going to but Rachel was still 10 minutes away, so I decided that I wanted some of J’s Pizza, sadly all I could find was a Subway. On our walk back to the bar Rachel called us from inside, and we told her we would be there in a few seconds. This exchange took place outside the bar as we got there:

(Note: No matter how I write this it won’t be as funny as it was in person)
Bouncer: Hey guys how’s it going? Ten dollar cover charge tonight after 11
Melissa: It’s 11:02
Bouncer: Ok, here’s what I’ll do, I’ll comp you….(Rick and Doug put their money away) and hit you guys up for ten dollars each
Rick: That doesn’t really help us out much
Bouncer: Oh Bro, (gets the attention of his partner) Shorts and Sneaks, come on, it’s Saturday Night. Can’t come in.

Now I’m not going to argue against the right a bar has to give itself a certain type of atmosphere by not allowing shorts and sneaks. But I’m a shorts and sneaks kinda guy. If you don’t want to allow shorts and sneaks in, I don’t want to go in. What I do have a problem with is places like Bruxelles and D&D’s that get so high on themselves that won’t allow hats. That’s rediculous. Any way, needless to say the bouncer became a running joke for the night, his delivery was priceless, often imitated, never duplicated.

The night wasn’t a total waste though. We hung out at another bar down the street that allowed shorts and sneaks, however Rachel really wanted to go dancing. Yes, I did feel bad that I prevented Rachel from going to the bar she wanted to go to, but I wasn’t going to not wear shorts and sneaks. Melissa and Rachel decided to go back to the original bar and try to beg the bouncer to let me in, but I told them to save their breath. Dmo and I let them go dancing at their fancy bar, and we went uptown a bit to meet Eddie O at The Central Pub. A fantastic establishment which immediatly jumped up to number three on my list of greatest active bars. They allowed shorts and sneaks and Dmo was treated to this exchange during his first trip to the bar:

Dmo: Can I have Boddingtons please
Bartender: Damn right you can have a [explicit deleted] Boddingtons. Happy Holidays, this one is on the house.

You can’t beat that.

Mar’s Perfect Situation

We all know about my Perfect Situation. But this right here is the story of Mar.

This past weekend Dmo and Mar decided to venture up to my neck of the woods to take in the establishment that is Springfield College. Unfortunately Mother Nature had other ideas and decided to open the flood gates on the northeast. Before they got here I picked them up 42 beers thinking that would be enough for the night. I had just gotten Degrassi: Season 3 on DVD that morning so I settled in to play Tiger Woods and watch the best show Canadian Network television has to offer.

Now allow me to digress por uno momento. Over the course of the weekend, Mar’s vocabulary was stunted even more than normal. 85% of the stuff that came out of his mouth was either:

  • I’m winded
  • Janette’s Titties

On the scale of funny, you would have to represent it with the rare reverse bell curve; In essence the “Don’t Stop Believing” bell curve as described by Ostrowe (March 23, 2006: Paragraph 16). It started off pretty funny, then after the first few hours it had negative funny points, then when the lines hit the bottom of the tank the only thing that was possible was for them to get funnier. And funnier they got.

Back to the matter at hand, when the Picciniches arrived I was in the Bevi with Sara so I brought her outside to meet them. At which point the upcoming weekend was defined:

Rick: Bah what’s up Marty
Dmo: Bah not much Marty
Rick: Bah I’m glad you made it
Mar: Bah I’m winded
Rick: Bah what do you guys wan……
Sara: Would everyone please stop saying Bah before every sentence!!
Rick, Mar, Dmo: Bah

Before you ask, yes we are retarded. But only when we are together. Separate we are able to function as normal members of society. But together…….Bah.

When we got to the LC Mar and Dmo needed to be signed in. Of course we couldn’t be serious while doing it:

MF: What’s your name
Mar: Mar
(Dmo erupts in laughter)
MF: And your last name?
Mar: Does it really matter?
(Dmo laughs harder)
MF: Yes.
Mar: Piccinich.
(Dmo almost falls over)

We spent the rest of our first night in Springfield playing Tiger Woods and watching Degrassi Season 3. Granted it’s not the most glorious thing to do but it was a good time. Amanda came over, Jon was there with Dawn and Amber. At one point Brian, Shahid, Julianne and about 3 other people were locked in Brian’s tuna fish can of a room singing show tunes at the top of their lungs, kinda of weird, but I guess that is what polygamists do. We went to bed around one and Mar made the heady move of connecting two armchairs with a coffee table so that he would have a full length bed.

<Fast Forward>
Don’t worry your not missing much…I drive Jon/Amber to the airport at 5 AM……Mar and Dmo watch D3 then Fever Pitch and play Tiger Woods……..
…….While at breakfast Dmo and Mar became enamored with the apple juice but when going to get seconds Mar came back with some very watered down juice which tasted nothing like apples. Then we got a good dose of Todd being Todd:

Dmo: I beat Rick in smackdown last night, and he was Jesus.
Todd: Yea but that Jesus character. You nail him down and he’ll get right back up.

………..Mar is Winded……….Play Tiger Woods………go to White Hut for some delicious burgers

After White Hut we went to the packie so Mar and Dmo could get some more beer. They spent 20 minutes debating what kind of beer to get. I’d put up the conversation but it would be way to numbing for a normal person to stand. If a movie was made about that section of our lives, no one would ever talk to us again.

It took us about 30 minutes to leave the beverage store. That provided plenty of time for Pedro to decide to buy himself a 12-pack. He had a lot of public relations (PR) work to do so he figured he could drink one beer when we got back, and then get to work. In addition he also planned to cook dinner with his girlfriend, we’ll call her MK for arguments sake, and then he had to be on duty at 9. Boozing was out of the question.

So we get back to the LC, and what do we do, sit down to play Tiger Woods of course. Pedro decides to join us for a few holes. Ten minutes later, Dmo gets himself another beer and brings Pedro one of his own. By now we are about five holes deep in a good match when for no good reason I yank the PS2 out of the wall and the game shuts off. Now you have to figure, this is a perfect time for Pedro to stop boozing and get to work. Unfortunately the Way of the Piccinich gets the best of him. A few hours later we are on the 16th hole and Pedro is ten beers deep and quite saucy.

Then things get interesting. MK walks in with pasta and some pots. Pedro gets all stone-faced while we are trying not to burst out laughing. MK starts cooking while Pedro continues to play Tiger Woods. (At this point, just in case you have forgotten, Mar is winded) After his drive he lets out a “do you need help babe?” To which she responds: “Yes, making the sauce.” Pedro then proceeds to look at us and roll his eyes and concedes to making dinner. I think Mar wound up winning the match on a hole-in-one on the fifth playoff hole.

At 7:00 we sat down to watch the third annual Mr. SC pageant. OFT and Harry Balls were the stars of the show in my opinion, but everyone else did a good job as well. During the show Mar ripped some loud, gross smelling flatulence, which almost made me drop the camera, but I was a trooper and survived. Todd’s talent was throwing people and he nearly killed Sara. Literally the first three times she was thrown you could actually sense that the audience feared for her life. But “Don’t worry, she’s a tough cookie.” I have to get that video and put it on here. You will soil yourself if you see it. Then later in the show, this exchange took place: (Disclaimer: I can’t make this stuff up)

Emcee: [something something something] Rob Vine.
Dmo: Which one is Rob Vine?
Rick: The one in the blue jacket.
Dmo: Bah, he sucked, I hated that one.
Emcee: Can we get a spotlight on Rob Vine’s family who are here for support.
(Light shines on the row of 15 people directly behind us from Rob Vine’s family)

After the show we went back to the LC to guess what…..play Tiger Woods. Once we finished our match we decided to hit up the town. We headed over to Paddy’s hoping they had cheep beer and the Mets game on TV. Luckily we found both. We ordered some wings and literally as I put them down on the table some random guy came up to me:

RN: Hey, how are the wings here?
Rick: I don’t know, I have never had them. Let me check. (takes a bite) They are pretty good.
RN: Mind if I try one?
Rick: Uhhhh, no? Take whichever one you like.
RN: Thanks. I’m gonna get some BBQ wings. I’ll hit you up with one.
[Ten minutes later]
Mar: That guy hasn’t given you your wing yet.
Rick: There are still 6 wings on this plate which I am sure we aren’t going to eat, I’m not worried about it. Plus I just gave him the wing in hopes he would stop talking to us.
Mar: Bah, I’m winded.

This is about the time that business picked up. We left Paddy’s and went to the townhouses to a party which Todd and Sara were in attendance at. It started off as I assumed it would. Us standing around talking to each other. But eventually we broke apart and started to mingle with other people. I apologize for the lack of coherence here, but you can rewrite it yourself if you don’t like it:

Mar started to talk to his own Ms. X. And for those of you who know my Ms. X. The “X” stands for the same thing. What are the odds.

Dmo tells Stokes that she was a great Emcee tonight (although she was brutal to that other guy. It almost got to the point where it wasn’t funny anymore). He tells her that his name is “Bud.” She stops the game of beer pong she was playing to announce: “Everyone this guy’s name is Bud!” Two girls immediately run over and hand him a Bud Light just so they can say: “This Bud’s for you.”

Apparently I have a death stare. It was brought to Sara’s attention that anytime she is talking to some guy I send out a stare of death. This of course made her laugh. Now I know Sara is a big girl and she can take care of herself (hell, she could probably take me given the right conditions (that being most of them, these soles are useless)), but I still can’t help but look out for her if she is in the room. But what I really need to do is figure out how to harness this new found stare of death to my advantage.

Mar is still talking to Ms. X(2). And I can’t help but observe from a distance wondering if Ostrowe got this much enjoyment that faithful night at Fitzy’s. At this point MX2’s friend comes up to me and tells me how MX2 just wants to hook up with someone and Mar seems to be her target. Then all of a sudden Mar goes in for the kill…..I mean kiss…..and he connects. Score one for Mar. And right there Mar has disproven the multiple Piccinich axiom. After a few minutes Mar comes up for air but it’s not long until he dives again. This time Sara sees what is going on and is besides herself. She can’t even comprehend what is going and nearly falls over. What good times.

Later in the night I was began chatting with Lisa. She interned with ESPN and since I was with NBC Sports we had a lot to talk about. Sometime during our conversation Mo came over and said Hi and then stood there for a few seconds before walking away. That prompted this exchange:

Lisa: Hey listen if you want to tell me to walk away, just say so.
Rick: Why? This is a good conversation we are having. And we’ve never talked before.
Lisa: Well I don’t want to ruin your game.

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Sorry, I had to pick myself up off the floor for a second time. I guess I should be flattered that two separate girls thought I had game. Good times.

By 3:00 it was time to leave because we had to make sure that we would have some place to sleep. I told Mar that he could stay with MX2 and we would find him in the morning, but he just followed us out the door. When we got back to the LC Mar said he left because he was winded. He and Dmo wanted to go back to the party, but neither of them knew how to get there. Dmo slept on the floor using a shoe as a pillow, but he had no excuse as to why he didn’t use the giant pillow that was next to his knee.

When we woke up in the morning we got breakfast and a Cheney worker revealed to Dmo that the apple juice gives everyone the runs. This doesn’t stop Dmo and Mar from getting refills. Afterwards we played Tiger Woods while watching Degrassi (Again). A perfect end to a good weekend. Looking back on it, I should have left Mar behind on purpose since after he left MX2 slept with some other guy. I called Mar to tell him that and rumor has it he was in shambles for the rest of the car ride home. So just know next time something of this sort happens, I am going to leave your ass there for your own sake.

Mar summed it up the best when he got home by saying:
“Bah I cant wait to retire and move into Rick’s dorm”
The ironic part of the entire weekend is that they never actually saw my dorm room.

Rose Casanova, I think not

It would seem that most of the sport management department thinks that I am engaged to Rose. It was brought to my attention yesterday at the department social:

SNSB: Everyone is getting engaged.
Me: I’m engaged
SNSB: Are you really?!
Me: No, I just make stuff up
SNSB: Wait, I thought you were engaged to Rose?
Me: (Falls over) hahahahaha no, she’s engaged to Hercules. I’m flattered that I strike you as a Hercules

Jon and Dawn were standing there and they were equally as amused. Afterwards it got me thinking. Rose and I do hang out a lot. She yells at me, and hits me. I guess that signifies relationship to some people. But seriously. Come on. My suspicions were confirmed today. For example, at lunch:

D: I’ve seen the ring, but I just assumed that you were engaged to that boy that sits next to you.
Rose: hahahahahha no.

Times that by like thirty. And you know what the worse part is…I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NAME! I AM JUST “THAT BOY THAT SITS NEXT TO YOU”. Poppycock. But the highlight of this entire ordeal is what Rose said to me as I sat down in class:

“You know, I think I have ruined your game”
hahaha…Rose thought I had game