Over the years we have always had a quote sheet on hand to document all the stupid stuff we say. What follows is a uncensored peek into our world. Most names have been withheld to protect the retarded:
To escape the lion, sometimes you must go to his den
There’s always enough room for two people at the top as long as you are both people
Choose your own Adventure
It can get much better than this
If you last name is Hyman never use an adjective to name your child
– Contact that’s another movie that makes no sense
– I think that’s Jay Kohlman’s favorite movie
– That makes sense
– I might as well secede the belt
– What is this the fucking union?
I don’t play cards
What kind of pen doesn’t have a house?
– What are you guys Wallflowers?
– Yea, we’re the three Marlenas
– We should have had Vin make his Queso dip
– It’s endorsed by Mike Utley
– What do you want to do?
I successfully cockblocked myself from every girl at this party
I hope you don’t think of me differently
This kid is like Mitch Williams we are the only two old enough to know who Mitch Williams is
-You guys are always smiling
– Well I’m just happy that I got tickets to the Luther Vandross Concert next week
– That’s fucked up
You are a lanky kid, tall, long legs you can get out of a lot of situations
– I’m going over there
– Say hi to Mar
– I’m not going to Long Island
(5 minutes after Terry wins the game)
– How did we win the last game?
– YOU made the 8-Ball
Maybe if we sat near the coats people would have a reason to come near us
How the fuck do u scream infidelities?!
It’s not the arrows, it’s the Indians
Next time we visit Doug I’m going to send myself as an e-mail attachment so I can get there faster, then you can just upload me
You’re just not a person bro
It’s not as fun until your 21
I don’t trust anything that bleeds five days of the month and doesn’t die
It’s the season of giving
Were pathetic and retarded what do they expect
You can never have enough snatch
Rick: You should hire a schwoogie to do your laundry for you
Wait; Hold on Ma I’m looking at boobies
That’s what cool about magazines, you can stare at a chicks boobs forever and she will never know you’re a pervert
Your ramalamahamdamed if you do, and ramalamahamdamed if you don’t
The more you want something the less obtainable it is
I bet Canada has no laws about banging minors…. advantage Piccinich
I piss money
All that can go wrong, will go wrong…. All that can’t go wrong, will also go wrong
I don’t know if it’s me or the Shirley Temple’s speaking…. but you’re hot
I know you must get this all the time but…would you like some garlic bread??
– Someone should make a program were you can play any card game online
– Get on it Terry
– I sell golf clubs
Dave & Busters: Where you can get fucking cocked while your kids play video games
– Hey are you driving tonight?
– Yea just bring me another beer
Were Hardcore…. [One minute later] Harold. [Girl gets up and leaves] Apparently we don’t have the drawing power of Terry.
You couldn’t fit your trouser snake in my shorts
– Why would they make a fuss [about you peeing in the street]?
– Because I have a vagina
BELIEVE IN THE SYSTEM!
I’m emphatasizing my point…Fuck that’s not a word is it
-Grab me some singles
-(Pulling out 5 hundreds) We got 5; I think we’ll be ok
I can’t take me anywhere
Thank god were naked
I’m in a glass case of emotion!!!!
[In context] We now go live to Diane being a bitch, Diane
OH WHAT ARE THE ODDS
I don’t want to play anymore I just want to suck on Tom Bosley’s Clitoris
-I like Tom Bosley
You can lead a Piccinich to people, but you can’t make him talk
-Thank God I have X-Ray vision
-Who looks like Fay Vincent?
(Mar to a girl who walked into the room 5 minutes ago)
-Why are you watching basketball?
-I Will Stab You in the Throat
Whatever I say is Jesus Christ
This is Villanova playing, where is you team? They’re playing volleyball in the parking lot.
(Already on the top floor of Ricks dorm Mar proclaims): I’ll sleep upstairs
I’m Fucking Fast
That kid is so emo
– I started kickboxing and I’m watching my carbs
– Yea I started Kickboxing cars too
If you drank as much as I did you would have trouble getting out of Hong Kong too
(In reference to the previous quote)
– That’s the greatest quote I ever heard, who said it?
That girl is a hooker
That’s why I play cards at bars, there’s less chance of fucking my chance up w/ girls
Are you going to ditch us to hang out with girls again?…………queer
I went to a bachelor party in Chicago, apparently the stripper said I was mean because I told her she sucked
You’re a Putz
Why don’t you and your cards go sit in the front row of a U2 concert.
Soiled Queso dip made of doors
-Is that Chase Utley?
– Is that Mike Utley?
– I’m just waiting for you to get off of your fat ass
– I’d be able to if this queso dip wasn’t so wonderful
Hey lets go solve problems
There’s queso dip on the quote sheet
I want a dictionary to open my bedroom
– All I know is that I’m seeing a lot of talking and no queso dip
– Shut the fuck up
(Rick fumbles pen as he tries to write the quote)
– Yea now what? Now you’re fucked
We’re trying to break into her room not make a delicious queso dip out of her door
– You can see right through her
– Damn her, she’s feigning interest to get more tips
– Shut up she really likes us
Your Korean Rummy in a cell [I know this is bad grammar but that’s what the sheet says and it’s much funnier….5 bucks to whoever can interpret what the hell it means]
He has his fingers in a lot of pies
I’m getting an STD just thinking about you
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball
If I were you I’d krazy glue her eyelids open and make her watch me bang Tiffany
Nine times out of ten
Communism is a bitch
Sometimes you have to swim through shit to get to the ocean
It’s like the blind leading the blind
Everyone’s looking for a freebie
You’re just not a person bro
Hot chicks like horses
I like horses
Therefore hot chicks like me
I went to a bachelor party in Chicago and apparently the stripper said I was mean because I told her she sucked
Well excuse me Mrs. Social Worker
11:52 Wife of guitar player tells us her son goes to a gay college
12:00 Woman has enough of us calling her son gay and leaves
12:41 While at Lexington Ostrowe is finally happy that he is at a bar where the women are not married to the guitar player whose gay son goes to the fashion institute
Sars is killing us off like we are a bunch of Iraqi children
(After coughing for 25 minutes straight) I’m dying motherfuckers
– What happened?
– Supreme Court Justice William Rhenquist is dead!
– I can get guilted into doing anything.
– Does that mean I can guilt you into having sex with me
(After Rick congratulates a girl on a pool shot) I was social!!
Someone should tell her she is the best pool player in New Orleans
– Where is Mar?
– He is getting raped by a schwoogie
– That is fucking great
So Nicole, call her back and tell her your staying at my house. You’ll like my house, it’s fun, we can play manhunt and shit.
For as long as I have known myself….
– I’m a cheerleader, what do you expect?
– I don’t fucking know
I thought you banged the transsexual?
– What are you up to tonight?
– Watching New Orleans get destroyed
– That’s terrible
– Yea, I know. I never got to go there
You are a lanky kid. Tall, long legs, you can get out of a lot of situations
You wouldn’t like me when I’m Bon Jovi
You’re wearing a bra? Loser.
OOOOH repercussions. Welcome to my world.
– Beep Bop Boop Bip. [Laughter] is it really that funny?
– No, it’s not
Here hold my beer. I can’t stand here while those dogs are lost out there. I once found a lost dog. [Walks out of the bar. Comes back 45 minutes later without a dog]