This marks the second year in a row that I have kept a running diary of the Spelling Bee. All week I have been looking forward to this day, however I would like to point out that many people have. The Bee has become a cult hit. Darren Rovell claims to be the top handicapper for this year’s contest and has his predictions in his blog. Once again the Bee will be in HD, but the main difference from last year is that Mike & Mike now have hosting duties. It’s a curious move. I’m not sure if it is a sign that the Bee is kind of a big deal or if ESPN/ABC is just trying to increase the exposure of Mike & Mike. It may be a combination of the two, but ever since the Imus debacle, ESPNRadio has been working double time to have Mike & Mike become the new morning drive-time power house. I like Mike & Mike, but this has the potential to become a live version of Cheap Seats. For some reason I just feel like picking on these kids on live TV is a lot more cold-hearted than doing it five-years down the road.

This year ESPN covered the early rounds on TV, kind of like a Super Bowl Pre-Game Show. I watched it at work. Top entertainment. However, the favorite for this year, Samir Patel, was eliminated in the early rounds. The word, clevis. Before we get into this year’s running diary lets once again take a look at Past Great Moments in Spelling Bee History:

– Napoleon Dynamite Reference
– This is Sports Center
– The Fainting Kid
– Cheap Seats
– Euonym
– An unfair word is given

8:00 – Opening of the broadcast. Robin Roberts provides the voice over. Some random kids, who may, or may not, have ever been in the Bee filmed an opening segment poking fun at themselves. It includes a Peyton Manning and Tiger Woods reference.

8:02 – More Robin Roberts voice-over montage. 15 spellers remain.

8:04 – 286 walked into the “Grandaddy of Them All” (Robin Roberts’ words, not mine), only one will walk out. Paul Loeffler is joining Robin Robberts, he won in the past, and still remembers the word, spelling, and definition of the word he spelled to win.

8:06 – Mike & Mike get introduced. Golic isn’t sure why he is there. Golic likes Jon Horton to win.

8:07 – Jonathan Horton is up first. I believe he led off the finals last year. Every time he spells a word, he stops after every letter, coughs into his hand. He can’t pronouce girolle (an edible mushroom, if you were curious). He says the word a dozen times, wrong, and finally the judges say “look at my lips as I say the word.” I could have sworn I heard them mutter a “Jesus Christ, is he retarded” under their breath.

8:08 – And he spells the word wrong. There goes half of the appeal of this year’s final. Sucks to be ABC.

8:10 – Some kid actually spells a word right. Rascacio, I could have spelled that. Not

8:13 – Tia Thomas likes to make knit hats for pre-mature babies. She has to spell zacate (green foliage). And she is wrong. I wonder if the parents of these kids know what these words mean let alone know how to spell them.

8:17 – Cody Wang, another favorite, spells apozem wrong. Three out of four kids have been eliminated so far. I hope every kids spells their word wrong so ABC has to fill time till ten. That would be entertaining.

8:20 – This little asian kid, Anqi Dong, is the second kid to write on the back of his card. He spells Buleuterion wrong and we are already down to 11 by the first commercial break. As he walks out of the competition he takes a seat on his dad’s lap. As soon as the network cuts to commercial I’m sure he is going to be beaten for being inferior.

8:25 – Stu Scott and his creepy lazy eye interview Jonathan Horton. Horton is crying and once again it is brought up that he loves Steve Nash. If you remember last year, the segment they had on him was priceless. He was talking about how he could get as good as Nash if he practiced, then they showed him shooting the ball over the entire basket.

8:27 – For the first time a kid makes a joke at the microphone. When given punaise, which is another word for bed bugs, Joseph Henares says that he would rather spell bed bugs. Even the judges started laughing.

8:29 – If I wasn’t watching TV I would have assumed that Claire Zhang was American. She spells urgrund wrong.

8:31 – The first “genius” is profiled. Kavya’s friends think she is the shit because she has gone to India. Her younger sister wants to be just like her and be a speller. She is the youngest in the competition at 11 years old. She has to spell cilice. I spelled it wrong, and I should have got it right since it was in The DiVinci Code. Kavya takes the entire time and then spells the word wrong. We are now treated to “The Dreaded Bell Montage.”

8:37 – There has been little to no use of Mike & Mike so far. I’m not sure why they even had them go there. By the end of the broadcast I will have a explanation (that I will make up.)

8:40 – Mike & Mike make appearance number two. They throw it to Stuart who is interviewing Kavya. He is on his knee in what looks like an awkward situation. Her little sister is standing with her and is clearly afraid of the eye.

8:42 – Nithr Vijayakumar provides us with the greatest name of the finals so far. Combine the most gentlemanly golfer in the world with a stoner and what do you get? It would be great if she made either a golf reference or a White Castle reference. She is struggling with pelorus. Will she get it right?

8:45 – Nope. There is a plethora of bells in the finals this year. Her family tries to console her to no avail.

8:46 – Conner Spencer steps up to the mic and immediately he is my new favorite. He reminds me of the catcher from The Sandlot minus the freckles. He spells helzel right and gives us our first fist pump of the evening.

8:47 – Matthew Evans thinks the bell is a mean thing. “To B – E – E or not to B – E – E, that is the question.” He is a comedian. He must spell genizah. When he finds out that it is of hebrew origin he gets excited. He nails it. Even though he has a funny shaped head.

8:54 – We are treated to a song about the rules of the spelling bee. It is dreadful. Sounds like its from the sound of music. These pieces are finally explained. They feature the cast from The Putnam County Spelling Bee, a Broadway musical.

8:57 – A nice up-close shot of a nervous spellers hands. Her word is Grognard (an old soldier). From the look on her face it’s 60-40 that she will get this wrong.

8:58 – 75-25 now that the announcer dude has told us that she only uses the back of her card when she is nervous. And she is wrong. There is now only one girl left in the Spelling Bee. This 14 year old girl from Madison, WI. She looks and sounds much older than 14. She wears every bracelet she owns as a good luck charm. 25 bracelets if you were curious.

9:02 – She spells helodes right to keep the girl’s chances alive without all the make up she is wearing affecting her speech. After the first run through the order we have lost more than half of the competition. Six boys left, and one girl.

9:03 – Chip: Prateek is the dark horse (If you couldn’t tell he is Indian)
At the hour mark, Chip has spelled one word right and I have put up a big goose egg.

9:07 – Evan O’Dorney is creepy enough to make me get up and bus my garbage. He is a math savant. Ok, his mom is even creepier.

9:11 – Schuhplattler provides us with the longest definition yet. And Evan nails it.

9:12 – Nate Gartke looks like a mini Chuck Klosterman.

9:15 – Joseph Henares once again surprises himself when he spells triticale right.

9:21 – My favorite finalist rushes through Cachalot (a sperm whale) and gets it wrong. He is pissed and smells his card while walking away.

9:22 – Fauchard is a word that has origins that are “basically Latin to French.” Matthew Evans is puzzled by the word, and gets it wrong. He walks away like he has something up his butt.

9:24 – Prateek, who Chip thinks is The Danny Almonte of the Bee stands in front of the mic with an aura of indifference. Not even his facial hair can conceal his smile when he heard the word.

9:26 – I misspelled epaulemant hardcore (apolmond). I suck at this game. Isabel nails it tho. Hmmmm Robin Roberts teases us before the bee-fore (get it?) the commercial by telling us the finalist went to the White House before the finals and met a special guest. I wonder who it could be? Monica Lewinsky? Jared from Subway? Mike & Mike?

9:30 – I wonder what Mike & Mike do between segments. The special guest was Laura Bush, and she made them spell government related words. Surprisingly none were impeachment, affair, sexual relations, or integrity.

9:33 – I like when they talk about the speller’s years of eligibility. It’s like college football. One kid may forgo his final year of eligibility to become a rocket scientist or a pastor. Fun fact: only eight graders are left. I don’t think any are home schooled.

9:35 – The young Klosterman spells his word correctly before ABC can put it on the screen. It took him 10 seconds. He didn’t even ask any questions about the word. Robin Roberts is speechless. She can’t even say something witty before the next commercial break.

9:40 – I lied, Joseph Henares is home schooled. So far none of the words come up as wrong in spell check. He shows good form by dotting all his “I” while writing with his finger on the back of the card. He gets aniseikonia (A condition in which the shape and size of the ocular image differ in each eye) wrong.

9:43 – Prateek Almonte is now out of the competition after being screwed by a Polish word.

9:45 – Isabel, the last girl remaining gets the boot after spelling cyanophycean wrong. And then there were two.

9:51 – We are down to the championship words. There are only 25 words on the list so if they get through them all, there will be co-champions.

9:52 – Matt O’Dorney leads off and knocks zoilus out of the park

9:53 – Mini Klosterman is taking his time spelling vituline. He is perplexed. But manages to pull the correct spelling out of his ass.

9:55 – ABC is squeezing in all the commericials they can. This is an odd time to go to a commercial break. Come to think of it they probably hoped for the champion to get his last word right at 5:54 so they could swing to a commercial before coming back for a post-game report. But that’s me pulling an explanation out of my ass. Come to think of it: Mike & Mike are there because it is hdsofnfosdf. Alright I got nothing.

9:59 – Matty O likes pasta and giving awkward high-fives. Mini Klosterman spells his word right and we are treated to another set of commercials. I wasn’t that far off last time. This was supposed to be the terminal break of the Bee that should lead into Grey’s Anatomy.

10:04 – And there is the graphic telling us to stay tuned for Grey’s in it’s entirety. Matty O nails yosenabe.

10:05 – Mini Klosterman the Canadian says “zed” instead of “zee.” He spells coryza wrong. It’s all on Matty O to spell his last word right to clinch the victory.

10:06 – Matty O nails serrefine. I finish the night 0 for a lot. Not impressive.

10:08 – Now for the interview with the new champion, Holy Feedback Stu Scott. He asks Matt why he doesn’t like the spelling bee. Matt likes math and music and doesn’t like memorizing.
Stu: At what point during the last word did you know you were going to win?
Matt: When I got the word
Stu: What do you think of the Spelling Bee now that you have won?
Matt: Are you trying to say that I should like it now?
Stu: That’s up to you
Matt: [Indifferent Silence]
Stu: Come on kid, you’re killing me

Just for the record, Rovell’s Number 4 pick won the whole thing. That is why he is the premiere handicapper for the Bee. The total Bee program got a 5.3 rating, which translate to almost 6 million households, but the last words got a 7.1. Not too shabby.

Until next year, stick to words that spell check knows.

Live on ABC from the Nation’s Capital
That’s right they pushed back the finals of the spelling bee this year so they could broadcast it live. I think it has officially become one of the most under-rated sporting events in America. I don’t know what makes it so appealing to the masses, but I’ll tell you one thing these kids are damn entertaining. They all have nervous quirks and you can’t help but feel bad for them when the bell tolls. This year they have the final 13 kids sitting on one side of the stage and their parents are on the other side. This just adds to the pity factor you feel for the rejects, I mean the ones who spell the words wrong.

The best part about this years contest was that you could bet on it online. What were the types of bets that could be placed?
Does the final kid wear glasses?
Is he/she homeschooled?
Will the final word have an “e” in it?
Will they ask for an alternate meaning in the final word?
How many letters is in the final word?

As far as rules go, the kids get two minutes to spell and they can ask for definition, origin, part of speech, pronunciation, and for the word to be used in a sentence. Personally, I have always sucked at spelling. My parents used to love to joke how I would spell cat, D-O-G. However, I am getting better. I love playing word games. My next goal is to become a regular Scrabble player. There is only one problem. No one ever wants to play Scrabble. Their excuse: “I’m not good at it.” And when you do find someone who wants to play Scrabble, they of course are a pro, which makes the game no fun for you.

Before we get to this year, my top three Spelling Bee moments of all time:
3) When given a word dealing with chickens, the kid replys “Do the chickens have large talons?”
2) The chick who tried to eat her face with her hands after each letter in every word, she won by the way.
1) The kid who passed out after receiving his word, then got up and spelled it right. What a trooper.

This year we have sharing this experience with us: Robin Roberts, Chris Connelly, and some guy who won the whole enchilada in 1990. This guy is great for adding insightful comments such as: “His dad is German, he should have known that it began with a W not a V” “Kid A loves the climb rocks in his spare time” “These kids love the spotlight” “If he had studied his Italian, he would have known the J sounds are spelt with G’s”

Last night while watching this, I had absolutely no concept of time, except in a few instances. I was chatting on AIM about a plan which can not be mentioned…..Ever, watching the program, writing down notes about the program, updating the blog with the previous post, and talking with my mom. For the most part this is chronological.

This Bee is being broadcasted in HD. The Indy 500 wasn’t even in HD. Lucky for these kids, and for viewers everywhere, most of them haven’t hit puberty so their lack of acne won’t be magnified when the cameras zoom in real close.

Of the 13 remaining kids, only one of them is home schooled. He also happens to wear glasses. There must be a lot of people in Vegas rooting for this kid. They have a human interest piece built around him, in it he is sitting on his knees with his feet fanned out wide talking about how much he loves being homeschooled. “I feel like if I practice something enough, then I can excel at it. I’m not too good at basketball now, [the clip shows him shooting the ball over the entire basket] but with a little practice I think I could be as good as Nash and ….. Jordan….Ok maybe not Jordan” The clip then goes on to show him playing video games with his friend. They take turn saying random words and spelling them.

Next up, Allion Salvador. Remember the Adam Sandler audio clip from one of his first CD’s, “The Goat” well this kid would make a perfect Garriputo. Fat, short, and he looks like he has a long standing vendetta against talking goats.

Rajiv Something looks like a bad ass dude. He doesn’t smile, just spells the word and walks away before anyone can tell him if it’s wrong or right. I would like to see this kid win just so that he would show some emotion.

So far the first seven words have had eight-line definitions. I tried to write definitions for the first few so that the 5 readers of this blog could learn a thing or two, but I have given up.

Go figure, word 8: Epityphlitis = appendicitis

Saryn Hooks. This girl is going to be the best looking former Spelling Bee Contestant ever. She already looks like Mia Sara, (Ferris Buerler’s Girlfriend) total 80’s hotness. On top of that she sounds like Sharon Stone. Wow. But unfortunately she spells her word wrong so we won’t be seeing anymore of her.

Matthew Geese is up next. He is my new pick to win. I think he is related to Walter. He got his word wrong too. Damn.

After the two minutes is up, the sound used to notify the kids that they have entered finish time is the sound Windows makes when you change the volume on the computer.

Charley Allegar is a speller you don’t want to mess with. He wears a wife beater under his collared shirt and is built like a football player. He and Saryn might run away together, sing “Twist and Shout” in the streets and take turns spelling words to each other. He seemed a little nervous because he was the only one to not ask any questions about the word. He tried to spell it cold and missed. Then screamed into the microphone.

8:41 This is so monumental I needed to look at the time. The judges have just announced that they made a mistake and that Saryn spelled her word right. She was just readmitted into the Bee! or perhaps this is just a way for them to increase viewership.

The pronouncer looks and sounds like Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Get nominated for an Oscar, play the bad guy in MI:III opposite Tom Cruise, land this gig. Is that a fall from grace or what?

After getting eliminated, Connelly asks one of the girls what she has gotten out of spelling. She responds: “I gained friends. My coach is my best friend and HE is always there for me. He taught me a lot and is upstairs waiting for me. He is my best friend.”
I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole

9:07 The winner this year will not be home schooled

Taka Tanaka is is the spelling bee this year. I hope the word they give him is “Marbles”

Saryn is finally eliminated for real now. But she did get a respectable third place. She beat all the boys. There are now just two kids left, both girls. One is from Canada (Why did she have to come here and try to steal away our title. The graphic already told me she won the Canadian version twice already. But I guess she is just looking for some new competition) and the other girl is from Jersey.

These two girls are nuts they are up to round 18, the last four have been with only them two. Oh my, Finola, the Canadian chick just missed Weltschmerz. The Jersey girl has to spell two words right for the win.

10:07 Jersey is crowned the champion after spelling Kundalini and Ursprache. Within two seconds she is presented with her trophy and Chris Connelly refers to her as a talented sailor in his interview with her.

The show averaged a 6.7 rating which is about equal to over 7 million households. I tried to spell the words along with the kids to see how good I was. I went 1 for 51.

Words I Got Wrong:
Exergue, Knaidel, Nauruz, Mandilion, Gematrial, Rubasse, Synusia, Epityphlitis, Hechsher, Mithraeum, Giocoso, Escargotiere, Wehrmacht, Kamaaina, Formenkreis, Lophophytosis, Babism, Towhee, Coryphaeus, Sphacaelated, Collyrium, Paillon, Sciolto, Guilloche, Kilim, Yizkor, Shedu, Appenzell, Croquignole, Douane, Syringadenous, Heiligenschein, Austaush, Dasyphyllous, Clinamin, Machicotage, Recrementitious, Esquisse, Psittacism, Maieutic, Aubade, Poiesis, Kanone, Tutoyer, Izzat, Koine, Tmesis, Weltschmerz, Kundalini, Ursprache
Words I Got Right:
Hukilau

But you know what, I don’t feel that bad. MS Word only knows SIX of them.