2012 Oscar’s Live Blog

Ever since they bumped the number of Best Picture nominees to 10, I have made a point to watch every single one of them in spite of the Academy since it is a stupid idea. Although, come to think of it, damn, the Academy has won.  After last year, they decided 10 was too many movies to have nominated, so they toned it down.  Here are the 9 nominees in order of my favorite:

The Artist
The Descendants
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
The Help
War Horse
Moneyball
Tree of Life

Sidebar: On the flip side, the day before the Oscars, the Razzies get announced.  Two highlights there are Worst on screen couple (Nic Cage and anyone sharing the screen with him in 2011) and Adam Sandler getting nominated for Worst Actor and Worst Actress.

Now onto the Oscars Live Blog

6:07 – Giuliana just welcomed everyone by saying “Hello Friends.”  Somewhere, Jim Nantz smiles

6:27 – Jessica Chastain looks amazing.  Breakout year for her.  In two Best Picture movies like Brad Pitt.

6:30 – To be honest, I can’t even tell the difference between any of these tuxedos.

6:36 – Shailene Woodley is my new favorite “I’m not sure if I should admit out loud that she is really good looking, but at least she is 20 so I don’t feel that bad about it” girl.  She is stoked to be there.  Literally, she has said that 4 times.  Move over Hailey from Modern Family.  Ok, I need to get some cereal.

6:40 – Ostrowe has already flipped over to the All-Star game.  He says it is already more interesting

6:45 – George Clooney and Stacy Kiebler just won the red carpet.  It is not even a contest.  Time to watch something else.

6:49 – What can they possibly have in common? Besides being gorgeous.

6:52 – Pharrell is the Academy music consultant

7:30 – Admiral Aladeen makes his red carpet debut. He just spilt Kim Jong Il’s ashes on Seacrest.  Props to Seacrest for taking it in stride.

7:35 – Speaking of cereal, Hailey is on this E! panel with Kelly Osborne, Giuliana and some other girl named Jessica.  She looks useless and 15.

7:50 – Going to commercial, Jessica tells the host that she is really good at this. Giuliana is embarrassed and says they are still hot

7:52 – Shocker. Natalie Portman looks amazing.

7:57 – Meanwhile, in the All-Star Game, Lebron pulls out the Prance

8:06 – Going to break this time, the producer killed their mics

8:10 – That woman in the red dress needs the opposite of the Bob Costas chair.  She is huge.

8:11 – Sandra Bullock doesn’t smile much anymore….sad. She used to be such a wild cat.

8:12 – Cameron Diaz nipples are showing on the red carpet.  Still she hasn’t looked good since The Mask.

8:21 – The auditorium is empty.  Only 8 minutes till the show starts

8:23 – Tom Hanks rocking the goatee tonight.  Odd choice.  He is showing off the step and repeat stage for the winners.  Even the photogs are dressed superbly.

8:24 – Brian Grazer is one of the craziest looking guys ever. Always

8:29 – Going to break, the place is packed. Guess the shot at the 8 minute mark was a banked shot from earlier.  Makes sense.  Probably tape the last 10 minutes so they can focus on the big show.

8:32 – Morgan Freeman!! He gives an opening monologue.  He can narrate my life any day.

8:33 – Justin Bieber shows up in Billy Crystal’s open to help him get the 18-24 demographic.  They just stare at each other until Crystal in blackface as Sammy Davis Jr steals the scene.

8:35 – Ostrowe: “Billy Crystal is the Worst”

8:36 – Billy Crystal – “This is my ninth time hosting”  So he should be good for more than 30 seconds this time.

8:37 – These jokes are bad.  But I enjoyed “We are here in Chapter 11 Theater”

8:38 – Ok, I’m sick of the Billy Crystal song routine.  This must be killing Pharell.

8:40 – Jessica Chastain is loving this.  She is cracking up.  But when you had your best year ever, you love everything.

8:41 – (Ed. Note: Something must have happened here. But I’m not sure what)

8:45 – After first two awards (Cinematography and Art Direction) Hugo is 2 for 2 and I am 0-2.  This award is for Martin and Italy

8:46 – Meryl Streep is wearing her dress from Death Becomes Her

8:47 – There is a weird sound mix on the Oscars.  Ostrowe would like Grazer to have it fixed.  There is weird metallic feedback in the sound

8:50 – Earlier when asked what he prepared for tonight, George Clooney said he was prepared to hear a guy speak in a French accent.  That has already come true

8:52 – Billy Crystal: “Tonight at the Your Name Here Theater.”   Guess this will be a theme

8:53 – Twilight just made this love the movies montage. Damn you Academy. You just vindicated the whole series

8:54 – JLo and Cameron Diaz are presenting the costume design award.  They were awesome in the 90s.  The Artist wins and prevents Hugo from making a clean sweep.  (Ed. Note: Twitter was a buzz the following day with a JLo Nip Slip scandal.  I didn’t notice anything live.  But see for yourself. Non-story)

8:55 – Daryl: The chick who carries out the Oscars to the winners is really hot

8:56 – Iron Lady wins best makeup.  Before naming the winner, Cameron and JLo jut showed how drunk they are.

9:00 – In a montage about the first movie they ever saw, Morgan Freeman is dressed like a slob.  Wearing a Tradition hat, it is odd.

9:06 – Sandra Bullock still isn’t smiling.  Even when she tells a joke.  Presenting best foreign language film, she even speaks in Mandarin.  A Separation wins and I am 0-5

9:09 – Christian Bale’s all black suit is rather sharp.

9:09 – Mike corrects me and says it is an all black tux.  Whatever.

9:10 – Daryl “It would be cooler if Bale came out dressed as Batman. No one wants to hang out with Bruce Wayne”

9:11 – The giant video screen in the background looks pretty awesome.  I thought it was graphics from the truck.

9:13 – Octavia Spencer wins Best Supporting Actress and gives us the first tears of the evening.  Gets the wrap up sign and reads it out loud.  At least she didn’t drop a F Bomb like Melissa Leo last year.  I am now 1-5

9:14 – Ostrowe: “I had Spencer. I think it would have been amazing if Bale yanked the mic away from her and went “OH, GOOOOD FOR YOUUUU!!!!”

9:20 – Christopher Guest created a short on Focus Groups with his cronies giving their thoughts on Wizard of Oz. Fred Willard loves the flying monkeys.

9:22 – What is Bradley Cooper doing. He is rocking the porn stache at the Oscars? Ballsy move. I hope someone from People Magazine walks out, strips him of his World’s Sexiest Man tag and hands it to Ryan Gosling.  Yes, I am still upset by it.

9:25 – Dragon Tattoo wins Film Editing and the two guys had no clue they would win.  They had no clue they were going to win. Especially since they were sitting in the back row.  They point at “The Roons” and they just say in a panic “uhhhh let’s get out of here.”

9:27 – Hugo just won Sound Editing. The two guys said
Winner 1: Hugo
Winner 2: No Hugo
Ha.  Sound Editing Humor.

9:28 – M  “I kinda like the name Thelma”
Rick “So did the 1930s”

9:30 – Daryl: I wonder if Scott Hatteberg ever envisioned himself hitting a homerun that would he shown in numerous Oscar montages.

9:34 – Kermit and Ms. Piggy in a box riffing on the movies.  They should have put Stadler and Waldorf in there too.

9:36 – Cirque Du Soleil is blowing up Twitter. And they get a standing ovation.

9:39 – Carl Jr. just won commercial making.

9:41 – Robert Downey Jr is presenting with the much taller Gwyneth Paltrow.  He just Tebowed backstage before coming out.  Their bit is that he is filming a live documentary called The Presenter.  He is being followed by a steady cam. I am finding this hilarious.  The documentary winners just got their mic cut

9:42 – They still haven’t fixed the metallic noise in the background.  It is starting to get bad. And with Chris Rock about to present an award, it is about to get worse.

9:53 – Every woman presenter is about 4 inches bigger than the guy she is with

9:54 – Tweet from David Itzkoff: “A complete list of people Ben Stiller is taller than:  ”

9:55 – Emma Stone is being very perky.  Ben Stiller tells her this crowd doesn’t like perk.  Somewhere, Anne Hathaway nods in agreement

9:56 – Hugo gets their 5th award for visual effects. Big night for them.

9:58 – Melissa Leo out to present Supporting Actor.  Wonder if she references her F Bomb last year

9:59 – Nick Nolte embodies his mug shot in every one of his roles these days

10:01 – Standing Ovation for Christopher Plummer as one first time winner hands Oscar to another first time winner. Says he has been preparing for this moment since he came out of the womb, but he forgot the speech he wrote back then.  Plummer rocking the velvet suit which was also made when he came out the womb

10:02 – No F Bomb from Leo this year. Sad Face.

10:03 – Ostrowe: Do you think Christopher Plummer knows who Jonah Hill is?

10:06 – From Wikipedia, so you know it’s true: The root of the name Oscar is contested. One biography of Bette Davis claims that she named the Oscar after her first husband, band leader Harmon Oscar Nelson; one of the earliest mentions in print of the term Oscar dates back to a Time magazine article about the 1934 6th Academy Awards. Walt Disney is also quoted as thanking the Academy for his Oscar as early as 1932. Another claimed origin is that the Academy’s Executive Secretary, Margaret Herrick, first saw the award in 1931 and made reference to the statuette’s reminding her of her “Uncle Oscar” (a nickname for her cousin Oscar Pierce). Columnist Sidney Skolsky was present during Herrick’s naming and seized the name in his byline, “Employees have affectionately dubbed their famous statuette ‘Oscar'”. The trophy was officially dubbed the “Oscar” in 1939 by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Another legend reports that the Norwegian-American Eleanor Lilleberg, executive secretary to Louis B. Mayer, saw the first statuette and exclaimed, “It looks like King Oscar II!”. At the end of the day she asked, “What should we do with Oscar, put him in the vault?” and the name stuck.

10:09 – Uggie the Dog gets own seat and a snazzy bowtie. What a gent

10:10 – Ostrowe: Billy Crystal is the worst

10:11 – I am the worst. 3-11 on picks.

10:18 – Bret from Flight of the Conchords just won an Oscar. Awesome.  Oh yea, Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis presented him the award. Their comedy routine was kind of stale. Jason Segel is so happy for him.

10:23 – I’m losing steam.

10:25 – Oh God. Angelina Jolie looks awful.  And they way she is standing. He awfulness has given me a second wind.  She looks awful.  I don’t like her. Can you tell?

10:26 – Twitter just gave me the final score of the All-Star Game: West 152, East 149

10:27 – Jim Rash just won Adapted Screenplay and just mocked Angelina by standing like her. He is awesome. Community is back March 16. Pop Pop.

10:28 – Buzzfeed noticed the same thing about Angelina and her stupid leg.

10:30 – Angelina walks off the stage and I couldn’t be happier.

10:38 – Ostrowe: I can only assume Milla Jovovich is here to present the Academy Award for best Zombie Movie

10:40 – Terry! George wins Short Film.  Fitting that today is Moro’s Birthday

10:41 – Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy just whipped bottled of Grey Goose out of their cleavage and downed them on stage.  Rose Byrne is another charter member of the Sandra Bullock I am going to be pouty forever team

10:45 – More awards given out by Bridesmaids (NONE OF YOU GETS A BOUQUET!).  I am out of steam but at least we only have the 4 big awards left.

10:48 – Finally took to the internet to find out what GCB stands for: Good Christian Bitches.

10:52 – I feel like Terence Malik saw Star Trek, and was like, those lens flares are awesome. I’m going to make a whole movie devoted to them. If you saw Tree of Life you would understand this joke.  Ed. Note: Don’t see Tree of Life. It sucked.  Oh yea. Michel Hazanavicius surprised no one and won the award. 3 to go.

11:02 – Nothing happened in the last 10 minutes.  Well James Earl Jones and Oprah got an honorary award for humanitarianism.  I’m losing interest. The death montage is coming up.  It will probably be followed another comercial break

11:06 – Norman Corman looked like a old Ron Swanson

11:09 – 21 minutes left.

11:10 – Another fun fact I forgot to mention at the appropriate time: First time that Pixar was not nominated for an Academy Award.  Now please stop making pointless sequals

11:12 – In these talking head things, Tom Cruise is the same height as everyone else.  Rarely happens.

11:13 – The running diary is thankful, Natalie Portman breaths life into my fingers….oh wait…wrong extremity.

11:14 – Demian Bichir has a great name. It is the type of name you have to whisper like Enrique.

11:15 – Ostrowe: Wanderlust bombed. And Act of Valor was #1. This is why I don’t go to the movies anymore.

11:17 – Natalie, Don’t clap so close to the mic.

11:18 – Jean Dujardin wins Best Actor. “I love your country […] tickets to the first academy award show was $5 and the show lasted 15 minutes. Times have changed. Brad, George who is the most handsome now!”  Ok, I made up that last line.

11:23 – Do you think Billy Crystal wrote 5 different jokes coming out of the Best Actor commercial break depending on who won?

11:24 – Over/Under on how they run long is set at 9.5 minutes right now

11:26 – The internet is very upset Macho Man was left out of the Death Montage.  BONESAW IS READY

11:29 – I feel like Meryl Streep is acting surprised that she won right now. “Come on. I mean come on.”  Wonder if they will cut her off?

11:31 – And they are officially long

11:35 – Going thru Best Picture Nominees right now.  O/U could come down to the wire.  Odd that Tom Cruise was the presenter.

11:36 – The Artist wins.  Final tally: 9 Right. 15 Wrong. Not a passing grade

11:39 – Roll credits.  Real close on the O/U.  Godspeed and Goodnight