For the second straight year, Jurgen was gracious enough to host the Gentlemen for a Labor Day BBQ connected to the Maryland season opening game. For the second straight year, Ostrowe and Rick brought cheesesteaks into the equation. However, this year, they also added Jmac and his handsomeness
8:00 It is the scheduled leaving time and neither Jmac or Ostrowe have made it to the Upper East Side. Ostrowe experienced some poisen ivy delays and Jmac experienced some sunshine and rainbows delays
8:15 Rick has spent at least 90 minutes looking for coolers in stores. Apparently they are no longer in season. He eventually gives up and buys one of those insulating bags that keep cold things cold and warm things warm
8:25 Ostrowe picks up Rick on the corner and they head crosstown to pick up Jmac on Central Park West
8:34 Jmac gets in the car. Cuppiness sets in
8:42 Ostrowe is full of rage on the roads on NYC
8:48 Odds are openly discussed. Jmac is falling in line with the rest of the pack
9:15 Jmac: It is so nice to actually like a girl
9:40 Ostrowe: Oh man, Melissa doesn’t live in Rockland anymore. I have to drop her off in Tarrytown. She doesn’t even live near the bridge
Rick: Yes she does.
Ostrowe: That’s like saying I live near the bridge
Rick: You do. The bridge starts in Tarrytown and goes to Nyack. By living in either of those towns you live near the bridge
10:00 Ostrowe once again has poisen ivy. The spray he keeps using smells awful
10:48 The cashier Pat’s King of Steaks calls us ‘sir’. Is this the twilight zone?
10:50 Pat’s Drink Guy: “Hey yo syracuse, what do you want?” That’s more like it
10:53 So God (See 2010 Labor Day Diary)
11:20 Rick passes out and wakes up as Ostrowe asks him a question. Says ‘no’ without knowing what the question was.
11:25 Rick is half lucid and talking in his sleep. While Jmac and Ostrowe are talking about Irene, Rick interjects “What Hurricane”
12:02 Cuppy gas stop at rest area. Rick is still half asleep and can’t understand why Ostrowe can’t get his credit card to work
Ostrowe: Rick close my door so I can back up
/Rick closes door and stands behind the car
12:05 Rick goes into giggle fit and can’t tell his joke.
Rick: It would be funny if Ostrowe drank his Poison Ivy spray and poured the soda on himself
No one laughs
12:13 Traditional stop at Delaware rest area
12:20 Rick purchases an energy drink. Oh no.
12:24 Jmac: Imagine if Joyce was here
12:27 Upon leaving the stop, Rick points out that the rest stop lady also commented on his shirt. Turns out that she just liked commenting on shirts
To Ostrowe (In a golf shirt): Do you golf a lot?
To Jmac (In a shirt that says undercover): Oh undercover eh, I wish. I could come up with ideas like that then I wouldn’t be stuck working here.
To Rick: Going to syracuse?
12:32 Jmac uses Ostrowe’s blackberry. Tries to press the screen like he does on his iPhone. “Why is it not searching”
12:33 Since the cooler bag keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, what happens if Rick puts his Arnold Palmer in there with the cheese steaks? BWOOOOONNG
12:38 Rick: If we get to Maryland and those cheesesteaks are warm because of the cooler bag I’m not going to be able to not eat one
Ostrowe: We are in Maryland
Rick: If we get to Jurgen’s house and those cheesesteaks are warm because of the cooler bag I’m not going to be able to not eat one
12:51 Rick: Decoy Museum. Is it a real museum or just a decoy museum to keep people from the real one?
Ostrowe: It is a museum of only decoys
Jmac: Trojan Horse is the centerpiece
Rick: Do they have the Fake McCoy who was a decoy for the Real McCoy?
Ostrowe: Wouldn’t that just be the McCoy?
Jmac: My head hurts
Rick: Jmac, can I change your line to ‘My McHead hurts’ for the sake of the running diary
Jmac: No that is awful. I would never say that
12:59 In discussing Vegas and instigation, the consensus is that Jim$ is the biggest instigator followed closely by Dmo. If you were standing on the edge of a cliff, Jim$ would say, we should really jump off this cliff. Dmo would be there and would say “you two should really jump off the cliff.” Jim$ will pull you over the edge with him as Dmo gives the two of you a push
1:12 Rick: Oh man I forgot that I had snacks
Jmac: (busts out his mocking Rick impression) Look at me, my name is Rick, I have snacks
Rick: You forgot that part about how I don’t drink and feel great all the time. By the way, there is a 45% chance when I open these they fly everywhere
Ostrowe: Did you get a bag of those exploding snakes?
Rick: Whoppers. Best ever
Jmac: What an awful candy
Rick: Want one
Ostrowe: Might as well
Jmac: I also feel like I have to defend my statement
Ostrowe: Still awful. Tastes like a chocolate covered cotton ball
Jmac: I thought you said chocolate covered dodgeball
Ostrowe: Does that exist?
Jmac: What, chocolate covered cotton balls do exist?
Ostrowe: Would take a lot lest chocolate than a dodgeball
1:24 Rick: You should just invite a lot of people to blank blank then we can write down everything they say for the movie script
Ostrowe and Jmac: There is a movie script
Rick: Sorry the running diary is very dialogue heavy. I keep imagining it as a movie script
Ostrowe: This sounds like a horrible movie
Rick: it would be great if it was just a 2 hour movie of our drive down. One camera shoot in the back seat with no cuts
Jmac: And this exact conversation is part of the movie.
Ostrowe: The camera never leaving the car would make people think the movie is metaphor for how we are trapped in our current state. When really we are just a couple of guys driving in the car
Jmac: Dicks in a car
Ostrowe: Great movie title. Three Dicks in a Car
1:33 Note: To appropriately experience the long dialogues, you should read them in a fit of laughter.
1:40 For the fifth straight year, it has just been stated we are going to the derby
1:44 While discussing the Birth of Mar
Ostrowe: It is great that that is how Mar got his nickname
Rick: You tell that story to anyone, they laugh. Great story
Ostrowe: That’s the same night BP and I got into a fight with those girls and they smashed a bottle of tomato sauce on Jurgen’s door.
Jmac: Smashed a bottle of tomato sauce? That’s messed up. Do they now how hard that was to make?
2:01 Tired Rick isn’t afraid to admit he like the name of the Kiss and Ride.
2:10 Arrive at Casa del Jurgen. He has woken up to greet us. What a gentleman
2:31 Jmac emails the chain: “I’m giddy with excitement for tomorrow. Or maybe I’m just still feeling the effects of sunshine and rainbows”
2:44 Like 12 year olds, Ostrowe, Rick and Jmac can’t fall asleep and have a group text chat going from 3 different rooms
9:23 Not the event
10:10 Jmac likes Jurgen’s clock. Great centerpiece. Despite the fact it is 4 minutes fast, he trusts it completely
10:45 Ostrowe is going thru every NFL game to predict the season standings to keep himself from not thinking about poison ivy
11:07 Zoosk commercial
Ostrowe: Who thinks like that. That is why you are single, that self-defeatist attitude
11:09 Rick: Hi I’m Dave Holmes you may remember me as the fat guy who has been next to hot chicks hosting random shows.
Ostrowe: And you know what, it was a different chick every time
Rick: Somehow, you still remember my name
11:11 While watching the DVD on TV version of Role Models, Dave Holmes has a fake sword fight with RHC who is wearing a skimpy dress
Jmac: Why is she wearing that?
Ostrowe: Yea she shouldn’t wear that if she is going to throw herself on the couch
Jmac: No why is she wearing clothes
Jurgen: Ostrowe did you shave your chest hair into a heart again?
Ostrowe: Not this year?
Jurgen: I saw the American flag, then I thought of your shirt from last year, then I remembered your badminton game with Goon
11:31 Ostrowe: I’m getting in the shower.
Jmac: Bagel dog?
11:51 DVD on TV. We take 95 minute movie and make it 3 hours long. Our secret is to give you a one minute teaser of a special feature before the break then after the commercial, show you the full one minute 20 second feature. Then go to another commercial break
12:09 Dmo and Mel show up. Dmo immediately comments on the wonderful clock centerpiece
12:27 Ostrowe has his first beer. Last year he started at 7:00A
12:29 Ostrowe goes for his first second cheesesteak. The warm cooler bag is in the fridge and is very confused trying keep the cheesesteaks warm in a cold environment
12:39 Melissa is talking about working in Brooklyn. Ostrowe and Rick are making hipster joke after hipster joke and every one has gone over her head
1:05 The O’Neill’s arrive
1:13 Ostrowe just finished week 3 of his preview, but give up now that people are here
1:18 Apps on the table courtesy of Peg
Jmac: Wow. You really should have won the GWotY last year
Peg: Yea. I should have
Ostrowe: Wow. You are bitter
Peg: Well yea, I’ll never win if every girl that Jmac bangs wins every year
Jmac: You’ll win this year
Ostrowe: Make sure Eddie O disappears for a while
1:27 Pricilla brings up the clock and everyone talks about how much they like it
Jmac: We should count how many people like the clock
Rick: I have been counting but I didn’t say anything so they come naturally
Jmac: That’s what she says
1:45 Jmac has red pepper dip on a red pepper. Dipception
1:50 According to Jmac most shorts are cargo shorts. However, most the shorts at this party are not cargo shorts
1:54 Now that more people are here, things are getting more schticky and inside jokey. From Pants under pants to Parsippany to Chair pulled out from under Lindsay to formal flair chop to what the hell is this?! in about a minute
2:23 (Ed. Note: I just had a time here. I don’t know what I was going to write for this post)
2:36 Melissa: Ostrowe, what is the was?
2:53 While walking behind the strip mall:
Rick: I thought there was going to be an opening he…oh there is
Ostrowe: yea me too..oh there is
Jmac: Oh, there is an opening here
3:19 While talking about our Grizley Pear karaoke trip, Ostrowe says that someone was booing Jmac mercilessly. We watch the video and Ostrowe realizes he was the one booing
3:25 Samson and Amos!
3:47 Knute: I remember you from tailgates
Jmac: Probably not
4:10 BP shows up and wakes up Ostrowe from a 15 minute nap
4:45 Melissa: To be honest Doug actually works 3 hours a day.
Rick: Wow. I thought you were going to defend him for a second and say he actually did work
5:57 Peg: My bill was $8
Jurgen: That’s because you were letting the college boys hit on you
Jim$: She was saving her husband money
8:32 Rick walks outside to play Beer Pong and in the interim, Jmac got very hammered. Turns out shots of Makers Mark bring out the best in him. Everyone mocks Eddie O for agreeing to be his partner since he has to drink double
9:06 Jim$: I would like the running diary to reflect that if I wanted to grow a beard like Sav, it would take me 18 months
9:24 Dmo steals Ostrowe’s seat. Ostrowe sits on his lap
9:25 Dmo just gave Melissa the ok to throw out old and ratty clothes when she does his laundry
9:34 Jim$ has ruined the browser history on Rick’s iPad. He apologizes to Jenn and confesses he clears the browser history every day
9:39 A Nibbles chant is started. Jim$ really wants to get him
9:43 The Crock Pot has boiled over
9:51 Jurgen: Bah my house is retarded
10:06 How’s sentimental Jmac
10:08 Dmo leans over to Jenn and says “your husband bet $500 on the team that is losing”
10:17 Melissa (to Pricilla): You should give Jurgen a raise so he can buy you something nice
10:38 Evil Peg Laugh during the Dr. Phil interview of Jmac on Eddie O’s lap. It looks like Jmac is a creepy boat driver in Venice hitting on Peg while she is on a romantic vacation with her husband.
10:40 Jim$ is making tic tacs. Worst. Idea. Ever.
11:01 After the success of Puppet Daryl, Jim$ makes Puppet Peg and grabs Eddie O’s head. Jim$ then forces their heads together
11:13 Jim$ starts a Hutter Sucks chant
11:15 Pricilla learns of Mullets over Miami.
Peg: Dmo filmed it.
Dmo: And you know who else was there. Jurgen
Melissa: Didn’t someone get a blank blank
Dmo: YEA IT WAS JURGEN
Everyone: That’s not what happened at all
11:20 Jim$ pulls out his inflatable air mattress. When it is full, Dmo hops on and Jim$ lays down next to him. Next Jmac hops in followed by Rick and Eddie O. Jenn, Peg, and Melissa look concerned.
11:55 Everyone is getting ready for bed and Paul and Samson are still bumping tunes. Jurgen just made them cheesesteaks
11:57 Peg is rocking Jmac to bed as Eddie O reads them a bedtime story
11:59 Samson invites Jmac to the club. Jmac accepts for a second. Then collapses
12:01 Jim$ run upstairs to steal Jurgen’s fan and Jmac says he’ll save his spot in bed with Jenn. All he needs is to hop in bed with Melissa and he has the triple crown
12:03 Jmac says he should have never let Rick meet SR because he is a jerk
12:05 Jmac hops in with Melissa and Doug. Trifecta complete
12:12 Jmac: I need water
Jurgen: Water is a bad choice. It makes you more sober
12:18 Jim$: it is so hot down here. Heat f***ing falls Jurgen
Jmac: Jim$ your wife is hotter than the temperature
12:20 Jim$ insists on cuddling with the fan
12:24 Jim$, Jmac, and Rick sing I want it that way for the house
12:29 For the second night in a row, Rick can’t sleep, but drunk gents mean no texting
12:44 Still up.
8:15 Rick hovers over Peg as she makes her famous French Toast Casserole
Rick: So what is the recipe here?
Peg: I don’t know. I just make it up
Rick: How long do you bake it in the oven?
Peg: I don’t know
Rick: How am I supposed to make this for myself?
8:38 Peg once again assigns Eddie O to supervise clean up after she bakes
9:30 FTC FTW
10:01 Peg: Get Jmac a coffee because he died
12:03 No updates since we have been watching Degrassi for 3 hours while alternating showers
12:25 Eddie O is wearing O’Neill shorts. If anyone takes them, he can prove they are his
1:09 Ostrowe texts Rick to see if he wants to go to the tailgate. Rick says no.
Ostrowe: Irish Exit?
Rick: Yes. We’ll just turn north on 95 when everyone doesn’t
Ostrowe: How do we get Melissa in the car with us?
Rick: Tell her we are going to the tailgate?
Ostrowe (To Melissa): Is your bag here? You should put it in the car? Are you riding with us?
Melissa: Yes and yes
Rick (to Ostrowe): Victory!
1:30 The gang leaves for the tailgate.
1:45 Ostrowe and Rick execute the Irish Exit to perfection. We are heading towards 95 on the beltway. Melissa and Jmac haven’t noticed yet
1:48 Melissa: One thing about MT, this is going to sound really bad, so I’m not going to say it but now I have to because I said this, but she has Tourettes
1:51 Rick and Ostrowe set the o/u on Melissa figuring out there will be no tailgate at 2:02
1:53 Jmac: I officially don’t want a cheesesteak for a long time
2:03 Over wins
2:07 Rick realizes that Ostrowe’s AC sucks because his vent wasn’t open.
2:10 Jmac realizes a plot is afoot and texts Rick
2:15 Jmac openly talking about not going to the tailgate and Melissa still hasn’t said anything
2:19 Rick and Ostrowe start a discussion about how they have great imaginations. Ostrowe says he wishes he could major in imagination. Rick proclaims that he has been trying to imagine ways to get rich quick and be creative. He thinks coloring type book that works kids’ imaginations could be a hit. Melissa agrees. Ostrowe is brought on to co-write
2:25 After creative differences, Ostrowe is removed from the project. Melissa claims she will find someone else to write the book if Rick is not serious. He assures her he will create one page a day for the next 5 months.
2:30 Rick and Melissa continue to bicker about the book.
2:35 Rick finds cookies. No one likes them since they are S Cookies. Rick says that he loves them for that reason
2:49 Melissa says: “I never realized College Park was so far away” As we pull into the rest stop Rick can barely keep a straight face and walks away to keep from passing out. Jmac and Ostrowe use this opportunity to put all the blame on Rick
2:53 Rick reveals that he was purposely egging Melissa on about the book so that she wouldn’t realize we weren’t going to the tailgate. He affirms that he is serious about the book
2:56 A guy points to the big out of order sign on the Yogurt at Freshens and asks if they have yogurt
3:05 Ostrowe: No one wanted to be the asshole to say we weren’t going to the tailgate so instead we were the three assholes who just pulled the irish exit and kidnapped melissa in the process
4:15 Rick passes out (surprisingly before Melissa) and everyone takes a picture
4:50 Ostrowe gets a Roy Rogers chicken sandwich. Rick and Jmac tell him those things are awful
5:08 Ostrowe: I wish I had another chicken sandwich
Melissa: You actually liked it
Rick: Never underestimate the power of CoG members wanting to disprove other member
6:08 Ostrowe drops Rick and Jmac off in the city. The game doesn’t start for another 2 hours. Had we gone to the tailgate, we would have been leaving now. Thank god we left.